Sex Education
by Surreptitious Chi X
Summary: Set 2 years after Kyuubi's attack. Kakashi finds himself enmeshed more and more in a situation that is bound to reveal his feelings to Gai - starting with the insidious premise that he should teach Gai about sex in order to be a good friend. Kakashi x Gai.
1. Chapter 1

Sex Education

**Chapter One**

* * *

At sixteen years old, Kakashi and his friends were pretty mature. They'd graduated into the work force at the same time other children learned to read and write, fought in a war before they'd hit puberty, and survived the Nine Tailed Fox rampaging through their village two years ago. By now, he and Gai were in ANBU.

So he was worried but not at all surprised to see Gai at the bar drinking his troubles away.

Kakashi sat down beside Gai sympathetically. "What's the problem?"

"Her name is Nanako," Gai said glumly.

Kakashi was surprised. "Your problem is a girl?"

"Hai."

Kakashi clapped him on the back. "That's wonderful. The best problem in the world to have is a girl problem. Ne? At least that means you have one."

"I have lots of problems," Gai moaned. "All stemming from one girl."

Kakashi laughed. "Girls are problem factories," he agreed, nodding. "They mass produce them for a living."

"I don't think it's funny…"

Kakashi rubbed his back. "Gomen. I didn't mean to make light of your suffering. What happened? Did you have your first lover's spat?"

Gai hid his face in his hands. "You don't understand. I'm not dating her."

"She's a problem, but you're not dating her," Kakashi murmured. "You're being very mysterious…"

"No, I'm not," Gai said. "Not at all. Everything I've said is perfectly clear. Stop joking, Kakashi, and help me. Please."

Kakashi sighed. "How can I help you?"

Gai lowered his hands and shot Kakashi a pleading look. "Help me break up with her."

"But you said you weren't dating her. How can you break up with her if you haven't started dating her yet?"

"I'm not," Gai wailed. "I haven't. But she thinks I am, and that's the problem."

If it were anyone else, Kakashi would think it wasn't much of a problem. However, it was Gai. He continued rubbing Gai's back. "What happened?"

"She's a village girl," Gai said. "I saved her from some people who were trying to hurt her, and now she thinks we're dating."

"Oh…? Sounds like love at first sight," Kakashi said. "That's a powerful thing to be messing with."

Gai looked horrified. "But my sight's unaffected. What do I do? How do I get her sight to turn back to normal?"

"It's not a disease," Kakashi said mildly. "Haven't you ever seen someone who immediately makes you want to love them?"

Gai gave Kakashi a long, lost puppy look.

"I'll help," Kakashi said. "What do you want me to do? How do you want me to help break up with her?"

"Say something," Gai begged. "Please. I keep saying what I mean, but she doesn't understand me. I think there's something wrong with my communication. If you tell her I'm not interested, she'll have to believe you."

"You want me to break up with her for you?" Kakashi asked. That made him highly uncomfortable. Not to mention how the girl would feel.

"I've tried," Gai said. "I've tried on my own. She doesn't understand me."

Kakashi took pity on his distraught friend. "Alright. I'll try to tell her she's not wanted in the nicest way possible."

Gai hugged him tightly.

xXx

Kakashi walked down the street, looking for the address Gai had given him.

The truth was, Kakashi loved Gai and would do anything for him. He'd loved Gai since they were 14. For two years, he'd suffered heartache in silence, knowing Gai wouldn't return his feelings. After all, he was weird looking, unpopular, and people said he was downright cold. He was socially awkward, that was for sure. And he'd had trouble speaking two sentences to anyone after Minato died. He was lucky Gai wanted to be his friend.

If Gai did date him…He smiled underneath his mask. If Gai did date him, he'd love Gai forever and hang on to him, never let go. Sometimes he daydreamed about how romantic it would be if Gai ever suddenly noticed his feelings, returned them, and swept him off his feet. Declaring he was thick-headed for never seeing Kakashi's feelings before, declaring that he would never do anything like that again and promising to stay by Kakashi's side forever. Kakashi knew that was highly idealized and unrealistic.

Still, daydreaming was one of the only activities that made him happy. If he'd had any guts, he would write and illustrate manga like Jiraiya-sensei. Instead, he was stuck being the unwanted genius talent of Konoha.

xXx

Kakashi found the address, rang the doorbell, and waited.

A middle-aged man answered. He had bags under his eyes, and his short black hair was neatly combed, parted to one side. Judging from the state of his bulky body and undeveloped arms, Kakashi judged that his occupation did not involve manual labor.

He reacted to Kakashi's appearance with instinctive alarm. "What's the emergency, shinobi-san?"

Kakashi held up his hands. "No emergency. This is a social call."

"A social call?" The man looked flustered. He glanced back inside the house. "Now? Don't you know what time it is? My family just sat down to dinner."

Kakashi bowed. "I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain." He straightened. "You see –"

He stopped short at the look of intense scrutiny he was being given. "You're…" The man narrowed his eyes at Kakashi. "You're the son of White Fang, aren't you?"

Kakashi cringed inside. "That's right," he said cheerfully. "May I speak with Nanako-san?"

"You know my daughter?" the man asked.

"She's a friend of a friend," Kakashi said. "You see, my friend wants to talk to her but can't, since he's on a mission, and while he's away, I promised to deliver a message."

"Oh." The man relaxed. "So your friend is a friend of Nanako's."

"That's right, sir." Kakashi pleaded a little with his eyes. "I'm heading out for a mission myself in the morning. I apologize for only being able to deliver the message this evening."

"It's alright." The man padded back inside. "Wait here. I'll get my daughter to come to the door."

Considering all the harm his father had done, Kakashi considered it lucky that he was allowed to stand on the man's doorstep.

A girl with long black hair came to the door. She was wearing a blue sundress. She wasn't bad looking; just average. A curvy teenage body, with mid-sized breasts. An above average face, maybe. Kakashi found her tiny nose and full lips attractive. But he reminded himself he wasn't here to assess the competition.

Kakashi bowed before his gaze could be considered staring. "Nanako-chan?"

"Hello," the girl said, and bowed. "Who are you? I've never seen you around before."

"I'm a friend of Gai-kun's," Kakashi said, smiling. "My name is Kakashi."

"Oh." She warmed up considerably, blushing. "Gai-kun! How is he?"

"Well…" Kakashi wondered how to go at this. "Well, not doing well at all right now, I'm afraid."

"Oh, no!" Her hand flew to her mouth. "Has he been injured? On one of those horrible, dangerous missions that he does?"

"No, nothing like that," Kakashi said. "Just drunk."

"Drunk?" She straightened as though slapped. "But…Gai-kun doesn't drink."

"Not normally, no," Kakashi agreed. "He's very upset right now. He's been trying to tell you something for weeks and doesn't think he can be able to tell you himself. So he sent me."

"Is it…" She looked at him with wide eyes, clutching her hand to her heart. "Can he really be…marriage?" She whispered, "Does he want to propose?"

Kakashi saw the problem right away. This girl's brain was in high gear. She was clearly too invested in her own vision of the future to listen to Gai. Gai's hesitant objections that he didn't feel the way she wanted him to would be easily crushed. And Gai had that terrible habit of being unable to disappoint people. Telling Nanako he wanted none of her married life, child-bearing future was beyond the scope of Gai's abilities.

Kakashi made up his mind in an instant. _I'll do it._

"He wants to break it off with you," Kakashi said flatly.

"No!" Nanako gasped in horror and turned pale. "Why?"

"He's not interested in you," Kakashi said. "It's all been a misunderstanding. He likes you as much as the next person, but he's not attracted to you, nor does he have any intention of marrying you. He told me to come here and tell you that he doesn't want to go out with you."

Her expression changed rapidly to angry denial, and she clenched her fists at her sides. It appeared he'd been too blunt. "I don't believe you," Nanako said flatly. "Gai-kun would never say that."

"But he did," Kakashi objected. "He said that to me. I'm his best friend, and I know that he would never tell me something that wasn't true." Her steadfast refusal made his heart skip a beat uncomfortably. In spite of the fact that he knew Gai would never send him out to Nanako's house to make a fool of himself, a tiny, irrational part of his brain was terrified that he had walked into some kind of elaborate trap.

Nanako folded her arms over her chest. "Gai-kun would never send someone else to break up with me. He would come see me himself. And he would never send anyone like you."

"I'm Gai's friend," Kakashi said. "Who else is he going to send?" _Someone like me? _He self-consciously considered the scar on his face, which he couldn't completely hide behind his forehead protector and mask. Or maybe there was something inherently socially jarring about his voice, his behavior…

He tried not to scrunch up his shoulders and slouch like he usually did when he felt intimidated by social situations. _I have to stand firm._

"I don't think you're Gai's friend at all," Nanako said. "If you even know Gai-kun at all, then you're just trying to make me break up with him as some kind of cruel prank."

"Prank?" Kakashi looked at her blankly. "What kind of a prank is that?" He scratched his temple.

"To take me away from him!"

Kakashi stared at her in disbelief, his self-consciousness forgotten. "Take you…Why would I want you?"

"Oh, go away!" she cried, flustered.

Kakashi frowned. _What would make her believe Gai doesn't want anything to do with her?_ "Oi, Nanako-san…"

She scowled at him. "What is it?"

"What do you do with Gai when you go out?" Kakashi asked. "Do you hold hands? Does he kiss you?" He had to bank on Gai telling the absolute truth. Gai had claimed that he'd never so much as kissed Nanako. That had to be the truth.

"You're a pervert!" Nanako blushed fiercely.

Kakashi knew it was cruel, and he'd promised to be nice, but he knew psychological tactics. And he knew how to read people. Nanako's reaction was all the proof he needed. "He doesn't kiss you, then." He turned away and started walking.

"What do you mean by that?" Nanako demanded.

"If he loves you, why doesn't he kiss you?"

"That's horrible! He doesn't kiss me because he's – Because he's – Nice! Gai's so…so…"

"Gay," Kakashi muttered loud enough for her to hear.

"How dare you! Come back here!"

Kakashi kept walking. He hoped his words were the kunai through Nanako's heart necessary to kill this one-sided romance.

Nanako didn't follow him. Instead she turned around and slammed the door behind her, rushing back inside.

On the walk back, part of him worried about the word getting out that Gai was supposedly gay. The other part of Kakashi wished it were true, and that he was Gai's type. _Neither of which is probably true, except in my imagination. _

xXx

Kakashi came back to the bar and found Gai still sitting there. He rested a hand on Gai's back. "I got rid of her."

"You did?" Gai lit up and hugged Kakashi tightly. "Thank you!"

Kakashi enjoyed his hug, but he wished it meant something more than just a friend's gratitude. He hugged Gai in return and patted Gai's back. "Now it doesn't have to trouble you," he murmured, "and you can stop drinking."

For a tall, muscular man, Gai held his liquor extremely poorly. Kakashi could drink him under the table. He'd often said Gai shouldn't be drinking at all.

"Good idea," Gai mumbled. He paid his tab.

Kakashi helped Gai stand up, and supported his weight while they walked to the door. "It's home for you, now."

"Can't I go stay with you at your home?" Gai asked pitifully.

"Alright." Kakashi sighed. He shouldn't let Gai tempt him, but he did, every time. "You can sleep it off in my bed."

Gai hugged him again. "Yay! Kashi! Thank you!" He snuggled Kakashi for a moment, then belatedly paused. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"The couch is too hard," Kakashi said, evading the question. "And small."

"Okay!" Gai was drunk, too inebriated to catch that simple deflection. When sober, Gai would clamp on and sink his teeth in like a bulldog until Kakashi answered his questions straight.

xXx

He helped Gai in the door and swung it shut. They stumbled through the living room together, towards the back of the house.

"You should shower," Kakashi murmured, aiming an impish smile Gai's way. "That might sober you up. Then you wouldn't have to sleep it off for as long." He was a terrible, terrible person.

Gai went wide-eyed. "You would let me use your shower?"

"Sure I would." Kakashi raised a hand. "I'll even help you. Showering when drunk is dangerous. I wouldn't want you to fall."

"You're the best friend ever!"

If Gai were anyone else, he would have caught on by now and either pulverized Kakashi or kissed him. _Or maybe both,_ Kakashi thought. _That would be interesting_. At this point, he would take almost anything that involved a kiss.

Anything except coercing it out of Gai while his friend was drunk. If Gai didn't want to do it, then it didn't count.

"I'll have to be naked," Kakashi said. "I don't want to get my clothes wet."

Gai gasped. "I don't either! I wouldn't want to make your clothes wet." He laughed. "Anyway, showering with your clothes on doesn't make any sense, Kashi!"

Kakashi chuckled. "You are so right."

He led Gai to the bathroom.

They peeled off their clothes, and Gai was so beautiful, Kakashi couldn't pretend he didn't feel an enormous temptation to touch Gai's tanned, muscular body in all the places he shouldn't. He could, however, understand that molesting his friend was beyond reprehensible.

He started the shower and helped Gai into it, supporting Gai's weight. While Gai clumsily washed himself, Kakashi made sure Gai didn't fall and crack his head open.

_This is the closest I'll ever be to Gai while we're both naked,_ he thought mournfully. _Why do I torture myself this way? Don't I have enough fantasies to masturbate to already?_

But drunk consent was no consent, and Kakashi knew it. A sober, unimpaired Gai would have to tell him that he wanted to have sex before Kakashi could lift a finger.

And Kakashi was beginning to wonder if Gai's professed claim to not know what sex was – delivered with misguided satisfaction, of course – was actually true. _What if I can just show him what sex is and see if he does anything on his own to approach me?_ But he knew that was just wishful thinking. Knowledgeable about sex or not, Gai just wasn't interested. He'd been friends – 'rivals' – with Gai for years at this point. He should know better than anyone how to read his friend. Gai just wasn't interested.

He toweled Gai off, got Gai dressed in a yukata for sleeping in, and chaperoned Gai to his bed, folding down the covers and then tucking Gai in. Kakashi sat down on the bed next to his friend and watched Gai swiftly fall asleep. Damp and unimpeded by the aggressive hair gel Gai tortured himself with, Gai's dark, glossy hair sprang up in all directions, an endless mess of cowlicks.

Kakashi thought it was adorable. He stroked Gai's hair gently.

Gai shifted, murmuring happily, and pressed into the touch.

Kakashi melted. He petted Gai's head for a moment longer, then slipped underneath the covers, where he knew he wanted to be. _Being your best friend and rival is the closest I will ever be to being your lover. _He snuggled up to Gai's warm, clean body, knowing everything would remain innocent.

The only contender was his erection, and that Kakashi carefully hid, leaving not a single hint for Gai to find. He tucked it back between his legs, uncomfortable as that might be. It was the only way to snuggle with Gai as closely as he wanted to.

xXx

The next day Gai was his usual bright, smiling self. Relieved of his burdens, he floated back up to fluffy cloud status where he belonged. Kakashi would always relieve Gai's burdens, as long as he lived.

_Did you know that I can't smile without you?_ Kakashi thought of asking. But he knew he didn't have the guts.

He never could have imagined that someone like Gai would drift into his life, after all the things that had happened to him. After losing everyone that mattered to him, Kakashi was incredulous when Gai intruded on him and effortlessly pulled him into Gai's life. Suddenly, he was part of someone else's story, and that intimidated him and disoriented him. He was used to being the lead character of a tragedy, not the foil for a hero in an action adventure comedy.

And asking for more seemed rude. Especially since Kakashi was well aware what the genre of this story was. _Shonen. The handsome hero in a shonen manga is not gay. There are no gay characters in shonen. Not unless they're the villain. And then, definitely, the hero stands no chance of falling in love with them. None. _

Kakashi flicked through the pages of his careworn volume of Icha Icha, not really able to concentrate on the pictures. He'd read it many times before. At this point, it was more of a shield behind which to daydream. He stifled a sigh. _I'd make a great villain, too. With my pale skin, silver hair, and blood red eye? I even cover my face and sneak around a lot. Not to mention the fact that I stole my talents from my best friend's corpse. That'd go over well. I'd be cast as the villain for sure. Being gay just makes it worse. _

How was Gai supposed to love someone like him? He wished he knew what he were thinking when he fell in love.

He supposed he really couldn't help it, though. Gai was the hero. His friend presented an irresistible attraction – especially since he had that never give up, always keep training, look on the bright side attitude. That was pure shonen fiction come to life.

If he didn't fall in love with Gai, there would be something wrong with him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

* * *

The idea wouldn't leave Kakashi alone.

That stupid, dangerous, self-indulgent idea that he could just teach Gai about sex and see what Gai had to say about it drifted through his mind repeatedly over the course of the next few days, nipping at his heels and startling him with its intensity whenever he saw Gai in person.

Finally, it was down to rationalizing: _It can't hurt to ask him, can it? I'll just ask him if he wants to learn, and I'll see what he says. He says no, and I walk away._

Kakashi walked through the field to get to Gai's training area, a packed dirt area full of tree trunks to punch and rocks to destroy. He could see it up ahead, and see Gai standing near the middle, pounding punch after punch into a sturdy, stripped tree trunk. When he got closer, he could hear the rhythmic thud, so fast it almost sounded like a horse's hooves on soft terrain. The fast rhythm was good; it meant that Gai was in high spirits, going about his training regiment with his usual enthusiasm. Slower, heavier punches were bad. They meant Gai was upset and trying to pound the emotion out of himself by socking his training posts as hard as possible.

By the time Kakashi crossed over from the grass to the packed dirt, he was decided. _See? Gai's in a good mood today. It'll be easy. I'll make it sound like a joke. We can banter back and forth, and then I can ask him for real, and then he'll say yes. Or no. Whichever one it is. And after I ask him and hear the answer, I can let it drop. _

Gai turned as he approached and grinned. "Kashi! Come for a challenge? I'll race you around the village. Or how about we do fifty pushups and see who can do them faster?"

Kakashi gestured lazily. "That can wait for later. I have a question for you."

"Oh?" Gai frowned slightly, curious. "What's that?"

Kakashi gave Gai a mischievous smile. "Want to learn about sex?"

"Kashi!" Gai was shocked.

"Relax, Gai," Kakashi said. "Answer the question." He allowed the mischief to fade out of his expression. "It's an honest question."

Gai blushed. He visibly formed his words in his head before he spoke. "I want to…wait."

"Wait?" Kakashi asked cheerfully.

"For the right one," Gai said.

"The right what, Gai?" Kakashi scratched his temple, feigning ignorance. Although he'd overheard Gai talking about his life plans more than once.

"The right…" Gai frowned, sensing he was being led. "What is it, Kakashi?"

Kakashi grinned. "I don't know if you don't tell me."

Gai experienced a moment's frustration.

Kakashi chuckled. Even frustrated, Gai's expression was more cute than intimidating. "What is it that you're waiting for? The right sex partner?"

Gai nodded. Naïve hope that Kakashi was going to be nice and not tease him anymore was written all over his face.

Kakashi gave in. "You can learn about sex without having sex." He pulled out his orange book in explanation. "Icha Icha is sex education. It's the best sex education there is." He opened the front cover. "See? It says so right here."  
Gai frowned doubtfully. "That looks like pornography to me."

Kakashi smiled. "It's sex education you get off to. That's the best kind. How can you learn about sex if you don't feel turned on?"

Gai wavered, clearly confused. "But that looks like…but pornography is…We're not supposed to look at that, Kashi. It's bad for us."

Kakashi said. "Gai…we're sixteen. We are plenty old enough to know about adult things like sex. Reading about sex doesn't make you have sex. It just makes you educated."

Gai pointed accusingly. "How do you know the information in that book accurate? Jiraiya-sensei writes fiction."

"It's Jiraiya-sensei," Kakashi said simply. "He promised me once that he was never anything less than honest in his books. This is honest to goodness real life sex. Just portrayed with fictional characters. It's harmless. Gai…" He judged he needed to play his trump card. He leaned closer and murmured, "Men are expected to instigate, you know. If you don't know what you're doing, your wife is going to be disappointed."

Gai colored deep red. "Kakashi…"

"I don't want you to be disappointed with your wife. Or with your first time sex," Kakashi murmured. "Let me help you."

Gai miserably nodded.

"Let's go back to my place." Kakashi led the way.

Gai followed, trailing behind him with a hanging head.

xXx

Kakashi plopped down a pile of his manga volumes on the bed between them. "Well, start reading."

"All of these?" Gai protested.

"It's research." Kakashi smiled. "Besides, you have to find something you like."

"I don't know…" Gai hesitantly picked up a book and opened it, scanning the table of contents. "Are you sure that you don't want to give me any pointers?"

"Just start anywhere," Kakashi said casually. "They're all safe."

Gai sifted through the pile for several moments in silence.

Kakashi scanned his bookshelves, looking for any more titles that might be of some interest to a totally sexually ignorant person like Gai. He had a wide collection. He hadn't been kidding when he said part of his porn collection hobby was for research.

"What are these ones for, Kakashi?" Gai asked, flipping through the pages.

Kakashi glanced over, wondering what could possibly have confused his friend. He froze a little inside. Somehow, in the stack of look-alike books, he'd accidentally mixed up _Yorubetsu, Ne?_ volume 2 for _Icha Icha_ volume 2. They both had orange covers with blue writing on them, and neither one of them had illustrations on the cover because they were 18+.

The difference was that _Yorubetsu, Ne? _was yaoi.

"What ones?" Kakashi asked casually, pretending he hadn't noticed.

Gai stared at the pictures, and then showed Kakashi. "These men are both guys."

In any other situation, Kakashi would have made fun of that statement. Something like, _Oh? I hadn't noticed._ Or, _You're right. I need to get my eyesight checked. Thanks, Gai. I'll return that to the store. _

But a weird thrill passed through him in which Kakashi realized he wanted Gai to know he knew about gay sex. With a decidedly self-destructive decision to throw all secrecy to the wind, Kakashi smiled. "I read those, too."

Gai's jaw dropped. "But…why?"

Kakashi just broadened his smile. "It pays to have a well-rounded education, you know." He watched a blush roar to life in Gai's cheeks.

"Ah…Hai." Gai looked at the pictures with wide-eyed fascination. "Are you…sure this is educational?" He pointed at the panel in question.

Kakashi bit down on his lip to keep from snorting. "Well, that's how they do it, Gai."

"But – Wouldn't that hurt?" Gai asked.

Kakashi found himself holding Gai's fragile innocence in his hands. He took the book from Gai gently and closed it. He looked into Gai's eyes and said softly, "No. It doesn't hurt."

"Have you done it?" Gai asked, still regarding Kakashi with that wide-eyed look.

_You're too wholesome,_ Kakashi thought. _Most girls wouldn't know what to do if they got their hands on you. Every girl secretly wants her boyfriend to be perverted. They want a boy who knows what he's doing and is just a gentleman about it. You'd scare her away…whoever she is. That perfect someone you're searching for._

He knew not all kunoichi would be that way. Somehow that was worse. Imagining a kunoichi in the lead, going all domineering on Gai…That sickened Kakashi in a way that left him cold all over and his stomach hurting.

"No," Kakashi said. He gave Gai his best sly smile. "Not with another person."

"But you can't do this with just one person, Kashi," Gai protested. "You'd have to have another person if you wanted to – ah…wanted…" He blushed again. "Why would you want to do this, again?"

Kakashi cracked a genuine smile of amusement. "Because it feels good, Gai. Really good. It's the best thing in the world, by most people's standards. That's why I want to have some. Everybody does. Or nearly everybody. It's one of life's pleasures."

Gai appeared thoughtful. He rubbed his chin, that gesture that so comically telegraphed Gai's mental process. "I don't know…I just don't know what you would want to know that for, Kashi. I mean why, when you're going to end up with a woman?"

"But I don't know if she wants to be on the top or on the bottom," Kakashi said cheerfully. "I haven't met her yet." He knew that answer was likely to shock Gai to pieces if he explained it. And it was an evasion, on top of that.

Gai furrowed his brow. "But a woman –" He stopped. "Kakashi, are you teasing me?"

"No," Kakashi said, nodding yes with his head.

Gai leveled a pout at him. "That's not very nice. I thought we were having a serious conversation."

"Sorry," Kakashi said. "In answer to your question, I have tried it on myself through a process called masturbation."

Gai went wide-eyed again. "Is that a jutsu? I've never heard of that before…"

Kakashi clenched his jaw to keep from bursting into laughter. "No, it's not a jutsu. It's a…process of pleasuring oneself…" He stopped at Gai's blank expression. "It's generally called touching yourself."

"Touching myself?"

Kakashi looked at him incredulously. "How have you avoided this knowledge up until now?"

"I don't know," Gai protested. "Maybe no one will talk about it with me around."

Kakashi frowned. "Actually, that's a distinct possibility." Gai looked so crestfallen that Kakashi's expression softened. "It's okay. I'll teach you. I said I would teach you about sex, didn't I? This is one of those things that relates to sex." His head caught up to his words. _What did I just promise to do?_

"Masturbation isn't a jutsu," Gai repeated obediently as if he were trying to learn by memorization. "It's a process for producing pleasure in one's own body by touching oneself…" He rubbed his chin. "That still sounds kind of mystical to me, Kakashi."

Kakashi realized Gai didn't know what part of the body masturbation involved. His cheeks heated up. _And now that Minato-sensei's dead, it's up to me._ He couldn't let Gai down. Even if this were embarrassing, or…He swallowed. _Turns me on…_ He had to do it. So that Gai could live a fulfilled life.

"It's a technique," Kakashi said, outwardly sounding as calm and cheerful as ever. "Think of it like that. Masturbation may not be a jutsu, but it does require a certain skill, and so that makes masturbation a technique. A technique for producing pleasure."

Gai's expression cleared. "Oh…I get it." He beamed. "So like all techniques, it takes practice, right, Kashi?"

Kakashi almost fell over. If he were inside one of his favorite manga series, he would have spurted blood from his nose. He touched his nose uncertainly, grateful for once that he lived in the real world. An automatic nosebleed would give his feelings away, and he didn't want that. Especially not now.

"Are we going to practice today?" Gai asked. "Is that part of the reason why you brought me here? So I could practice these techniques without being embarrassed that others might see my failure?"

An answer trembled on Kakashi's lips. He bit his lower lip to keep from spilling one of those answers inadvertently. Then he gave Gai a cheerful smile. "You know me. I'm a considerate sort of guy."

Gai hugged him. "Thanks, Kashi! This isn't like other things. I don't want to be seen failing at something everyone already knows."

"It's alright," Kakashi said. And unable to help himself, he added, "I've seen you fail plenty of times by now. I'm not going to be worried by its possible significance."

Gai glared at him.

Kakashi chuckled.

"You better not tell anybody," Gai said.

"I don't talk to anybody except you," Kakashi said dryly.

Gai relaxed. "Okay. But that's a promise. No embarrassing stories later. Not even for a joke."

Kakashi held back an incredulous retort. _Gai still doesn't know what we're talking about. He has no idea what he's just said. _"I promise," he murmured. "You have my word that this subject will never come up around other people."

"So, what part of myself to I touch to make this masturbation technique work?" Gai asked.

Kakashi blinked, and then forced himself to focus. "Well…What way do you learn new information best?" As soon as Kakashi said it, he knew he was going to hell. He could blame this on his training to become a sensei, but he was already putting together fantasies inside his head. The innocent question wasn't, because of what he was volunteering to teach Gai, and if anyone else saw him, they would tell Gai he was taking advantage.

_But I'm not. I'm not. I'm not going to touch him. I'm going to be the Detached Friend and just teach him this stuff._

"Do you need to look at pictures?" Kakashi asked in the same laidback drawl. Not a hint of his thoughts showed on his face or in his demeanor. "Or would you learn best from a demonstration?"

"In the past, teachers always taught me new things with demonstrations," Gai said. "I'm not sure how to interpret these pictures you've got, Kakashi. I know they help you, but…I just find them confusing."

"Then I'll demonstrate," Kakashi said softly. Physically, that wouldn't be a problem. He could feel himself pulsing down there. His erection was already sufficient. Never mind what this experience might do to it.

He stood. "For you to know what you're doing, I have to take my clothes off."

Gai watched him with wide eyes. "Oh…Okay."

Kakashi undressed, starting with his flak jacket and ending with taking his underwear off. He sat back down on the bed. He reminded himself that Gai didn't have any qualms about nudity. In fact, if it were not for the obvious dress code of everyone else around him, Gai would probably walk down the street naked without a second thought.

Gai stared at him. Not his body, his face. "You didn't take your mask off."

Kakashi grinned. "I thought my face might distract you."

"You only take your mask off in front of me when I'm drunk and don't care," Gai complained.

"That's right," Kakashi said cheerfully. "And now is neither of those times, so pay attention." Bantering like this almost made the situation normal.

It stopped being normal as soon as Gai openly examined his body. "So which of these body parts is it…" Gai murmured, rubbing his chin.

Kakashi flushed, a ripple of nervous arousal going through him at Gai's intense gaze. He had the urge to place his hands over his erection. Instead, he shifted so that his legs were slightly further apart, allowing Gai to see. He couldn't promise to teach Gai by demonstration, take off his clothes, and then hide. That wouldn't be logical. _You got yourself into this mess,_ he scolded himself. _Now get through it._

"Down here," Kakashi said, when Gai seemed preoccupied with his shoulder.

Gai's eyes flew to his.

Kakashi gestured. "My lap."

Gai's gaze traveled down the expanse of Kakashi's torso. He jerked back with a gasp. "That's it?"

Kakashi wondered at the disbelief. "Yes…When blood flow increases to this bodily organ, it means the masturbation technique is possible."

Gai stared at Kakashi's erection with wide eyes, then looked up at Kakashi's face. "But I get that way all the time! I just thought I had to train harder."

Kakashi could not control the droplet of moisture that welled up on the tip of his erection in response. _Gai gets this way all the time…_He swallowed. "Train harder?"

"It goes away when I train," Gai said. "If I train hard enough, my penis goes back to normal."

Kakashi flushed. "Normal…Gai, this is normal, too."

"It is?" Gai was clearly amazed at this news. "But it started around the time I met you."

Kakashi was about to start 'demonstrating' without him. He suppressed a soft moan. "It did?" He'd fantasized for two years about a confession, but never imagined this discussion.

"Yes," Gai said. "I started experiencing this blood flow, as you call it, after we met. I thought it was just because I was failing all of our challenges, and my body was responding in its own unique way in order to tell me that I needed to work harder. So I did. And every time I work harder at trying to surpass you, this effect on my body goes away, so…" He frowned, confused. "Why does it do that if it's really just telling me I've unlocked a new technique?"

Kakashi wanted to laugh. "Gai…your body responds to the exercise by redistributing blood flow. You're directing blood away from that part of the body, which gets rid of the sensations."

"Oh…" Gai rubbed his chin. "Are you going to tell me that I can do the masturbation technique every time I feel this way?" He sounded disbelieving.

Kakashi was disbelieving for an entirely different reason. "How often…"

"Every day," Gai said. "Especially after spending time with you. That's why I thought it was tied to our training." He frowned. "Are you sure it isn't?"

"Actually, I'm sure it is," Kakashi murmured. He was overwhelmed by this news. _You mean, you've been getting aroused this entire time and not telling me? Not even hinting at it?_ But he couldn't blame Gai. Without guidance, Gai had done the only thing he could do: link what was happening to his previous experience.

Gai lit up. "You mean, it's a sign of strength? Our training is making us stronger?"

_Oh, Gai. You have a one track mind._ Kakashi searched for a way to redirect. "Masturbation, and the ability to do it, is linked to what we like. Things we like have a tendency to…arouse us."

"Arouse us?" Gai asked.

"That's what it's called," Kakashi said. "Being aroused means we are capable of doing sexual things."

"So, it's like having enough chakra," Gai said blankly.

"Yes."

Gai grinned. "So, since I like training so much, it arouses me to the point of being able to masturbate!"

"I wouldn't shout that if I were you," Kakashi said dryly. "Masturbation is one of those techniques everyone pretends is a secret."

"Ah." Gai nodded sharply. "Right. I'll remember that." He promptly started crying. "Kakashi…you're such a good friend…teaching me this secret technique so that I can be a better person…" He hugged Kakashi tightly.

Kakashi blushed bright red, a throb of arousal making his heart pound at the feeling of Gai's body pressed against his. "Um…no problem."

Gai released Kakashi and wiped his eyes. "Alright. I'm ready to learn. Kakashi, teach me about masturbation!"

_That'll be easy, seeing as how you're the subject of all my masturbatory fantasies,_ Kakashi thought unhelpfully. He struggled to make a mental plan of how to turn this into a lesson. "Alright." He managed to keep his voice steady. "When your body reaches a state of arousal, your penis transforms into an erection." He gestured at himself. "This."

"Oh…" Gai watched intently. "So it's called an erection when it looks like this."

Kakashi nodded. "Yes." He was leaking again at the scrutiny. He couldn't help it. There was something about Gai's attentive gaze.

"What's that?" Gai pointed right to the droplets forming on the tip of Kakashi's erection, almost touching them.

Kakashi clamped down on a moan. "That's normal, too. In preparation for sexual activity, our bodies make a slippery substance to reduce friction. This is because friction can damage our sexual organs. These organs are delicate." It took all his ANBU training to remain detached and teacher-like in a situation like this.

"Oh…so our bodies make a special substance to help us," Gai said.

"Yes." Kakashi's voice came out a whisper.

Comprehension and amazement dawned on Gai's face. "Is that why I always get so wet down there? I thought that was sweat!" He laughed. "I really needed help interpreting my body's signals. Thank you, Kakashi!"

Kakashi wanted to smack his forehead, laugh, and orgasm all at the same time. He held in all three responses.

Gai's attention snapped back to Kakashi's lap. "Oh. It twitched."

Kakashi blushed guiltily and was unable to suppress another twitch of his erection.

Gai pointed. "Is that normal, too?"

"Yes." Kakashi's voice was tinnier than he liked. He cleared his throat and exercised some breath control. "Yes," he said more normally.

"What does it mean?" Gai asked.

"It means my body has reached a peak state of preparation for masturbating," Kakashi said, forcing his tone back into detachment.

"Then you better do it," Gai said. "You don't want to lose the moment. Please forgive my interruptions, Kashi. I'll just sit and watch until it's time for me to practice." He leaned back, resting his hands on his crossed legs.

A shockwave of burning tingles coursed through Kakashi. Getting off to fantasies of Gai was one thing. Masturbating in front of him…No one would understand this. No one. He deserved to be a social reject. _What am I doing? Why?_ For the first time in his life, Kakashi felt extraordinarily perverted. Usually he laughed off such accusations.

Slowly, he reached out and touched the tip of his erection with his fingertips, gently playing. A whine erupted in the back of his throat, and Kakashi threw his head back, trembling. He felt warm, sticky moisture on his fingers. "Oh, god…"

Kakashi glanced at Gai through his eyelashes. Gai was riveted.

_I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't. _

Kakashi stroked his fingertips down his erection, spreading the moisture from his tip across his length. He panted, his breaths coming up short. He repeated the slow petting motion until his erection gleamed in the light of his bedroom.

Gai's mouth had fallen open.

_I should have just shown him porn._ But Kakashi didn't own any pornographic videos, only books. That would have meant going to a video store, advertising Gai's ignorance – or his own new heights of perversion if he went alone – and even then he wouldn't have known what the video contained until he watched it himself. And some of those things, like some manga, were dangerous and terrible instead of helpful. _I launched this plan on the spur of the moment. Now I'm paying for it. I should have thought this through. I should have given myself more time to think of a better way to educate Gai. _

Kakashi moaned and wrapped his fingers around his erection in a loose fist. He moved his hand up and down slowly, drawing out the motion. He told himself this was in order to show Gai how to do it. If he went too fast, Gai wouldn't learn anything.

Applying pressure to his aching erection felt good. Undeniably good. Even if Gai was watching him. _Especially because?_ part of his mind whispered uncertainly. Kakashi tried to block that thought out.

"This is how you do it," Kakashi said softly. "This is how you masturbate."

"Oh…" Gai's voice was as soft as Kakashi's.

Kakashi opened his eyes and looked at Gai through a haze, slowly, reluctantly, stopped stroking himself. "You should try it. I think you've observed the basics."

Gai shifted, bracing himself to stand, and a few of the books bumped against his hand. He stood and cleared Kakashi's manga volumes off of the bed, setting them in neat stacks on the floor. Then he slipped off his flak jacket and tossed it to the floor, followed by pulling off his green body suit.

Kakashi watched with guilty interest. He was shocked to see Gai pull down his underwear and reveal a hard-on. It was suddenly hard to breathe. Flutters raced across his skin.

Gai, oblivious to Kakashi's reaction, sat down on the bed beside him, legs spread the way Kakashi's were. He looked at Kakashi curiously and slipped his hand down between his legs. He stroked himself experimentally. "Like this?"

Kakashi had every excuse to respond by caressing the tip of his erection. "You should judge by what feels good." He was in an alternate universe, where he unashamedly played with himself in front of Gai. This couldn't be real life. In real life, he was shy, Gai was clothed, and they never…talked about sex.

Here, Gai was naked, and he was naked, and he was circling the tip of his own erection with an index finger.

Gai watched Kakashi for a moment, then mimicked Kakashi's actions. He moaned and shivered almost immediately. "Oh, Kakashi. It – It –" He stroked the tip of his erection with his fingers. His legs shook. "I feel like –"

"It's good," Kakashi quietly suggested.

"It's very good! It's great!" Gai grinned and closed his eyes, wrapping his fingers around himself and stroking with vigor.

Kakashi watched with wide eyes, taken aback.

"Thank you, Kakashi!" Gai exclaimed, still oblivious. "It feels so good, it feels so good. It's like…heaven!"

A deep, burning blush crept into Kakashi's cheeks.

"I feel like I…I feel like I want to go faster," Gai said. He opened his eyes, panting slightly, and looked at Kakashi with confusion. "Is this normal?"

Kakashi nodded. "It's normal." He had the first uneasy inkling that he should tell Gai about coming. He wasn't sure how to bring that up.

Gai closed his eyes and stroked himself faster, harder, entirely caught up in his first-time pleasure.

Kakashi knew he shouldn't be sitting beside Gai in awe, taking in every detail. He was. "There is this thing called ejaculation…"

"What's that?" Gai gasped out, his hand never faltering.

"It's what happens at the end…" Kakashi said tentatively. His heartbeat rose just watching Gai's unbridled enjoyment. "When you finish. It's like…a stream of fluid that becomes…cooler in the air and…" _Oh, no_. He couldn't quite overcome his embarrassment to explain clearly enough what was going to happen. Instead, he switched to comforting. "It'll feel good."

"This feels good," Gai said. His face was flushing, turning red. "This feels so good I…hardly know what could feel better than…Oh, my god, Kakashi. This is wonderful. I feel so alive!"

Kakashi was guiltily frozen with his hand on his erection. He wanted to masturbate himself, but he couldn't decide if that would be horrible or not. On the one hand, he would be keeping Gai company. On the other hand, he would be getting off on his friend masturbating, which Gai took as an innocent activity.

_This is bad._

"Kakashi, you're doing this too, aren't you?" Gai said blissfully.

Heat flashed through Kakashi's body. "Do you want me to?"

"I do! I don't want you to be left out, Kashi! We should masturbate together!"

Kakashi leaked all over his hand. _What have I unleashed? Is he going to want to do this in the future? Masturbate together? I should stop this now. It's cruel. It's cruel to both of us. Why couldn't I let well enough alone? What's the matter with me? Why am I so perverted?_

Inexorably, his hand started to move. And this time, Kakashi found that he couldn't stop himself. Soon he was moaning, pleasuring himself to the sight of Gai doing the same. His back arched, and he had the urge to lie down. "Gai…"

"Yes…?"

"We should lie down," Kakashi whispered. "Real masturbation is done lying down."

"Oh…"

They both lay back on Kakashi's bed, side by side. This was way too intimate. Their bodies were almost touching. They were lying naked on Kakashi's bed, taking pleasure with each other. Almost from each other, given that Kakashi had told Gai to do this…

Gai squirmed happily, his legs spread, gasping and flushed.

Kakashi watched that for a moment before closed his eyes, willing himself to his safe place, and letting the peace wash over him. He stroked himself without any guilt bothering him. The time for guilt was past now. What was done was done. All he had to do was make sure Gai wasn't hurt. That was it.

And right now Gai sounded far from hurt. He could feel Gai shifting around on the bed and hear Gai moaning in pleasure.

Suddenly, Gai's moans changed. "Kashi! Kashi, something is happening! I –"

Kakashi glanced at Gai through a haze, still stroking himself. Though his hand slowed down. "Go with it. Go faster. Try pinching more at the top instead of –"

Gai adjusted his grip and immediately returned to his activities.

"That's it." Kakashi watched in awe, noting the desperation, the way sweat gleamed on Gai's skin. His legs trembled. Oh, god. He was too aroused to help it, now. He watched Gai with wide eyes and stroked himself at the same time, bringing himself closer and closer to coming.

Gai let out a strangled cry and fell back against the mattress. "I…" His hips jerked. He gritted his teeth, his breath hissing. Then he fell limp, semi-translucent fluid silently, gracefully, flinging out and landing in droplets on Kakashi's bed.

Kakashi bit his lip and came silently, partly from his ministrations and partly from the sight of Gai climaxing.

Gai breathed deeply, a peaceful smile spreading across his face. "Oh. This is nice."

"It's called an orgasm," Kakashi said quietly. "It feels good. Like…" Then he drifted away, distracted by his own.

They lay still in mutual silence, soaking up the feeling of completion.

"Warm," Gai whispered, long after Kakashi had trailed off.

"Hai," Kakashi whispered back. "Warm and wonderful." He smiled sheepishly. "But when the warmth wears off, it's time for a shower."

Gai trembled, then lay still. "I can't get up." He seemed more amused than anything. He panted just at the effort. "This must be the greatest workout there is."

Kakashi cracked up. Finally, all that pent up laughter burst out.

"I don't know what's so funny," Gai said, but his voice trembled with mirth just because Kakashi was laughing.

"The best workout there is," Kakashi gasped. "It definitely is. You should do this every day. Come over to my house and then – just –" He cracked up again. _No no no, don't. _And yet he couldn't, wouldn't, take the offer back.

"Sounds like a great idea!" Gai exclaimed. "We should train as hard as we can outside, and then come and train as hard as we can inside! It's the perfect plan!"

_Oh, God, he likes it! He likes the plan!_ Kakashi's heart beat wildly with both anxiety and exhilaration. "We can't…expect to be able to do this every day," he said, trying to sound reasonable.

Gai looked at Kakashi with wide eyes. "We must work up to this gradually! I understand. This is no different than any other technique. It takes time to master." He grinned excitedly. "But I believe we should practice often, so that you may teach me the finer points! I will become a masturbation master!" He laughed.

Kakashi laughed, too, but more because Gai was still so innocent. Only Gai would declare his goal was to become a 'masturbation master' without being purposefully dirty. He helped Gai up so they could take a shower.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

They reconvened in Kakashi's bedroom the next day.

"Perhaps I should have started by asking what you know about sex already," Kakashi said.

Gai sat with one knee bent, his foot resting against his thigh. He rested his hand on his ankle. "That's okay." He still seemed blissfully unaware of any impropriety on Kakashi's part. "I liked the lesson yesterday. It was fun."

"Maa, well, that's good," Kakashi said, smiling. "But it is important to teach you about the mechanics of sex, and not just about pleasuring yourself. If all you know how to do is touch yourself, you won't get very far."

Gai nodded, wide-eyed. "I'm ready for you to teach me more."

"We'll start by having you recite what you know about sex," Kakashi said.

Gai looked thoughtful. "What I know about sex already…Hmm…" He studied the ceiling. "Well, it's between a man and a woman."

Kakashi nodded, just to keep Gai talking.

Gai's brow furrowed. "And it's when a man wants a woman to carry his babies. So they have to get married first. And then he puts his penis in her vagina and makes her pregnant."

Kakashi restrained a shudder at the awkwardness. He imagined the charts they were shown as students. _He's probably just reciting what he learned in health class._ Although, if most kunoichi heard Gai talking that way, they'd eviscerate him. Kunoichi were notorious for being feminists.

However, Kakashi knew Gai didn't mean any harm by talking exclusively about a man's motivations for having sex, so he neatly sidestepped that issue.

"How does he make her pregnant?" he asked, probing Gai's awareness.

Gai looked at Kakashi, startled. "Don't you remember? I liked that lesson the best because it involved animals!"

Kakashi blinked. "Animals?"

Gai grinned. "That's alright, Kashi, I'll refresh your memory. Girls lay eggs like chickens, and boys make tadpoles!"

Kakashi groaned and covered his face with his hand.

"And the boys give the girls their tadpoles, and they go into the eggs, and then they make a beautiful new human being!" Gai flashed Kakashi a thumbs up. "The miracle of life is reborn!"

Kakashi looked at Gai through his fingers. Gai appeared to be serious.

Gai patted his shoulder. "Ah, Kashi, you don't have to be embarrassed that you didn't remember. No one's perfect, not even teachers. We'll help each other."

Kakashi swallowed a retort. "Thank you," he murmured. "That is very comforting, Gai." In a way, it was endearing.

Gai hugged him. "No problem! We're friends, after all. And rivals."

Kakashi searched for a good place to start. "Well, the first thing you need to know that you never learned in health class is that sex is also about pleasure."

Gai took that in thoughtfully.

"Your partner works to bring you pleasure, and you pleasure your partner," Kakashi said. "It's like teamwork. Sex isn't just for producing babies. It's also for feeling good together with someone else."

Gai's face lit up. "Oh, so what we did yesterday is like having sex together!"

Kakashi blushed, taken aback and rendered speechless.

Gai beamed. "Because we were in the same place feeling good with each other. Right? So it's like I've had sex already!" He laughed, seeming proud of himself.

"Well…" Kakashi scratched his temple. "I guess so."

Gai hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Kashi!"

"But…" Kakashi trailed off, unsure of how to proceed. "Sex is like what we learned in health class. Bodies have to be interlocked for it to count as sex." He found himself patting Gai's arm, trying to erase Gai's crestfallen expression. "But – But what we did yesterday is like sex in the way you said, yes. It was a good step forward."

Gai brightened again, back to his normal level of cheeriness.

Kakashi smiled slyly. "Also, sex is not only between a man and a woman. You saw a comic of mine yesterday that was about having sex between two men."

Gai's cheeks colored. "That's true. I'd never seen anything like that before. I didn't know a thing like that was even possible."

"There are a lot of things you didn't know were possible," Kakashi said. He leaned in closer. "Including the fact that, I happen to know, many people have sex without being married."

Gai gasped. "No! But what about the babies?"

Kakashi chuckled. "There are no babies, Gai."

"How is that possible?" Gai looked at him with wide eyes.

"They use contraception," Kakashi said.

"Huh?"

Kakashi gestured. "The act of making a baby is called conception. Contraception is the counter version of that: making sure no baby is made. Most of the time, this is done by putting a barrier between the, ah, the tadpoles and the eggs, you might say."

"Oh…" Gai thought that over, frowning. "But then, isn't that cruel?"

"The tadpoles and eggs haven't become a human being yet," Kakashi reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. That's right." Gai still looked upset. "But isn't that interfering with nature?"

"That's a belief some people share," Kakashi said. "In that case, those are the people that wait for marriage to have sex, because they want to make sure to take care of the babies."

Gai straightened, looking as though he felt a little better.

"You don't have to use contraception," Kakashi said. "There's no law for or against it."

Gai nodded somberly. "This business of having sex is more serious than I expected."

Kakashi raised an index finger. "Unless, you have sex with someone the same sex as you," he said cheerfully. "Then there's no need for contraception or worrying about babies because neither is necessary. Tadpoles and eggs need to be mixed up before they'll make a baby." He grinned. "So sex between two men or two women is safe."

That was a twisted argument, and there was more to same-sex relationships than that, but he hoped Gai understood him well enough to know when he was being facetious.

Gai appropriately gave him a scolding look.

Kakashi chuckled.

"Avoiding babies is not enough of a reason to have sex with someone," Gai said.

"I entirely agree." Kakashi patted Gai's arm.

The severity melted out of Gai's expression. "So why do they do it, though?"

"Who?" Kakashi asked innocently.

"Men," Gai said. "Those men with other men, Kashi. Like in your story."

"Ah." Kakashi smiled. "It's the same as a man and a woman, Gai. They're in love."

Gai looked amazed. "That can happen?"

"Every day," Kakashi said.

"Then we might be falling in love," Gai announced, his eyes lighting up. "We might be falling in love right now and not even know it!"

Kakashi blushed, his gaze dropping to his lap. _It would be alright with him, to fall in love?_ He glanced at Gai's face. _He seems excited. _Gai's face was aglow with enthusiasm. _But it might just be enthusiasm for learning. Gai always gets excited when he learns new things._ When they were little, he'd never seen someone so excited to walk on water. After all, they all knew that was a ninja skill everyone learned. But Gai had celebrated for weeks, challenging Kakashi to races across the water every chance he got.

_I don't know if he wants to fall in love with me. He's just happy that he knows he can. _Kakashi nodded, deciding to himself not to assume anything. He gave Gai a small smile. "Yes, well, we might be. That's true."

Gai grinned triumphantly.

"And if we do fall in love, we might want to have sex," Kakashi said. He smiled cheerfully. "And in that case, you better know what you are doing. So listen up."

He described the basics of having sex – a comfortable position, having an erection, and using lubrication – and was relieved when nothing more came of it. He demonstrated sexual positions with his clothes on, and other than feeling a little bit of self-consciousness that Gai was studying him, he felt alright.

Kakashi didn't exactly feel self-hatred over what happened the previous day, but he did feel slightly guilty, and he was starting to wonder if he'd actually taken advantage of Gai somehow, even though they hadn't touched each other. He needed room to breathe, in any case, and to think about things.

**xXx**

In the meantime, they worked, and trained. It had been a few days since Kakashi had taught Gai how to masturbate, and he thought Gai might ask about coming over to his house to do it again, but Gai didn't.

Kakashi met Gai at his training field like a normal day.

Gai's training field was a clearing on the edge of the village that he had carefully prepared. The ground was grass free and compacted from wear. There were a half dozen trees stripped down, only their trunks remaining, chopped off at different lengths. Two were six feet tall, two were ten feet tall, and the final two were fifteen feet tall. They were interspersed with each other, giving the training ground an interesting appearance.

Ropes were tied around the tree trunks towards the top, and kanji were burned into them. Things like 若 (youth) and 春 (spring). The purpose of these tree pillars was simple: Gai punched them.

He usually punched - or kicked - these tree trunks for two of the three hours, the other hour being set aside for running laps and doing push-ups. His training ground - and his regiment - were no secret, and he was as reliable as clockwork, so anyone could come find him if they needed him.

Kakashi could find the place in his sleep by now. As soon as Gai made jonin, he'd created this training field. Kakashi had watched, in fact, somewhat fascinated by Gai's adherence to the old ways of teaching martial arts. But then, Gai's sensei had been an old man, and it made sense that Gai would be old-fashioned as a result.

Kakashi walked into the packed dirt training area, making sure Gai could see him. "Yo."

Gai paused in the middle of his punch, gladly abandoning the rote exercise in light of Kakashi's arrival. "Yo!" He grinned. "Are you ready to train?"

Kakashi nodded. "Sparring today, isn't it?"

Gai glowed with enthusiasm. "Hai!" He walked out of the packed dirt area, joining Kakashi on the grass. "I think I'm starting to catch up to you, Rival."

Kakashi chuckled. "We'll see."

"I'll make you work harder than ever today!" Gai declared. He braced himself. "Yosh! Let's go!"

Kakashi held his ground. "Come at me."

They sparred without chakra, because if they put their chakra into their moves, they would seriously injure each other. They both knew how to reserve their energy and fight at their bare minimum. It was a basic skill of a ninja to be able to regulate one's chakra. As a result, what they did resembled civilian martial arts: everything became about timing, momentum, and center of balance.

Kakashi blocked a half a dozen punches and twisted out of the way of the next one, grabbing Gai's arm.

Gai worked himself free, but in the process, Kakashi slipped behind him and threw an arm around Gai's neck, capturing him in a chokehold. It was a familiar move for him to make. Gai was terrible at guarding his own back, and nine times out of ten, once Kakashi succeeded in getting behind his friend, the fight was over.

He didn't feel particularly remorseful that he'd jumped straight to trying to strangle his best friend. The whole point was to treat each other like an enemy would, up to the point of incapacitation.

But he did notice now that he was behind Gai that he could smell his floral shampoo on Gai's hair, and his chest was flat against Gai's back. Their bodies were fitted together in an intimate struggle, and though the contact was purely innocent, Kakashi felt himself growing warm.

He didn't notice his chokehold had let up the tiniest bit until he felt Gai wrench him forward. In one slick motion Gai bent his knees and tossed Kakashi overhead, flipping him instantly and slamming him into the ground.

Kakashi landed flat on his back with the breath knocked out of him. "Oof."

Gai, still holding his arm, just as quickly pinned him, straddling Kakashi's hips and grabbing his other wrist. He leaned over Kakashi, grinning and breathless with success. A few strands of hair clung to his temple in disarray, stuck there by sweat.

Kakashi struggled instinctively, somewhat put out. Then his position caught up with him: Gai was on top of him, pinning him to the ground with his wrists above his head. His pulse surged in his groin.

His eyes widened, and their gazes locked.

He squirmed underneath Gai in desperation. It was a long shot, but if he could just wrench his legs out from under Gai, he could get up. It never occurred to him to break the rules of their sparring sessions and use chakra to get out of this situation. Blind panic was coursing through his veins.

Gai moaned. "Kashi, stop. You're rubbing it."

Heat thundered through Kakashi, crashing in his ears. He lay still, limp and looking up at Gai's face with dazed appreciation. _He's hard. He's really hard. As hard as me._

"That's better," Gai said normally. "Now admit your defeat. It was a good try, Kashi, but the first round goes to me."

"No," Kakashi whispered. _What am I doing? _

Gai looked surprised, then scandalized. "But I've got you!"

"I don't think so." Kakashi pulled against Gai's hold on his right wrist. "I think I can still escape." He realized he wanted more of a struggle. He didn't want their close quarters to end. And the feeling of Gai on top of him was something he couldn't let go of.

"You cannot," Gai retorted.

Kakashi twisted with all of his strength, trying to roll so that Gai would be knocked off of his seat and let go of Kakashi's wrists.

Gai reacted to the wrenching motion by throwing his weight down on Kakashi, digging his knees into the grass and holding onto Kakashi's wrists, pressing them down.

Kakashi quickly tried to sit up, but Gai defeated that, too. He made it about a foot, bringing their faces briefly closer together before he collapsed onto his back again. He groaned; not in defeat, but at how turned on he was.

"Now do you believe me?" Gai demanded.

"You'll have to pin me perfectly still," Kakashi said softly, a smile on his lips.

Gai flushed bright red. "Why – You…"

"What's the matter, Gai? Can't you do it?" Kakashi looked up at Gai through his eyelashes. _What is the matter with me? Egging him on isn't going to get me what I want. It'll just get him angry at me. _

Gai made a noise of frustration.

"Or is there something in the way?" Kakashi suggested.

"There is nothing in the way!" Gai exclaimed. "I can do it! Just watch me." He struggled with his body position. He needed leverage to keep Kakashi's wrists still, leverage he didn't have if he shifted his body closer to the ground.

The laugh bubbling in Kakashi's throat was interrupted by Gai suddenly yanking him, rolling him over and twisting his arm behind his back, pressing his face into the grass at the same time. Gai's knee was planted on the small of Kakashi's back.

"Hey," Kakashi said, muffled and disconcerted.

Gai bound his arms in an instant, forearm to forearm.

"No fair," Kakashi protested. Privately, he wondered if this wasn't his just desserts. He'd challenged Gai to take it to a new level.

"It is fair," Gai said, sounding calm. "You used kunai. I'm using the tasuki from around my wrists and hands. Ninja tools are ninja tools. We never said we wouldn't use ninja tools against each other; only that chakra was forbidden. I am staying perfectly within the rules." He teased, "I ought to grab your ankles and hogtie you. Then you wouldn't be able to make excuses."

A pulse of arousal thudded through Kakashi. _He wouldn't really do that, would he? I'd be helpless. Totally helpless. _He wasn't sure whether he wanted Gai to or not. He did imagine Gai caressing his rear end from this position. But Gai wouldn't do that.

"You might have to," Kakashi managed, trying to sound normal. "I might make excuses all day about who won this round."

"Hmm." Gai shifted. "Good point."

Kakashi's cheeks burned. _Will he?_ His erection was pressed against the ground, which felt good and not enough at the same time. He squirmed.

Gai's knee digging into his back stopped him. "If you move around anymore, I'll have to. The challenge you issued is to make you motionless."

Kakashi bit the inside of his cheek and wrenched at the tasuki binding his arms.

Gai laughed. "That's it!" He was up in an instant, tying Kakashi's ankles together. But instead of tying Kakashi's ankles to his arms, he dragged Kakashi up into a kneeling position by the front of Kakashi's vest and faced him, kneeling in front of him.

Kakashi froze, wide-eyed. He was grass-stained, sweaty, and unmistakably aroused.

"Now you have to admit that I could do anything I wanted to you from here," Gai said, merely continuing the conversation. "So if I were an enemy, you would be dead." He tilted his head. His hair was mussed. "So I win, right?"

Kakashi's cheeks pulsed with heat. "Right," he agreed meekly. "I submit." He imagined Gai unzipping his vest and feeling his chest with those big, strong hands. Gai pulling down his mask, pressing a kiss to his lips. He felt himself leaking in his underwear and looked away, embarrassed.

Another unbidden image: leaning forward and nudging Gai's trapped hard-on with his mouth, Gai peeling off his green spandex suit and pulling his boxers down, then pulling down Kakashi's mask. A ghostly imitation of Gai's voice sounded in his mind, gentle and deep. _'Suck.'_

Kakashi's ears flamed.

Gai looked at him with wide-eyed confusion. "What's the matter?" Dismay crossed his face. "Are the bonds too tight?" He reached behind Kakashi in a pseudo hug and pulled at the knots he'd made in the tasuki. "Almost there…" He shifted closer, nudging their hips together. Gai twitched, his breath sucking in sharply. He pulled away and stared down at Kakashi's groin, as if noticing Kakashi's arousal for the first time.

Kakashi looked at him guiltily.

Then Gai laughed. "Oh!" He clapped Kakashi on the shoulder. "So that's why you're red! Me, too!" He had a good laugh at that.

Kakashi stared at him with disbelief. _Don't you know that you did this, you idiot?_ "Maa, Gai, will you untie me?"

Gai stopped laughing, looking mildly chastised. "Right." He finished untying Kakashi's arms and then untied Kakashi's ankles. "I win though, right?"

Kakashi got to his feet, feeling his arms experimentally. "You win, alright."

Gai leapt to his feet, re-binding his wrists and hands. "Great!"

Kakashi couldn't help but imagine Gai tying him to training post and having his way with him. He wished his imagination would just stop. _Kiss me. Do something. Anything._ "I need a moment," he said, strangled.

"I'm sorry," Gai said. "I didn't mean to knock so much life out of you."

Kakashi wanted to smack his forehead. "You didn't. I just need a moment to catch my breath."

"Oh." Gai looked at him uncertainly. "Your color's not really getting any better…"

Kakashi took a few deep breaths. It was hard to stop blushing with Gai staring at him like that. "I've got it under control."

Gai snapped his fingers. "Maybe you're thinking about something unproductive. That's why you're not getting any better." He nodded, looking pleased with himself. "That's it, isn't it?"

Kakashi wanted to clap his hands over his face and hide. "What about you?" he mumbled.

Gai paused.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at the suspicious silence.

Gai looked flustered. "Well, I – I am sure I will be fine in a minute." He planted his hands on his hips. "Unlike you, I am not thinking any unproductive thoughts!"

"Then why are you not going down?" Kakashi watched with satisfaction as his accusation hit Gai squarely. His friend's face slowly turned bright red.

"I – I don't know!" Gai pouted defensively. "I just know I'm not doing anything to make it worse."

"Are you sure you're not thinking anything that would impede your ability to control yourself?" Kakashi asked. He smiled at Gai slyly. "What is going on in your thoughts, anyway?"

"Nothing," Gai retorted. "I'm just thinking about you."

Kakashi froze, his heart skipping a beat. _Me?_ "Me? What about me?"

"Just our match," Gai said, his eyes flashing. "I'm trying to refocus myself on our sparring by reminding myself that I won the first round, so I have every reason to want to continue. After all, if I win more rounds than you, for once, that means that I get to make you buy me dinner at anyplace I want."

"Ah. Right." Kakashi scratched his temple. He'd instated that bet a long time ago to try to motivate Gai. Also, it worked in the reverse as well, and he enjoyed pretending it was a date whenever Gai bought him dinner.

Gai folded his arms across his chest. "I want to win today, and no pesky arousal is going to stop me from that."

Kakashi held up his hands. "I believe you."

"Good." Gai nodded sharply. "Now I am plenty in control of myself. So come at me." He grinned. "After all, I've learned to counter your trick where you get behind me and choke me out."

"This is true," Kakashi said. "I'll have to figure out something else dastardly to do to you when we spar."

"Ha!" Gai was triumphant at that admission.

Kakashi found the sight of a triumphant Gai singularly adorable. He made Gai work for it for a reason; so it would be all the sweeter when he saw that look on Gai's face. And Gai called his tendency to make Gai work one of the reasons why they were Eternal Rivals. So clearly Gai didn't mind.

He flew at Gai, coming in quick and close.

Gai countered Kakashi's punches with open hands, absorbing the impact. He blocked Kakashi's chops at his neck by deflecting with his forearms, and then countered with a sweeping kick.

Kakashi allowed himself to be kicked away, moving with the blow instead of against it and backflipping to safety. His blood rushed in his ears, and he could tell Gai was breathing hard. With so much blood rushing away from their heads, they were both a little dizzy.

Gai flew at him, and in the two heartbeats before collision Kakashi managed to draw his kunai. Gai disarmed him, the dagger flying away harmlessly. It quickly became a grappling match. He countered the best he could, but holds were Gai's specialty, not his.

And predictably, Gai got enough purchase to throw Kakashi to the ground.

Kakashi yanked Gai down with him, scrabbling to win. Gai landed on top of him heavily. He rolled them, attempting to pin Gai in mock revenge for being pinned in the first round.

Gai let out a breathless shout and grabbed Kakashi's hair.

Kakashi winced, stopping instantly. "Gai."

Gai looked at Kakashi with wide eyes, then at his hand in Kakashi's hair. "I'm sorry." He let go, Kakashi's hair slipping through his fingers.

Kakashi rubbed his head. Then he grinned and grabbed Gai's wrist, twisting. Usually Gai was much too wary to let Kakashi get anywhere close to doing the only other hold he knew. "Got you."

"Hey," Gai complained. "I was concerned about you."

Kakashi wavered. _I did take advantage of you._

Gai broke free of the hold and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's waist tightly, pinning Kakashi's arms to his sides in the process. He sat up, bringing Kakashi with him.

Kakashi snorted and hung his head. "I should have known."

"Turnabout is fair play," Gai teased. "You told me that last week. If that's a new rule, I intend to use it to my advantage."

"As any good shinobi would," Kakashi said equitably.

The ridiculousness of ending up seated on Gai's lap with Gai's arms around him did not escape Kakashi. He could feel Gai's hard-on against his tailbone, too. And being held this way made his nipples hard.

"Can you let me up now?" Kakashi asked.

Gai hesitated.

Kakashi's heart skipped a beat. _What is he waiting for?_

"Y-Yeah…" Gai helped Kakashi up. He dropped into a fighting stance, but his expression was uncertain. "That's two rounds to me, then?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said. He slouched forward, ready to begin again.

A smile flickered across Gai's face. "You have some catching up to do, then."

"I intend to." Kakashi gave him a smirk. "I want you to buy me dinner."

Gai laughed. "Not on your life! It's you who will be buying me dinner tonight. And I'm going to make sure you make up for all the times it's been me paying for the both of us."

"I'm sure you will." Kakashi shot forward like lightning. "If you can catch me."

He put up a valiant fight, but he could tell Gai was determined. Still, at last, after the match spanning over fifteen minutes of knock-down, drag-out fighting, Gai ended up flat on his back.

Kakashi helped him up.

"One to you," Gai grunted, breathless.

Kakashi nodded. "See if you can keep your lead."

Gai narrowed his eyes. "I will." Now there was dirt on his back, and grass blades stuck in his hair. He didn't appear to notice either. Kakashi wondered what made a tousled Gai so attractive to look at.

Gai started the round, and Kakashi immediately darted into the middle of the training field, trying to use Gai's posts for cover. It wasn't against the rules, after all.

But this was Gai's training field, and he did know it better than anyone else. He grabbed onto one of the posts and swung around, kicking out. His foot caught Kakashi in the chest and sent him flying.

Kakashi was thrown clear of the packed dirt area, landed on his back, and immediately used the momentum to roll over, righting himself into a crouch.

Gai was on him in an instant, before he'd caught his breath. Gai's onslaught of punches and kicks forced him back on his heels, until Kakashi found himself fighting up against the tree line of the forest. That was the boundary of the sparring ring. They'd agreed that if one of them forced the other into the trees, the match was over.

Kakashi successfully ducked a couple of punches designed to push him over the edge of the border and pushed Gai with an open-handed shove to the chest. That bought him just enough room to turn and trip Gai.

Gai caught himself on his hands just inside the boundary and sprang out of the way of Kakashi's karate chop.

Kakashi gave chase. They met in the middle of the grass and duked it out, fists against fists. They each landed a few blows on each other, but not enough to end the match for either of them.

As it usually happened on the battlefield, it came down to the slightest mistake. Kakashi's foot slipped a fraction on a patch of wet grass, and Gai had him.

Gai grappled with him and then got behind him, grabbing Kakashi under the arms and applying pressure, halting him. This kind of a hold gave Gai the power to dislocate his shoulders or break his arms.

Kakashi knew when he was beat. He only struggled for a moment, more out of instinct than anything. "It's yours."

Gai took a deep breath and released him.

Kakashi turned around and smiled at Gai ruefully. "I guess this means you win."

Gai was caught between surprise and elation. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said. "It's the best three out of four, isn't it?"

Gai had to stop to think. "I guess so."

Kakashi patted his friend on the shoulder. "Then you win. Congratulations." He gave Gai a warm smile.

Gai hugged him tightly. "After all this time…I'm finally catching up to you." Gai's voice was choked with tears. "My hard work is paying off."

Kakashi hugged him in return and rubbed Gai's back. "Of course it is."

Gai pulled back, rubbing his eyes, and gave Kakashi a watery smile. "You owe me dinner."

Kakashi beamed. "Yeah. Wherever you want." He added, uncharacteristically, "I'm proud of you."

Gai cried and hugged Kakashi all over again.

_And this is where we kiss,_ Kakashi thought.

But they didn't.

Instead, they walked off the training field, arms around each other's shoulders.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

They walked back into the village. The sun had sunk low enough to make the light quality really golden, and it was doing that cinematic shining-through-the-trees thing that made even hanging laundry out of to dry look dramatic and meaningful.

"So where are we going for dinner?" Kakashi asked amiably.

Gai puffed out his chest triumphantly. "You're going to take me to Fujiwara Steakhouse!"

Kakashi had to laugh. "You really are going to make me make up for winning so much, aren't you?"

Gai grinned. "Yep."

Kakashi blushed slightly at his vision of bringing Gai to the steakhouse. It would be like a real date. Fujiwara was a nice place. More often than not, Kakashi just had Gai take them to Ichiraku or a casual sushi bar on the corner. "If we're going there, we're going to have to get dressed up." He grinned. "Do you have any formal clothes, or is it all green jumpsuits?"

"I have other clothes," Gai said, protesting the insinuation. "What do I need?"

"I imagine a festival yukata would be good enough for Fujiwara's," Kakashi said. "But if you had any serious clothing it would be better. Like solid colors, haori, yukata, hakama."

"I'll dig into the back of my closet," Gai said. "I'm sure I put them somewhere."

"Are they green?" Kakashi teased.

Gai laughed. "They are."

Kakashi snorted and shook his head. "You are predictable."

"Then why did I win?" Gai retorted.

"Maa…" Kakashi pouted, his cheeks flushing.

Gai rubbed his chin. "Anyway, Kashi, aren't your formal clothes blue?"

Kakashi smiled. "Naturally. Blue is my best color."

Gai pointed at him. "Then that means your color choice is just as predictable as mine is!"

"So it is," Kakashi said. He let Gai have that point.

He was much more invested in making tonight's dinner experience special. "Well, if we're going to Fujiwara's, I want to make a reservation. I don't want to be stuck at some table with a bunch of other people or shoved in a corner." He turned down the street, tugging Gai along with him. "So let's go. We can stop by Fujiwara first and then go to my house to get ready."

Gai looked at him with wide eyes, then nodded and started moving under his own power.

"We'll stop by your place and get your clothes," Kakashi said. "With the both of us searching, it shouldn't take long to find your formal clothes. Then we can go to my house and get ready." He glanced at Gai critically. "That way I can help you get ready."

"I don't need any help," Gai protested.

Kakashi considered. "Then do you want to meet at Fujiwara's?"

It only took a split second for alarm bells to go off in Gai's head. "No way! You'll be late!"

Kakashi laughed. "Then it's me chaperoning you and you chaperoning me."

"Right." Gai frowned obstinately. "But only to make sure you're on time and that you actually make good on your promise to buy me dinner."

Kakashi clapped a hand over his heart. "Gai, I'm hurt."

Gai didn't fall for it. "You'll be more hurt if a little mistake like being late makes it impossible for you to fulfill the conditions of our ongoing bet. I'm looking out for your well-being."

"Ah, if that's it…" Kakashi smiled. "Thank you."

"Any friend would do the same," Gai said.

_You're my only friend,_ Kakashi thought.

After walking for a few blocks, Kakashi caught sight of the restaurant. It was a large, trendy building on one of the main streets in the entertainment and dining district. Its windows gleamed magnificently in the later afternoon sun, flashing silver and gold.

"I'll be right out." Kakashi entered the restaurant and spoke with the hostess behind the front podium. He exchanged words and a transaction was made.

She bowed and wrote his name in the guest book, along with the approximate time of his arrival.

He bowed in return and joined Gai outside. "Okay. It's done. We can go get ready. I told her we might be one to two hours from now. Is that alright? I can always pop back in and tell her we've changed our minds."

"That's fine," Gai said. "I think we can make it."

Kakashi chuckled. "Especially with you watching the clock for me, ne?"

Gai nodded. "Right."

**xXx**

Gai came out of the bathroom, smoothing down the back of hair with one hand. He stood before Kakashi uncertainly. His hair was slicked down like usual; he'd insisted on bringing his hair products from home if they were both going to try to look nice. Kakashi was disappointed that Gai felt the need to torture his hair into limpness. Other than that, Kakashi was pleased with what he saw. Gai wore a forest green haori over an orange short yukata with a matching green obi. His hakama pants were green as well.

"Maa, you look handsome." Kakashi smiled at him.

Gai flushed. "Really?"

"Really." Kakashi nodded appreciatively. He hopped up from the bed. "Well, my turn." He crossed the room, taking his clothes into the bathroom. He turned and winked at Gai before he closed the door. "I'll be right out."

Gai plopped down on the edge of the bed and started examining Kakashi's manga collection. "Ha! I could be waiting all day."

Kakashi chuckled. "Hey." He closed the door, still smiling.

Kakashi imagined taking those clothes off Gai, bit by bit, exposing Gai's muscular, freshly scrubbed body. He swallowed and peeled his clothes off, starting with his gloves and forehead protector. By the time he pulled down his underwear and discarded his dirty clothing in the hamper, he wasn't surprised to see that he had a hard-on. It ached; probably from his longer-lasting arousal during the sparring session that never got satisfied.

He stepped into the shower and sighed, turning on the water. The hot water would wash away the sweat and stickiness, and then he'd feel more comfortable all over. Once the water was set to the right temperature, Kakashi turned in place, washing off every part of him in the spray. Then he worked on lathering up his hair with shampoo.

Kakashi's thoughts turned to Gai. How had Gai managed his arousal? He didn't believe Gai could actually do it, but…had Gai masturbated in the shower to get rid of his aching erection? When Kakashi was in the other room all the time, one door away?

He exhaled in a long breath and grabbed the soap, lathering his hands up and running them over his arms. _I have to remember to not take too long. Gai will get impatient with me. He knows we're running on a schedule, and he's not going to allow me to ruin our reservation. _

But when he washed his chest, he couldn't help rubbing his hands over his nipples. They needed to be clean like everything else, after all. Maybe even extra clean.

Kakashi moaned faintly in the back of his throat and bowed his head, letting it fall under the shower spray. Shampoo ran in foamy rivulets down his face and neck, tickling his shoulder blades and coursing down his torso. Streams of water pattered loudly on the shower floor.

Once he was sure he wouldn't get shampoo in his eyes, he opened them, running fingers through his hair to make sure the shampoo had rinsed out. _Focus._

Kakashi chafed the wet bar of soap between his hands and worked on washing himself, scrubbing his armpits. Another rinse, and more soap. He ran his hands down his chest and stomach, panting.

_I need to get out. I need to hurry up. _

He grabbed the soap and lathered up his hands again, determined. _I'll be out in five minutes. If that. _

Once he started touching his erection, he couldn't stop.

Kakashi's head snapped back, and his legs went weak. He leaned against the shower wall, his breaths coming in gasps that sounded harshly in his ears. _I'm so close. Just a little more. Gai doesn't even have to know. It'll be quick. _

His other hand slid around, caressing his bottom. He groaned. He knew he had to do it. His need to feel the sensation of something inside of him was killing him.

Kakashi reached half-blindly for his conditioner. He popped the cap and squirted some of the thick, slippery gel onto his fingers, then rubbed his entrance. He almost came right then and there, even though the conditioner was cold.

He whimpered, leaning into his own touch and stroking his erection faster. _Come on. _

Kakashi pressed. His finger slipped in quickly. He gasped, spreading his legs wider, and stroked himself from both sides. _Gai, please._

He came in thirty seconds.

When the shudders and the warmth from the orgasm wore off, Kakashi finished his shower normally, feeling much calmer.

Then it hit him that he'd fantasized about Gai being inside of him, when Gai was on the other side of the door. And touched himself. He flushed.

_How is that any worse that masturbating with him?_ Kakashi stepped out of the shower, dried himself off, and got dressed. He briefly considered stealing some of Gai's hair gel. Then he asked himself what the point was, shrugged at his reflection in the mirror, and stepped out.

Gai dropped the book in his hand and straightened, looking at Kakashi with wide eyes.

_Really?_ Kakashi grinned. "Maa, Gai, no need to look so guilty. I already told you that you were welcome to read anything on my shelf."

Gai's face slowly turned bright red.

Kakashi chuckled and crossed over to the bed, sitting down beside his friend. "What were you reading?" He leaned over and reached across Gai for the book on the bed, retrieving it before Gai answered. "_Yorubetsu, Ne_? Well, well."

"I was just reading to pass the time," Gai said in a small voice.

"And the pictures were interesting?" Kakashi grinned at him.

Gai nodded.

Kakashi glanced at the manga closer. "Ah, it's volume 3. Pretty racey stuff."

Gai shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"Okay." Kakashi hopped to his feet brightly and put the book back on the shelf. "You ready to go, then?"

Gai stood and smoothed down his clothes. "Ah, yes."

"Good." Kakashi headed for the bedroom door.

"And you look nice," Gai added belatedly, following him.

Kakashi grinned at Gai over his shoulder. "Thanks. Not at all as nice as you, though."

Gai stammered a denial, but Kakashi just laughed.

**xXx**

Red paper lanterns hung overhead, giving off a cheery glow.

Wall scrolls of traditional landscapes, featuring winding roads, mountains, and tsunami, were interspersed with modern paintings in frames. The modern paintings were all of different flowers, done in sumi-e ink on rice paper. Well-placed lights illuminated the modern paintings, but left the restaurant in a more intimate soft light level.

Kakashi wondered how many of the people they passed on their way to their table were here as couples. He'd caught a glimpse of a man and woman holding hands across the table. _I want that to be me and Gai someday. _He held back a sigh. The thought had flitted across his mind too quickly to stop it, and he couldn't chastise himself too harshly. It would be nice if he and Gai managed to build a romantic relationship while retaining the friendship they already had. It just wasn't a likely outcome, that was all.

It as far more likely that he and Gai remained friends forever, stuck in this awkward space between good friends and too-good friends.

The lighting played off of the pink silk kimono their guide wore as she walked gracefully towards the back of the restaurant. A row of traditional style rooms stood in the back, sequestered and peaceful, light playing off of the paper screens.

She led them right to the middle one and bowed them into the room as though they were actually in a traditional home; it reminded Kakashi of some of the clan compounds he'd been inside, both as Obito's teammate and as an ANBU operative sneaking in.

They made themselves comfortable at the kotatsu table in the center of the small room, and their waitress poured them tea.

Gai reserved his awe for when she left, sliding the door shut. "You got us a private room?" Gai looked around in amazement; the lampshade of the light overhead was a paper lantern. The space was clean, well-composed, with a couple scrolls on the wall. Fluidly painted kanji this time, not landscapes. In one corner there was a flower arrangement in a large vase.

Kakashi grinned. "I'm a private person."

"I know, but I –"

"You wanted me to make up for making you pay for everything all the time, didn't you?" Kakashi asked. He gave Gai a small smile. "So I'm making up for it."

Gai looked a little too slack-jawed in amazement.

Kakashi added, "Don't worry. I'll just beat the reimbursement out of you the next twenty times we fight." He put on his most infuriating cheerful smile.

Gai flushed. "I'm going to turn this into a winning streak!"

Kakashi chuckled. "Sure you are."

"I will!"

Kakashi teased, "Enjoy your success while you have it."

"I'll win the next five matches!" Gai declared. "The next five for sure! And after that…I'll just – I'll beat you until we're even!"

Kakashi grinned. "What do I get if you can't?"

Gai hesitated. "Well…"

"How about I get to sit on your back while you do pushups?" Kakashi asked.

"Deal!" Gai narrowed his eyes. "And if you can't keep me from winning five times in a row, then you have to do something super special for me."

Kakashi tried to keep his mind from flashing to sexual imagery and failed. "Something super special?" he asked, dazed.

Gai nodded, looking determined. "Hai. You have to do something super special. Like…"

Kakashi waited with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension, holding his breath in spite of himself.

"Wash all my clothes!" Gai grinned.

Kakashi hung his head. "Alright…" He supposed Gai couldn't help it. There was just nothing sexual about Gai's mindset. He thought back to their sparring that afternoon. _And yet…he hesitated when I told him to let me up…_ That behavior didn't add up into anything. _There had to have been some other reason why he hesitated. Like maybe he had a cramp. _That was unconvincing, even to himself, but Kakashi couldn't think of anything better at the moment.

Gai flashed him a thumbs up. "Prepare to learn how to use my washer, Rival!"

Kakashi gave him a look. "I doubt it is that difficult."

"The words 'spin cycle' shall soon haunt you," Gai promised darkly, furrowing his brow. As darkly as Gai could promise anything, anyway.

Kakashi rolled his eyes. After hearing a line like that, how could he stay mad? "Right, right. I'll prepare for the doom that is your laundry."

Gai laughed.

A server came in with menus at that moment, laying them on the kotatsu table with a bow.

"Thank you," Kakashi murmured.

The server murmured something polite in return and retreated.

Kakashi picked up his menu and gestured at the remaining one. "Maa, feel free to order anything you want."

Gai grinned. "I will."

After a few moments of silent perusing, Kakashi asked, "So what are you getting?"

"Steak," Gai said immediately.

Kakashi chuckled. "I'd discerned that when you asked to go to the steakhouse."

Gai grinned.

Their waitress came back with ice water. They ordered.

"Teppanyaki shrimp," Kakashi said. "With a side of yakisoba." Then he nodded at Gai.

"Twelve ounce steak." Gai set down his menu happily. "And a side of teppanyaki shrimp. And two orders of Black Dragon Rolls."

The waitress jotted down the order rapidly and then bowed. "Hai. Thank you."

Kakashi groaned theatrically after she closed the door. "You're trying to break my poor, poor wallet."

Gai chuckled. "I hope so. It's revenge for the beating my wallet took from your wallet."

Kakashi snorted. "Enjoy yourself. Like I said; it's my treat."

Gai glowed.

A male server came in a few minutes later with complimentary miso soup.

Kakashi nodded at the man amiably and waited for his retreat. "This is really nice."

"Yeah." Gai was back to being awed. "Want some soup, Kashi? I'll serve you."

"Sure," Kakashi said cheerfully. A picture of Gai serving him in a more appealing manner flitted through his head: Gai kissing a path down his neck and gently laying him down on the floor before crawling on top of him. _In the middle of the restaurant? _Why was it that most of his fantasies involved public places? Even in the privacy of his own mind it was a little embarrassing.

Gai ladled out soup into a pair of small bowls and served the both of them.

"Thanks," Kakashi said. He performed a simple genjutsu and pulled down his mask. An illusionary mask stayed firmly in place. He was well aware that his obsessive compulsive behavior drove people up the wall, but he couldn't help it. He needed to hide his face. _And,_ he reasoned, _it's much too ingrained by now for me to change._

Gai didn't comment. He supposed Gai had gotten used to it by now.

Dinner came, and it was wonderful. Kakashi watched Gai eat with enjoyment, feeling warm inside at Gai's obvious pleasure in consuming his steak, shrimp, and sushi. He even offered some of his Black Dragon rolls to Kakashi.

Kakashi politely declined, and then proceeded to steal half a roll piece by piece, whenever Gai wasn't looking. That provided him with some dinnertime amusement, and ended up making Gai laugh as well.

When it was time to leave, Kakashi paid for the bill without complaint, smiling and playfully hiding the receipt from Gai so that Gai couldn't see how much their meal had cost.

They walked back to his house in high spirits, Gai talking just as loudly as if it were broad daylight instead of after dark. Kakashi didn't mind. They were jonin, and ANBU at that; if anyone was foolish enough to attack them, they'd be the ones with their throats slit.

Kakashi opened the front door, flicked on the lights, and shut the door behind them. They both took off their geta in the foyer and walked through the living room.

"What do you want to do now?" Kakashi asked. "Watch a movie?"

Gai blushed slightly. "Actually, Kashi, I was hoping we could…"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"Masturbate," Gai said.

"You want to…" Kakashi trailed off. After nothing had happened at the training field, or at the restaurant, he'd let his guard down.

"Sure." Gai grinned. "Isn't it healthier to release? You told me that."

Kakashi blushed. He had no intention of telling Gai he'd 'released' in the shower.

"We both have had erections today," Gai said. "I noticed yours when we were training, just like you noticed mine. That means we're ready to masturbate, doesn't it?"

Kakashi could tell it was a lost cause, especially since masturbating together had been his idea. "Hai. So we better get this done." Somehow, he was going to have to beg off without explaining he'd masturbated in the shower.

They went to his bedroom.

Gai stripped off his yukata and his haori without hesitation, baring himself in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi couldn't help but watch his friend, admiring Gai's golden, muscular frame. He knew he should probably get undressed too, just to be polite. But while Gai was undressing, it was hard to concentrate on the knot in his obi.

"I'm glad I wore a fundoshi," Gai said. "I would be really uncomfortable otherwise. I've had an erection all the way through dinner."

Kakashi didn't know what to respond to first. "You're wearing traditional underwear?"

Gai dropped his hakama and posed playfully. "You know what they say: A Konoha man looks great in a fundoshi." Sure enough, Gai was wearing the complicated, folded cloth. And the front of his fundoshi was tented out by his erection.

Kakashi's mouth hung open. He stared at Gai, feeling as though this was some kind of strange dream. "I don't know anyone who has ever said that."

"Is it not true?" Gai grinned at him.

"How would I know?" Kakashi retorted, after a beat of stunned silence. "I don't routinely go around checking how people look in their underwear."

Gai chuckled. "But you own a lot of manga. I thought you might know."

Kakashi averted his gaze. "Nope."

"You should try it!"

Kakashi's head snapped up.

Gai was looking at him brightly. "I have an extra pair."

"I – I'm not going to –"

"Why not?" Gai asked. "One should always be open to trying new things." He shifted. "It's really comfortable. Next time we're going to meet here, I'll bring my extra pair from home."

Kakashi wondered if he was having a heart attack. "No. No thank you."

"Ah." Gai looked at him pityingly, but let it go. "Okay."

"Besides, I think it looks better on some than others," Kakashi said soothingly. "You just have one of those bodies. I don't think I could measure up."

"Don't underestimate yourself," Gai said. "I think you'd look wonderful in a fundoshi."

Kakashi was caught between being amused, being turned on, and being uncomfortable. This was the kind of conversation he could only have ended up in with Gai. _This is exactly what got me into trouble in the first place: Gai's uniqueness._ Gai was definitely not the right judge of what conversation topics were appropriate or not.

"Maa…we'll never know, will we." He smiled cheerfully.

Gai pouted.

Kakashi shook his head. "Okay, so you want to masturbate before the night is through."

Gai nodded plaintively. "Please. It hurts. I don't know why."

Kakashi felt a little guilty. "Ah…it's because of what we did earlier."

"What did we do?" Gai tilted his head.

"We went straight from sparring to here to dinner, without taking care of your body's physical needs," Kakashi said.

Gai's eyes widened. "Then you must hurt, too."

"A little," Kakashi said. He sat down on the bed and patted the space beside him.

Gai obediently sat down.

"So the next time we both feel aroused…we should make an effort to relieve it as quickly as possible," Kakashi said.

"I agree." Gai looked across the room somberly. "I don't like hurting down here." He gestured to his groin.

Kakashi squeezed his shoulder. "I understand." He almost said, _Let me make it better._ Bad, bad, bad.

But he really didn't like it that Gai hurt. He supposed Gai must have hurt before, because he'd been walking around all this time not knowing to touch himself, but Kakashi thought it must hurt more than before because Gai was more aware of his body's signals now. _I taught you too much, but not enough. _

Kakashi was caught by the sense that if he stopped teaching Gai now, he'd be setting Gai up for destruction later. _Now that I've started, I have to finish_. He smiled wryly. _Isn't that kind of today's lesson?_

Gai squirmed silently. "I really want to touch myself now. It's really hard to wait."

That started Kakashi out of his thoughts. "I'm sorry. Go ahead."

Gai reached for his lap, but then paused. "Aren't you going to do it, too?"

Kakashi smiled at him softly. "I can't. I'm not aroused anymore."

"Oh…" Gai looked disappointed. "I really wanted some company."

Kakashi blushed slightly. "Well…you don't have to do it with me, though, right?"

Gai touched himself gently through his underwear. "But…I…"

Kakashi's eyes widened. _He's right. What am I doing? I can't just sit here and watch him. _"You're right. I'm being a bad host. Of course I'll join you."

"Are you sure?" Gai asked.

Kakashi nodded. "Of course. I should have been more considerate."

"It's okay," Gai said. He pulled his fundoshi to the side, releasing his erection. Relief visibly flooded his features. He stroked the tip of his erection with a sigh.

Kakashi stood and started taking his clothes off. He glanced at Gai. His breath caught in his chest. _I guess I don't have to be worried about getting hard again_. The sight of Gai sitting on his bed, fondling an erection and getting his hand glistening with moisture was enough to make Kakashi hard any day.

He finished disrobing and pulled off his boxers, wanting to get them out of the way right away instead of waiting for later. He didn't bother to take off his tabi socks. He sat back down next to Gai. "What got you so aroused, if I may ask?"

Gai's head was thrown back, and his mouth had fallen open. The shape of his parted lips was beautiful. "Th-That book," he said softly, his eyes closed. "That book you saw me reading. That _Yorubetsu_ book. The pictures…"

"Made you feel aroused," Kakashi finished, speaking just as softly as Gai.

"Yeah."

"What about them?" Kakashi whispered. His hand slowly moved down to touch his own erection. His gaze was fixed on Gai's face. "Which ones?"

"The- The…" Gai whimpered. His face flushed, and Kakashi watched a tremor pass through his body. Kakashi noticed in fascination that Gai's nipples were hard.

Kakashi felt a bead of moisture well up underneath his fingers. "Go on."

Gai's breath hitched. "The ones where they were licking – that – that one called Himitsu…in the story…he was licking –" He swallowed. " – the other person's body. Down here." He gestured with the hand he was using to stroke his erection. "Around that person's balls and stuff. And I thought – Do people really do that?"

"All the time," Kakashi said softly. "That's real."

Gai's face turned red, and he whimpered again. "What's it feel like?" He lay down on the bed, his legs spread. His hand wrapped around his erection, and his hips shifted into the movement. He turned his head and let out a sob.

Kakashi scooted onto the bed more and lay down to be with him. "It feels nice. I tried it on myself."

"How could you…do a thing like that?"

"Shadow clones," Kakashi said simply.

Gai moaned. "You made…made a copy of yourself…so you could be your own sex partner?" His ears turned red.

"Yeah." Kakashi grinned, shifting to lie down on his back. He didn't regret it, either. "It's fun. The shadow clones absorb one's experiences and give them back to you once they're absorbed."

A ripple of arousal went through Gai's body. "Oh, god. Oh, god."

Kakashi chuckled, stroking himself to Gai's response. "What's the matter?"

"That's so devious!" Gai exclaimed. "And just like you, to cheat and –"

"And what?" Kakashi teased.

Gai moaned, a long noise of mingled arousal and frustration. "I can't make shadow clones the way you do. How am I supposed to…" He clenched his teeth, his breath hissing. His erection fountained over his hand. He flopped down, going limp. "Damn it, I don't want you to be better than me." He pouted. "But there's one thing I can't do. We've already figured out my chakra's just not the right type to make clones."

Kakashi looked at Gai with sympathy, still stroking himself. He was closer. He could feel it. But climaxing again would be harder than usual because he'd already done it in the shower before dinner. "I didn't mean to upset you. You asked how I did it, and I wanted to share."

Gai sighed. He was physically relaxed, at least. "I know. But it does upset me that you're so far ahead of me. I'll have to wait years to catch up. I'll have to wait for someone to fall in love with me, and me with them, and to get married…and then…by then…you'll probably be married, and with three kids."

"No I won't," Kakashi said. "I'll wait for you."

Gai looked surprised, and then touched.

Kakashi waited for the tears to come.

Instead, Gai just reached out with his clean hand and squeezed Kakashi's shoulder, his eyes shining.

Kakashi smiled. _I love you, you know. I'm not going to leave you behind any more than you would leave me._

"I'll wait for you, too," Gai said.

Pretending that Gai's words meant what he wanted them to mean brought Kakashi over the edge, and he gasped, his body spasming in the throes of his climax.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

They got called in for a mission in the morning.

The mission control debriefing room was plain, white, and had folding chairs. A projector screen was already pulled down in front, and a projector on a cart with wheels sat in the back. Their team leader already stood back by the projector, ready to operate it.

He was a man taller and more muscular than Kakashi, but shorter than Gai. His codename was Rabbit. Kakashi thought his codename ought to be Badger. He was visibly older than them. His hair was still brown, even at the temples, but he had deep lines around his eyes. The lines around his mouth were less so. That was typical of a career ANBU man; they spent most of their lives neither smiling nor frowning. The lines around his eyes were more likely from intense concentration. His most defining feature was his broad chin.

Tenzo sat in one of the folding chairs near the front of the room, one leg crossed over the other. His mask was in the upright position, resting on top of his head instead of covering his face. That was the usual position during a debriefing. They didn't cover their faces until they left the room. Amongst each other, closeness was encouraged. ANBU teams had to bond, and bond well, to work at maximum efficiency. They had to trust each other on a gut level. Trust could not be achieved without seeing someone's face. It was psychology.

"You're on time, Hatake," their team leader commented. "I'm impressed."

"Don't be," Kakashi said. "Gai dragged me out of bed by his teeth."

Tenzo snorted and chuckled at that image.

"Have a seat," their team leader said. His real name was Bensaku. Kakashi thought it painfully dry. The kanji for Bensaku's name was **勉作** – 'hard work'. Bensaku didn't have a sense of humor, and Kakashi suspected with a name like that, their team leader's parents hadn't, either. Whether by nature or by conscious effort, the man lived up to his name, though, which made him a good ANBU operative. Kakashi trusted Bensaku, even if he didn't like the man.

"Hai," Kakashi said. He plopped into the seat next to Tenzo's.

Gai sat down next to Kakashi. "What is the mission for today, Benku-taichou?" That was Gai; he had a nickname for everyone, even if they didn't like it.

Bensaku had stopped fighting it a month after the team had been assembled. "Get the lights, Tenzo."

Tenzo casually raised his hand and performed his Wood Grip, turning his hand into living lumber and stretching out blocky fingers for the light switch. His arm grew until it crossed the room. He flicked off the light switch and turned his arm and hand back to normal.

Kakashi was loathe to admit that the first time he had seen Tenzo do that he had almost thrown up. There was just something wrong about mutating one's body like that. It seemed nightmarish.

He had been humbled when Tenzo said the same thing about his sharingan eye later the same mission. They'd mutually agreed not to judge each other's jutsus.

Once the lights were off, Bensaku turned the projector on, making a broad square of light on the screen. He turned the dial on the projector with a click, revealing the first slide. The slide was a political map of their continent. The land mass was the pale yellow of parchment; the water was purplish blue. Borders and cities were marked in black.

Their team leader walked to the front of the room, carrying a pointer. He stood to the side of the projector and tapped the border of the Land of Rivers and the Land of Rain with the end of his pointer. "Here, there has formed a micro-nation called the Land of Floods. That is where we are going. We have been assigned an S-Class Information Gathering mission."

He nodded. "Tenzo, man the projector."

"Yes, Taichou!" Tenzo jumped up from his chair and got behind the projector, clicking to the next slide.

The slide was of a hand drawn picture in a scroll; it was someone's representation of the revised political map. The northernmost chunk of the Land of Rivers had been claimed by the Land of Floods. That wedged a whole new country between Rain and Rivers.

Bensaku indicated that area. "This country now shares a border with us. It is our duty to check it out and make sure Floods contains no threats."

"Do they have a ninja village?" Kakashi asked.

"We don't know," Bensaku said. "If there is one, we'll have to find it."

"Maa…they're called hidden villages for a reason." Kakashi slouched in his chair. "We could be at it for weeks."

"Well, we won't be," Bensaku said. "We have one week to get the Hokage this information. If we fail to find the village, another team will be sent out to find it. If we find any signs that there is a hidden village, that is. More than anything else, we will be looking for signs of things. We are only the first team."

"But we have the most dangerous job," Kakashi said.

"That is correct." Bensaku nodded. "We have no way of knowing how dangerous first contact with this country is, however discrete."

Tenzo asked, "So, should I update my will?"

Their team leader glared at him.

"It was an honest question," Tenzo said. "I'm leaving everything to my cat. I'd like him to know the state of my finances. Also, the water bowl is leased."

The glare held.

Bensaku finally turned his attention back to the debriefing. "Next slide."

Kakashi smiled under his mask. Tenzo always had a sense of humor unless he was scared out of his mind. That was one reason why he felt that if he could just get Tenzo to stop calling him 'sempai' they might be friends. After all, Tenzo was even weirder than him, so he wouldn't mind a thing like Kakashi's awkwardness.

The projector clicked, and this time, they saw a map of geographical features. It was mostly forests. The map was a mess of green with blue veins running through it to indicate where the rivers were.

"We know the scenery can't have changed, even if the landscape is under a different name," Bensaku said. "So this is our last available information. We'd be very surprised if any significant logging has taken place. Logging erodes the soil, and as you know, that area of the world is wet enough already. Without the trees to hold back some of the water and strengthen the soil, all the topsoil would wear away, leaving them with no way to grow their own food, or keep their villages from flooding. Also, the trees provide cover from detection."

He indicated the topmost forest on the map with his pointer. "This is where we're going to be entering. The forest crosses over the border, so we should have cover all the way. Also, there's a river we have to cross. As you can see, it runs east-west."

"Doesn't the forest also cover up the other guys?" Gai asked.

"Good point," Bensaku said, not sounding surprised. "Yes. It does. So we're going to have to be careful."

"So we're not going to be able to see them, and they might not be able to see us," Gai said.

"The usual," Bensaku agreed.

"Is that all?" Kakashi asked.

"No," their team leader said. "We are also going to have to look out for ninjas from Rain or Rivers trying to do the same thing we're doing. There may even be an active secret war between Floods and Rivers."

"We could be walking into a civil war," Kakashi said flatly. "Great."

"We're not a bunch of newborn kittens," Bensaku snapped. "Keep your wits about you like you do on every mission, Hatake. And stop complaining."

Kakashi took out his latest volume of Icha Icha and stuck his nose in it. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"Enough with the hip attitude, Hatake," Bensaku said in a long-suffering voice.

"Maa, what?" Kakashi turned the page.

Tenzo started reading over his shoulder. "Is that possible?" He pointed to a picture.

"Enough! The debriefing is over. Pack your bags and meet me in front of the Hokage Tower."

On his way out of the room, Bensaku grabbed Tenzo by the back of the collar and hauled him out of the folding chair. "You're too young to be reading that stuff. Get to your apartment and get cracking."

"Taichou," Tenzo whined.

"Now." Bensaku pulled his mask down and shoved him down the hall before sliding his own rabbit mask into place.

Kakashi stood with a sigh and closed his book. "Well, I guess we're going."

Gai nodded.

Kakashi supposed their tour of easy missions had to end sometime. It had been nice, though, getting to stay around Konoha and go on patrol duty. He'd gotten so much free time with Gai. _I guess I've gotten a little spoiled._

Kakashi slid his mask into place and headed down the hall. Gai followed suit.

They parted ways outside the ANBU building and met at the base of the Hokage Tower with the rest of their team. After a brief report in to the Hokage that they were starting their mission, they left.

xXx

The first leg of the trip was easy sailing; it always was. They were close to home, the turf was recognizable, and they were fresh. 'Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed,' Bensaku called it. They paced themselves to make sure they didn't take up too much of their chakra, and they made good time.

In a matter of a few hours, they'd breezed their way to the first outpost. They checked in long enough to get the latest report of the land ahead, and got the all-clear to proceed. Checking in with the outposts along the way was important; for one reason or another a mission could be scrapped at any time, and they could be turned back home.

Then they were on their way. It was two hours from the last outpost to the next one. Kakashi felt his anticipation building with every mile they crossed that brought them closer to their mission. He couldn't help it. It was the natural adrenaline of being an ANBU, being a ninja.

The outpost loomed into sight. Their military presence was no secret. It was a white tower five stories tall, shorter buildings huddled around it.

"Last call before the border," their team leader said. "Get used to roughing it after we leave this place. This outpost is the last sign of civilization you're going to see from the inside. Tenzo, we're going to be counting on your ability to make shelter."

"Understood, Taichou," Taizo said.

"So use the bathroom now, right?" Kakashi said.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, you are right," Bensaku said. "Any guy who doesn't have the good sense to use the toilet here and now is gonna hold it until we make base camp in the evening. So check your bladders wisely."

"What about having to poop?" Gai asked, looking distressed.

"Don't take me literally, Maito," their team leader sighed.

Kakashi had to laugh.

They had lunch at the outpost as well as using the bathroom, and Bensaku exchanged news with the commander of the outpost, who was a friend of his. When they were all finished with their business, bathroom included, they left.

The trip had been sunny all the way from Konoha, but that changed as soon as they neared the border.

"What the hell?" Tenzo said. He sounded as if he was scowling underneath his mask.

"We are close to the Land of Rain," Kakashi reminded him. "It storms there all the time."

Tenzo hunched his shoulders. "I hate rain."

"Dogs love it," Kakashi said. "It makes mud." He smiled. Maybe if there was time left over, he could challenge Gai to a mud fight. _We'll probably be too tired, though._ Spare time was something one didn't usually get on an ANBU mission unless something went wrong. And it was very, very bad if something went wrong. The kind of free time you didn't write home about.

Tenzo shuddered. "Keep your dogs away from me. That's all I ask."

"Maa, I can't guarantee that," Kakashi said, smiling cheerfully under his mask. "My dogs are their own people, Tenzo. They just answer my call. It's not like I'm in control of them or something."

"Can't you use your mind control to train them?" Tenzo muttered. "I'd thought you would want to put your talent to good use."

"I can't," Kakashi declared. "That would be cruelty to animals."

"I've trained my cat," Tenzo retorted. "I don't think it's cruel. It's useful. He meows every time he wants something. And it's a different meow for each thing. He's very smart. I've learned what each meow means." He nodded. "So we can communicate perfectly."

"It sounds more like he's trained you," Kakashi said.

"Hey! He has not!"

Kakashi laughed. "What do you think, Gai? Who do you think is in control in Tenzo's household? Tenzo? Or his cat?"

"I think it's a partnership," Gai said generously.

Kakashi sighed, but he couldn't fault Gai for being nice. Niceness was one of the things he liked about Gai. Gai would never intentionally tease someone cruelly. And Tenzo was obviously uncomfortable with the idea that his cat was really in control of his life. _No matter how true that is._

"That's right," Tenzo said after a pause. "It's a partnership. I feed him, and he uses the litter box. It's a fair trade."

"If you say so," Kakashi said soothingly, knowing his tone of voice wouldn't soothe Tenzo at all.

Tenzo spent the next fifteen minutes in silence born of deep dissatisfaction.

Kakashi wondered why he did that – push Tenzo around. Sometimes he thought he was a naturally combative person. The only person who came back for more punishment on a regular basis was Gai, and that was largely because his friend could see through him. He had no idea why Gai could and other people couldn't, but it was certainly a barrier to communication. And seemingly one he had built himself.

xXx

They crossed the border uneventfully, using their jonin level skills at water walking to run and jump across the surface of the raging river.

On the other side of the river lay thick forest, dense and dark; between the foliage and the gloomy day, there was little light to be had. They were tense as they picked their way into enemy territory, but they met no one, and the forest thinned out after a few miles. The muddy forest reminded Kakashi of a rainforest during monsoon season – though of course the flooding was not that bad. Yet. He judged it might by the end of the month. He was glad he wasn't the second or third team going to the Land of Floods.

After four hours of slogging their way through the wilderness with no hint of civilization, the light was fading, and so was their stamina. They'd gone at a painstaking pace to make sure they didn't fail to pick up some clue about their surroundings. That took more energy than just leaping from tree to tree at a breakneck pace like they were used to. They were combing through the trees, treating everything like a crime scene.

Bensaku ordered them to halt the search and make camp for the night. They found a clearing large enough for Tenzo to work his magic. He was known as the Base Camp Master for his non-combative use of the wood jutsu.

Kakashi used a rare heat release he'd copied from a ninja they'd fought in the Land of Hot Water to boil water for their tea and heat up the bathwater in the impromptu tub Tenzo had made so they could wash off all the mud from their bodies and warm up. He also made a bucket and a ladle so they didn't have to get the water in the bathtub dirty. The camp was almost comfortable.

Their dirty clothes went into another wooden tub filled with water Kakashi heated to boiling. Rabbit set about washing clothes while Gai used the fire kindled by Kakashi's fire release to cook them a meal.

Kakashi summoned his pack of ninken and sent them out on patrol to secure the perimeter of the camp site. As expected, the dogs were excited about the mud.

Tenzo moved on to making their cabin for the night. "It's so wet," he sighed.

"It's stopped raining, though," Kakashi pointed out. "Otherwise you would have to make roofs for everything out here instead of just floors for us to get around on without sinking up to our ankles in mud."

"Did anyone think to bring towels?" Bensaku asked wryly.

They all looked at each other.

"What do we need towels for?" Gai asked.

"I don't know about you, but I'd like a little privacy," Bensaku said.

"For what?" Gai looked at him with wide eyes.

"My privates."

Kakashi snorted and hid a smile by turning around. Their captain was a master at reading the expressions underneath Kakashi's cloth mask.

"I heard that, Hatake," Bensaku said. "Just what is so funny about not wanting a bunch of little boys staring at my crotch?"

Tenzo tilted his head, mimicking Gai's look of wide-eyed innocence. "Is it very big, Sensei?"

"Shut up," Bensaku said. "I ought to fine you ten laps for that. Barefoot."

Tenzo groaned. "No, don't. Mercy, Sensei, mercy."

"Then stop calling me Sensei," Bensaku snapped. "It's 'Taichou' and don't you forget it."

Tenzo instantly bowed. "Yes, Taichou. Please don't punish me, Taichou. I'll try not to have such a smart mouth in the future, Taichou. Please forgive me."

Bensaku looked unconvinced at Tenzo's repentance.

Kakashi knew the man had good reason. Tenzo often apologized to obsequious levels when he crossed a line, only to do it again in a few months.

"If you don't want us to look, Taichou, we can all look away when you get in and out of the tub," Gai said.

Bensaku sighed. "I guess it'll have to do."

"The rest of us will just walk around starkers," Tenzo said cheerfully. "You don't mind that, do you, Taichou? You just don't want us to look at your dangly bits."

"Tenzo!"

Tenzo cringed as if he expected to be smacked across the head. "Why would a bunch of naked little boys bother you?" he said anyway.

Kakashi had to be amazed and somewhat admiring of Tenzo's persistence in this case.

"That's it!" Bensaku roared. The captain pointed sharply. "Get walking! I don't want to see your feet for another ten laps. You bathe last."

Tenzo hung his head and shuffled off the walkway he'd created, into the mud.

"And quickly! We don't have all day."

Tenzo straightened as if Bensaku had cracked a whip. He glanced over his shoulder at their team leader with an injured look. "It's nighttime."

"Get. Going."

Tenzo sighed and started jogging through the mud. Wet, splashy, sucking sounds heralded his every movement.

Kakashi sighed.

"Gai, you go ahead and bathe first," Bensaku said. "Hatake, you come over here and dry this wet clothing with your heat release. I want everyone to have something to wear right away when they get out of the tub. Is that understood?"

"May I ask what good it does if we are wet when we get out?" Kakashi asked.

Bensaku sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Damn it all if I didn't forget to bring towels. You always forget something."

"Maybe it's old age," Kakashi suggested sympathetically.

"Do you want to join Tenzo?"

"No, sir."

"Then don't make any cracks about my age," Bensaku said. "Just dry the clothing."

"Understood." Kakashi walked over to where Bensaku had hung up the wet clothes on some branches and set about using his stolen heat release technique to dry them.

Gai walked up to Kakashi and Bensaku, dripping wet. "Do you have my clothes dry, Kashi?"

Kakashi turned around and got an eyeful. He almost fell off the narrow wooden walkway and into the mud. He turned around swiftly. "Yes." He plucked Gai's clothes from the tree branch, underwear included, and held them out.

"Could you dry me?" Gai asked plaintively. "I don't want to chafe."

"How?" Kakashi swallowed. _How can I be expected to do that? _

"With your heat release," Gai said. "You dried the clothes. Maybe you could only turn it on a little bit. Like a hair dryer!" He beamed.

Kakashi handed over Gai's clothes, trying not to pay attention to how naked or heat-flushed Gai was, not to mention dripping wet, water trickling down to all sorts of interesting places. He performed the seals and held out both hands. "Okay. Just stand there." He let out a weak blast of heat, dialing the jutsu all the way down.

A blast of warm air hit Gai, ruffling his hair back. He closed his eyes, smiling. "That feels good."

Kakashi lowered his hands.

Gai turned around. "How about my back, Kashi?" He looked at Kakashi over his shoulder.

Kakashi's mouth went dry at the sight of Gai's backside. "Hai." He sent a blast of warm air at Gai's muscular back, his narrow, tapered waist, his sculpted rear end – Kakashi looked away. "Is that good enough?"

"Yes," Gai said, cheerfully turning around and giving Kakashi a thumbs up. "That was excellent."

"For the love of God, cover up," Bensaku said. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, shaking his head.

"Oh. Yes, Taichou." Gai climbed into his boxers and pulled them up. "Is that better?"

"All the way." Their captain gestured vaguely. "Obviously, Maito."

Gai grinned sheepishly. "Right. You don't want me to catch a cold."

Bensaku stared at him. "Right," he said finally.

Kakashi smiled. No one could ultimately stand against Gai's innocence.

"Thanks, Taichou!" Gai got back into his black spandex suit. "You are so considerate." He walked to the cabin and retrieved his white armor, strapping it back on piece by piece.

Kakashi almost regretted the sight of Gai getting dressed again. _But we'll be home soon enough. It's just a week,_ he reminded himself. _And before recently, you had no excuse to see Gai's body at all unless it was a situation like this. Besides, it's not like you're actually dating him or something._

His chest ached. What was he going to do about that? Was he going to confess his feelings or just let this charade limp on forever?

_I'm probably too much of a coward. _

That disheartening thought was interrupted by Tenzo finishing his laps, slogging back to join the rest of them. He slouched over almost double, panting. "Sempai, your stupid dogs thought my punishment was a game and wouldn't stop chasing me!"

Kakashi smiled in spite of himself. "You look like a frisbee." He glanced away innocently. "It's nothing personal, Tenzo."

Tenzo straightened with a flinch. "A frisbee? But I – I – Stupid dogs!"

Kakashi laughed. Tenzo always believed whatever he said about dogs, no matter how absurd it was.

His teammate peeled off his dirty clothes and started ladling water over his body to wash off the worst of the mud.

"Hatake, hand me Tenzo's clothing," Bensaku ordered.

Kakashi walked Tenzo's clothing over to their team leader and let Bensaku wash it. He noticed the silent mercy of not making Tenzo wash last after all. Bensaku never mentioned it. He just snapped at them to keep their eyes averted and got in the tub, grumbling.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

By the time everyone was clean, dry, and clothed, Gai's meal was done cooking. They gathered around the camp fire. Tenzo had left a fire pit of mud around the fire and built a square walkway of planking all the way around, so they sat down on that. Gai's dinner was a noodle soup that was basically instant ramen with dehydrated vegetables and miso seasoning added. The miso seasoning was Gai's way of making dinner more palatable. It was basically dried, grated fish.

Bensaku broke out bowls from one of the scrolls he'd packed and passed them around. Tenzo grabbed the ladle from the bath arrangement and handed it over to Gai to serve the soup with.

Kakashi thought that this was as close to family as he'd ever been in the past two years. _If we stick together another year or so, I might actually be able to look on these people as the start of a whole new family._ Tenzo was like, well, a younger brother. Bensaku – obviously – was the cranky father. And Gai…

He glanced at Gai, flushed slightly, and glanced away again. _Well, Gai would be more like my husband in the family scenario, but he's not going to be my anything if I don't get the guts to ask him out. _

This situation reminded him too much of his original team. He'd done exactly the same thing; thought to himself and kept all his feelings inside. He'd spent the entire time wanting Minato to be his father, Obito to be his brother, and Rin –

Kakashi couldn't go there, even after all the time that'd passed. _Okay, Obito, so I overcompensated. I overcompensated for my feelings, you had every right to yell at me for trying to leave her behind. You must have known I was scared of how I felt. God, did you think I was trying to kill her on purpose so I didn't have to face –_

He stopped himself and jerked himself back to the present. He was sitting here around the campfire with Gai, Tenzo, and Bensaku. They were not Rin, Obito, and Minato.

**xXx**

It figured that Tenzo always fell asleep first, and he was the one that snored.

Bensaku nudged him a few times, but Tenzo was sleeping like a rock. Or at least was pretending to be. Kakashi couldn't tell if this was another attempt from Tenzo to annoy their team leader. "Oi, Tenzo."

Tenzo snored.

Bensaku sighed. "Fine." He shifted. Kakashi could see him trying to get comfortable in his sleeping bag. Then, abruptly, the captain fell asleep as soon as he stopped moving. He could do that. Bensaku claimed it was meditation and had once advised them to do the same. 'Learn how to zonk out,' he'd said. 'It's useful, and you need your rest on missions.'

They'd retreated to Tenzo's cabin after dinner, and Bensaku ordered them to get some sleep. Gai and Kakashi unpacked their sleeping bags, and Tenzo and Bensaku unpacked theirs. They always slept in pairs to avoid being singled out in case of an attack. Tenzo and the captain took one side of the small, one room cabin, and Gai and Kakashi took the other.

The cabin was clean, watertight, and well-constructed, with a level floor and smooth floorboards. But still, it was a dark, hard, cold place to sleep. Gai and Kakashi were familiar with Tenzo's cabins by now, and always shared a blanket.

Kakashi spooned him, snuggling against his back. This was what they did when they shared Kakashi's bed at home. He figured it was what they would do here. And he wanted the body heat.

Gai accepted the affection, and for several minutes of silence, both of them tried to drop off.

Kakashi was having some fair success when Gai shifted.

Gai whispered at him through the space of close, warm darkness. "I think my underwear shrank."

"What?" Kakashi mumbled.

"I think my underwear shrank when you dried it, Kashi." Gai sounded somewhat distressed.

"That's impossible. I made sure I never over-exposed any of the clothing to the heat. I controlled my chakra very tightly." _Tight? Underwear?_ Kakashi woke up a little more. "Are you sure you're not hard?" He kept his voice low.

"Hard?"

"Aroused, Gai."

Gai froze.

Kakashi felt terribly guilty. "It's okay, Gai. It's okay." He stroked Gai's arm.

"But what do I do about it here? And how did I get that way?" The distress in Gai's voice heightened to an acute state.

Kakashi felt as though someone were hammering a nail through his chest. He squeezed Gai's waist tightly. He tried to think of what to do. "Tenzo's snoring, right?"

Gai sighed. "He sure is. His snoring was part of what was keeping me awake."

"Well, that sound provides cover," Kakashi said gently. "If you want to do…"

Gai relaxed slightly. "Oh."

Kakashi shifted and rubbed Gai's shoulder. "So what you do is be quieter than normal. If you can keep the noise to a minimum, Tenzo will cover it."

Gai was silent.

"Turn around to face me," Kakashi said softly.

Gai shifted, rolling over to face Kakashi.

They looked at each other. Kakashi could barely make out Gai's face in the darkness, and he supposed it was the same for Gai. Neither one of them moved.

Kakashi sighed and slipped an arm around Gai's waist. He wanted to kiss Gai. He wanted to confess his feelings. There was something about being away from everything that brought his sappy side out. In a cabin in the middle of the wilderness, he could almost believe that he could pour out his feelings, and he and Gai could make love while everyone else was asleep. _Like some kind of manga,_ he chided himself.

"Shelter yourself against me so that they don't see even if they do wake up," Kakashi said. "They won't be able to tell what a movement is in the darkness if all they can see is your back."

Gai hesitated. "What about the mess?" he said finally.

Kakashi smiled ruefully at the fact that that was Gai's only objection. "I'll tell you what you do: you get some tissues from your pack. You brought toilet paper, right? So you take the toilet paper and make a wad, and you use that to catch your, ah, results. Then there's no mess at all." He hadn't bothered to show that to Gai because they'd always been on his bed, and he didn't care about having to wash his blanket. "You throw the tissue away then you're done. In this case, that would be opening the door and throwing it out into the mud."

Gai silently crept across the floor to his pack and got out some toilet paper, following Kakashi's instructions. Then he snuggled back under the cover of the blanket they shared.

Kakashi held him. _Tell me that you need me,_ Kakashi thought suddenly. _Oh, Gai. Tell me that you love me and that we're going to be alright. _That was unspeakably selfish, and dramatic to boot. There was nothing going on. Gai was just going to relieve some sexual tension that he still had no idea was being caused by Kakashi's intense, unrequited feelings.

Come to think of it, how did Kakashi's feelings of sexual tension translate over to Gai? Gai was a very sympathetic person towards others, but that kind of sympathy would be on the level of an empathic link. He doubted seriously that Gai was psychic.

Gai slid down his underwear with a moan and freed his erection, wrapping his hand around it. "I'm so h-hard," he mumbled. His fingers brushed across the tip of his erection. He closed his eyes tightly, clenching his teeth and holding in a noise. "Why? Why now…?"

Kakashi felt a pulse of arousal in his own groin. He swallowed. "Sometimes bodies are perverse," he whispered comfortingly. "They get excited just when we want to sleep."

Gai let out a moan.

The sound of it electrified every nerve in Kakashi's body, and his hand flew to Gai's mouth before he could think, hushing his friend. Then he froze. Gai's lips were soft under his palm.

Gai looked at him with wide eyes.

Kakashi withdrew his hand slowly, feeling his heartbeat thumping hard in his throat. The feeling of his hand sliding against Gai's mouth made him want to replace his hand with his lips. His breath caught in his throat. He wanted to touch, to feel, to taste everything of Gai, claim everything of Gai's as his and never give it back.

He thought of ducking under the blankets and taking Gai's erection into his mouth.

But he couldn't do something like that. Even if he'd had Gai's consent, having sex in a dark, cold cabin with two sleeping people a mere eight feet away was not a first time he would ever want Gai to have. What kind of memory would that make? _A horrible one. Gai would look back on this with shame, and so would I. _

"Quiet," Kakashi said gently.

Gai nodded, still looking at Kakashi with those wide eyes, gleaming with emotion in the dim light.

Kakashi wanted to run his thumb over Gai's lower lip, cup Gai's chin, touch Gai's cheek, anything. Anything to provide an outlet for his feelings. Instead, he just nodded in return and smiled.

Gai stroked himself slowly, quivering. His head jerked back, and his mouth opened, letting out hot breaths that Kakashi felt brush against his forehead. Kakashi glanced down. Gai teased the tip of his erection with his thumb, rubbing the slit. Moisture welled up around his thumb, glistening in the dim light provided by the moon. He thrust into his hand, stroking and spreading moisture down his length. His hips moved rhythmically, and his hand rubbed up and down.

Kakashi was silent, mesmerized.

Gai let out a whimper and bit his lip. His hand sped up, and he choked down a cry, his back arching. "Kashi…"

Kakashi nodded and silently touched the bath tissue in Gai's hand.

Gai sucked in his breath. "I…"

"Shh," Kakashi whispered gently. He reached out and stroked Gai's cheek. He was unable to hold himself back anymore, and he felt a tug in his chest at the look on Gai's face.

Gai closed his eyes and tilted his head into the touch. A shudder went through his body, and he let out a soft moan. Kakashi had never heard Gai make that sound before. It was plaintive, like a sob. Or a sigh. It was hard to tell. The sound resonated inside of Kakashi strangely.

At the same time, Gai came, and Kakashi had to shove Gai's hand in place. He wasn't going to make it in time.

Gai rolled onto his back and went limp, breathing deeply.

Kakashi looked at him anxiously and rested a hand on his chest. "Are you okay?"

Gai barely managed a nod before letting his head fall back. He closed his eyes and rested.

Kakashi lay across his chest, listening to his heart and absorbing the warmth of his body. After a moment, Kakashi reached up and stroked Gai's cheek again. Gai's cheek was warm, smooth, and sent a shock through him that traveled to his heart. He almost kissed Gai's cheek instead.

Gai smiled and leaned tiredly into the touch, letting out a breath.

Kakashi helped him up after a few minutes, and they threw the tissue away. Gai padded out onto the wooden planking and peed over the side. Kakashi snorted. There was always something funny about the way Gai felt comfortable relieving himself in the wilderness. He didn't look both ways or anything. He just went.

They went back inside together and snuggled up under the blanket. Kakashi had to adjust himself to keep from poking Gai with his erection. They fell asleep happily spooned against each other.

**xXx**

When Kakashi woke up, there was a warm spot where Gai had been. He sat up and looked around, rubbing his eye. Gai was across the room near the door, strapping his armor on for the day. He slipped his turtle mask on in the upright position, flattening down his unruly hair. Gai never bothered to gel his hair on missions, and Kakashi liked it better that way.

Having located Gai, Kakashi relaxed back down under the covers for a few moments. He liked savoring the morning warmth left over from the bed.

Gai stood in the doorway of the cabin and breathed in a deep breath of cold morning air.

Bensaku was hunched by the fire, already cooking. He was bleary-eyed.

Gai stretched his arms over his head and arched his back with a healthy sigh. "Good morning, Benku-taichou!"

"Good morning," Bensaku muttered.

Gai came over and sat down beside him, cross-legged. He peered into the pan. "Oh. Fish."

"Mudfish. They're plentiful around here."

"Fish that can live in mud?" Gai was amazed.

"Didn't you read the guidebook?" Bensaku asked irritably.

Gai rubbed the back of his neck and grinned. "Gomen, Taichou. I'm not much of a reader. Kakashi usually does that for me and sums it up for me when he's finished collecting the information."

Bensaku snorted. "Because Hatake's bothered to read the guidebook."

"I don't know," Gai said.

Bensaku had to smile at that. "Well, someday, you're going to have to do your own reading, Maito. Otherwise you're liable to starve."

"How would that be, sir?" Gai asked.

Bensaku rolled his eyes. "Because someday you're not going to be on a team with Hatake Kakashi."

"Never!" Gai straightened, shocked, his expression instantly shifting to a scowl of determination. "I am always going to follow Kakashi, wherever he goes."

"You can't do that forever," Bensaku said. "Someday you're both going to be in charge of your own teams, Maito. It's inevitable. Jonin teams just don't stay together that long. It's just the way it is. The Hokage needs you to branch out eventually so that you can teach the new recruits."

"But I don't want to," Gai protested.

"Being a good ninja isn't about what you want," Bensaku said. "It's about being what the Hokage needs."

Gai fell silent, bowing his head.

Kakashi watched this conversation from a distance, standing just inside the doorway out of sight. He'd been drawn by the mention of his name and then stayed hidden at Bensaku's reference to the future.

"Sempai, are you spying?"

Kakashi twitched and looked over his shoulder.

Tenzo stood, shedding his sleeping bag and rubbing his eyes. He gave Kakashi a groggy grin. "Naughty, Sempai. Spying on our own teammates." He molded his features into an unconvincing expression of disapproval.

"Maa, what can I say?" Kakashi shrugged and pulled out his book. He hid behind his volume of Icha Icha, hoping this conversation would go away. It usually worked.

"What are you so interested in?" Tenzo asked.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Kakashi didn't look up from his book.

Tenzo deflated.

Kakashi walked out to join Gai and Bensaku, still reading. He sat down beside Gai. Bensaku's assessment that their team was a short-lived arrangement stung, but it wasn't like he was going to admit that.

Bensaku tapped the open pages of Kakashi's book absently. "You know that's called porn addiction, right?"

"What?" Kakashi drawled tonelessly.

"When you wake up in the morning and immediately start reading Icha Icha." Bensaku gave Kakashi a look and then nudged the fish. He nodded to himself and flipped them in the pan. Loud sizzling ensued.

"Could you keep it down?" Kakashi asked. "It's hard to read with all this noise going on."

"Try having real sex sometime," Bensaku advised. "Then you'll stop reading so much porn, because you'll find out the crap in that book can't compare with real life."

"Why?" Kakashi turned the page. "Have you read it?"

Bensaku turned red.

Tenzo burst into helpless chortles.

Bensaku pointed at him where he stood in front of the cabin. "No laughing!"

Tenzo sobered up immediately, giving their captain a solemn, wide-eyed face.

"That's better. Now get over here and join the breakfast circle."

"Yes, Taichou." Tenzo crossed the wooden planking and sat down between Kakashi and Bensaku, completing the circle around the fire.

"As I was saying, Hatake, you need to put that book down sometime and live," Bensaku said.

Kakashi paused. _I'd like to. If you had any idea of what I've been doing lately, you'd probably encourage me to read more and live less._ He couldn't imagine what their team leader would have to say about his behavior towards Gai. After all, based on the conversation this morning, it seemed Bensaku thought he was a bad influence.

"That's what Gai says," he said cheerfully, lowering his book. "'Live while you're young'."

"A good sentiment." Bensaku nodded approvingly.

"Maa, I'm sixteen," Kakashi said. "I still have a lot of youth left." He went back to his book.

Bensaku's eyebrow twitched. He stared at Kakashi for a long moment. Then he sighed. "You wanna ruin your brain with that stuff, go ahead, Hatake. What do I care? Be a creepy otaku sitting in your underwear in the living room all your life."

"Thanks," Kakashi said, as if he hadn't heard.

Bensaku looked at the sky as if for guidance and then turned his attention to Gai. "How'd you sleep last night?"

"Why?" Gai asked, startled.

"I heard you," Bensaku said.

Gai turned red.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Bensaku said mildly.

"It isn't?" Gai looked confused.

Kakashi glanced up from his book in interest.

"Of course not," Bensaku said. "I just wanted to know if you'd gotten enough sleep, that's all."

"But Kakashi said it was a secret," Gai said.

Bensaku was the one who looked confused now. "Having nightmares isn't a secret, Maito. We all have them. No matter how hardened we appear. Don't let it get to you."

"Oh." Gai smiled sheepishly. "Yes, Taichou. I'll keep that in mind."

"Were you up long?" Bensaku asked.

"No. Not long."

"Good." Bensaku went back to cooking their breakfast.

Some of Gai's flush had crept back in.

Kakashi held in a chuckle. Gai had woken up Bensaku…and their captain had thought Gai was having a nightmare because of the squirming and moaning. He was almost tempted to explain. Almost.

Breakfast consisted of the fish cooked by Bensaku and rice cooked by Gai. Once they were full, Kakashi did the dishes accumulated over their stay and dried them with his heat release, handing them back to Bensaku to stack and seal in his scroll.

Tenzo tore down the base camp piece by piece, breaking down all the things he'd created with his wood jutsu. They wanted to leave as few traces as possible.

When they were ready to move out, Kakashi called in his pack and thanked them for keeping the perimeter of the campsite safe all this time. They disappeared in puffs of smoke.

**xXx**

After a couple hours, Kakashi figured out the right balance of chakra needed to walk on top of the mud like water and taught his team the right ratio.

Tenzo picked up his feet and then did a little dance. "Yes! No more mud!"

"We're much faster," Gai said, running in place.

Bensaku nodded. "Good work, Hatake."

Kakashi nodded in return, feeling himself smiling at the praise. It wasn't often forthcoming. "Be careful to adjust for more solid or more watery areas. However, this swamp seems mostly homogenous."

"Right," Bensaku said, taking the lead. "You heard him." He glanced at Gai and Tenzo.

"Yes, Taichou!" Tenzo said immediately.

Bensaku continued on, satisfied at least that Tenzo was listening, if not obedient.

**xXx**

Canvassing the area finally produced results.

"I have a fresh cut here on a tree trunk," Kakashi said. "It looks like it's impact from a shuriken or a kunai glancing off of it." He touched it gently. "It's definitely man-made by the pattern of the splintering."

Bensaku gave the gesture for everyone to gather to Kakashi.

On the way to Kakashi's side, Gai paused a few trees away. "Taichou, I have a broken twig here."

Tenzo followed the direction of the path first, his eyes traveling up. "I can see spot where someone put their foot." He pointed. "The moss is knocked off in the shape of a sandal sole."

Kakashi finished putting it together. "Someone dodged a kunai, snapped that twig, and then took to the trees. They planted their foot there in order to leap to the higher branches."

Bensaku stood beside Kakashi and then shifted, studying the evidence they'd found. Then he nodded. "Sound analysis, Hatake. Good work, team. We've got a shinobi presence in these woods." He glanced at them sharply. "Any way we can tell who it is yet?"

"No, Taichou," Tenzo said.

Bensaku nodded again. "Good. Don't jump to conclusions." He led the way, creeping silently over the mud between the trees. "We're going to need visual confirmation."

"I take it we're tracking the ninja now," Kakashi said.

"Right," Bensaku said. "Ninja presence takes priority."

"If you say so, Taichou," Kakashi said noncommittally. It just wasn't his style to do the 'yes' and 'no' thing Tenzo always did. But he supposed if he'd been recruited into ANBU at age eight like Tenzo had, it would have shaped the way he interacted with his superiors.

"Muddy footprint," Gai murmured, a step behind their team leader's left shoulder. "Partial on tree trunk, full print in mud. Deep. Definitely a ninja sandal."

"Man or woman?" Bensaku asked.

"I don't know," Gai said, sounding confused beneath his mask. "Everyone wears sandals."

"Good," Bensaku said.

Kakashi smiled. _Gai may be innocent, but he's smart._ His friend's observation skills and lack of desire to read into what he saw made him a valuable ANBU operative. Gai didn't assume things; as hard as that made it for others to talk to Gai sometimes, it was a good quality in a ninja.

Bensaku, as an expert tracker, had been teaching them for the past two years how to hone their skills further. Tenzo was the best at seeing a location as a whole, Kakashi's best suit was analysis of how the evidence fit together into a scenario, and Gai was best at immediate observation. They fit together surprisingly well.

"Directionality says we're going the way that these ninjas came," Tenzo spoke up. "We're going towards whatever they were running away from."

"Assumption, Tenzo," Bensaku said.

Tenzo flinched. "What…did I assume, Taichou?"

"Running from. They could have been giving chase," Bensaku said.

"Breaking off of a larger attack, or encountering each other alone?" Kakashi asked.

"No ninja is alone," Bensaku said.

"Unless a team splits up," Kakashi said. "Then it's possible."

The captain nodded grudgingly. "Either way we're going towards the place where the conflict started."

"Uh-huh," Kakashi said cheerfully.

Bensaku started walking again. "You know, one of these days, I'm gonna kick you off my team and make you lead your own bunch of snot-nosed, wiseass recruits."

"If you think you can trust me not to read Icha Icha instead of looking after their well-being," Kakashi said.

Tenzo laughed. "He's got you there, Taichou. Sempai is too lazy to be a team leader."

"He's not lazy," Bensaku muttered. "He's smart. He's too smart to lead."

Kakashi gathered it was not the kind of intelligence to be proud of.

"I thought smart people should lead," Gai protested.

"Wise people should lead," Bensaku said. "Smart people should shut up and let people with more experience than them guide them so that they don't get hurt."

"I see, Taichou," Tenzo said, in that innocent tone Kakashi knew meant trouble. It happened. "Ne, Taichou, that means you're wise, right? Maybe we ought to call you Bensaku-sennin instead."

"Shut up, Tenzo."

"Yes, Taichou."

After a moment, Bensaku said, "I don't claim to be wiser than the average person. The problem is Hatake, Maito, and a certain Tenzo, are all smarter than average. That makes them menaces."

Tenzo cringed. "Yes, Taichou. I'm sorry, Taichou."

"We're lucky to have you, ne?" Kakashi said his most airy, careless tone.

"Yes, you are. Even if you don't appreciate it," Bensaku snapped.

"I appreciate you, Benku-taichou," Gai offered.

The captain sighed. "Never mind."

Then chakra signatures exploded in the distance, and they took to the trees, instinctively hiding where Leaf nin felt safest. They approached from the canopy, their chakra masked.

In a clearing ahead, they saw a team of Rain nin and a team of River nin fighting. The flat, wet ground was virtually a swamp. Kakashi noticed that both teams knew how to maneuver on such terrain. They fought as expertly as they would have on dry ground.

Both groups of ninjas were locked in combat, completely absorbed in each other. The River nin were winning by a small margin.

"Get ready to attack," Bensaku said in a low voice. "As soon as there is an opening."

"Why don't we just go around them?" Tenzo asked. "They're caught up in fighting each other anyway. We could just sneak past…"

"And allow them the chance to find us later?" Bensaku demanded.

Tenzo flinched.

"We kill them now. All of them."

No one argued with the order. It was in that unmistakable tone of this-is-the-final-word, so-get-court-marshaled-I-dare-you. This tone came out whenever Bensaku had to enforce the law on them, which was frequently.

"Wait until Long Brown Hair finishes killing Bald Rebreather Guy, and then move in," Bensaku said, identifying targets by their most obvious features.

"Hai, Taichou," Kakashi said, nodding.

"Understood, Taichou," Tenzo seconded. His voice was hard.

Gai was silent, watching the battle with narrowed eyes.

The bald Rain nin wearing the rebreather fell to the River nin with long brown hair.

Kakashi dropped out of the trees, landing in a crouch, and uncovered his sharingan eye, flipping up his mask. In the space of a few seconds, he'd hypnotized the brown-haired man with a genjutsu, copied the attack of one of the man's teammates, and thrown it back at him.

The man died surprised. They usually did. Even seeing it coming, few people knew how to counter their own attack on the spur of the moment.

The remaining enemy ninjas tensed.

One of them blurted, "Oi, it's the Tashi kid!"

Kakashi froze. 'Tashi' referred to material added on top to remedy an insufficiency in a supply.

Gai was beside Kakashi in a flash.

"Tashi?" Gai said furiously. "You can't possibly mean what I think you mean."

"Tashi," another nin called. "What's so difficult about that?"

"He's the kid that tops off the Uchiha clan," a third said derisively.

"You don't know anything!" Gai opened the third gate and plowed into them like a comet, blazing red in an instant.

Kakashi covered his eyes, the flash was so bright.

"His name is Kakashi," Gai retorted to their dead, mangled bodies when he was finished.

Kakashi walked over and rested his hand on Gai's shoulder. "It's okay, Gai."

"No, it's not," Gai retorted, looking over his shoulder. His expression softened at the lack of emotion on Kakashi's face.

If only Kakashi could have told him how much the insult really did hurt, and how much he needed Gai to defend him. But he didn't want Gai to have to feel that way. There was no use in being sensitive. Sensitive ninjas didn't have a tendency to last.

Bensaku dropped from the trees and swiftly checked the bodies to make sure all the enemy ninjas were dead. Then he turned back to Kakashi and Gai. "Flashy, Maito, but I'll give you credit. You have enough chakra for another fight?"

Gai grinned underneath his mask and gave Bensaku a thumbs up. "Of course, Taichou! I am a fountain of youthful energy."

Bensaku switched his attention to Kakashi. "You froze, Hatake. Maito saved your ass."

Kakashi shrugged. "Why should I have to do anything when I knew Gai was going to handle it?"

"You mean you didn't freeze," Bensaku said skeptically.

Tenzo came along last, walking out to them.

Kakashi turned away and scanned their surroundings. No more enemy nin sighted, no more chakra signatures. He covered his sharingan eye. "Maa, insults always get to Gai. I knew it was pointless trying to stop him from rushing in, so I let it take its course. Better than trying to get Gai to bottle something up, isn't it?"

Gai rubbed the back of his head. "Gomen. If I'd thought about the fact that you wanted to finish them yourself, I would have let you carry on." He propped his hands on his hips. "They just made me so angry."

"I know," Kakashi said wryly.

Bensaku relaxed, grudgingly accepting Kakashi's explanation.

Kakashi took the opening the silence gave and bit his thumb, summoning his ninken. "Search the area for any people trying to hide, will you?" he asked cheerfully. "It's a game of hide and go seek. We think there might be ninjas trying to mask their chakra."

"Right!" Pakkun said. "You can count on me!" He ran out into the forest ahead, his ears flopping. The other ninken followed.

Tenzo finally spoke up with a sigh. "Will you look at this mess?" He shook his head, surveying the dead bodies. "That was an anticlimactic battle. You didn't even need me, Taichou."

"I might have, had Maito not gone berserk at a few insults and jumped straight to opening the third gate," Bensaku said dryly. He gestured at Gai. "Don't make this a habit."

"No, Taichou." Gai paused. "But…how am I supposed to control whether anyone insults Kakashi or not?"

Bensaku snorted. "Forget it."

Kakashi smiled, amused and deeply comforted by Gai's loyalty. He felt warm inside. He slid his dog mask into place, restoring his anonymity. But it felt good to know that he would never be anonymous to Gai, no matter how many masks he put on.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

They had to wait for Kakashi's ninken to come back with their report of what lay ahead.

"So what did they mean, 'Tashi'?" Tenzo asked, interrupting Kakashi's thoughts.

Gai's chakra darkened.

Kakashi steeled himself to explain. "A certain theory of why I got the sharingan has to do with the Uchiha clan's pride in their numbers and their unwillingness to waste eyes if they don't have to."

Tenzo stared at him.

"Which is complete bullshit, of course," Kakashi said cheerfully. "In fact, the family wanted to punish the person who transplanted the eye without getting their express permission. Which they would have denied. There was no way the Uchiha clan would want an outsider getting their eye jutsu."

"So it's just ignorance on the part of the non-Leaf nations," Bensaku muttered.

"Oh," Tenzo said in a tiny voice. "I guess I'm lucky, then."

Kakashi wondered what Tenzo meant by that. "Maa…" He shrugged. "The long and short of it is that the River nin called me a second-rate Uchiha." He snorted. "As if that insult would mean a thing to a person who's no Uchiha to begin with."

Gai opened his mouth.

Kakashi shielded his eyes with one hand. "Oh, is that my pack? I think I see them in the distance." He didn't want Gai contradicting him. He knew Gai would speak first out of concern, and forget about the fact that Kakashi didn't want to air his private life in front of Tenzo and Bensaku.

Pakkun and the others returned, panting. "More ninjas in the woods ahead, Boss," he said to Kakashi. "Fighting, too."

"How many?" Kakashi asked.

"Eight," Pakkun said. "One team are Rain nin – they've got the funny contraptions over their faces. The others are Rivers nin."

"None looking out for intruders?" Kakashi asked.

"They're too busy fighting," Pakkun said.

"Good work," Kakashi said. "You're dismissed."

"Hai!" Pakkun said. "Call on us again if you need us!"

"Will do," Kakashi said cheerfully.

His ninken disappeared in puffs of smoke.

Tenzo looked relieved that he'd gotten away with not being rubbed against, jumped on, bitten, or peed on. Not that any of Kakashi's ninken had ever urinated on Tenzo, but he declared it a constant and ever-present fear.

"Looks like we're walking into a full-scale war here between the Rain and the Rivers over the Land of Floods," Bensaku said.

"That would be a good analysis, Taichou," Tenzo agreed.

"Glad you think so," Bensaku said dryly.

Tenzo beamed.

"Alright, well, we're going to have to take measures to keep from being spotted in this country, so we don't end up embroiled in fighting a three way war," Bensaku said. "I doubt the Fire Daimyo would appreciate ANBU being the cause of having to butt our heads in here with a military presence."

"I expect not, sir," Gai said. "That's a good point. Should we return from our mission early?"

Bensaku gave Gai a look, but considered the question. "I don't think we have any cause to do that just yet…"

"But we may have cause soon?" Kakashi asked.

"Keep an eye out," Bensaku said with a nod. "We may be moving out of here quickly. It's hard to tell at this point."

Kakashi was worried. He couldn't imagine that their team leader wanted them to travel all the way through the Land of Floods in a state of war. All the same, he found himself imagining it. He wished they would turn around now.

"Let's confirm whether this is a large skirmish or a small skirmish and get out of here," Bensaku said. "It's something we need to know for the report."

"Yes, Taichou," Tenzo said.

**xXx**

They found the situation had shifted somewhat since Kakashi's ninken had sniffed the battle out. There was no one around. Flat marshland wound through the forest, interrupting it much like a river would have. They could see the lay of the hand clearly from where they crouched in the trees. There were no bodies.

"Dogs," Tenzo said. "What do they know?"

Kakashi glanced at him, but didn't reply. This was not the time for banter.

Hesitantly, Bensaku gestured at the team and then dropped from his tree branch, walking out onto the marshy ground. Nothing happened. "The water's not deep enough to hide people, and the mud doesn't look disturbed."

With that, the rest of the team crept out to join him.

"It looks like they've moved on from here," Bensaku said.

Together, they walked out into the middle of the marshy field and looked around in all directions.

"Any clues to which way they could have gone?" Bensaku asked.

Kakashi shook his head, frowning.

"Back to the trees," Bensaku said.

A man flickered into sight in front of them. He was a River nin dressed in navy spandex and dull green armor, eerily similar to Konoha gear. A major difference was the white symbol on his sleeves: the symbol of the Hidden Valley, the ninja village of Rivers. He had light olive skin and glossy black hair pulled back in a ponytail, his forehead protector in standard position over his forehead. It was a dull green to match his armor. Kakashi judged the man was in his early twenties.

Bensaku didn't react.

Kakashi experienced a split second of panic that he held in tightly. As for Gai, he didn't know. Gai was behind him.

"Hey," Tenzo complained. "You could really scare a person sneaking up on them like that."

"Lost?" the River nin asked.

"We're just here on a routine patrol," Bensaku said, sounding bored. Kakashi seriously doubted there was an ounce of boredom in their captain's bloodstream. "We didn't want to disturb anybody."

"Too bad you didn't think about my being a sensor nin," the man teased. It wasn't the kind of teasing Kakashi wanted to hear; the River nin's voice was brittle with the threat of violence. "I was poised for some Rain scum. Look what we have here: the meddling Leaf."

"Meddling?" Bensaku said innocently. "I don't recall meddling."

"You don't belong here, Leaf," the River nin said.

"Yeah, well, neither do you," Bensaku said. His chakra flared, revealing everything his team needed to know about this situation: he intended for them to fight.

The River nin bristled. "This is our country!"

"Not anymore it's not," Bensaku said. "They're calling themselves Floods now."

The man sneered. "That is none of your business."

"Maybe it is," Bensaku countered. He smirked. "What if Floods wants to ally itself with Fire? That would be something to be interested in, wouldn't it? That would really change the balance of power around here. It would provide an avenue all the way through to Wind, our other buddy. So what do you say? Are we going to fight over that diplomatic bullshit? Or are we gonna go our separate ways."

"You can go your separate ways if you want to, Leaf," the man spat. "But don't expect us to let you go!" He leapt back.

A barrage of water bullets sprayed at them from across the marshy field.

Kakashi immediately wove hand signs and countered the nearest three with water bullets of his own, trying to cancel them out. If he got the power level just the tiniest bit wrong, the jutsus would explode. The water bullets collided and disappeared, evaporating. He breathed a sigh of relief that he'd judged his power correctly, but this was just the beginning of the fight.

"Where is that water user?" Bensaku yelled.

"I don't know," Gai said. "I can't see him."

"Me, either," Tenzo said.

They were still under fire; the direction the attack came from changed angle, and Kakashi didn't have time to try to cancel the water bullets out this time. They were forced to scatter. A water bullet exploded in the space where the captain had been standing.

"You want to catch us before we report to your superiors, you're going to have to catch us!" the River nin called, grinning. Then he took off running for the cover of the forest.

"They're trying to split us up!" Tenzo protested.

"Handle it!" Bensaku snapped. He shot after the fleeing nin.

Tenzo froze, reacting instinctively to run after their team leader and then looking at Kakashi and Gai.

Kakashi grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the way of a water bullet.

"Where are they?"

"I can't see them," Kakashi said. "Keep moving."

"But Taichou –" Tenzo protested.

"He'll be back," Kakashi said, keeping his voice calm. He couldn't afford for Tenzo to stay panicked in a situation like this.

"He'll be fine," Gai said, backing Kakashi up. He even laughed. "This is our turn! Let's show Benku-taichou what we've got. By the time he comes back, we'll have defeated the enemy by ourselves."

Kakashi felt Tenzo relax. He let go of his teammate.

"Okay, yeah," Tenzo said. "Taichou would be proud of us, then, wouldn't he?"

"Exactly," Kakashi said. He wondered how deep the relationship between Tenzo and the captain went. He ran in the general direction the water bullets seemed to be flying from. "I'm taking point. Gai, Tenzo, follow me. We can't fight this enemy unless we can see them."

They were on his heels in an instant. Kakashi was briefly comforted. He hadn't expected himself to end up in a command situation, but he had to organize them somehow. Staying confused was the worst thing they could do.

Another barrage of water bullets came their way. Kakashi caught sight of a person briefly before they flitted away, disappearing. They appeared to be heading to the forest on the far side of the field, directly ahead of his team.

"Sempai!" Tenzo yelled.

Kakashi was busy turning the wheel of the nature transformation chart inside his head. _Fire over Wind. Wind over Lightning. Lightning over Earth. Earth over Water! _In an instant he made up his mind and made the hand seals for the appropriate jutsu. "Doton: Earth Bullet!"

He fired his earth bullets without pausing in his stride. They mowed through the water bullets on contact, obliterating the enemy attack, and hurtled onwards, pummeling the landscape with boulder-sized chunks of dirt and rocks.

"You did it, Sempai!" Tenzo yelled, ecstatic this time.

Kakashi smiled briefly. Tenzo always got excitable during battles. "Stay on point."

"Right!"

One of Kakashi's earth bullets hit with lucky accuracy. He saw it slam down some twenty yards in front of them. The person they were chasing flickered into being, stopping short to avoid being hit. It was a woman. She turned around sharply.

Gai shot forward. "I've got her!"

Kakashi skidded to a halt and tried to grab Gai's arm, but he missed. "No! Gai!"

Gai leapt into action, throwing a flurry of punches that blurred together, his speed so great that without activating his sharingan, Kakashi could hardly see him. What Kakashi could see clearly was their opponent, a woman in dull green wearing the forehead protector of a River nin. Her long hair was pulled back in a ponytail.

She fought back, but she was no match for Gai's speed. Gai landed half a dozen blows in the space of ten seconds, weaving through her defenses again and again.

When he leveled a spinning kick at her, she managed to leap away high into the air. Her hands were making seals.

Thick green vines erupted from the ground.

Gai scrambled out of the way, startled, narrowly ducking a vine that punched out for his head. Six more vines took turns grabbing for him. He dodged in a series of moves that looked like an absurd modern dance.

"Get out of there!" Kakashi snapped.

Gai backflipped out of the way, rejoining his team.

Kakashi let loose a barrage of kunai.

The vines snapped out and caught them.

"Oh, shit," Tenzo said, and started running.

"I second that," Kakashi murmured.

He and Gai took off in Tenzo's wake, only a couple steps behind.

"Taichou would have your head for that kind of language, young Tenzo," Gai said merrily.

"Well I hardly think that's important now!" Tenzo screamed.

Vines ripped out of the wet earth right behind them.

_We're being herded,_ Kakashi thought. He whipped around and blasted out a fireball at the monstrous vines. The fireball exploded on impact and left black scorch marks. The vines were unharmed.

"Apparently that's not the way to defeat it," he drawled for Tenzo's benefit, leaping out of the way of a vine that seemed intent on smashing his head with crushing force. He reminded himself that he had to keep thinking about what nature releases were being used. _What would make vines? Earth and water, earth and water_.

He fired off a lightning attack, but his lightning bolt did little more to the vines than the fireball. It barely cut them. "This jutsu is out of my league," he warned his teammates.

"Maybe we can get the vines to tie themselves up," Gai said. "We could make them chase us. They seem mindless."

"But the person who made them isn't," Kakashi said. "Don't mess around, Gai."

"Sorry," Gai said sheepishly.

Tenzo was panting already. Kakashi despaired for Tenzo's stamina. He was always last in the races he and Gai challenged their teammate to participate in. _If he really is the one the Taichou has the deepest relationship with, what would Bensaku think if we let Tenzo die the moment his back is turned?_

Kakashi grabbed Tenzo's arm and threw him forward. "Get in front. Pull out some speed from somewhere, Tenzo. Move!"

"Ah, hai!" Tenzo ran full tilt, his arms pumping hard and his head ducked.

Kakashi ran as fast as he could, dodging and leaping out of the way of the vines monstrously swimming up out of the mud. Gai was right beside him, lagging behind by a step.

"Gai!" Tenzo screamed.

In an involuntary glance, Kakashi saw Gai being swept away from him, Gai's ankle caught in the twisted vines. Gai no sooner reached for his ankle to yank it free than another vine whipped out and wrapped around Gai's wrist. In a matter of seconds, Gai was completely tangled up in the vines, being held high above their heads.

Everything in Kakashi seemed to freeze. His lungs burned, and his stomach wrenched inside out, and he wished he'd never accidentally read a scene with tentacle porn in it. He'd been twelve, and the experience had shocked him into reading nothing but Icha Icha for years. He'd hidden behind literature that was safe. Bad things like that didn't happen in Icha Icha. Bad things like…

_Move! _

Kakashi backflipped and dived out of the way of vines lashing out at him, trying to capture him the same way. That internal voice – some kind of instinct? – snapped him out of his horrifying flashback. "Move, Tenzo! Don't slow down!"

Tenzo jumped out of the way of a vine and took off again as if he'd been bitten by one of Kakashi's ninken. If Kakashi hadn't been terrified of getting them killed, ordering them to chase Tenzo would have been a good idea.

Kakashi was right behind him, determined to chaperone Tenzo to the death.

"Th-They're going away," Tenzo shouted, pointing.

Kakashi turned on his heel and skidded to a halt.

There were still a few vines snapping up from the muddy ground, but the attack was much less violent. Kakashi dodged a slim sapling that went for his ankle, and then the vines were gone. Except for the tangled, monstrous mass holding Gai prisoner by his arms and legs.

Kakashi couldn't keep his gaze from going to Gai's face. His heart started to beat unpleasantly hard, and he felt cold all over.

Gai's mask had been ripped off by the strap. It was tangled in the vines around Gai's waist. Gai looked pale, and he was obviously struggling with all his might. He just wasn't getting anywhere. Kakashi didn't think Gai was even moving. _Those vines must be strong…_

Kakashi inched closer to Tenzo in spite of himself, ready to physically shield Tenzo from the next attack if necessary.

A woman clad in dull green spandex and matching flak jacket walked out into the open from beyond Gai, crossing the battlefield on steady feet coated in chakra. "Looks like we've captured one of you, ANBU."

Tenzo bristled. "Girls always have the most cowardly tactics!"

She laughed. Then she turned her head and looked to the other side of the muddy field.

Kakashi and Tenzo glanced up in the same direction.

A man stood in a tree at the edge of the field, his hand still outstretched.

"Oops," Tenzo said. Kakashi thought Tenzo was probably blushing underneath his mask.

"What was that about girls?" the woman teased. "It seems the cowardly tactics belong to you men." She drew shuriken from her belt and tensed, dropping into a battle stance.

Kakashi glanced at Gai quickly. Maybe if he could draw her attention, he could get her to accidentally cut Gai free with her throwing stars. He hadn't had any luck with kunai, but perhaps if an ally got in the way, that would be surprising enough to work. He thought the vines probably could be cut if the jutsu user was caught off guard.

Tenzo pointed at the man in the tree. "Let him go!" he shouted, smart enough not to use Gai's name.

The man disappeared and appeared in a flash twenty feet closer. "We've seen the big one fight. We don't want to mess with him. We'll kill him last, after we make sure the rest of you are dead."

Kakashi tasted bile.

Gai let out a yell of rage and powered up.

"Try anything and I'll break your arms," the man said.

Gai paled.

Kakashi's heart sank. Gai had broken both arms before, in several places. He knew exactly what that felt like. Once or twice, he'd had to fight that way. Later, he'd confided to Kakashi that that was the most pain he'd ever been in. Gai was no doubt weighing whether or not he could stand to fight in that kind of pain again.

"Don't," he called to Gai.

The man smirked at Kakashi. "Ah, so you're the leader."

Kakashi prayed that Bensaku had taken care of the other ninja and was on the way back. He dropped into a slouch. "That's me."

"Taichou," Tenzo said, sounding stunned.

Kakashi guessed now was one of those scared-out-of-his-mind times when humor deserted him. Well, that was fine. Tenzo's outburst would seem to confirm Vine Man's suspicions. The fact that Tenzo was terrified that Bensaku might not show up in time was something Kakashi had to set aside for later.

"Be a good little captain and surrender, and we might spare you," the man said.

"Might," Kakashi said flatly, "is not good enough for me."

"It's a better chance than you have if you fight Reiko, here," the man said, nodding at his companion.

The woman grinned.

"Oh?" Kakashi scratched his temple. He wondered why the man didn't just try to seize them all with his vine jutsu. There had to be a reason – like a limit to how many vines he could create, or how many people he could hold, or how long he could make the vines manifest. _If it's like the shadow jutsu of the Nara clan, there's a time limit to how long these vines last._

He narrowed his eyes at the man. _He's bluffing._

Then, Kakashi straightened and smiled, holding up his hands. "We'll take off our masks and surrender, then."

"Hold it!" the man barked. He gestured sharply. "Reiko, cover me. I'll take off your masks."

Kakashi's heart skipped a beat. That was better than he'd hoped for. "Maa, suit yourself."

"Starting with you, captain," the man snapped.

"Go ahead," Kakashi said.

The man stared at him for a moment, then crossed the space between them, Reiko at his side still ready to attack.

Tenzo held up his hands in a similar gesture of surrender.

The man stalked right up to Kakashi, leaned over him, and flipped Kakashi's mask up. He growled in disgust. "There's another mask!"

Kakashi smiled. "Ah, that's right. Take off that one too."

"Why do you wear two masks, Captain?" the man asked. "Are you ashamed of something?"

Kakashi made his voice sharp. "No."

"Ooh, I hit a nerve," the man said. "Well, no wonder. Looks like a nasty scar you've got there."

Kakashi tensed and flinched slightly, but didn't turn his head away when the man yanked down the cloth mask he wore over his nose and mouth.

Tenzo hissed in surprise.

Kakashi's stomach tightened into a cold knot at that reaction from Tenzo, the only genuine reaction he'd had so far. He turned it to his advantage, more than willing to appear sick if it lowered their enemy's guard. "Are you satisfied?"

"Why are you covering your eye?" the man asked.

_This is it. _"My eye? That bandage is for my forehead," Kakashi said.

"I don't think so." The man sneered. "I think you're hiding just how ugly this scar is." He traced the line of it down Kakashi's cheek. His finger was cold. "Maybe you don't have an eye in that socket at all. Let's see just how ugly this motherfucker is."

Kakashi was ready. He scowled, staring the man down with apparent anger and humiliation.

The man laughed and jerked Kakashi's bandage up.

Kakashi's sharingan eye flared. He immobilized the man in an instant.

"Holy cow," Reiko said. She looked at Kakashi with horrified disgust, taking her partner's stillness for the same reaction she had. "What the hell is that? Messed up…"

Kakashi stared the man down, not willing to let him out of the genjutsu. He had to hold the man as long as possible. Until Bensaku got here, if he could.

Reiko glanced at her partner uneasily. "Sazu?"

The man didn't respond; locked in Kakashi's genjutsu, he didn't even know Reiko was talking to him.

She took a step closer, moving her directly in front of Tenzo. "What…?"

Tenzo leapt at this chance, grabbing her with a two-handed wood grip and extending his arms quickly, putting as much distance between her and Kakashi as he could.

She screamed. Tenzo's grip pinned her arms to her sides, rendering her helpless.

Tenzo squeezed, turning pale. She struggled, making a horrible, raw noise. Then she fell limp, bones crackling inside her body as they broke. Tenzo dropped her and withdrew his arms, gradually changing his body back to normal. He stared at his hands. They were covered in blood. His lips parted with a cracked whisper. "S-Sempai…"

Kakashi wished he could answer. He couldn't. Sazu's mind was strong, and he was fighting Kakashi's genjutsu every step of the way, battling inside his own mind for supremacy. Kakashi was being worn down inch by inch. He was desperate for the man to release Gai from the vine jutsu, but he hadn't found a way to trick the man into doing that yet. He was also terrified about what the River nin would do to Gai if he didn't get Gai out of the vine jutsu.

Tenzo gasped. "Sempai! You're –" He made hand seals and then thrust his hands outward.

A tree ripped through the mud, rapidly growing under Tenzo's direction, and grabbed Sazu, weaving branches around him.

Sazu struggled, gasping, still locked in Kakashi's genjutsu.

Tenzo quickly added another tree, trapping Sazu completely and then lacing branches together around Sazu's neck. A crack split through the air, and Kakashi didn't think it came from Tenzo's trees.

Kakashi gasped and fell down on one knee, spontaneously released from his mental battle by virtue of the fact that Sazu was dead. He was too grateful to tell Tenzo how dangerous that was. With a mental link as deep as the one the sharingan created, Tenzo might have accidentally killed him. Or driven him insane.

Tenzo ran to his side and took his arm, helping him up.

Kakashi nodded his thanks.

"I'm still stuck!" Gai cried.

Kakashi and Tenzo turned around swiftly.

Gai dangled, struggling. The vines weren't actively fighting back, but they were solid.

Tenzo snorted. "Gai-sempai, stop playing around," he chided.

Kakashi had to smile. Tenzo's sense of humor was back.

"I'm not playing!" Gai protested. "I'm stuck! I can't get free."

"Maa, the vines have to weaken sometime," Kakashi said. "After all, the man who made them is dead."

"You aren't going to cut me down?" Gai looked at them piteously.

Kakashi shielded his eyes. "It's a little high to climb after I've expended so much energy fighting Sazu."

Gai wrenched at his right arm and then bit the vine.

Kakashi snorted, and couldn't help but laugh as Gai continued chewing on the vine out of frustration.

"Is it edible, Gai-sempai?" Tenzo asked. He sucked in his breath sharply with fake excitement. "Maybe this is actually lunch! Those River nin did us a favor. With a little salt, it might taste like green beans. Oi, Gai-sempai, I'm hungry." He laid a hand over his stomach. "Hurry up and get free so we can eat."

Gai spat. "It tastes terrible!"

The vines withdrew, withering back into the ground from whence they came and releasing Gai.

Gai landed in a crouch and straightened. "As I was saying, I knew that I would be free eventually, so there was no need for me to eat my way out of trouble."

Kakashi shook his head.

It was at that moment that Kakashi saw Bensaku walking towards them. Kakashi smiled at him. "Maa, look who's here."

Gai threw his arms open gladly. "Taichou! Taichou, you'll never guess what happened! This guy, he attacked us with vines, and I got caught, and Kakashi and Tenzo had to fight without me – and they did, but there was this shuriken lady, and she got killed by Tenzo! And then Tenzo did that thing with the trees and strangled the guy with the vines, and I was free!"

Bensaku stopped and stared at them. "What, Maito? Run that by me again. Slower."

"Vine Guy and Shuriken Lady are dead," Kakashi said wryly. "As soon as he died, the jutsu disappeared."

"I thought it took quite a while," Gai said, sounding injured.

"Time is deceiving like that," Kakashi said. "You felt it was longer because you were the one stuck in them."

Gai considered that uncertainly.

Kakashi was more concerned about Tenzo. He watched Tenzo carefully; their younger teammate hadn't spoken yet.

Tenzo just looked at Bensaku for a moment. Then, he visibly gathered himself. "You missed all the fun, Taichou." Kakashi could hear the grin in his voice. "Sempai's been promoted to Captain."

"What?" Bensaku said. He sounded outraged.

"The badguys thought he was you!" Gai said.

Bensaku stopped short. "They thought Hatake was me? How did that happen?"

"Because you weren't here," Gai said. "And Kashi told me what to do."

Bensaku slowly covered his eyes with one hand.

"Guess we don't need you anymore," Tenzo said cheerfully.

"Shut up, Tenzo."

"Hai, Taichou." Tenzo said meekly. "We're glad you're back, Taichou." He looked at their team leader hesitantly. "Where did you go, Taichou? We were scared."

"Sure."

"We were!" Tenzo protested.

Bensaku tilted his head. "How could you be scared with Hatake here to lead you?"

Tenzo wilted. "Forgive me, Taichou. Please…"

Bensaku sighed. "While you guys were fooling around with Vines-san and Shuriken Lady, I was tracking down the rest of the team. No one's going to tell about our whereabouts now." He gestured at the area of the forest he'd come from vaguely.

"That's good, Taichou," Tenzo said brightly.

Bensaku snorted. "I figure we just leave the bodies and hope no one investigates too closely. This is a war, it should be possible to blame the deaths of the River nin on Rain."

"Sazu and Reiko," Gai said.

"What?"

"Sazu and Reiko," Gai said, smiling. "We found out their real names. Isn't that important information to have? Now we can report exactly who we killed."

"That's –" Bensaku stopped. "Actually, good work. Remember that, Maito. We'll put it in the report."

Gai straightened proudly and gave the captain a thumbs up. "Will do, Taichou! I have committed these names to memory for all eternity!"

"Well, that won't be necessary," Bensaku said. "Just remember them long enough for the report."

Tenzo threw himself at Bensaku's feet and clung to their team leader's legs. "You're not going to leave us again, are you, Daddy? Not ever again, right? And we can all go home. We'll all live happily ever after." He looked up at Bensaku with shining eyes.

Bensaku sighed. "Get up. And don't call me 'Daddy'. It's 'Taichou'."

Tenzo straightened. "Not Daddy, huh? How about Father? Oh – Otousama! Is that better?"

"Tenzo!"

"It's respectful," Tenzo said. "I don't know what you're barking about."

"I'm not old enough to be your father!"

Tenzo rubbed his chin in an imitation of Gai, pretending to think. "Uncle, then?"

Their team leader glared at him. "Tenzo…you're walking a thin line here…"

"Uncle Benji," Tenzo said contentedly, trying it out.

Gai laughed, surprised. "Benku-taichou, that's kind of cute. How about we call you that from now on?"

"That's it!"

Tenzo cringed. "Aunt Benji?"

"Fifty pushups as soon as we reach base camp, and that's an order!" Bensaku roared.

"Taichou…" Tenzo looked at him with a noticeably pitiful air, even though his mask covered his face.

Kakashi found himself smiling. His best friend had almost been killed, he had almost gone down in history as a failed captain of his team while his real team leader had been somewhere else fighting enemies probably even stronger than the two they'd been saddled with, and he'd have shown up in heaven with a lot of explaining to do to Minato-sensei.

_This is my team,_ he suddenly thought. His shoulders straightened.

The present snapped into place in a way it hadn't in years. He felt alive. He realized that he had a lot to live for; now.

It didn't help his heartbeat slow down.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

Gai belatedly retrieved his turtle mask. The strap had been yanked loose, but not broken, so he was able to reattach it and put his mask back on. Kakashi watched in amusement as Gai wiped his mask off on his sleeve before putting it back on. That was Gai all over. A heart-pounding battle, and in the aftermath, his first worry was about tidiness.

"Everyone okay?" Bensaku asked.

"Fine," Gai said.

"No one injured? Not even you, Maito?" Bensaku gave Gai a wary glance.

"I am in excellent health, Taichou," Gai said. "What about yourself?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you certain?" Gai asked. "You look a little the worse for wear."

"In what way?" Bensaku asked.

"Well…" Gai hesitated.

"Taichou, your suit is ripped," Tenzo said.

"Huh? Where?" Bensaku said carelessly.

"All over," Tenzo said. "But I was talking about the cut right above your belt."

Kakashi thought Tenzo had a right to be worried. Their captain didn't usually look ripped up after a battle. When Bensaku had joined them, Kakashi hadn't taken much notice. After all, they'd just been through a harrowing experience. But now that his heart rate had slowed down some, and he was getting his bearings, Bensaku did look torn up.

"Ah, you know, ninjas and their sharp objects," Bensaku said. "Some guy was throwing kunai at me. Imagine that. Don't worry; I've got a spare bodysuit I can put on when we make camp for the night."

Kakashi thought their team leader was purposefully ignoring Tenzo's concern.

"Okay, let's move out," Bensaku said. "We're going back home."

Tenzo let out a cheer. "Home! Clean showers! Ichiraku ramen!"

"I thought you didn't like ramen, Tenzo," Gai said, looking confused.

Tenzo grinned. "Even if I didn't, it would still put a smile on my face, because it would mean we were home. I'll have a bowl of ramen just because of that." He turned to their team leader. "What about you, Taichou?"

Bensaku sighed. "All I want to do is get home to my apartment, kick back, read a magazine and maybe watch the tube."

"You say that every time," Tenzo said.

"I mean it every time," Bensaku returned.

"Sounds boring to me to do the same thing every time," Tenzo said.

"Some people prefer routines, young Tenzo," Gai said. "I myself am one of those people. If a certain element of my every day routine does not survive, I find myself quite out of sorts."

Kakashi had to smile. "Careful, Gai," he teased. "Tenzo may be calling you an old man next."

Gai drew himself up, indignant. "I? I am very youthful! The epitome of youth. I would never do something old-man-ish."

"Some people think spontaneity is the height of youth," Kakashi said.

"I can be spontaneous," Gai said.

Kakashi snorted. "You're the most predictable man I've ever known."

Gai was pouting behind his mask. Kakashi could tell. Gai's chakra vibrated with poutiness.

"Do something spontaneous," Kakashi said. "I challenge you."

Gai gasped.

"Ooh, now you have to do it," Tenzo said. "Sempai challenged you."

"Or you can be a sane person and tell Hatake to jump off a cliff," Bensaku said.

Gai's chakra flamed. "I never refuse a challenge!"

Kakashi smiled beneath his dog mask. "Maa, okay. We'll both do something spontaneous. We'll surprise each other. The most surprised person wins."

"You got it!" Gai flashed him a thumbs up.

"This could get strange," Tenzo said.

Bensaku snorted. "Try not to pay attention."

"I think you're right, Taichou."

Kakashi ignored the wisecracks.

Gai was already too deep in thought about what he was going to do to pay attention.

They headed out, getting back into the cover of the trees as soon as possible.

Kakashi noticed that Bensaku was slower than usual. "Use up a lot of chakra?" he asked casually.

"No," Bensaku retorted. "I'm setting an easy pace for you guys. You looked pretty shaken up when I found you."

"I appreciate your consideration, but there is no need," Gai said. "I feel perfectly fine."

Kakashi wondered if Gai had ever heard the phrase, _Doth protest too much_. Probably not.

"Just the same, Taichou, I'd rather we went faster instead of slower," Tenzo said. "I wanna be away from there."

"Alright, suit yourselves," their team leader said mildly. He picked up the pace.

Kakashi found himself wondering if the captain would have capitulated so easily if he or Gai had asked the man to speed up. But that was idle speculation.

**xXx**

They only traveled for about an hour before Bensaku picked out a campsite. He'd led them southwest, so that they didn't cross ground they'd covered before. It was safer that way; it wouldn't do to be predictable.

"I finished making the cabin," Tenzo announced.

Kakashi glanced up from the wooden walkway on which they stood. By this time, the jutsu was so commonplace he hadn't even noticed it.

"I'll move our stuff inside," Kakashi said.

"I'll help," Gai said immediately. "Because of course I am uninjured."

Kakashi gave him a look.

They transferred everyone's belongings inside the cabin together, setting their captain's and Tenzo's packs on one side, and their own on the other.

Kakashi crossed the cabin to go outside and boil water for tea, as well as offer his assistance for any other chores that needed doing. He stopped short. Their team leader and Tenzo were sitting together, obviously discussing something. He ducked slightly back inside the doorway, watching.

Kakashi saw Bensaku put his arm around Tenzo's shoulders. He thought Tenzo was crying. Bensaku's patience with that was deeply surprising to him. Instead of shoving Tenzo away, the captain reached out and did his best to wipe Tenzo's tears away with his gloved fingers. Tenzo threw his arms around Bensaku's neck and clung.

Kakashi drew back inside the cabin, startled, and turned to Gai, intent on keeping Gai from going outside until Tenzo and Bensaku were done with their private moment.

Gai turned to do just that and stopped short. "What's the matter, Kashi?"

"Nothing," Kakashi said. He smiled. "I just thought we could have some time to ourselves while Tenzo and the Taichou are outside getting the campsite ready for the evening's activities."

"Oh." Gai looked confused, but not as if he objected.

Kakashi took his arm and took him to the corner, sitting down with him. "Let's just rest a while. That's alright, isn't it?"

"Sure," Gai said.

Kakashi leaned against him. "I wanted to ask how you were feeling. Did that vine jutsu hurt you?"

"No," Gai said. "I told everyone earlier, I'm fine."

"I know, Gai," Kakashi said. "But you always say that you're fine."

"Well, I am," Gai asserted.

Kakashi sighed. "Okay." He still felt badly over what had happened. Especially because Tenzo was out there with Bensaku crying. Because he was shaken up from leading, even if it had only been for a short battle. And all things considered, it had been short.

Gai slipped an arm around him. "What about you? You don't look alright."

Kakashi felt slightly ill. "I don't want to lose you." It just slipped out.

"You won't." Gai looked shocked, and concerned. He looked at Kakashi with wide eyes.

Kakashi hugged him tightly, burying his face against Gai's chest without caring how his actions would be interpreted. Gai held him, pulling him closer. Kakashi found himself kneeling between Gai's legs. He hid his face against Gai's shoulder and clung on, just glad to be breathing deep breaths and to be holding onto Gai.

Gai rubbed his back. It occurred to him now, of all moments, that he was in here taking comfort from Gai while Tenzo was out there taking comfort from their captain. He wondered at the possible connection.

"Gai…" Kakashi whispered. "Were you…scared?"

"No, not at all," Gai said warmly. "I was confident that you would save the day and free me. You're always on top of things. And you proved me correct. You protected young Tenzo and me – and you came out of that battle uninjured yourself. I would say that is an across the board success, Kakashi."

"Yeah…" Kakashi didn't want to admit to Gai what he was thinking. He shifted so that his back was resting against Gai, and Gai held him that way.

They spent the time in uncomplaining silence. Eventually, Kakashi closed his eyes.

The silence was interrupted by Tenzo running into the cabin.

Kakashi's eyes snapped open, and he looked up at Tenzo uncertainly. Aside from Tenzo's nose looking a little red, there were no signs that Tenzo had been crying a little while ago.

Tenzo gestured with both hands. "Hey guys! What're you doing? You can't take a nap yet. We've got to make dinner. And take baths. And sing campfire songs. All that good stuff." He grinned.

Kakashi got to his feet. "Alright, alright. As long as you don't make me sing campfire songs."

"And I thought I could sneak that past you," Tenzo lamented.

"No such hope," Gai said, rising as well. "Kakashi is always on his guard against potential trickery."

"How're you gonna surprise him, then?" Tenzo retorted.

Gai puffed out his chest. "I shall find a way, for I am Kakashi's Eternal Rival, and I shall never cease to improve upon my techniques. Life is an endless search for mastery, young Tenzo, triumph after triumph building into an inexorable pinnacle, a mountain upon which I will someday stand."

"Wow…" Tenzo looked at him with wide eyes.

Gai grinned widely. "Does my Will of Fire inspire you to new heights?"

"Gai-sempai…" Tenzo's brow furrowed. "You're really weird."

"What?" Gai protested, crestfallen.

Kakashi started laughing. He couldn't help it.

The sound of merriment predictably drew their captain.

"What's all this horsing around?" Bensaku demanded, coming to stand in the doorway. "Why aren't chores getting done?"

Tenzo cringed.

"Why don't you and Gai go hunting for firewood?" Kakashi asked. "Perhaps catch something to add to our supper."

"Good idea," Tenzo said, relieved. "How about it, Gai-sempai?"

"I would be happy to accompany you in the pursuit of firewood acquisition," Gai said.

"Be careful," Bensaku said.

"Of course, Taichou." Tenzo looked at him innocently. "I'll be extra-super-careful."

Bensaku sighed. "You better be."

"I will take care of him, Taichou," Gai said. He clapped a hand on Tenzo's shoulder. "Come, young Tenzo. I shall inspire you yet."

"If you say so, Gai-sempai."

They departed through the trees, leaving Kakashi alone with their team leader. Which was, honestly, what Kakashi preferred. He had something difficult to do.

"I'll make tea," Kakashi suggested.

"Suit yourself," Bensaku said. He turned away with a shrug. "Those dogs of yours guarding the perimeter?"

"Yes, Taichou," Kakashi said, more quietly than he intended. The subject of him and his ninken was what he needed to bring up. First, he used a water jutsu to pull moisture from the swampy land and fill the waiting teakettle. Then he cast his heat jutsu. Steam immediately flooded from the spout of the kettle, whistling.

"Tea?" Kakashi asked.

"Don't mind if I do," Bensaku said. "I could use a cup. How about you, Hatake?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Maa, may as well." He fixed them two cups, using a tin of green tea powder that Bensaku always brought. He handed one cup over to the captain.

"Thank you," Bensaku said. He sat down on the wooden planking.

Kakashi followed suit.

For several minutes, they sipped their piping hot tea in silence. Bensaku scanned the forest every now and again. Kakashi wondered if the man was thinking about Tenzo. Worrying.

Finally, Kakashi couldn't stand it any longer. "Maa, speaking of the ninken…"

"Yes?" Bensaku glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm sorry, Taichou," Kakashi said.

Bensaku eyed him warily. "For what?"

Kakashi bowed his head. He'd never apologized to the man for anything before. He didn't know how to start, so he'd just started with the 'sorry' part and hoped it would be enough. _Isn't it obvious? _

"Oh, god, did you do something to the cabin?" Bensaku said. "You were only in there forty-five minutes. Is Tenzo going to have to do repairs? Were you sparring with Maito? I thought I told you guys not to spar in the cabins. If you want to do that, go outside first. I've told you that a thousand times –"

"No," Kakashi cut in before he lost his nerve. "For the faulty intel my ninken gave." He raised his head to look at his captain.

"The faulty –" Bensaku blinked. Then he stared. "You don't think this was your fault, do you?"

Kakashi was shocked. He couldn't think of anything to say to that. He shifted the cup of tea in his hands, turning it.

Bensaku sighed. "You're not at fault here, Hatake. I am. I gave the order to investigate, I'm the one who's going to have to report back with egg on my face."

Kakashi blinked. "Ah…"

Bensaku gave him a look. "I'm the one that made Tenzo cry. Not you."

_Caught._ Kakashi reined in a flinch. The surface of the tea in his cup rippled.

"So you were spying," Bensaku said with satisfaction, apparently having gotten what he wanted out of Kakashi's response anyway. He drank the rest of his tea in a gulp and set the cup aside.

Kakashi looked away. "Gomen. But not exactly spying…I came out to start the tea and went back in when I saw you and Tenzo talking."

"When you saw Tenzo crying, you mean," Bensaku said. "And you thought it was your fault, so you hid like a baby instead of asking what was wrong."

Kakashi glared at him reproachfully. "I did not –" He almost dropped his cup of tea.

The captain snorted. "That's better."

Kakashi flushed. He tightened his grip on his cup and started down into it.

"I was beginning to worry you'd been abducted by the enemy and replaced with a Henge," Bensaku said. "But, nope, that glare proves it. You're the same old Hatake."

Kakashi never anticipated that he could be known by his glare. He struggled with that perception of himself. _Do I glare a lot? Or is it that I glare a lot at him?_ Come to think of it…he usually did glare at Bensaku. _But only because he's treated me like a prick nine times out of ten. _Of course, whose fault was that? He'd fuelled the man's opinion of him for two years. Bensaku wasn't callous to everybody.

In fact…he'd just seen Bensaku comforting Tenzo. So this problem he had with their team leader…it was probably his problem, and not anybody else's.

And Tenzo teased the captain, but he never got in serious trouble for it no matter how many sit-ups, push-ups, or laps he had to do. He was never transferred, and his antics were never entered into record as insubordination or disrespecting a superior.

Besides which, Tenzo had panicked when he was separated from Bensaku.

Kakashi drank his tea in one mouthful and set the used cup aside, his tongue curling from the bitter flavor of the green tea coating his mouth. Drinking the dregs in the bottom of the cup always did that to him. He suppressed a shiver.

"Don't make yourself sick," Bensaku said.

"I'm not," Kakashi said, looking away.

"Don't make yourself sick with regrets and shame, either," Bensaku said. "It doesn't do anyone any good to beat yourself up."

Kakashi wondered if his team leader had any idea how hopeless that advice was for him to follow. He'd been beating himself up since he was six years old. At least. Maybe even earlier, but his memories of his life before he was five or six were hazy.

"I can't help it," he said at last. "Like Tenzo can't help baiting you and Gai can't stop being…youthful."

"I know it," Bensaku said. He gave Kakashi a small, sad smile. "Like I can't stop ripping Tenzo's head off whenever he mentions that he thinks I'm old."

"Why do you care how old we think you are?" Kakashi asked.

Bensaku's gaze hardened. "I don't."

"You care what Tenzo thinks, at least," Kakashi said.

"Hmph." Bensaku turned away.

"Why is that, Taichou?" Kakashi asked.

Bensaku was silent.

"Could it be because you care about him?" Kakashi asked.

"I don't need a perverted sixteen-year-old telling me what to do with my life," Bensaku said.

"I didn't offer advice," Kakashi said mildly. "I was just curious."

"It's been two years, Hatake," Bensaku said. "Why are you curious now?"

Kakashi didn't know. _Because I only noticed now._ But that begged the question, why did it take him two years to notice? "Maybe this mission makes me bored."

Bensaku looked at Kakashi over his shoulder with a smirk. "I don't think so. I think you've come out of your shell."

"Turtles are Gai's summon," Kakashi said.

"Ah, Gai," Bensaku said. He turned around fully, his smirk widening into a grin. "Maybe it's Gai that's gotten you interested in life again."

Kakashi knew that he should have expected this. Mess around with an ANBU agent's personal business, and they'd mess back. But he was still caught off guard. He felt like he'd been punched between the eyes.

"When you came onto this team, you were silent, self-absorbed, a cold bastard," Bensaku said.

Hearing that assessment hurt, even if Kakashi had heard it before. He'd usually heard it being spoken behind his back, not to his face.

"Over the last two years, you've changed," Bensaku continued.

Now Kakashi was in new territory. "I have?" He blinked, immediately wishing he hadn't blurted that out.

Bensaku snorted. "You're nothing like you were before."

Kakashi flushed slightly. "How…have I changed?" He didn't think he'd changed at all.

"Something's brought you out of your shell," Bensaku said. "Slowly, over time, but something has." The smirk came back. "Or maybe someone, like I said. Maybe it really is Gai who's got you interested in life again. I don't know. But you sure have changed a lot. You care about people. You care if they get hurt. Did you care before? Not that I could tell."

Kakashi swallowed against a lump in his throat. _I only cared about dead people._

"That's what I thought," Bensaku said as if he had spoken. "I've seen it in your eyes lately, Hatake. You're with us."

And here Kakashi had thought his revelation was a secret. He smiled cheerfully. "Maa, I'm always here. You're my team."

Bensaku stabbed a finger at him. "That's what I mean. That right there. You wouldn't have said that two years ago, one year ago, and maybe not six months ago. But you're getting better."

"Now if Tenzo can just stop calling me Sempai, we'll be family," Kakashi teased.

"You know why he calls you Sempai?" Bensaku said.

Kakashi realized suddenly that this conversation wouldn't be over until Bensaku wanted it to be over. "No, why?" he asked, resigned.

"Because you scared the dickens out of him," Bensaku said. "When you first met, there was something so raw, so heartless about you that he was terrified to cross you. Or do anything that would put him in the line of fire."

"I would never have harmed him," Kakashi said, slightly irritated. As well as ashamed and guilty.

"How he was supposed to know that, I'll never know, Hatake," Bensaku said. He softened, finally letting up. "Look, what I'm trying to say is…thank you."

Kakashi stared at him, once again thrown completely off guard. "No," he murmured.

"You took care of Tenzo out there, 'Captain'," Bensaku said. He gave Kakashi a small, genuine smile. "Like a real captain would have. Thank you."

"I didn't do much of anything," Kakashi said.

"Tenzo told me what happened, Hatake," Bensaku said.

Kakashi studied the ground. "Oh."

"How you grabbed him and made him keep moving," Bensaku said. "How you took control of the situation when you thought everyone was going to die and turned it into a victory by having enough guts to bluff your way out." He reached out and touched Kakashi's shoulder. "I know you care a lot about Gai. But you didn't let that get in the way of taking care of Tenzo."

"I couldn't," Kakashi mumbled. Yet there had been that terrifying moment when all he could think about was Gai and how much danger Gai was in. He didn't know how he'd snapped out of it. Or if he would the next time.

"Yes, you could have," Bensaku said gently. "It would have been an easy mistake to make. Some people can't help it. It's a matter of experience and willpower. You didn't let the situation get to you."

"It did get to me," Kakashi muttered. "I was scared."

"We're all scared," Bensaku said.

Kakashi looked at him, startled.

"We're all scared, all the time," Bensaku said. "You didn't let the fear decide for you how you were going to handle the battle. That's guts."

Ideas tumbled around in Kakashi's head. _Being scared…being brave…_When he opened his mouth, he had no idea what was going to come out of his mouth. "Minato-sensei was scared."

Bensaku looked stricken.

Kakashi wanted to take it back, wanted make excuses –

And then Bensaku pulled him into a crushing hug.

"He was scared, but he made the right decisions," Kakashi mumbled. "Even if they hurt me." The pain was like pulling a kunai out of his stomach. It was bad, but nothing like what it was before. He could feel it was different. For one thing, he wasn't crying. Before, if he spoke about Minato-sensei, he ended up sobbing on the floor.

Bensaku rocked him back and forth, one hand on his back. "You were wounded more deeply than any of us knew. You were devastated by the event. But we didn't have a clue. We just thought you were cold, and hard."

Kakashi didn't have time to remark on Bensaku's revelation. His thoughts were racing too fast. "I was scared my decision to save Tenzo would hurt Gai," he blurted. It felt good to finally get that out there, so he didn't have to keep it inside anymore. Even though he'd hardly been aware that had been the source of his fear. "I was scared that I would hurt him like Minato-sensei hurt me. But I couldn't do it any other way."

He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his captain, taking comfort from the embrace at last. "I didn't think Gai was going to die." That would be incomprehensible. "I just thought he was going to get hurt. And maybe I would be the one to die. Taking care of Tenzo."

Bensaku held him tightly, and it felt good.

Kakashi clung to him. "I don't want to hurt Gai." That was it: the fear he'd had already had imprinted itself on the battle, becoming ten times more terrifying.

"You're not going to hurt Gai," Bensaku said firmly. He rubbed Kakashi's back.

Kakashi closed his eyes and accepted the affection, even if he knew Bensaku didn't know what he was really afraid of. He sighed.

"You really love him, don't you?" Bensaku sounded amused.

Kakashi's head snapped up. He'd been resting it on Bensaku's shoulder.

Bensaku smiled at him wryly. "After getting to know you for the past two years, I don't think you're much of a threat to Gai. I think Gai might even like you. Maybe not in that kind of way, of course. It's hard to tell with a guy like Maito. He's so friendly to everybody. But he does like you. I could tell that." He snorted. "A blind man could tell that about Maito. He really looks up to you. He's attached to you. And he sure as hell couldn't live without you, so I don't see what you've got to be worried about. Just tell him, Hatake. What harm could it do?"

"A lot," Kakashi said, instantly on his guard again. He frowned at the captain.

"Suit yourself," Bensaku said, shrugging. "I'm not gonna make you talk."

Kakashi relaxed.

"That's your business," Bensaku said.

"Thank you." Kakashi sighed.

Bensaku smiled. "And Tenzo and myself is my business."

Kakashi grinned. "Maa, I can't promise that."

"It's not what you think, Hatake," Bensaku said wearily. "And you can't analyze it out of us. So I suggest you keep that dirty mind to yourself?"

"You can suggest that," Kakashi said cheerfully.

Bensaku rolled his eyes, but he smiled. "Yeah, I can't control your thoughts, can I? That's your business."

"Maa…" Kakashi tried and failed to look innocent.

"Just keep them to yourself, that's all," Bensaku said. He got up and poked the fire, nudging a branch into place so that it could burn completely. "Besides," he muttered. "I'm too old for him."

Kakashi wondered if he was meant to hear or not. _Probably, that was my warning._ He smiled, private glee kindling in his chest. _So it is what I think. At least on our Taichou's side of things. _He knew it made him a miserable person, but he was glad he wasn't the only person suffering from unrequited love pangs.

Gai and Tenzo came back with firewood tied up in a big bundle on Gai's back. Tenzo was muddy, but sporting a couple hares he had caught. Gai cleaned Tenzo's catch, Kakashi started the fire, and Tenzo made preparations for everyone to bathe. This time, he made a wooden screen around the tub.

"Just for you, Taichou," he teased. "Since you're so sensitive to this kind of stuff."

Bensaku merely responded with a noncommittal sound.

After they bathed and ate dinner, during which there were no campfire songs, they headed into the cabin to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

It was dark; the cabin smelled richly of cedar, the swamp was alive around them with the calls of frogs and crickets. On the other side of the cabin, Bensaku and Tenzo were two sleeping lumps. Gai, next to him under the blanket, had rolled over away from him, so that all he could see was Gai's back. Kakashi had fully intended to be asleep already, but for some reason, he found himself lying awake.

Lying awake did strange things to him. Like make him think about the last time he'd lain awake at night in the same room as a living, breathing human being. A context in which 'away from home' didn't mean on a mission.

Kakashi remembered a place his father had taken him when he was five, the year before he'd graduated the Academy. One day about a week into the summer break, his father had shown up in his bedroom to wake him in the morning carrying a fishing pole. 'Let's go somewhere for the summer,' he'd said. He'd been smiling.

Kakashi remembered the journey as being magical; in the way that all new places and new sights had seemed somehow breathtaking and important back then. He remembered a sun-drenched valley, sloped hills on either side of them covered with pine forests leading up to rugged, snow-capped mountains. They'd climbed to a vista. Sakumo had pointed, hoisted him up onto impossibly tall shoulders, and there it had been: the sun-drenched valley with a river running through it, tiny white dots only hinting at civilization down there, everything sparkling and beautiful and new.

One of the lakes in the distance had been their destination. A small house waited for them on the edge of the lake, not much different from one of Tenzo's cabins. They'd gone inside and unpacked their things, then stripped off all their clothes down to their boxers and jumped in the lake, laughing and splashing.

Kakashi remembered his father's laughter clearly in the darkness of the cabin, the memory hitting him freshly. He shifted, folding his arms behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. He could barely make out the ribs of the rafters holding the roof up. The even breaths of his sleeping team filled the cabin with hushed, soothing semi-silence. For once, Tenzo wasn't snoring.

_That's why,_ he thought randomly. It was odd to blame his sudden recollection of a childhood trip to a lake on Tenzo's silence, not logical at all, but memories weren't logical.

Kakashi controlled his breathing and closed his eyes, slipping back into his remembrance. For once, he wanted to remember.

Every night in that cabin, he'd lain awake just like he was now, listening to the sounds of the world around him. It had been very different than the sounds he was used to at home. His first taste of what it was like in the wider world. That there could be places different from home. The house made new noises – creaks, whistles, mutters. Then there had been the lively chorus of the frogs and the crickets, the teeming creatures that lived in and around the lake.

The air drafts were different, sometimes making the hairs on his arms stand on end. The mattress of the futon was firmer, less broken in, the pillows smelled different, and most of all, the orientation of the bed was different; across the room from a foreign window, looking out on the lake.

During the day, he hardly spared this room a thought. He was too busy running after his father so that they could go fishing down at the lake, or grabbing a pair of swim trunks from his pile of clothes, just returning to this borrowed bedroom for a moment for suntan lotion or his tanto before slamming the door enthusiastically behind him.

At night, when he was expected to stay in this room for upwards of eight hours, everything seemed strange and alive. The shadows of the furniture were wrong, his father's room was further away than it was at home…he collected an endless list of things wrong with the room.

But he wouldn't go down the hall and bother his father. It just wasn't done. He was a ninja – or was going to be. He was in training, anyway, and he knew part of Sakumo's not-so-secret agenda for this trip was to get him used to being on his own and finding what he needed in the wilderness. Being here was a family vacation, but it was also work. Lessons like how to clean fish properly proved that.

After adjusting to the room – which had taken nearly a week – Kakashi had stopped being worried about furniture shadows and window orientations and strange smells. He'd even gotten used to the feel of a strange bed.

What wouldn't go away were the noises. Even as his other concerns fell away, for some reason, the calls of the frogs and crickets around the lake intensified for him. Kakashi found himself shuddering to hear it. Shutting his window at night didn't help; the frogs and the crickets were so loud that he heard them clearly anyway. The muffling that occurred when the sounds traveled through the closed window was in itself somehow sinister. He'd put up with it for a couple hours and then open his window again.

The noises preyed on him to the point of fear; every silence in the chorus was met with wary relief, only for his calm to shatter when the frogs started up again.

Finally, he'd gone to his father and admitted his inability to cope.

Kakashi remembered his trepidation as he padded down the hall to his father's room, carrying his tanto. Apprehension so thick he could hardly breathe. Mingled fear that he would be ambushed on the way and fear that his father would snap at him to go back to his room.

Even so, when he slipped inside the door of his father's bedroom, he felt immediately better; his father's warm chakra permeated the space, allowing him to breathe again. Not to mention the comforting silhouette of his father's long, lanky body sprawled out across the bed underneath the covers.

Kakashi approached, his shoulders hunched, barely getting up the nerve to wake his father.

To his surprise, his father had woken easily and pulled him into bed. Sakumo hadn't minded at all. He'd stroked Kakashi's hair and murmured soothing things, cradling Kakashi against him.

For the rest of the trip, Kakashi had crawled into bed every night with his father and pressed his ear against his father's chest, drowning out the threats of the frogs and crickets with the strong, steady rhythm of his father's heart.

That noise had lulled him to sleep filled with the assurance that his father would always be there, that heartbeat would always sound as strong, and nothing could ever happen to him in his father's presence.

Heartache abruptly jolted him out of his memories. Kakashi rolled onto his side, stung. Lying in the darkness of Tenzo's cabin, the recollection of his feelings of safety was particularly bitter. _He's gone now. He betrayed me. _The thought hit him like a physical blow.

All of a sudden, the cacophony of the frogs and crickets outside the cabin sounded sinister again, just like it had when he was five years old.

He stared at Gai's back. The idea of waking Gai was tempting. Maybe…since Gai wasn't the type to laugh at strange weaknesses…he could even lay his head against Gai's chest to drown out the frogs and crickets. Gai would probably hold him.

Kakashi slowly reached out, watching his hand to make sure it stayed steady, and touched Gai's shoulder.

"I was afraid."

The sudden whisper sent a jolt through Kakashi. "What?" He hadn't even known that Gai was awake.

Gai rolled over to face him. "I was afraid. I was afraid today."

Kakashi understood some things instantly. Gai couldn't sleep either; it was because of what happened today; his attempt to get Gai to open up earlier had worked, just more slowly than he'd thought; and now Gai needed his help. His fears about the frogs and crickets were instantly forgotten. Kakashi opened his arms.

Gai scooted over and wrapped his arms around Kakashi so tightly it half knocked the breath out of Kakashi's lungs. He pressed his body against Kakashi's, clinging, his face against the side of Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi hugged back with equal force, running his fingers through Gai's hair. Gai's hair was thick and silky. "It's okay," he murmured. "It's okay to be afraid. Everyone's afraid." Bensaku's advice to him, earlier.

As if the repetition of their captain's advice unblocked some sort of dam inside of Gai, he let out a hitched, shaky breath and whispered quickly into Kakashi's ear, the words tumbling over themselves to get out. "I was afraid I'd never get free. I was afraid I'd have to watch you die. And then I'd know I'd let you die because I wasn't good enough, I let them get away with it, I let them kill my best friends, my best friends are all dead, they're dead, and it's because of me, I let them be dead, I –" He started hyperventilating.

Horrified, Kakashi cupped the back of Gai's head and pressed Gai's face against his shoulder, cradling his friend. "It's okay. We're all alive."

Gai made a small noise like a whimper. He was shaking. "It'd be my fault…my fault…It's always my fault, I –" He panted, hard.

Kakashi reached out, grabbed the blanket, and wrapped it around the both of them tightly. "Slow, and deep, slow, and deep, Gai." He ran his hand down Gai's back slowly, trying to physically demonstrate what he was asking Gai to do with touch. At the same time, he took deep, slow breaths himself.

Gai's breaths slowed, and some of the tension in his body went slack.

Kakashi kept stroking Gai's back.

"My arms, they hurt." Kakashi felt the warm wetness of tears against his neck and knew Gai was crying. That was a step up. Crying, with Gai, was a good sign. "They hurt so much the last time. When the vines tightened, I could feel how easily they could snap my arms in half. Like twigs. I could feel my arms were like twigs in the hands of some enormous beast. I was scared. I didn't want to hurt again."

"I know," Kakashi whispered. "You had every right to be scared."

"But I let you down…" Gai sounded doubtful, distressed. He shifted against Kakashi uneasily.

Kakashi hugged him, pulling him closer before he could even think of withdrawing. "It's alright. You can't be the one to save me all the time. Sometimes I have to save you. And I will. I won't let you down. I won't let you die. And I'm not going to die, either."

Gai fell silent and limp against him.

Kakashi smiled. He rubbed Gai's back and stroked the back of Gai's neck. "That's right. I have responsibilities, too. I have a responsibility to save you, too. Gai, I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm your teammate." He'd never felt a fiercer urge to protect Gai. He would kill anyone who so much as tried to speak a cruel word.

Gai smiled against his neck, which felt extraordinarily like a kiss.

Kakashi flushed, a pulse of heat going through him. "And I'm going to hold you all night long, so you don't have any of those nightmares."

He'd comforted Gai the first time, when the missing nin from Sand had broken Gai's arms. After such an experience, nightmares were bound to follow, and they had. With a vengeance. Now such nightmares of loud cracking and excruciating pain were few and far between, but Kakashi worried that today's conflict would bring them back.

If that did happen, Kakashi was going to be ready in an instant to comfort his friend.

"And I'll hold you," Gai murmured, pitching his voice low to avoid his voice carrying throughout the cabin. It was unintentionally sexy.

"Maa, maa, if you wish," Kakashi said, reverting to his casual tone to cover up how affected he was right now.

They arranged themselves the way Kakashi had originally thought, his ear pressed against Gai's chest, snuggled up against Gai's body, their arms around each other. Gai's face rested against the top of his head. With the blanket wrapped around them, this position was very warm. It was pleasant.

"Kashi…" Gai hesitated. "You're not like anyone else I ever met."

"Neither are you," Kakashi said quietly.

Gai fell silent for a few moments. "You were awake as well. But you said nothing. And then your chakra spiked a little bit. Were you afraid? Were you thinking of the battle, too?"

Kakashi cringed guiltily. Gai's very real and normal fears contrasted with his childish, distorted, phobic reaction. "Will you hate me?"

"No." Gai sounded shocked. He stroked Kakashi's hair as if it were the most normal thing to do in the world. "Why should I hate you?"

"I'm childish. And weird."

Gai snorted. Kakashi felt Gai's chest rising and falling, fluttering, and realized that Gai was choking down laughter.

"What's so funny?" Kakashi whispered.

"Those are two words usually applied to me," Gai said, and Kakashi could hear the grin in his voice.

Kakashi felt an answering grin spread across his own face. "You're right. I'm in good company. I forgot."

"Why is that?" Gai asked, his breath tickling the top of Kakashi's head.

"Because lately, you haven't seemed childish and weird to me at all," Kakashi said quietly. "You haven't since we were twelve." Words long overdue.

Gai stroked Kakashi's back with gentle, strong fingers. "Hmm."

"Just 'hmm'?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow, even though Gai wouldn't be able to see his expression.

"I never thought you were strange or weird," Gai whispered. "Or childish. You were, you always have been, my hero. And I suspect you shall keep continuing to be so."

Kakashi blushed, heat coursing through his cheeks and then flooding his body. "Good night, Gai."

"Good night…hero." Gai spoke the word far too seriously for Kakashi to think it a joke.

There really was no response for that, so Kakashi let it go.

By the time Kakashi realized he hadn't told Gai what he had been afraid of, Gai was fast asleep, and he was not far behind. He listened to Gai's heartbeat in the darkness with his eyes closed and smiled. _That's okay. I'm not afraid anymore anyway. _Kakashi let Gai's even breaths and warm heartbeat lull him to sleep.

**xXx**

Kakashi woke up with his cheek pressed against Gai's chest, feeling warm and comfortable. He blinked vision into his good eye and found he'd awakened because of the orientation of the cabin. The window let in morning sunshine that fell in a slim beam over his face.

He closed his eye and considered going back to sleep. The slightest of movements as he shifted, letting his head rest against Gai's chest, suddenly revealed to him that he was hard.

Kakashi tensed in spite of himself.

The tensing of Kakashi's body against his was enough to wake Gai. "What…?" he murmured. Then his eyes snapped wide. "Kashi. I've got –" He jumped up, virtually knocking Kakashi off of him. "I've got to pee." He shot from the cabin with an expression of flustered embarrassment.

Kakashi rolled onto his side, dazed. In the two seconds before Gai jumped up, his thigh had brushed against Gai's hardness. _Morning wood._ Until this point, they'd both successfully shifted during the night to prevent the awkwardness of bumping into each other in the morning.

He climbed to his feet and walked out of the cabin, locating Gai around the side of the cabin to the left by Gai's chakra signature. "I need to go, too," he called. "I'll be over here." He jerked a thumb at the right side of the cabin, even though Gai couldn't see him, and walked around the side to relieve himself over the side of Tenzo's wooden planking. Everything disappeared harmlessly into the dark and murky swamp water.

Once he was finished, he made himself presentable again and walked back to the front of the cabin.

Gai was already there, looking more embarrassed instead of less. His face was red, and he was running a hand repeatedly through his hair.

"Gai?" Kakashi tilted his head, surprised.

"I had sexual dreams about you," Gai whispered.

Kakashi was blindsided and groggy without some tea to wake him up. "When?"

Gai fidgeted and turned a brighter shade of red. "All night."

Kakashi wanted to laugh. "It was because of our sleeping positions. You have to admit it was rather more…ah…intimate, than usual." He felt a little bad for Gai. Having those dreams about him had clearly been unexpected, and now that the morning came, unwelcome.

"Did you have dreams about me?" Gai asked.

On every other day of the week, Kakashi could have said yes. However, last night all he'd dreamed about was a cabin by the lake. He'd dreamed that he'd gone there, wandered through this swampy forest somehow and found it again, like an oasis in all the muck and darkness. And Sakumo had been there, dressed in his civvies and holding a fishing pole, looking just as he had on that vacation. Happy. Relaxed. Intact. And for some reason, all Kakashi had asked his father about was his grandfather. _'Where is Grandfather? Can I see him, too?' _

And surprisingly, Sakumo had said, _'He's just around the back. Come with me. You'll see him – he's catching a whopper, too, by the sound of it.'_

They'd just taken a few steps when Kakashi woke up.

Kakashi smiled at Gai ruefully and scratched his temple. "Yup. I dreamt about you all night."

Gai let his breath out in a whoosh of air and looked relieved, his color largely returning to normal.

"It's just our sleeping positions, like I said." Kakashi patted Gai on the arm.

Gai laughed. "Right." He flashed Kakashi a thumbs up. "Let's cook breakfast!"

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked away. "Maa, okay. I guess I can help since I'm already up."

Bensaku and Tenzo woke up while Kakashi was starting a fire for the frogs Gai caught and cleaned. Gai could catch anything. It was like some kind of secret talent. Kakashi knew it had a lot to do with Gai living in the wilderness outside of Konoha as a child. Gai's grandfather had been a kind of hermit, and had raised Gai until his death when Gai was nine.

"Frogs?" Tenzo made a face.

"They're good," Gai said enthusiastically, sticking skewers through them. "You know, some people eat these all the time, Tenzo."

"I didn't know that," Tenzo said. He shivered. "Horrible. Those poor people."

"Those poor frogs," Kakashi said lightly.

Gai laughed. He set the skewers over the fire, resting them on 'Y' shaped branches he'd found to prop them up with.

Bensaku raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it weird to eat frogs when your master's teacher summons toads?"

"Toads and frogs hate each other," Kakashi said matter-of-factly. "They're completely different creatures. They feud."

"Oh."

"It's alright," Kakashi said. "Not many people know that frogs and toads don't get along. I wouldn't know myself if it weren't for Jiraiya-sensei."

Bensaku nodded slowly. "That's interesting."

"Kakashi knows a lot of interesting stuff," Gai said brightly.

Kakashi blushed and hid behind his book. "Maa…did you say something?"

"I was saying –" Gai faltered when he saw that Kakashi was reading his volume of Icha Icha.

"What kind of interesting stuff?" Bensaku asked. "Go on, Maito." Kakashi could have sworn he heard mischief in the captain's voice.

_Uh-oh,_ Kakashi thought, turning the page in his book. _This doesn't bode well._

Gai looked at Kakashi uncertainly. "Well, as I was saying, Kakashi knows a lot of interesting stuff. He knows all the lyrics to the top ten pop songs that have come out for the past six years."

Tenzo snorted. "Really? Does Sempai sing?"

"I don't know if he does or doesn't," Gai said. "He's very secretive."

"Really?" Tenzo grinned, chortling. "Sempai, we should all go to karaoke sometime. It could be a team-building exercise."

Kakashi didn't respond.

"Hatake singing," Bensaku said, sounding amused. "That would be something."

Kakashi strove not to show a reaction. _Fine, Gai. Embarrass me as much as you like. Just don't talk about one thing. _If Gai told Bensaku and Tenzo about the sex education lessons, he'd die of embarrassment. If the embarrassment didn't finish him off, he'd kill himself.

"And he's very good at knot-tying," Gai continued. "Kakashi's shown me all sorts of new knots to tie since we've been friends. I bet he could tie any kind of rope into any kind of knot there is."

"Can he? Now that's a useful skill," Bensaku said.

Gai nodded. "Very useful. If we ever have to capture somebody, Kashi can tie them up. Or if we ever have to scale a wall without using chakra, Kashi could make sure we made it to the top safely."

"I'll have to consider that when taking on new missions," Bensaku said.

"Kakashi also knows history," Gai said. "He's heard of all sorts of things I've never heard of. And he reads a lot of eclectic books, too."

Bensaku snorted. "I'm glad to know it's not just Icha Icha. That stuff will rot your brain."

"Maa, I hear a lot of mumbling," Kakashi said. "Is something going on?"

"And apparently, it degrades your hearing, too," Bensaku said.

Tenzo stifled a burst of laughter with his hand. "Nah, Taichou, Sempai's just too cool to acknowledge us right now."

Bensaku raised an eyebrow. "Ah, is that so?" He tapped Kakashi's book.

Kakashi glanced up.

"That cool attitude is going to get you in trouble someday," Bensaku told him.

Kakashi shrugged. He dropped his gaze back to the panel he was on.

"I'm serious," Bensaku said.

"My 'addiction' is a personal problem," Kakashi said. "As long as I do whatever I need to in order to help the team accomplish the mission, what do you care? This is ANBU."

"Hey," Bensaku said sharply, yanking the book out of Kakashi's grasp and closing it. "ANBU is not just a bunch of cold-hearted slobs. We care about our teammates just like anybody else. We live just like everybody else. We've got lives. You being here is not an excuse to hide from life."

"Maa, I didn't mean…" Kakashi stammered, cringing. He was taken aback by Bensaku's sudden intensity. He'd only meant his words to be a playful dig, a challenge to make the captain come up with a good retort. "Taichou…"

"No," Bensaku said. "No more books until we get back from our mission. I can't monitor you at home, and I hope to God I never have to, but at least while you're under my command, in this wilderness, there's going to be no more reading day-glow orange books full of nude pictures." He tucked Kakashi's book into his vest.

Kakashi reached for it pitifully, but let his hand drop when he saw the expression on Bensaku's face.

"Wow," Tenzo said. "I've seen that coming for a while."

"Shut up, Tenzo," Bensaku said. "It's not time for joking right now. Hatake has a serious problem, and we need to help him kick it. We've no excuse for letting him suffer. He's one of our team and he needs our help."

"I don't need help," Kakashi protested.

"It is an addiction, and with any addiction, one needs help," Bensaku said firmly. "Now, admitting that you have a problem is step one."

Kakashi scowled at him.

"We'll get you there." Bensaku looked determined. "And then we'll get you through."

"I'm not addicted to porn," Kakashi said. "If you'd read Icha Icha, you'd know that. It's not solely pornography. It has good points."

"And lots of pornography," Bensaku said. He tapped the book-shaped bulge in his vest. "Hence my decision to take this away."

"If I die from withdrawal, you're explaining it to my ninken," Kakashi said. "And I guarantee they'll be giving you puppy eyes the entire time. I hope that image haunts you. Sad puppies."

"If it comes to that, I'll kneel down and dry their little puppy tears," Bensaku said.

Kakashi sighed, defeated. "Fine. Keep the book. I'm not going to need it, anyway."

Bensaku clapped a hand down on his shoulder. "That's the spirit, Hatake! You're stronger than this."

Kakashi looked to Gai. "Don't you have anything to say about this?"

Gai shook his head, wide-eyed. "Um…the frogs are done."

Tenzo flopped over on his side and curled up in the fetal position. "Blech. No thanks. Just rice for me this morning."

"Don't be dramatic," Bensaku said. "Frogs taste fine." He grinned. "And you'll need your protein."

Kakashi was relieved that Bensaku's paternal attentions were shifted off of him. _No Icha Icha? _He felt a part of him wilting on the spot. Maybe Bensaku was right. He was too attached to his books. But surely it wasn't an addiction. _It's a coping mechanism, that's all. It's entirely different,_ he comforted himself.

Gai handed out frog skewers and dished up bowls of rice.

Tenzo chewed reluctantly. "I guess they wouldn't be so bad if we had some teriyaki sauce."

"You'd eat anything if it was drenched in teriyaki sauce," Bensaku said.

"Exactly."

Kakashi snorted. "Come on, frogs are good for you. You should put more frogs in your diet."

"Blech." Tenzo made a face. He ate a few bites of rice and drank some tea to wash the frog meat down. "That's never gonna happen. For one thing, I'd have to catch them, and they're slimy and gross."

Gai smiled brightly. "I will catch the frogs for you, young Tenzo."

Tenzo looked at him in horror. "Oh, Gai, don't." He summoned up a sickly smile. "I don't want you to go to the trouble."

"It is no trouble at all," Gai said. "I would be happy to help a friend and teammate." He took a large bite of frog off of his skewer, and then grinned. "I will also teach you how to cook the frogs and season them to perfection."

"No." Tenzo looked crestfallen, as if he'd just lost his appetite forever. "Just no."

Bensaku laughed. "Aw, give the guy a chance. He's trying to help you out, Tenzo."

Kakashi couldn't keep the chuckle out of his voice. "Maa, besides, we should always be trying to expand our cultural horizons. Food is the gateway to culture. Like music. We should eat as many different foods as possible on our travels."

"Like pig stomachs stuffed with cereal grains," Bensaku said, grinning. "And fried maggots."

Tenzo curled into a reproachful ball. "Stop it. Stop it now, or I'll throw up."

Bensaku rolled his eyes and looked away, smiling, which was the unofficial signal to lay off. After their breakfast, they cleaned up the camp, and had Tenzo deconstruct everything.

Kakashi called in his pack from their guard duty, and they set off, headed for the border. And home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

Squirming their way out of the Land of Floods took more time than getting there had, but that was normal. The journey back was always longer than the journey there. Everyone was tired, and depending on the results of the mission, sore, chakra depleted, and possibly carrying one or more injured people.

_This time,_ Kakashi reflected, _we were lucky._

The border had been shrouded in a curtain of rain like it had been the first time they crossed, going the other direction. It seemed the rain was a permanent weather phenomenon. The grass grew long and lush, but plastered close to the ground. Long reeds of grass hid the puddles – practically ponds – which meant that no one was ever prepared for stepping onto the water. Their feet went straight through, into shockingly cold water.

Bensaku was in the lead by far, his rain cloak swirling around his shoulders with every gust of wind. A flash of lightning appeared over the distant forest, a purple vein of light juxtaposed beside Bensaku's head due to the trick of perspective. Then, three heartbeats later, thunder cracked and rolled over the rain-soaked plains.

Kakashi was far behind with Tenzo, plodding relatively carefully and trying not to get too soaked.

Gai was somewhere in between, drifting between keeping pace with Bensaku and slowing down long enough for Kakashi and Tenzo to get within five strides of him before he sped up again.

Typically, Gai took these weather conditions with enthusiasm. He whipped around, droplets of water running down his mask, and called, "Race you to the outpost!"

Until he'd heard Gai calling, Kakashi had been watching his feet, scanning for pond sized puddles. At the challenge, Kakashi's head snapped up. He tilted his head at Tenzo. "How about it? You want to race me and Gai?" This was the first time he had asked Tenzo to participate. He wasn't sure what the answer would be.

Tenzo almost fell into a puddle. "You – " He recovered his balance and straightened his shoulders. "You're on!"

"We'll race," Kakashi called to Gai. He grinned behind his mask. _A three way race. Well, this is new. _

"Think you can handle the extra competition?" Bensaku asked.

"I don't know," Gai said thoughtfully. "Young Tenzo isn't very swift. I doubt he will pose a serious challenge for me."

"I meant me," Bensaku retorted, and started running.

Gai comically froze in place, and only reacted when their captain's distant, white-cloaked form disappeared into the trees some 500 yards away in the blink of an eye. "Hey! Benku-taichou…no fair!" He ran desperately, ducking his head.

Kakashi laughed. "Come on. We're going to be left behind." He gestured to Tenzo and took off, gaze pinned on Gai's armored back.

"Wait up, Sempai!"

Kakashi didn't heed Tenzo's call. He was determined to close the gap between him and Gai. At the very least, he could tie for second place, even if Bensaku was long gone – which he suspected the captain would be. He couldn't help the smile on his face, or the laughter that was bubbling up in his chest. He hadn't felt so free in a long time.

Once he burst into the forest, running full-tilt across the tree branches and kicking off of the tree trunks, Kakashi felt Gai's chakra closing the gap with Bensaku's. He could imagine the grin on Gai's face as his friend closed in on the captain.

Tenzo was a mere handful of steps behind him. When Kakashi glanced over his shoulder, he could see Tenzo, a flurry of white rain cloak trying to catch up. Everyone knew that Tenzo would be last, but that hardly seemed to matter in a race like this. It was just about fun.

In a matter of heartbeats Kakashi broke out of the forest, a trip that had taken half an hour the first time through. But then, they had been trying to preserve their chakra and their stamina. Everyone was really ripping it up. Even Tenzo. Tenzo was so close behind him that Kakashi could hear Tenzo's panting.

_He won't last much longer,_ Kakashi thought. And he could see Gai some twenty yards in front of him, racing to the distant white tower of the outpost. Bensaku was several feet ahead, trying to keep his lead. And laughing.

Kakashi had never heard Bensaku laugh like this. It was a carefree, breathless sound. It sounded for all the world as if Bensaku, the stern ANBU captain, had simply caught the giggles.

"You can't catch me!" he roared at Gai.

Gai didn't respond.

Kakashi thought he could see what was coming next.

Gai suddenly blazed with a white aura of chakra, and he doubled his speed.

_Yup. That idiot's just opened the first gate. _Kakashi shook his head.

Comically, in spite of the borderline cheating, Gai stayed a step or two out of arm's reach of the captain, seemingly unable to close the gap any further.

Bensaku was still laughing.

Gai wisely closed the first gate before he did any damage.

Kakashi took this opportunity to shoot up behind him and tag him on the shoulder. "Caught you."

"No fair!" Tenzo yelled. "Wait for me!" He sounded strangled from the exertion of running.

"This is a race," Gai called back. "To slow down would defeat the purpose of the exercise."

"Exercise?" Tenzo was visibly unused to burning chakra in this way. He still had plenty of it, but Kakashi could feel the ragged, flame-in-the-wind quality of Tenzo's chakra signature. "This is killing me!"

"Hardly," Bensaku called, his voice carrying easily. "You're doing excellently. Keep it up."

"Taichou," Tenzo cried, "slow down and carry me. I'm tired."

"Not on your life, Tenzo." Bensaku shot even further ahead, making conversation over the distance impossible.

However, Kakashi noted that Bensaku was slowing down over the distance, and judging by the sudden spike in Gai's chakra, Gai saw it too.

Kakashi barely slowed down and grabbed Tenzo's arm, yanking him into equal position, when Gai took off.

"I've got you!" Gai exclaimed.

"Never!" Bensaku burst out laughing again, running hard.

"Get him, Gai!" Kakashi called. He couldn't help himself. He was enjoying himself too much. He pulled Tenzo along, forcing Tenzo to keep up with him, even if Tenzo thought it was impossible.

Tenzo didn't have the breath to complain. He also seemed to realize that for all his hard breathing, he wasn't collapsing. Kakashi felt his chakra firm up, the uncertainty burning away.

Kakashi grinned to himself. He pushed Tenzo a little harder, slowly creeping up on Gai's position.

By this time, they hit the border of the outpost, the grassy lawn indistinguishable from the plains around it except for the little electrical charge that buzzed across Kakashi's skin. The lookouts at the top of the outpost's tower kept watch for everyone approaching and made the decision whether to allow the newcomers through the barrier jutsu. It was an elegant system, one that Kakashi and the rest of his team thankfully didn't have to give a second thought to. He had no idea what would happen if someone unauthorized tried to cross the barrier.

Gai and Bensaku both had slowed even further, the last remnants of their stamina petering out.

Kakashi slapped Tenzo's shoulder and jerked his chin at their teammates, then sped up. Tenzo lost a little ground, but he held himself steady at a couple steps behind Kakashi.

"They're catching up to us!" Bensaku yelled at Gai. "If you've got any more, turn it on now. You're gonna lose your lead."

Gai let out a groan of exertion and ran harder. He still couldn't quite grab Bensaku's elbow. His fingers brushed air.

Bensaku dodged and kept running.

Kakashi closed the gap between him and Gai to six feet. He knew when he was done, though. He wasn't going to get any more speed out of himself.

They made it to the outpost in a loose group.

Bensaku caught himself against the wall of the outpost's main tower, panting and unsteady. He turned around to greet the rest of his team, his posture sagging and his chest heaving. "Whoo." He choked down a chuckle. "Keeping ahead of you is a chore."

Gai half-ran, half-stumbled to the wall as well, slapping his hand against it next. "I almost caught you." His voice was ragged from running, something Kakashi didn't hear often.

Kakashi tagged Gai's shoulder again and then leaned against his friend, unabashedly using Gai as a crutch to keep from falling on his face. "Maa, that was fun."

Tenzo caught up to them, panting and wheezing. He stopped in front of the captain with a lurch, legs shaking.

Bensaku slapped him on the back. "Good job, Tenzo."

Tenzo bent over double, bracing his hands on his knees. "Don't…make me do it again, Taichou. I almost…died fifty yards ago."

Kakashi snorted.

"You need to join me in my training, young Tenzo," Gai said, propping his hands on his hips. "I do twenty laps around Konoha every day – sometimes fifty when I am feeling especially youthful."

"Around K-Konoha?" Tenzo sputtered. "You mean, the whole village?"

"Hai," Kakashi said, nodding. "Every day. Between one and three in the afternoon."

"But that's when it's hottest!" Tenzo straightened with disbelief.

"I know that," Gai said. He flashed Tenzo a thumbs up. "Sweat is good for you. It gets out all the body's impurities."

"Along with every ounce of moisture you possess," Tenzo said. "No thanks. I think I'll stick to my treadmill in my living room, with my nice, fresh, air conditioning."

"Nature has air conditioning," Gai said. "It's called wind. And she turns it on when she feels one is worthy."

"Too inconsistent for me," Tenzo said. "I'd rather have comfort." He gestured at the entrance to the outpost. "Speaking of which, I would like to go inside. Get a cup of hot chocolate. Dry off. Take a shower. Get into clean clothing. Take a nap."

"First, we have to report," Bensaku said. "It's important to let the commander know our findings. In advance of a formal report, ANBU control needs to know what to do."

He walked through the front door of the outpost with a dignified air, as if he hadn't just raced his team in a childish game of tag and laughed all the way.

Tenzo hung his head. "How can he get his breath back like that?"

They pushed through the door after the captain, catching up to Bensaku in the hall and trying to act equally as nonchalant when they passed through the security checkpoint with him.

Kakashi thought, looking at Bensaku's back as they followed him down the hall to the commander's office, that their captain was full of surprises.

**xXx**

Commander Kuma, Bensaku's childhood friend from his genin days, sat behind his desk. As in keeping with his codename, he wore a stylized bear mask. He was built similarly to Bensaku, but he was a bit taller. Kuma was the same height as Gai, but about ten pounds heavier. And it was all muscle.

"Ah, Usagi-taichou," Kuma said formally, nodding at Bensaku. In official settings, Kakashi noticed that they only referred to each other by their animal designations. "You're back. What have you learned? Give me a thumbnail report."

Bensaku bowed. "As you wish, Kuma-shou."

Kakashi, Gai, and Tenzo bowed as well.

"Our information-gathering mission confirms that Rain and Rivers are locked in a civil war over the disputed land designated Floods," Bensaku said.

Kuma nodded. "We expected you would find that. Major devastation?"

"Too much conflict to tell definitively," Bensaku said. "In the area we saw…no. The land appears intact."

"Who's winning?" Kuma asked.

"Judging by the skirmishes we saw, Rivers is currently more powerful than Rain," Bensaku said. "But due to the level of conflict, we were forced to end the mission early. Without backup, Floods is a deathtrap."

"I understand." Kuma nodded.

"We did eliminate two teams of River nin we came into contact with," Bensaku said. "I am not sure how that affects the overall war. Probably not much. We were not seen; our presence remained undetected."

"Very well," Kuma said. "Thank you for the initial report."

Bensaku stepped forward. "Ah…I would also like to note the leadership material of one under my command, Souka. Briefly the team was split during the battle, with myself handling one end of the battlefield and Souka handling the other with his two teammates."

Kakashi froze. He was Souka. The word 'souka' meant 'hunting dog' or 'hound'.

"Souka handled himself well," Bensaku said. "I think he'd be ready soon for a team of his own."

Kuma tilted his head. "Acknowledged. What an honor, Souka. Usagi doesn't hand out compliments easily."

"We all know that, Commander," Tenzo said, sounding as if he were grinning. "Our Taichou is a tough taskmaster."

"It's only natural," Kuma said. "Our sensei was the same way."

Bensaku grunted.

"Was he as vocal as Taichou?" Tenzo asked.

Commander Kuma laughed. "Alright, Toraneko, that's enough picking on Usagi-kun."

Tenzo bowed. "Yes, sir." Toraneko was Tenzo's codename because it meant 'tabby cat'. Either 'tiger' had already been taken, or Tenzo had chosen the name freely. Kakashi didn't know enough about Tenzo to say one way or the other.

Kakashi seized the moment of silence in order to correct Bensaku's report of his supposed valor. "Maa, I don't think I'm worthy of any commendation."

He expected – and received – a look from Bensaku. He ignored it. "I mean, I've only been in ANBU for two years, and I'm not in a position to lead. Look at my medical records. My whole life has been fraught with loss and torment, surrounding the loss of my teammates and sensei. I would be the worst person you could put in charge."

His team was stunned silent.

"I see," Kuma said slowly. "Your humility is refreshing, Souka…however, I trust the words of your captain."

"Souka protected Umigame and Toraneko with his life," Bensaku said. "That is what being a captain is all about. I believe him to be excellent leadership material."

Umigame was Gai's codename, meaning 'sea turtle'.

"I let Umigame be captured," Kakashi corrected.

"And then you did your dead level best to rescue him," Bensaku said.

Kakashi was becoming increasingly agitated. He suppressed the temptation to shift around, knowing that if he appeared restless, he would be taken less seriously. Reporting was all about poise.

"And anyway, it's my responsibility, for splitting the team without any warning," Bensaku added, pressing his advantage. "If anything had happened, it wouldn't have been your fault."

_I don't want to leave my team. I just got here. You need to give me some more time. _Kakashi knew that if he actually said that in front of Commander Kuma, it would be hopeless. He had to appeal to his superiors with logic. "Regardless of fault, whenever something occurs that is a normal job hazard, I go into psychiatric treatment for six months. Minimum. I would always be taking time off, especially if I were the captain at the time that injuries and deaths occurred. If I blame myself already, when the weight of responsibility isn't mine, how am I going to fare when the responsibility is? I'm a good teammate. Nothing more. Putting me in command would ruin me."

Kakashi's heart pounded at baring himself so completely, but he needed to make a strong impression. Bensaku's comments to Gai flashed through his mind: _He'll have his own team soon. That's just the way it is. _He couldn't stand to be separated from these people he'd just laughed with and played with. Exposed his softer side with. Shared his insecurities with.

Kuma studied him in silence before finally saying, "I don't make those kinds of decisions, Souka. I'm only the commander of this outpost. But I will make a note of recommendation that will be added to your file. My name does have some weight in those kinds of things. If you feel you're not ready for promotion, I will note it and send it to ANBU command."

Kakashi bowed. "Thank you."

**xXx**

They left the office in a hushed group.

When they were one hallway down, Bensaku let loose his frustrations. "What the hell, Hatake?"

"I was just telling the truth," Kakashi said.

"You made me look like an idiot in front of my friend!"

Kakashi was set back on his heels. He hadn't remotely considered that. "I…I'm sorry."

"Forget it." Bensaku instantly swallowed his anger and squared his shoulders. "So where are we going now? The mess hall?"

"I am kind of hungry," Gai said. "We burned a lot of chakra out there."

Bensaku didn't answer.

_Don't punish me for not wanting to leave,_ Kakashi almost blurted.

"You should tell us about your sensei sometime, Taichou," Tenzo said suddenly, changing the subject in an obvious attempt to weather Bensaku's churning tides.

"No."

"Why not?" Tenzo asked.

"Because that crap's for history books," Bensaku said.

"Oh…" Tenzo nodded knowingly. "So you didn't like your sensei, did you?"

"Shut up."

"Wow, are you cranky," Tenzo said. "Does the topic of your sensei hurt that bad?"

"It has nothing to do with my sensei, Tenzo," Bensaku said. "Just drop it."

_No, it has to do with me, and ruining your good mood,_ Kakashi thought. He didn't know what else to do. He'd said he was sorry.

"Kuma-shou seems to like your sensei, though," Tenzo said.

Kakashi grew concerned that this conversation would end with a larger than usual blow-up. "Ah, Tenzo…"

"Is there some big, bad secret about your sensei that only you know?" Tenzo asked.

Bensaku stopped mid-stride and turned around. "Stop being such a little kid."

"How am I being a little kid?" Tenzo protested.

"You're poking your nose in where it doesn't belong, and you're refusing to take 'no' for an answer," Bensaku said. He faced forward and started walking again.

"That just sounds like our job description," Tenzo protested, hot on Bensaku's heels. "I think it's more childish to not answer an honest question asked by a beloved teammate."

Bensaku froze. Everyone behind him stopped. For a moment, there was dead silence.

"When you get to be my age, you've long left childishness behind," Bensaku said finally. His voice was oddly flat.

Kakashi felt a pang. That was a sentiment he could understand. But he was deeply confused. How had he set off Bensaku? _Was it really making him look foolish? Because that doesn't seem like the Taichou's style at all._ And this talk about leaving childishness behind…that seemed to be about something else. Was it a smokescreen, or did it genuinely have to do with something Kakashi had reminded him of?

Tenzo appeared not to notice the gravity of the captain's response. "How old are you, Sensei?"

"Never mind."

Kakashi knew something was wrong. Bensaku hadn't bothered to snap at Tenzo for calling him 'Sensei'. He wanted to signal that to Tenzo somehow, but he didn't know how.

Tenzo rolled along unchecked. "You can't be that old," he said comfortingly. "I can't hear your bones creak."

"Bones…creak?" Bensaku said the words with a special kind of enunciation.

Kakashi wanted to back away from this situation, fast.

"Yeah," Tenzo said. "The really old people, their bones creak. You can hear 'em from a mile away. That's why you don't see old people in ANBU."

Gai looked amazed. "I didn't know that. Is Benku-taichou close to retiring?"

Bensaku blew up. "That's it! Two hundred laps before bedtime, Maito! I mean it!" He stormed down the hall at a pace that dared anyone to follow him.

No one was brave enough.

Gai turned to look at Kakashi piteously. "What'd I do, Kashi? I don't understand."

"Oh, well." Kakashi sighed. "It's okay." He dropped an arm around Gai's shoulders. "I'll stay while you do those laps."

Tenzo stood in the middle of the hall and watched Bensaku disappear through a set of double doors. "I really thought he would get mad at me."

"Did you want him to?" Kakashi asked.

Tenzo shrugged. "I don't know. I just expected it. I was prodding him pretty hard." He turned to face them. "For him to go off on you, Gai-sempai…I don't know. That's kind of weird."

"I certainly don't understand it," Gai said. "I was simply asking a question."

"Bensaku-taichou read an implication into your inquiry, Gai," Kakashi said. "He thought you were saying that he was old, his bones creaked, and that he ought to retire." At least he knew the answer to Gai's question, even if he didn't know why he'd made their team leader so angry.

Gai was bewildered. "I didn't say any of that."

"That's what an implication is," Kakashi said. "It's something you don't say but you mean." _Wait. Is that what I did with Bensaku? What did he think I meant?_ He searched over his words, but he couldn't figure out anything that stood out as being so offensive that Bensaku would fly off the handle at everybody. He'd have to think about it more.

Gai was silent for a moment. Then he ventured, "If you mean it…why don't you say it?"

That was the heart of the problem between him and Gai right now. Kakashi sighed. "I don't know." _I wish I did. Why don't I just say I love you? Why doesn't Tenzo show his interest for the Taichou in some healthy way? Why doesn't Bensaku just admit that he wants Tenzo to look at him in a light besides Taichou or father?_

"If you always said what you mean, where would be the fun?" Tenzo said, sounding as though he wanted to fill the uncomfortable silence that followed after Kakashi's statement.

"Spoken like a true ANBU," Kakashi said lightly.

"Why, thank you, Sempai." Tenzo bowed.

Kakashi clapped a hand on Gai's shoulder. "Maa, I guess you better do those laps. It's getting dark."

"How are you going to pass the time while Gai-sempai is doing laps around the outpost if you can't read your Icha Icha, Sempai?" Tenzo asked.

Kakashi cringed. He'd forgotten.

"I could bring you guys something from the mess hall and hang out with you and stuff," Tenzo said, looking away and trying to generally look casual.

Kakashi smiled. "Sure."

Tenzo brightened. "Great. I'll be right back with something to eat. What do you want, Sempai, Gai-sempai?"

"Anything will do," Gai said kindly. "I'm just really hungry from doing all that running."

Kakashi scratched his temple. "Yeah…it'll take you much longer to do those laps now that you're low on chakra. You'll be relying on your physical strength and speed alone."

"You think Benku-taichou forgot that when he sentenced Gai-sempai to the 200 laps?" Tenzo asked.

Gai tilted his head ruefully. "I think that is a distinct possibility."

In Bensaku's mood, Kakashi wasn't so sure. _Maa, I really screwed things up._ He stuffed his hands in his pockets and trudged back out into the cold and wet with Gai, while Tenzo parted ways to go to the mess hall.

Was it so wrong not to want to lose what he'd gained with his team?


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

* * *

Kakashi and Tenzo sat side by side, watching Gai do his laps. Or, the part they could see without moving.

They had a perfect view of the home stretch from a cement porch behind the back door of the mess hall, where one would normally wheel in deliveries of food packed in crates. Kakashi guessed by the bleak construction and side by side ramp and stairs that it was actually an unloading area.

The porch, or unloading area, was sheltered from the intermittent rain by the eaves of the roof. Not for watching friends make punishment laps in the rain, but for safety reasons, since no one wanted to slip while trying to get 500 pounds of frozen fish from the back of a cart to the pantry of a military kitchen. Still, Tenzo seemed content to use the loading area for that purpose, and Kakashi couldn't blame him. They'd spent enough time in the rain.

"Sempai, how come you said all that stuff about being sick?" Tenzo asked, kicking his feet idly.

"Maa…" Kakashi tore his gaze from the sight of Gai plowing through the sodden grass again on his forty-third lap. There was something unexpectedly beautiful about the sight of Gai running, a spray of water kicked up with every movement. "Did you say something?"

Tenzo gave him a look. "That doesn't work as well when you're not holding Icha Icha."

Kakashi asked, "Have I ever told you that you're getting smarter every day?"

"Flattery won't work, either," Tenzo said. "I want to know the answer, Sempai."

"Why?" Kakashi asked.

"Yes," Tenzo said.

"It's true." Kakashi went back to scanning the field for Gai's reappearance. He could see Tenzo staring at him out of the corner of his eye. "I am not unaware that I have problems. It's just that porn addiction happens to not be one of them. My problems are all depression related."

He glanced at Tenzo with a cheerful smile, trying to pass off what he was about to say as no big deal. "Maa, and if this team makes me happy, why should I want to leave?"

Tenzo was stunned anyway. He whispered, "We make you happy?"

"Yeah." That was all Kakashi was going to say on this subject, even under torture. He glanced back at the training field in time to see Gai zip through it, running somewhat more clumsily than Kakashi was used to seeing.

"How am I doing, Rival?" Gai called.

"Fine," Kakashi called. Actually, he was afraid that Gai was going to slip on the wet grass, or give himself chakra exhaustion. But those weren't the most encouraging words, so Kakashi kept his criticism to himself.

"Why didn't you just tell Taichou that?" Tenzo asked, his voice still soft.

"What?" Kakashi scratched his temple.

"That we make you happy," Tenzo said. "I bet he'd get off your case…"

"I can't hear you," Kakashi said. "The rain is too noisy."

Tenzo gave him a dirty look, but didn't say anything more about it.

Kakashi pretended not to notice.

It occurred to Kakashi after a few minutes of silence that he could ask Tenzo about their captain. "Ne, Tenzo?"

Tenzo's head snapped up. "Yeah?" He looked at Kakashi curiously. "What is it, Sempai?"

"How well do you know Bensaku-taichou?" Kakashi asked.

Tenzo shrugged. "I don't know. Not that well, I guess. Why?"

Kakashi scratched his temple. "Do you know why he would be angry with me for saying those things to the commander?"

"Well, he said you made him look stupid," Tenzo said.

"Yes, I know," Kakashi said. "But do you think he's telling the truth?"

"How should I know?" Tenzo shrugged again. "That could be it. We don't know how he feels about Kuma-shou. It could be like a Kouhai-Sempai thing. He could be really stuck on wanting to look good in front of his Sempai. Like he wants to do a good job, so his Sempai is proud of him."

Kakashi smiled slightly. He found Tenzo's answer unexpectedly revealing. "Maa, well, I'm sure Kuma-shou respects Taichou."

"You think so?" Tenzo looked away thoughtfully. "I hope so."

The idea that anyone could look up to him even a little bit was amusing, but Kakashi could almost believe it of Tenzo.

**xXx**

After Gai finished his laps, they went inside. Gai was sweaty, soaked, and grass-stained. He had fallen once or twice during his laps, and he was limping as well. They walked in a loose triad on the way to the showers. They'd already gone by the barracks and staked out a row of three beds to sleep in, and retrieved some clean clothing to change into after their shower.

"Are you alright?" Kakashi asked.

Gai turned his head and gave Kakashi a combined grimace-smile. "Fine. I just kicked a rock on my way to complete my one-hundred and fifty-first lap. It's nothing."

"Maybe you should get that checked out," Tenzo said. "After all, you probably kicked that rock going sixty miles an hour."

"I'm fine," Gai said.

"Well, wiggle your toes for me and let me make sure," Kakashi said, uncovering his sharingan. "I should be able to see any broken bones by the change in chakra flow."

Gai stopped with a sigh and wiggled his toes.

"Maa…alright." Kakashi reluctantly covered his sharingan. "You look okay. It's just bruised, probably."

"Yes, I told you," Gai began.

"Forget it," Kakashi said. "You're a notorious liar when it comes to your physical health, and we all know it. So you don't have to pretend."

Gai looked surprised, then smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "You can be so blunt sometimes."

"You need it sometimes," Kakashi said.

Tenzo glanced from one to the other.

"You need to be reminded that we know you, can see through you, and don't have to believe any of your excuses if we don't choose to," Kakashi said. "It is far more satisfying for us to actually care about you than it is to pretend that everything is okay."

Gai blushed.

"Yeah," Tenzo said slowly. His brow furrowed as if he'd just realized something. "You're right."

Kakashi glanced at his teammate. He was curious, but he wouldn't ask.

"It's always better to care for someone openly," Gai declared.

Now it was Kakashi's turn to flush self-consciously. He watched his feet the rest of the way to the locker room. _I'm trying…but you'll never know the true extent of it. Will you, Gai? You'll never notice. Because I can't put myself out there the way you do. _

**xXx**

The locker room showers were large, with partitions between the stalls, but no doors. The partitions were lined with shelves, holding things like soap, shampoo, and sponges. When they got there, no one was there ahead of them. The locker room was deserted.

"Well, we missed the evening rush," Kakashi said. "That's a good thing. I hate to shower around that many people." The outpost was permanently home to a staff of about 500, including the lowest ranking shinobi that served as cooks and janitors and the like. In addition, teams were always passing through on the way to somewhere else.

Kakashi, Gai, and Tenzo picked out lockers to leave their clean clothes and sandals in until they were done showering, then took clean towels from a shelf and crossed over into the shower area. The floor was egalitarian gray tile, rough and sandpapery against Kakashi's bare feet.

He chose a stall at random, and noted that Gai picked the one directly to his right, and Tenzo the one on the other side of Gai.

When Kakashi turned on the water, he was grateful to find it hot. "Oh, good. I was afraid we'd have to shower in cold this late in the day."

"That would suck," Tenzo agreed.

Soon, conversation was impossible without raising their voices. Three showerheads thundering at once filled the locker room with sound like an echo chamber.

Tenzo was in and out of the shower in less than five minutes. The level of noise seemed to drop substantially as soon as Tenzo turned off his shower. He gave a sigh of relief. "Nothing like being clean."

"You have finished already?" Gai looked amazed. "You were so swift."

"You know me." Tenzo grinned. "I hate long showers." He rubbed himself dry and walked across the room to the locker area, getting dressed. "Well, see ya. I'm off to brush my teeth and hop into bed. I hope I sleep for at least fourteen hours. I'm beat. All that running today really took it out of me."

"Good night," Kakashi said.

"Yes, goodnight, Tenzo," Gai called.

That left him alone with Gai. Kakashi felt an automatic pulse of heat at the thought and flushed, embarrassed at himself. But unlike Gai, he hadn't masturbated since they left Konoha, and three days seemed more than enough time for his sixteen-year-old body to build up sexual tension. Especially since he'd been around Gai the entire time.

It dawned on Kakashi all over again that they were alive, and they were going home.

He sighed, exhaling a long breath in relief, letting his head bow into the path of the shower spray. The patter of pressurized water massaged his scalp.

Bensaku's words during the report to Kuma-shou had frightened him badly, putting him back on red alert just after he'd relaxed. Kakashi hadn't realized how badly until just now. He'd tensed up, expecting… _I don't know. Abandonment?_ It seemed the moment he had put any trust in Bensaku at all, he'd been betrayed. How quickly he'd been hurt pointed out to Kakashi that he still wanted a sensei. In spite of the fact that Bensaku might not be offering to be that kind of person in Kakashi's life, the chance of losing Bensaku's support to promotion, to 'the way things are', just about gave Kakashi a panic attack.

And then, on top of it, Bensaku had been angry with him for trying to defend himself.

Kakashi backed up and glanced into the stall next to him. He needed to see Gai, have visual confirmation even though he could feel Gai's chakra buzzing away.

Gai paused in the act of shampooing his hair, both hands buried in his dark locks and covered with foam. "Huh?" He looked over his shoulder at Kakashi. "What is it?"

Kakashi shook his head slightly. "Nothing."

"It seems like something," Gai said reasonably.

Kakashi put on a cheerful smile. "Want some help with washing?"

"Well, I don't think I need –"

"I'll scrub your back," Kakashi said. He moved behind Gai and started washing Gai's back with the sponge in his hand. He half-expected to be kicked out of the shower stall. Gai would have every right. His help hadn't been asked for, after all.

Gai paused in what he was doing and let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Kashi. That feels nice."

His heart jumped. This was the first time he'd helped Gai take a shower. Usually they just washed themselves. He ran the sponge over Gai's shoulders, down his shoulder blades, washing down to Gai's lower back. He didn't know if he would be able to resist doing something very bad if he allowed the sponge to travel any lower. He followed up the sponge with his hands, taking the excuse to feel the powerful muscles in Gai's shoulders.

Kakashi kneaded Gai's shoulders lightly. To his surprise, he had some difficulty making an impression. He also found a couple knots. "Your shoulders are stiff."

"Yeah, well…" Gai trailed off, looking over his shoulder at Kakashi uncertainly. "It is a little painful, maybe." He smiled. "Nothing that sleep can't cure!"

"Sleeping with these knots in your shoulders might be difficult," Kakashi said. "Your neck muscles might tense up, too." He ran his hands over the back of Gai's neck, feeling. "Maa, they're tight already."

"Well…What do you think I should do about it?" Gai asked.

Kakashi smiled at him cheerfully. "I'll take care of it, Gai. I'm already back here."

"But you're not a trained masseuse," Gai said. "I'd hate to trouble you with a thing like –"

Kakashi kneaded Gai's shoulders with more intent, half-consciously directing chakra to his hands to help relax the knots.

" –that," Gai finished, strangled. He shivered. "Kashi, feels good."

Kakashi swallowed. A pulse of heat shot through him at Gai's response. "That's alright. It's no trouble at all." He continued massaging. The knots gave way under his ministrations, but Gai's muscles were still a little tight. He leaned a little closer, their bodies almost touching. It was a little cold being out of the path of the shower, and Gai's body was nice and warm.

"Mmn." Gai bowed his head. He tilted his head to one side and then the other, letting the shower wash out the shampoo in his hair.

"That's right. Just relax," Kakashi said softly. "I'll take care of you." He longed to be able to say those words in another context.

Gai moaned.

Kakashi kneaded the tenseness out of Gai's muscles.

"Kashi…this is really nice of you," Gai said. His voice was low enough to mingle with the sound of the shower spray. "I should do something to repay you. Anything…anything you ask of me…"

Kakashi definitely did not want that kind of key to the kingdom. "Just be my friend," he whispered. His eyes stung suddenly. "No matter what happens. No matter what…just be my friend." _Don't leave me. Don't leave me if you ever learn that I have extra feelings for you. I don't know what I'd do. The fact that I'm living…it's all because of you. _

Gai hugged him, pulling him into the path of the shower and getting his head soaking wet. The hot water hit him in a blast, half-blinding him and warming him through. Or it was Gai's hug. He couldn't tell. It was decidedly nice being hugged to Gai's bare chest.

"We are dear friends for all eternity," Gai said tenderly.

Kakashi's cheeks pulsed and burned. Now he knew some of the warmth coursing through him was Gai's hug. He turned to say something and had to steady himself against Gai to keep from slipping. He caught himself against Gai's chest with one hand.

"Oops." Gai placed his hands on Kakashi's waist. "Careful."

Kakashi looked at his hand and saw his fingers splayed across Gai's pec. His middle and ring finger were on either side of Gai's nipple. He'd just missed it. A pulse of heat went through him.

He realized his body was going to react further. "Maa, Gai, we better get out of the shower before we use up all of the hot water. We should try to be considerate."

Gai's eyes widened. "Oh! You're right. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize," Kakashi said, smiling at him. "I just think we better go." _Before you notice the erection my body is working on._

They walked together to the end of the locker room and got dressed in clean clothing. Then they went to the other side of the bathroom area to brush their teeth in a communal sink.

From there they went to the barracks to turn in for the night. Gai collapsed on his lumpy gray bed. Kakashi hesitated, then climbed into bed with Gai instead of sleeping alone, pulling the covers over them both and tucking in Gai properly.

Gai mumbled something in his sleep and snuggled up against Kakashi closely, hiding his face against Kakashi's chest.

Kakashi felt very warm. He stroked Gai's hair for a moment. He found the unruly black locks still damp.

With no Icha Icha to read, Kakashi found himself thinking about kissing Gai. He'd come very close in the past few days. And it would be so easy right now to lean his head down, tilt Gai's head up, and kiss Gai's lips. Gai was vulnerable. Freshly showered, his teeth brushed, Gai also smelled nice.

But Gai trusted him.

He sighed, kissed the top of Gai's head, and settled in, closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep. It wasn't hard, with Gai snuggling against him.

**xXx**

Kakashi steeled himself to go up to the captain's barracks and see Bensaku first thing in the morning. _I can't stay like this forever. I have to confront him and get this over with. _

The barracks for the higher ranking ANBU operatives was on the third floor, one floor above the barracks for people of Kakashi's rank. Sunlight slanted through the small windows, streaking the bleak gray room with gold. Kakashi scanned the rows of beds, but there was no need. There was only one person still in bed at this hour.

Kakashi was a little surprised to see Bensaku lying on his side in the bed. Bensaku usually got up at the crack of dawn, especially when they slept overnight at outposts, hostels, and hotels. The captain said a strange bed bothered him a lot more than the ground. Yet here it was, eight o'clock in the morning. Kakashi thought this had to be the only time in a barracks situation that he had ever gotten up earlier than his captain.

He padded up to the captain's bed. "Maa…good morning."

Bensaku let out a grunt and shifted. "What? What're you doing here?"

Kakashi poked his captain's shoulder. "I could say the same thing."

"I'm taking it easy." Bensaku rolled onto his back and looked up at Kakashi warily. "Is that against the law? Why don't you go downstairs and tell Tenzo and Maito to take it easy for a day or so, too? I know you're eager to get back to Konoha, but it's not that far from here, and we're in friendly territory."

That argument went against everything Kakashi knew about his captain. He didn't know how to approach that topic, so instead, he said, "You should discuss your anger with me. Unresolved issues will affect our teamwork." It was a by-the-book response that couldn't possibly be objected to.

"My anger with you?" Bensaku looked startled.

"Yesterday," Kakashi said.

Bensaku stared at Kakashi…then looked embarrassed. "Oh. That." He looked away. "No, forget it. I said something I shouldn't have. I'm always doing that." He grimaced. "Like sentencing Maito to 200 laps after that silly comment of his, knowing full well he'd burned most of his chakra racing me, trying to catch up. That was stupid. Did he do alright, by the way?"

"Maa…" Kakashi scratched his temple. "Yes. He did what you told him to. Tenzo and I sat and watched."

"That must've been boring," Bensaku mumbled.

"Yes." Kakashi shifted uncertainly. "Can I have my book back?"

"No."  
Kakashi felt he should have seen that coming. "Are you coming down for breakfast?"

Bensaku snorted. "Don't try to act like a mother, Hatake. You're bad at it. And no, I don't feel like joining you guys for some lousy breakfast. I intend to sleep in, and you can tell them so." He rolled over, cupping his pillow to his head.

"Maa…" Kakashi wondered what else he could say. Nothing came to mind. "Okay." He walked to the door and turned around, belatedly remembering basic manners. "Ja ne."

"Hmm," Bensaku said. Then the lump under the covers that was his captain lay still.

Kakashi took that as an indication that he should just go.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked down the hall on his way to meet the rest of his team, bemused. _It wasn't me? What does he mean by that? _It was always him. Or, that's what he had gotten used to. It was always him, his bad attitude, his thinking that needed adjusting.

Oddly, the thought that it wasn't him made him happy. He knew he should be worried about Bensaku – and he was, still. But all the same, his chest felt lighter anyway.

Halfway to the mess hall, Kakashi realized something important: In his new team, he wasn't anybody's scapegoat. When something went wrong, there was no one to turn to him and say, 'It was your fault!' In his new team, no one had to take that role. They all supported each other.

Maybe it was the maturity of living through a war. Maybe it was just that they had all been older when their team formed, instead of a group of bickering six-year-olds barely reined in by a young, eighteen-year-old teacher. Minato-sensei had struggled to keep a lid on Obito's blame-storming and Kakashi's name-calling, and Rin's crying whenever there had been an argument hadn't helped.

But whatever made this team different than the last, Kakashi was glad.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

When Kakashi got to the mess hall, it was two-thirds of the way full, teeming with slow-moving people in black spandex suits and white armor.

He located Gai easily by the green. Gai always refused to dress in standard black spandex suits, stating that black was not the color for him. Instead, Gai wore his brilliant emerald green, just like at home. Sometimes Kakashi thought that Gai's presence in ANBU was the most poorly kept secret in Konoha, but it continually surprised him how few people understood there was more to Gai than shouts of 'Hey, Rival!' and 'Youth!'.

Gai and Tenzo sat across from each other at one of the long tables further into the room. All of the tables were of the folding design: two rectangular tables with built in benches, connected by a hinge in the middle so that it could be folded and stored.

Kakashi made his way over to them, weaving around people carrying metal trays of food and navigating through the narrow aisles between tables.

"Hi." Kakashi plopped down next to Gai, looking at breakfast curiously. Gai had a bowl of rice topped by a sunny-side up egg, sprinkled with seaweed. It looked surprisingly appetizing. In addition, Gai had toast and little grilled fish. "That looks good."

"Why don't you get some?" Gai asked. He pointed. "They're serving rice just like this over there –"

Tenzo stifled a snicker.

In the time it took Gai to point, Kakashi had stolen Gai's chopsticks and started eating Gai's egg and rice. "Mm. You should."

Gai glanced back at Kakashi. "Huh?" Then he did a double-take. "Hey!"

Kakashi grinned. "You're right. You should get some more of this. I'm really hungry."

"Kashi, stop it," Gai protested.

Kakashi ate another bite of rice, and then relented. "Maa, here." He handed over Gai's chopsticks and stood, walking towards the serving station.

"Why do you always steal my food?" Gai asked pathetically.

Kakashi turned and grinned. "If I don't take a bite, how do I know I want any? You're my taste-tester."

Gai looked mildly mollified.

Kakashi chuckled. He came back with his own breakfast tray, laden with two bowls of rice topped with eggs and a serving of grilled fish. He rejoined Gai and slid one bowl of rice from his tray to Gai's. "Here. To make up for me stealing part of your breakfast."

A bewildered smile spread across Gai's face. Then he turned and hugged Kakashi tightly.

Kakashi flushed slightly. "Oi. It's not that big of a deal."

"You're so considerate!" Gai declared, squeezing him harder and then letting go in order to dig into Kakashi's gift rice bowl.

"Isn't that kind of a weird of consideration?" Tenzo asked. "I mean, he stole your breakfast before he replaced it."

"You just have to know Kakashi, young Tenzo," Gai said smugly, halfway through the bowl of rice already. "Besides, this is far more food than the few bites of rice and egg that he stole from me earlier."

"Whatever works for you," Tenzo said. He looked at Gai blankly. "I guess…"

Gai finished the bowl of rice and grinned, flashing Kakashi a thumbs up. "Excellent!"

Kakashi ate his breakfast at a slower pace, amused. "Maa, it's not like I cooked it or anything."

Tenzo rubbed his chin. "Sometimes it seems like Gai-sempai is determined to view everything you do in a positive light."

Kakashi slung an arm around Gai's shoulders and smiled cheerfully, leaning against him. "That's what friendship is all about."

"Maybe." Tenzo didn't look convinced.

However, he did change the subject. "Where's Taichou?" Tenzo asked. He looked around the mess hall. "I thought he would have been here by now."

"Oh, that's right," Kakashi said. He finished his bowl of rice. "He said he's not coming. He wants to eat later."

"He's not coming?" Tenzo looked crestfallen. "Are you sure? Why? It's not because he's still mad at us, is it?"

"He claims he's not angry anymore," Kakashi said.

That didn't seem to comfort Tenzo at all. In fact, he looked as if he hadn't even heard. Tenzo passed a hand over his face and said finally, "Well, we can't let him sleep through breakfast."

"He asked us to," Kakashi pointed out.

"He's never missed breakfast," Tenzo said.

"Also, we're not leaving today," Kakashi said.

"What?" Tenzo protested.

"The Taichou said that, too."

Kakashi didn't even get all of the way through his sentence before Tenzo jumped up from the table.

"I'm coming, too," Gai protested. "This sounds serious."

Kakashi trailed along after his teammates, back to the captain's barracks. He wondered what would happen since they left their trays behind. If they would get in trouble or not. He wasn't sure. He couldn't imagine it was good manners…but maybe people wouldn't actually care. Someone else might clear up their trays for them. Or an opportunist might simply steal their remaining food.

**xXx**

When they entered the barracks, Kakashi once again picked out their team leader easily as the only person still in bed. Bensaku looked as though he hadn't moved. Somehow, that set off alarm bells for Kakashi. He crossed halfway over to Bensaku's bed and then glanced at his teammates. "Ah…Taichou…?"

Bensaku groaned. "What? What is it? I thought I told you to go away and have breakfast like a normal kid."

Kakashi cleared his throat. "Gai and Tenzo are here, too."

"They – what?" Bensaku shot upright, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He stared at the three of them. "What for?"

Gai and Tenzo shifted uneasily. Kakashi could see the question in their eyes, and knew that he felt the same: Why hadn't Bensaku just sensed their presence?

Bensaku looked at them and sighed, sinking back onto the bed. He propped himself up on one elbow and gazed at them tiredly. He had rings under his eyes. Kakashi hadn't been sure before, but now there was no doubt. "Give me a break. Do you really need someone to babysit you? Why can't you just be good and go somewhere else for a while?"

Tenzo propped his hands on his hips. "You need to get up and eat breakfast."

Bensaku groaned. "Tenzo…go away." He flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

Kakashi took a step forward uncertainly. "You need to…" He trailed off at the flicker of absolute sadness in Bensaku's eyes.

Bensaku gave him a hard stare. "What, Hatake?"

"Tenzo has a point," Kakashi said.

"Really? You failed as a mother hen, so then you brought Tenzo up here? What's so hard about me needing to sleep? Is that such a tough concept that you have to get me out of bed? Is that it?"

"Taichou, I don't understand," Gai protested.

Bensaku gave him a look and then rolled onto his side, facing away from them. "Maito, you never do."

Kakashi frowned. _Now that's uncalled for._

"You're not supposed to be in here anyway," Bensaku said. "This is the captain's barracks. Now shoo."

Kakashi was ready to call it quits, but as he took a step back, Tenzo marched forward. He wanted to grab Tenzo's shoulder and haul his teammate away.

Tenzo went right up to Bensaku's bed and looked down at their captain. "Why aren't we leaving?"

"Some of us need more time to rest," Bensaku said.

"I'm fine," Tenzo said.

Bensaku snorted. "Not you."

"Who?" Tenzo demanded. "Gai-sempai? Kakashi-sempai?"

"It's me," Bensaku said.

"You?"

"It's me, okay? It's me. I'm tired. I need rest."

"Rest? How much rest? A few hours of rest? A day of rest?" Tenzo looked pale and defiant and angry. "It's not just breakfast, is it? Is it, Taichou?"

Kakashi covered his eyes with his hand and sighed. He fully expected Bensaku to blow up at them again.

"If you thought you were able to get up, you'd come get breakfast anyway," Tenzo said. "You'd never lounge around in bed. So what is it?"

"I'm chakra exhausted, okay? I used up too much juice. I wasted too much energy having fun like a little kid in some stupid race, expecting nothing to come of it if I went a little overboard. I was wrong." Bensaku's voice trembled with bitterness.

_So that's what he meant when he said childhood was behind him, _Kakashi thought. _The older we get, the less we bounce back from chakra exhaustion. He overestimated himself. And now he's…tired._ No wonder Bensaku had been trying to get them to leave him alone.

When Bensaku spoke again, all that was left in his voice was weariness. "Now I'm too shaky to stand up for long periods of time, too shaky to go the distance from here to the mess hall. So I'm just going to rest in bed."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Tenzo asked.

Bensaku sat halfway up and stiffened. He slowly turned his head to look at Tenzo.

Kakashi suppressed a wince.

"We're your team," Tenzo said feebly, wilting under Bensaku's gaze.

"Like I would tell you guys," Bensaku snapped. "If I admitted to being tired, it would be, 'Benku-taichou's getting old. Benku-taichou needs to rest. Do you need us to carry you on our backs like an old man, Benku-taichou?'" He crossed his arms over his chest, scowling. "Like I need that, when I'm already exhausted from fighting two, yes, two, jonin level enemies by myself."

"Two?" Tenzo protested. "I thought there was just one you went after."

"Count 'em, Tenzo," Bensaku retorted. "Two plus one equals three. That's three-quarters of a team. Where's the other guy?"

"There could have been casualties," Tenzo said. "There was fighting."

"Was there a body?" Bensaku asked. "Did you see a body in that clearing?"

Tenzo silently shook his head, looking at their team leader with wide eyes.

"That wasn't some empty threat that Rain nin made," Bensaku said. "He was going to report us to his superior: their team leader. I fought him and their team leader in the woods while you took care of Vine Guy and, ah, Reiko."

"The other ninja's name was Sazu," Gai said helpfully.

"Not now, Maito," Bensaku said.

Gai fell silent.

"You didn't tell us?" Tenzo looked at Bensaku with big eyes.

Bensaku faltered. It seemed that Tenzo's hurt expression was finally filtering through to him. "You were there for the report. I gave the report with you all in the room."

"But you didn't say you fought two people. You just said we fought two teams of River nin, close together, and that we took them out."

"Well…" Bensaku shifted uneasily. "The inference was there."

"Barely." Tenzo pointed at him accusingly. "You should have told us the truth outright."

"Why? So you could baby me?" Bensaku glared at Tenzo.

"I…" Tenzo glanced at Kakashi and Gai as if for support.

Kakashi didn't know what to say. From his point of view, Tenzo had brought this on himself. Bensaku was rightfully angry at being treated like an old man and at being made fun of by a subordinate. To be honest, Kakashi hadn't thought an ANBU captain would put up with such behavior. Much less on a regular basis.

Tenzo focused on Bensaku, and his expression firmed. "Yes," he declared, his eyes flashing. "So I could baby you. Because then I'd be taking care of you, like you always take care of me."

"I refused to carry you in the rain, remember?" Bensaku said dryly.

Tenzo clenched his fists. "That doesn't count. I didn't really need it then. You were right. But when I have – when I did need babying, you did! And you did it without pointing it out, or complaining, or telling me I could do better. You just did. And now you won't let me do the same for you."

"I'm…" Bensaku appeared to be struck speechless. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm not letting you…" He sighed heavily. "Go away. If you really want to help me 'feel all better', or whatever it is that's going through your brain, bring me some miso soup later from the mess hall. That's about it. Just get off my case about being old. Make fun of me for having nose hair. Whatever. Just not that 'old' stuff anymore." He added reluctantly, "It hurts."

Tenzo nodded sadly. "Okay, Taichou. I'll bring you some soup." He turned away and walked towards the door, then paused and looked over his shoulder. "Later."

Bensaku sighed.

Kakashi thought that perhaps that could have gone better. On the other hand, a confrontation seemed to be what Bensaku and Tenzo needed.

Tenzo stopped again in the doorway to the barracks. "I love you," he said timidly.

Bensaku gave a sigh so heavy it was almost a groan. "Go away, Tenzo." But he didn't sound as hurt as before. Kakashi could tell because the emptiness in the captain's voice was gone, replaced by half-hearted anger and poorly hidden affection.

Tenzo smiled, hearing the same thing as Kakashi, and left with more of a bounce in his step.

Kakashi and Gai followed.

"So where are you going to from here, Tenzo?" Gai asked. "Would you like to come train with us?"

"I'm going to the mess hall," Tenzo said happily.

"The mess hall?" Kakashi asked. "You just ate." He narrowed his eyes. "It wouldn't be for the Taichou's miso soup, would it?"

Tenzo bit down on a chuckle but didn't entirely suppress it.

"You just left," Kakashi said.

"Fifteen minutes from now can be later," Tenzo said.

Gai rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "That's true, Kashi."

Kakashi wanted to bang their heads together, but he had to smile. "That's not what the captain meant."

Tenzo let out a full-fledged laugh. "I know." He looked over his shoulder at his teammates and grinned at them. "I'm going to bug him all day." He waved. "Ja ne!"

Kakashi waved back, resigned. He imagined that Bensaku's first temptation would be to kick Tenzo out of the barracks with a bowl of soup upturned on his head. He hoped, however, that was not what the captain did. Their team leader needed some TLC, and there was probably no one Bensaku would rather have do it than Tenzo.

Kakashi knew if he were feeling tired, he would want Gai to take care of him. He turned to Gai and smiled. "Well, let's go train."

"Alright!" Gai gave Kakashi a thumbs up, as excited as ever at the prospect.

Kakashi supposed some things just didn't get old. For Gai, training was one of those things.

**xXx**

The outpost had broad fields all around it in every direction, but Kakashi was drawn to the packed dirt circle that was obviously designed for sparring matches. He nodded at the sparring area, and then walked over there with Gai.

"Looks like they've already thought up the rules," Kakashi said.

"Yeah," Gai said. Kakashi could hear a grin in his voice.

"First one to touch the ground outside the circle loses?" Kakashi asked.

"I bet that I get you outside the circle first," Gai replied, stretching his arm.

Kakashi chuckled. "Or what?"

"Or I'll carry you the rest of the way home to Konoha," Gai said.

"Planning on using me as an oversized training weight?" Kakashi teased, dropping into a fighting stance. "That doesn't sound like much of a win for me."

"Well, you wouldn't have to walk," Gai said.

"You're right," Kakashi said. He grinned. The idea of getting a piggyback ride all the way home amused him. "Alright. You're on."

Gai took his time, stretching out his legs next.

Kakashi watched him, trying to judge how serious Gai was going to be today. "I bet that I land the first punch."

"Oh?" Gai tilted his head at Kakashi, and then chuckled. "What's at stake?"

Kakashi had to think. "Hmm…How about, if I don't land the first punch today, then I have to do fifty push-ups?"

"Fifty?" Gai protested. "I've seen you do a hundred without breaking a sweat. Don't be shy, Kakashi. Wager something big. Be youthful! To be youthful is to take chances on your winning and losing."

Kakashi thought they did enough of that as shinobi. However, he turned his mind to trying to think of something appropriate. "If I don't land the first punch, then I have to fight the rest of the match, and every match after for the rest of the day, without using my hands. How's that? Is that youthful enough?"

Gai stopped stretching, startled, and then exploded with enthusiasm. "What an excellent wager! You truly are a hip and cool rival!" He clenched his fists. "I look forward to seeing whether or not you accomplish your youthful goal!"

"I'll most likely be black and blue by the end of the day if I don't," Kakashi muttered. But in spite of his reservations, he was pleased that he had managed to excite Gai.

Gai straightened, did one final stretch, and then flashed a thumbs up. "I am ready for our match to begin."

They started out easy on each other; they always did. Gai's fists swooshed past Kakashi's head as he dodged. Kicks missed their mark. Slowly, their pace grew faster, their attacks melting into each other with practiced grace. A smile spread across Kakashi's face. Gai let out a laugh. This was the natural high of sparring together; they knew each other so well, it was almost live weaving an intricate, ever-changing dance around each other.

Of course, the grace of the dance had to be interrupted sometime.

Kakashi clipped Gai's mask with a punch he'd intended to crack against Gai's jaw. He followed through, three more punches in quick succession, and missed Gai's shoulder, his chest, his stomach, by fractions of a centimeter.

"That wasn't a full hit, it doesn't count," Gai said.

"I know it doesn't," Kakashi said. He ducked a high kick and attempted to uppercut Gai's groin in a split second of irritation.

Gai, thankfully, grabbed the top of his head and used it as a spot to launch himself off of, jumping out of the way with a showy somersault. "What was that?" he protested.

Kakashi laughed. "That would have been amusing."

"For who?" Gai protested.

Kakashi lunged for him. "You know who."

Gai dodged a punch aimed for his solar plexus, grabbed Kakashi's arm, and threw him.

Kakashi used chakra to slow his momentum and landed just inside the sparring circle, arms spread wide. "That was close."

Gai charged him.

Kakashi had no time to think at all. He was going to get caught with his arms wide and his midsection wide open. Desperation took over. He made a clone and leapt high into the air.

Gai plowed through his ghostly image and fell flat on his face on the grass outside the sparring circle.

Kakashi landed, light on his feet, and turned around.

Gai whined something muffled into the grass.

"Sorry," Kakashi said. He walked over and helped Gai up.

Gai spat out a mouthful of grass.

"You face-planted hard, huh?" Kakashi felt a little bad, but it was also funny. Gai didn't often go flying like that.

Gai scrubbed his mouth on his sleeve. "You usually don't use ninjutsu so early."

"Maa, I'm sorry, but I have a bet at stake," Kakashi said.

"I did, too," Gai protested. "Now I have to carry you all the way home."

Kakashi chuckled. He patted Gai on the back. "Don't worry. I'll try to be as light as possible. Another round?"

"Yes," Gai said, walking with him back into the sparring circle. "I need some revenge."

"Revenge?" Kakashi pretended to be shocked. "But, Gai, haven't you heard revenge is never the answer?"

"It's the answer to one thing," Gai said.

"What's that?" Kakashi asked.

"My rival winning the first round in a sparring match," Gai said.

"Maa, I guess that's true." Kakashi tried not to laugh.

They started the next round, and Gai did end up taking his revenge, beating Kakashi solidly with a combination of strategy and bloody-mindedness. In spite of the fact that Kakashi inched towards victory at landing the first punch, and he did avoid being punched himself, he still ended up on the ground, and with his head outside the ring.

"Did you have to hit me so hard?" Kakashi asked pitifully, though he wasn't more than lightly bruised and dirty.

Gai laughed and helped him up.

Kakashi noticed that people were starting to gather at the training ground. He thought that he and Gai would be asked to move aside for some of the regulars at the outpost, until the man in the black bird mask nodded at them and said to a companion, "A thousand yen on the green one."

The person he'd spoken to, a man in a monkey mask, laughed. "Hey, no way. I'm betting on Inu all the way. Inu's going to kick Kame's ass."

Kakashi flushed slightly at that reference to him. "Kame," he said to Gai teasingly, "it seems we're being used for entertainment this afternoon. Why don't we give the people a show?"

Gai's actual codename was Umigame, or Sea Turtle, but the ANBU stationed at the outpost wouldn't know that. They were calling Gai just plain 'turtle'. Likewise, Kakashi's codename was actually Souku, which meant 'hunting dog' or 'hound', but due to his mask, he'd been reduced to 'dog' by their observers. Kakashi didn't mind the handy nicknames they'd been given. He thought it was amusing, actually.

"Ten percent of our chakra," Gai said immediately.

"Deal," Kakashi said. They'd hold themselves to only using ten percent of their chakra, which would keep them from hurting each other, but would provide enough flash to satisfy people.

They circled each other with intent.

Gai attacked first, with a flying kick.

Kakashi repelled Gai with his forearm and immediately launched a fireball at him.

Gai flickered and reappeared at his side, grappling with him.

Kakashi shook him off.

The match was on.

Kakashi was careful not to reveal too many of his abilities to their onlookers. He didn't want to expose his range and allow anyone to put together that he was Konoha's Copy Ninja. He stuck to using fire release techniques in conjunction with low-level ninjutsu, and did his best to counter Gai's advanced taijutsu techniques.

But Gai always was better at taijutsu, and he pressed his advantage.

Kakashi managed to out-fight him, but barely. Getting behind Gai and trying to take him down from there really didn't work anymore. It hadn't been a one-time fluke in their sparring match at home. Kakashi was impressed. At the end of the round, Kakashi was breathing heavily and sweating. Not being able to use ninety percent of his chakra meant doing a lot more work the old-fashioned way.

By now, a human ring had formed around the sparring circle, a crowd of interested ANBU.

Gai pushed himself back up. "Another round." He gestured. "Come on."

Kakashi bowed. "As you wish." He came at Gai, fire dancing on his fingertips.

Gai avoided half a dozen punches and blocked the rest, finally admitting defeat in Kakashi's bet.

"Guess I get to keep using my arms after all," Kakashi said.

Gai grunted, too busy fighting for an opening to respond in words.

Kakashi guessed it was no surprise that in the end, he was facedown in the dirt with one arm twisted behind his back. His only satisfaction was hearing how heavily Gai was breathing. Gai's breaths were noisy behind his turtle mask.

"Alright, let me up," Kakashi said casually. "I give."

To his bewilderment, when he got to his feet there was actually applause.

Gai clapped him on the shoulder.

Kakashi scratched his temple and tried not to meet anyone's eyes.

Gai, on the other hand, flashed a thumbs up and gave Kakashi a one-armed hug.

Kakashi tried not to wilt with embarrassment. "Let's clear out and let someone else have a chance to practice, ne, Umigame?"

"Right."

Gai walked to the sidelines with him.

They were approached by the man in the black bird mask. "Nice work."

"Not really," Kakashi said.

"You play a mean game, Inu." The man sounded as if he were grinning. "I'd hate to spar against you."

Instead of responding to the compliment, Kakashi bowed. "Maa, it's Souku." He straightened. "Karasu?" he guessed, pointing at the man's mask. 'Karasu' meant 'crow'.

The man bowed. "Ah, it's Yatagarasu, actually. Nice to meet you." Yatagarasu was the name of a raven from a myth; the raven had guided an emperor on a journey to the land that eventually became known as the Land of Fire.

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask. "Let me guess: sensor nin?"

Yatagarasu laughed. "I was about to say the same for you, Souku-san."

"Maa, well, my designation is a little more complicated than that," Kakashi said. "But I do possess some sensing abilities."

"Likewise," Yatagarasu said. "But I'm primarily known for my wind jutsu."

"Ah, that explains the bird connection." Kakashi nodded.

"What about you? Why a dog?" Yatagarasu asked.

"It's my summon," Kakashi said. "Ninken."

"Ah, a summoning contract," Yatagarasu said. "Nice. You're lucky."  
"Nah. I envy those who can summon animals that are truly legendary," Kakashi said. "Like the Sannin Jiraiya."

"Yeah, Gamabunta is something to behold, isn't he?" Yatagarasu said admiringly. "I've heard he's enormous."

"Yes, I've heard that, too," Kakashi said.

Yatagarasu gestured. "And this is my teammate, Seiyuuki."

The man in the monkey mask bowed. He'd stayed within two paces of his teammate, but remained silent.

"Ah," Kakashi said cheerfully, bowing. "Another mythical name." Seiyuuki was another name for the epic tale _Journey to the West_, which centered around the Monkey King.

"Our whole squad's that way," Yatagarasu said. "We're called the Genjuu Squad." 'Genjuu' meaning mythical beast.

"Ah, the Genjuu Squad!" Gai exclaimed. "I've heard of you. Haven't you recently returned from Kusagakure?"

"In the Land of Grass, yes," Seiyuuki said, nodding. "That's right."

Gai rubbed his chin. "You suppressed a rebellion there, didn't you?"

"Whoops," Yatagarasu said. "I guess there're few secrets in ANBU."

"Word gets around." Kakashi shrugged.

"Well, don't let our team leader hear about it." Yatagarasu sounded as though he were grinning. "He'll have an aneurysm."

Seiyuuki laughed.

A young man wearing a mask stylized like a carp appeared across the training field and waved to them. "Oi! Time for debriefing!"

Yatagarasu gaze a start. "Ah. That's us." He turned and waved in response. "Sachihoko! Be right there! Tell the Taichou we're coming." Then he bowed to Kakashi. "Got to go, Souku-san. Nice meeting you. Maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

"Yes, nice meeting you," Seiyuuki said, bowing as well.

They jogged over to meet their teammate.

Kakashi waved. "Ja ne."

The other team disappeared inside the outpost.

Gai came to stand by him. "Well, that was nice." He wrapped an arm around Kakashi's shoulders. "It's good to see you be so outgoing."

"Outgoing?" Kakashi murmured, taken aback. "Hardly. They approached me. I was simply being polite."

"Which it would not have occurred to you to do, unless you were becoming more outgoing," Gai said triumphantly.

Kakashi could see that Gai was not going to change his assessment. "Maa, let's see if Tenzo has managed to drive the Taichou crazy yet."

Gai chuckled.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

* * *

When they went by the captain's barracks, Bensaku wasn't there.

"Maybe he's feeling better," Gai suggested.

Kakashi turned away from the bed and scratched his temple. "That must be it." They walked out of the barracks together, headed down the hall the way they came.

"Where do you suppose he is?" Gai asked. "Do you think he's with his friend, the commander?"

Kakashi frowned slightly. "I don't think so. It wouldn't be like the Taichou to disturb someone when they're working."

"Maybe he's getting lunch with Tenzo," Gai suggested. "We should check the mess hall."

"And you want lunch yourself," Kakashi teased.

"You know sparring always makes me hungry," Gai said. "I have to use a lot of energy if I want to match my Eternal Rival."

After lunch, they still hadn't found their captain, or Tenzo. Neither one of them traveled through the mess hall while Kakashi and Gai ate, and when they left, the other two members of their team weren't in the surrounding halls.

"I'm stumped," Kakashi said. "I guess we'll have to ask someone." In a place this teeming with life, with no combat going on, it was too difficult to pick out Bensaku or Tenzo's chakra signatures from the general buzz of energy. He supposed a sensor nin might be able to do better under these conditions, but he wasn't one, and neither was Gai. They would have to resort to information the old-fashioned way.

"Who would know where Tenzo and Benku-taichou are?" Gai asked.

Kakashi grinned. "The men at the security checkpoints, I'll bet."

With Kakashi leading the way, they went to the Security and Registration Point on the second floor. That didn't turn up any leads, other than the advice to check the one on the ground floor for information. "Someone ought to have seen them," the man in the giraffe mask said sympathetically.

Kakashi saluted. "Thank you." He glanced at Gai. "So let's make our way to floor number one, shall we?"

"Yes!" Gai bounced alongside him. "This is easier than I thought! Thanks, Kashi. I would never have thought of just asking the security people."

Kakashi chuckled. "That's what they're there for. Most of the time they probably get questions like these. After all, only an idiot would attack an ANBU base."

They walked downstairs and down the hall.

The Security and Registration Point on the first floor was manned by a deer, a walrus, and an alligator.

Kakashi hailed the three men with a wave. "Oi, we're looking for our captain. We're part of Team Usagi."

Deer and Alligator glanced at each other. Deer was taller and thinner, Alligator was shorter and heavier.

"Oh, Captain Usagi?" Alligator said. "He's in the sickbay."

"The what?" Kakashi looked at him blankly. _Why would Bensaku-taichou be in the sickbay?_

"In the hospital," the man in the alligator mask said.

Kakashi and Gai looked at each other.

"We didn't even know he was sick," Gai said.

"Beats me." Alligator shrugged. "Go see for yourself. It's that way." He pointed. "You go to the left, turn the corner, and it's at the end of the hall on the right. It says, 'Outpatient'. Go inside, and they'll direct you from there."

Gai bowed. "Thank you."

"Yeah," Kakashi said absently. He glanced at Gai. "Shall we go?"

"Of course," Gai said.

Kakashi shrugged. "Well, then. I guess we'll go visit our captain." He waved. "Ja ne."

The men at the checkpoint waved in return.

**xXx**

Kakashi and Gai followed the instructions and ended up in the hospital wing. A few exchanged words with a nurse at the front desk gained them a guide back to the captain's room.

The nurse, a woman in her early thirties with long brown hair, checked her clipboard and then the number on the door. "137, here we are. Captain Bensaku-Usagi." She bowed and opened the door, pulling back a curtain over the entranceway.

Kakashi nodded to her. "Thank you."

"Yes, thank you," Gai seconded.

She pulled the curtain and closed the door behind them.

Tenzo greeted them cheerfully. "Oh, hi! Are you here to visit Taichou?" Tenzo wasn't bothering with his mask. It hung at his belt.

Bensaku was reclining in a large hospital bed. A thin white blanket was over his lap, and he wore a hospital gown, neatly tied up in the back. The gown was a pale blue print with little white ducks on it. Kakashi wondered if Tenzo had something to do with that choice of patterns. Bensaku looked disgruntled and somewhat pale. His hair was mussed, and he wasn't wearing his mask.

"What happened?" Gai asked.

"Tenzo dragged me to the sickbay," Bensaku muttered. "What else?"

Tenzo wagged a finger at Bensaku and pouted in a scolding fashion. "Taichou had some internal bleeding he wasn't telling us about."

"I didn't tell you because I didn't know," Bensaku said, as if this hadn't been the first time similar words had been exchanged.

"Internal bleeding?" Gai sounded concerned. "How did that happen?"

Tenzo pouted at their team leader. "Taichou also didn't tell us he's been stabbed in the stomach when he fought those men he didn't tell us about."

"There were only two," Bensaku said. "And I did tell you about it. You just weren't listening."

"Now, now, Taichou, it's not nice to lie," Tenzo said.

Bensaku looked put out. He explained to Gai and Kakashi, "He came around trying to give me soup and found me in pain. He insisted that I get help for it, even though I told him the injury had healed already." He gave Tenzo a look. "I used medical jutsu on myself on the battlefield. I took care of it. There was no reason to tell you I'd been stabbed."

"Except that it turned out you didn't heal it all the way," Tenzo shot back.

"Maa, maa, it's fortunate Tenzo cares so much about you," Kakashi said cheerfully. "You'd be a dead man if that internal bleeding kept up."

Bensaku gave him a withering look.

Kakashi refused to wither.

"No," Gai said, amazed. "Really? You could bleed to death from the inside?"

"It's still blood loss," Kakashi said. "Just because blood leaks out into a different part of the body doesn't mean it doesn't count."

"Well, I'm fine now," Bensaku said. He scowled at them. "The med nin who took care of me patched up all the holes and multiplied my cell count."

"Benku-taichou," Tenzo said reproachfully.

"What?" He was an inch away from snapping.

"Don't make light of the situation," Tenzo said. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

"Is that so?" Bensaku said.

"Yes," Tenzo declared. "I am going to keep an eye on you."

Bensaku snorted. A smile crept onto his face that he was unable to suppress. "Are you, now?"

Tenzo nodded adamantly.

"Well, that's gonna be a full-time job," Bensaku said, his eyes glinting with amusement. "I am a terrible patient."

"Oh, I don't just mean while you're in the hospital," Tenzo said.

Bensaku flushed.

Tenzo bounced on the balls of his feet, looking proud of himself. "I mean for-e-ver."

_If you'd known how Tenzo was going to react, you would have tried being injured sooner,_ Kakashi almost said. He held himself in check. It would likely be bad for his health to make such jokes while Tenzo and Gai were around. Kakashi couldn't imagine their captain wanted the whole team to know his feelings for Tenzo. _He doesn't even want me to know._

Gai laughed and propped his hands on his hips. "That's right! Don't think that you can ever escape our care for you, Benku-taichou. You are an integral part of our team, and we shall treat you as such. You stand no chance of shaking us off when there is an emergency at hand."

"Then I surrender," Bensaku said. He held up his hands. "Meekly, of course."

Tenzo beamed. "Good!" He poked the tip of Bensaku's nose. "Now I am going to get you that soup you refused earlier. Now that your stomach's stopped bleeding, you might be able to eat it."

Bensaku groaned and rolled his eyes. "The med nin said no solid food for another twenty-four hours, Tenzo."

"Miso soup's not solid," Tenzo said. "It's liquid. It's just got some solid stuff in it."

"I suggest you get the broth but not the soup," Kakashi said.

"Good idea!" Tenzo gave Bensaku a smile. "I'll be right back." He shot from the room.

Bensaku lay back in the hospital bed with a tired sigh and adjusted the bed so that it was fully flat. "Hyperactive kid," he muttered.

"Maa…" Kakashi grinned. "He cares. That's an improvement over the shouting match earlier."

"He shouted because he cares," Bensaku said, closing his eyes.

Kakashi sobered at this demonstration that the captain understood where Tenzo was coming from perfectly.

"We all care," Gai said.

"I know."

Kakashi studied Bensaku's face for a moment. "Does your friend know? The commander?"

Bensaku grunted. "Kuma's already been down here, cussing me out for making poor command decisions and getting myself killed. He acts like it happened instead of me sitting here in sickbay."

"Well, you did worry him," Gai said. "It's only natural."

"Yeah."

Kakashi realized, staring at his captain, that he would have done the same thing. Exactly the same thing. He would have lied to Tenzo, minimized in the report, and tried to get over his pain by himself. _But maybe that's more selfish than I – or Bensaku-taichou – realized. Isn't it easier just to let people care about us?_

He thought he did let Gai care about him, though. Now. Looking back on it, the past still hurt a bit. He had turned Gai aside an awful lot of times before finally accepting Gai's attempts to help him. Minato's death was the last straw. He hadn't had a choice but to rely on Gai. And now they were so close that Kakashi could hardly call them best friends anymore. They were something more.

Kakashi crossed his arms, wishing he had his Icha Icha to hide behind. Thinking was depressing. "Maa, can I have my book back now?"

"No," Bensaku said. "Live a little. It's good for you."

Kakashi sighed. "I can feel myself wilting already. I'm like a plant with no sun."

"You're beginning to sound like Tenzo," Bensaku said.

"Next you'll be telling me to do fifty laps," Kakashi said.

"Only fifty?" Bensaku raised an eyebrow.

"Well…" Kakashi grinned.

"I'm aware of your power level, Hatake. It's much more likely that I would order you to do three hundred pushups."

Kakashi cringed, this time purposefully imitating his younger teammate. "Mercy, Taichou."

Bensaku chuckled. "I'll have to start calling you Tenzo's big brother."

That hit Kakashi harder than he thought Bensaku had meant it. He was effectively struck speechless. "Ah…" He shrugged lamely. _Big brother? Me? _"What is Gai, then?" Kakashi asked finally.

"Who will ever know?" Bensaku said.

Kakashi had to laugh.

"What does that mean?" Gai protested.

"I can't make heads or tails of you, Maito," Bensaku said. "You're like some strange, green…beast." He shrugged.

Gai posed with a thumbs up. "Indeed, that description befits my merciless training regime and my ferocity towards my enemies!"

Kakashi shook his head. "Gai…"

"The Green Beast," Gai said. "It sounds heroic, don't you think?"

Kakashi choked down a laugh. "No."

"Why not?" Gai asked.

"It sounds like a professional wrestler," Kakashi said. "I'd think it would be more of a Kumo ninja's nickname."

"Well, I like it," Gai said, just as Kakashi had feared.

Kakashi hung his head. "Now see what you've done," he said mournfully to their team leader.

"Everyone needs a nickname," Bensaku said. "Your sensei was The Yellow Flash."

"It was supposed to be Yellow Lightning," Kakashi said. "But everyone started calling him Flash for short, and it stuck. He was embarrassed. Yellow Flash sounds nothing like Yellow Lightning."

"I think it sounds about the same," Bensaku said.

"That's because you have no taste or style," Kakashi said. "Just like Gai."

"Maybe it's your sense of style that's malfunctioning," Bensaku retorted. "You're the minority."

"Those with expert opinions are always in the minority," Kakashi said.

"Well, I like The Green Beast," Gai said. "It's distinctive. And I am green…"

"Exactly," Bensaku said.

Kakashi sighed. "I am clearly outnumbered. May I please retreat to the confines of my graphic novel to escape this prejudice?"

"No." Bensaku gave him a look.

Kakashi sighed. "What would be my nickname, then, if everyone followed your formula? The Gray Blur?"

"The Gray Hound," Gai said immediately.

Kakashi flinched. "Maa, Gai, I think that's a little close to White Fang."

"What's wrong with that?" Gai asked.

"For one thing, it'd be too much of a clue to his identity," Bensaku said.

Gai rubbed his chin. "Oh…good point."

_For another, I don't want to be compared to my father,_ Kakashi thought. He held that comment in.

"On the other hand," Bensaku said, "The Gray Blur isn't a good nickname, because it's not complimentary."

Kakashi looked at him in surprise.

"Nicknames are something you can be proud of," Bensaku said.

"Gai can be proud of a nickname like The Green Beast?"

"Uncomplimentary would be The Green Monster," Bensaku said.

Gai cringed. "I definitely would not like to be called that. Good gracious."

Kakashi chuckled. "I see your point, Taichou."

"Well, we'll find a name for you eventually," Bensaku said comfortingly.

Kakashi looked away. "Please don't."

"Why not, Kashi?" Gai asked.

"'Souku' is fine," Kakashi said. "I don't need a nickname." He added, "Besides, 'Kashi' is a nickname."

"But I can't use that," Gai protested. "It would reveal your identity."

"And that's not a nickname, anyway," Bensaku said with a smirk. "That's a pet name."

Kakashi looked at their team leader balefully.

Tenzo came running in with a to-go container capped with a lid. "I got your soup, Taichou!"

"Did you get a spoon?" Bensaku asked.

Tenzo held up a plastic spoon encased in a wrapper. "I got that, too!"

"Good," Bensaku said tiredly. "Thank you."

Tenzo glowed.

"Could you see if there's a little table or like a tray I can eat off of while I'm stuck in this damned bed?" Bensaku asked.

Gai, Kakashi, and Tenzo searched the room.

"No, nothing," Gai said.

Bensaku sighed. "Oh, great."

Tenzo slinked over to Bensaku's bedside and gave their team leader a mischievous, half-lidded look. "Want me to feed you?"

"No," Bensaku said.

"Wanna do it yourself?" Tenzo said innocently. "Okay! I'll stand here, and you can sip the broth right off the spoon whole I hold it for you."

"Tenzo…"

"Okay. If you don't want me to stand here, I'll sit on your lap. But you'll have to say please." Tenzo winked at him and posed, leaning over the guardrail on the side of the bed as if he had cleavage to artfully expose.

"Give me the soup and get out of here!" Bensaku snapped, grabbing the to-go container and the spoon in the wrapper. "Get me some napkins if you really want to make yourself useful."

Tenzo cringed. "Yes, Taichou." He trudged off, hanging his head.

"What is with that kid?" Bensaku grumbled. He carefully took the lid off of the miso soup broth and lifted the rim of the to-go container to his lips, sipping it.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" Gai asked worriedly. "Because I'm not certain I know the answer."

Bensaku lowered the to-go cup and sighed. "It's a rhetorical question, Maito. You can relax."

"Maybe he likes you," Kakashi said, watching the captain closely.

"Then I pity who else he likes," Bensaku said, taking another sip of miso soup broth.

Kakashi inferred that Bensaku didn't believe him, and that the captain took Tenzo's behavior as straight-up mockery. "He's fourteen." That was all he could think to say about it without revealing to Gai what they were talking about.

"You mean he'll grow out of it?" Bensaku shook his head with a short, bitter sounding laugh. "I hope so. He's going to drive his future wife crazy."

"Maa, what makes you think he's straight?" Kakashi asked casually.

Bensaku flinched as if stung.

Gai's eyes widened. "Oh! Taichou, Kakashi could be right. Appearances can't convey the complexity of one's interior. We have no way of knowing which sexual orientation Tenzo prefers."

"I am not going to put the words 'Tenzo' and 'sex' in the same sentence," Bensaku said.

Kakashi grinned. "And here I thought you were going to say that you weren't willing to gossip about Tenzo behind his back."

"I'm not gossiping," Bensaku said stiffly. "I'm discussing. And on second thought, no I'm not."

"Why don't you want to discuss Tenzo?" Gai asked. "And why don't you think our young kouhai likes you? I think he likes you…"

"Drop it, Maito," Bensaku said.

Gai fell silent, his brow furrowed.

Kakashi discerned that the conversation was over. _Well, then, I'll go to work on Tenzo._ Then he mentally backed up. _What? Why am I tempted to play matchmaker? What purpose does this serve other than to make Bensaku hate me again after we seem to be building bridges? And it might make it impossible for me to be friends with Tenzo. _

Tenzo burst into the room, one hand waving a handful of something white and fluttering. "I got your napkins!" He skidded to a halt beside Bensaku's hospital bed and tossed the napkins on Bensaku's lap.

"What did you do, rip out the whole napkin dispenser?" Bensaku said wryly.

"I didn't know how many you needed," Tenzo said. "I wanted to make sure you had enough." He looked at Bensaku with wide-eyed anticipation and anxiety, seeming to forget anyone else was in the room.

Bensaku took in Tenzo's expression, glanced at the pile of napkins on his lap, and softened. "Well, this is certainly…enough." He gave Tenzo a tentative half-smile. "Thanks. I appreciate this. You don't have to go running across the base and back every time I…I snap at you. Try to relax a little."

Tenzo took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm glad you're…you're alright, Taichou. I was really worried you'd –"

"I'm not going anywhere," Bensaku said.

Tenzo nodded again. He looked at the floor, deep in thought.

"We'll see you later," Kakashi said. "I don't think so many people should be crowded into this room all at once." He took Gai's arm and gently dragged Gai out of the room with him.

"Where are we going?" Gai protested.

"Tenzo and Bensaku-taichou need some time alone," Kakashi said.

"Oh…" Gai allowed himself to be led away, not pressing Kakashi for an explanation.

Times like this made Kakashi relieved for Gai's trust in him. "We'll just occupy ourselves until it's time for bed."

"Okay," Gai said. "Want to spar?"

Kakashi shook his head and laughed at Gai's hopefulness. "Sure. But this time, maybe we could pick someplace more private. I dislike having an audience."

"Where are we going to find someplace private in an outpost?" Gai murmured thoughtfully. He rubbed his chin. "Outposts are supposed to be devoid of private places. That's the whole point. Security needs to be so tight that nothing can escape their notice."

Kakashi had to concede that his concept of 'private' had been highly idealized. The most he could hope for was 'less crowded'. Unless they left the outpost, which they definitely didn't have authorization to do without their captain.

He paused outside the entrance to the hospital wing, lingering in the deserted hall.

Gai leaned against the wall, waiting for his decision.

Kakashi scratched his temple. "Maa…why don't we ask the security people if there's anywhere we can go?"

Gai brightened. "You think they'll tell us?"

"We have to find out," Kakashi said.

They started walking.

"I wish we could just go home," Kakashi said.

"I know," Gai said. He touched Kakashi's arm sympathetically.

_If I were home, I know exactly what I would do to kill time_. Kakashi glanced at Gai. Being able to tread the line of morality with Gai in his bedroom, experiencing the thrill of being exposed and aroused, of not having to hide himself or his feelings…that questionable dance of flirtation seemed like a luxury he would never have again. _It's just hormones,_ he reminded himself. _Teenaged hormones. I'll be fine once we get home_.

He wanted to find an empty locker room and yank Gai into it for a kiss. But that was doomed to be yet another unfulfilled fantasy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

Kakashi asked the security people if there was a more private place to spar and was informed that there was to be no unsupervised sparring in the outpost. All sparring locations had to be chosen with full visibility, and there was no sparring allowed inside the buildings.

Resigned, he and Gai found a spot in the far corner of one of the training fields away from the more popular places and went to work. They mostly did glorified katas, trying to burn off tension more than anything. Kakashi couldn't think of anything else to do with his Icha Icha confiscated. He had to use up his nervous energy.

"I feel sorry for the Taichou," Gai said. "If we had been a little more experienced as a team, he might not have had to fight two people alone."

"We can't blame ourselves," Kakashi pointed out. "If we were more experienced, we probably wouldn't all be on the same team." That continued to bother him. He couldn't imagine having to go on missions without Gai. More than Tenzo and Bensaku, even though he knew it would hurt to lose them, he didn't think he could function without Gai.

He traded punches with Gai, both of them holding back so that it didn't jar them to block each other's blows. Kakashi knew that if Gai wanted, he could punch Kakashi through a tree without breaking a sweat. Similarly, a single punch from Kakashi could fracture Gai's radius and ulna.

Gai fell silent, concentrating on their training.

Kakashi knew that was a bad sign.

"I don't see what the point is," Gai said finally. "The stronger we are and the better we work together as a team, the more valuable we are to the cause. We should be allowed to stay together."

"I don't need to hear that argument," Kakashi said. He sighed and dodged a punch, jerking his head to the side. Gai's punch had been deliberately slow, to allow him to evade it. "ANBU mission control does. I agree with you."

"It's sobering to think that we might not be a part of this team for much longer," Gai said.

Kakashi wished Gai wouldn't bring it up. He didn't comment.

"Benku-taichou says it's normal, though," Gai said, obviously fishing for Kakashi's opinion.

Kakashi threw a punch a little closer to the mark than he intended, and was relieved when Gai ducked it easily. "It's normal. Yeah." _It's normal to make people suffer. It's normal to ask us to forfeit our emotions. It's normal to ask us not to care, not to love, to keep on going like good little machines, until we break for good. What then? Then they take our children and teach them the arts of war, to replace us. _

He wished he'd never been born a shinobi.

Kakashi sighed. Bensaku's comment about not being a child anymore and getting older, on top of the injury he turned out to have sustained, underscored for Kakashi that they were all running out of time, subject to mortality that would one day prove fatal. That everything that had happened to him was par for the course. And he could probably expect a lot more before his life was over.

"You are upset," Gai noted.

"I don't want to be put off of the team," Kakashi said. "Bensaku-taichou makes it sound like I'm going to be the first to go. That it'll be you, and –" The lump in his throat surprised him, making him choke a little. That ruined his attempt for a casual discussion. " – Tenzo, and the Taichou, and some other person who's not me, and I'll be the captain of an entirely new team, and I don't care that Minato-sensei led his first team at sixteen, that's not right for me."

"Then I'll go with you," Gai said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Kakashi's punch veered off, and he almost lost his balance.

"If it's between following orders and being on a different team than you, and disobeying orders and staying with you, I'm staying with you," Gai said.

Kakashi regained his balance and looked at Gai dumbly, thunderstruck. "You'll…you'll get in trouble," he said offhandedly, but his voice was wavering too much for his tone to be believable.

Gai grinned. "Sometimes it can't be helped, when a beloved comrade is involved."

Kakashi never thought that he would ever find someone who followed the same rule he did. He'd never dared to hope it would be Gai. Gai, who had always been inscrutable on the subject of duty and friendship. He was willing to suffer a million deaths, as long as he didn't have to suffer alone. Being alone was his worst fear.

Somehow, Gai had known that, and stepped into the hole left by everyone else's deaths. And even though they were growing up, growing older, Gai had no intention of leaving him.

Kakashi broke out into a brilliant smile behind his mask. "If there were a vendor around here, I would buy you ice cream."

"Really?" Gai looked flustered and pleased, and he blushed slightly.

Kakashi laughed at Gai's expression. "Really."

"When we get back to Konoha –"

"It's a date," Kakashi said. Then he thought about how that sounded. "I mean…Maa, you know what I mean."

Gai tackled him in a hug, and in a fit of inspiration, Kakashi let Gai's momentum topple them to the ground. Gai landed solidly on top of him.

Kakashi grinned at him. Their noses were almost touching. "Clumsy," he teased.

"I'm sorry." Gai scrambled off of him, wide-eyed.

"That's okay." Kakashi was tempted for a moment to tighten his hold on Gai's waist, to refuse to let his friend go, but the urge passed. He allowed Gai to settle down on the grass next to him. He couldn't resist reaching out and taking Gai's hand.

Gai looked at Kakashi with confusion. "Is there something wrong? Did my knuckled get scratched?" He glanced down at saw for himself that his wrappings had protected his hand.

"Maa…" Kakashi felt awkward. He couldn't explain what he was thinking. How much he happened to love Gai in this moment. That his whole body was flooded with feelings of warmth and gratitude just to be in Gai's presence. He brushed his fingers over Gai's hand. "Maybe your bandages are a little loose, though." And they were, but not enough to warrant fixing.

Kakashi busied himself fixing the wrappings around Gai's hand anyway.

Gai watched him with a bewildered expression, letting him go about his minor repairs.

Kakashi patted Gai's hand when he was finished. "There you go." He gave Gai a halfhearted version of his cheerful smile, and hoped that the warmth in his cheeks was not at all noticeable.

"Thank you." Gai examined his hand. "You did a very nice job." He added generously, "Maybe I should let you wrap my hands in the first place."

Kakashi felt a pulse of heat at this proffered excuse to touch Gai's hands all the time. "Sure. If you want me to. I don't know if I really do a better job than anyone else, though."

"I would feel most reassured," Gai said. "If you wrapped my hands, I would know that my hands are securely protected."

_Protected._ Something about that word in relation to Gai made Kakashi's heart jump. "Maa, we wouldn't want you to get hurt hands," Kakashi said. "Hands are a taijutsu specialist's life." A significant part of anyone's life, really. _Inane. Totally inane._

He thought back to the part of every romance manga where the first character was so in love with the second character that they spent the entire time around their beloved person making flustered utterances and behaving suspiciously. He inwardly cringed. _That's me, alright. _

"I won't be a taijutsu specialist forever," Gai said. He smiled at Kakashi. "But I would like to have my hands protected."

"Thinking of retirement?" Kakashi teased. "I thought talking about the future horrified you."

"Well, I don't like to think about getting old, but I don't want to be unprepared, either," Gai protested.

"What will you do?" Kakashi asked, attempting to sound as though he were just humoring his friend.

"Be a farmer," Gai said. He gazed at the sky.

"A farmer?" Kakashi tried to imagine that. Gai, wearing one of those big straw hats like the men who tended Konoha's rice fields. _That would be kind of cute._

"It's good, honest work," Gai said. "And it would give me a chance to be physically active without straining myself. Not to mention I would be bringing food to hungry families. I like that idea."

Kakashi's heart melted a little more. He hadn't thought that was possible. He glanced at Gai, and then looked up at the clouds himself. "Maa, maybe I'll join you."

"I can't imagine that," Gai said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Kakashi wasn't sure whether or not to be insulted. "Why not?"

"Because you'd be doing something artistic," Gai said.

Kakashi blinked. "Artistic?"

"I see how you look at the manga all the time," Gai said. "And how you always take the time to read the biographies in the back, even if I think they're boring. And you said once it would be great to be a writer like Jiraiya-sensei. So I think of you as doing something artistic when you retire. Like writing your own manga."

Kakashi flushed, taken aback at how well he had been read, without ever voicing his secret fantasies of following in Jiraiya's footsteps. "Maa…" He trailed off weakly.

"I think it would be nice to own a farm and have a studio for you out back," Gai said happily, oblivious to Kakashi's embarrassment. "In a barn or something. I asked where artists work, and a nice man selling radishes told me that artists usually have studios. I asked him what that was, and he explained it to me. So if you were an artist, you'd have to have one of those, wouldn't you?"

Kakashi thought that was more like what a painter would need, instead of a mangaka, but he wasn't about to shatter Gai's idyllic vision of the future. "Yeah."

He could imagine looking out from such a studio in a barn, across a field planted with rice, to see Gai tending his crop. He might even be tempted to draw such a scene. If he ever learned how to draw.

"I'd love to have a barn studio on your farm," Kakashi said. "I'd have an excuse to bother you all day, Gai-taosa." The title was a tease, 'taosa' being the word for the master of a farm.

Gai smiled contentedly at the clouds.

They stayed that way for almost two hours, pleasantly silent and letting themselves drift into natural meditation, communing with the world around them. All ninjas learned meditation techniques, but it had been a while since Kakashi had meditated with the grass and the wind instead of using his Icha Icha. It was oddly humbling; he'd forgotten the sensation of drifting untethered in the wind, like the seed of a dandelion, and the way the sky seemed to open up and swallow him.

When they relaxed fully from their exertions, they got up and stretched.

"Time to head inside," Kakashi said. He glanced across the open fields at the distant forest to the south, watching the roiling blue-violet clouds. "It looks like another storm is blowing in from the Rain country, and it's almost suppertime."

Gai popped his neck with an expert rotation and grimaced. "I'm all sweaty."

"Then let's take a shower," Kakashi suggested. "We don't have to stay this way." He had to admit he felt sticky as well. His spandex clung to him in an uncomfortable, damp way. Sparring twice in one day had pretty much soaked his clothes through with a combination of sweat and wet grass stains.

Gai nodded and led the way back towards the pale buildings of the outpost. "We should. A hot shower would be relaxing."

**xXx**

When they entered the locker room, there was no one there except for a man in his twenties getting dressed in the middle of the locker area. He braced one foot against the bench between the rows of lockers, pulling on his black spandex suit. Then he crouched, putting on his sandals.

"Oi, how come there's no one here again?" Kakashi asked, puzzled.

"Oh, here?" The man straightened, putting on his ANBU mask. It was a boar. "Shower time's at four for us lifers here at the base. Well, four for my shift, and two in the morning for the others."

"Maa, that explains it." Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Thanks, Inoshishi-san."

"No problem." The man strapped on his armor and exited the locker room.

"So we have the locker room to ourselves again," Gai said, sounding happy at the prospect. Kakashi couldn't see why; it didn't matter to Gai whether people saw his body or not.

"Yeah." Kakashi smiled at him.

They picked out their lockers and left their clean clothing in them, then disrobed and padded across the cold tiles to the shower area. Kakashi was relieved to peel off his sweaty clothing, and judging by Gai's sigh of relief, his friend felt the same way.

Kakashi headed into the stall straight ahead of him and turned on the water. For an instant, the water was cold, making him flinch. Then it abruptly turned hot. He sighed and relaxed into the spray. His first priority was washing the sweat from his body. He lathered up the waiting sponge and ran it over his narrow shoulders, across and under his arms, over his chest and stomach, and then his hips. He bent over, soft sponge gliding down his legs.

He straightened with a sigh, washed himself off, and then rubbed the sponge against the back of his neck. It felt good.

A split second's recollection of how it felt to massage Gai's shoulders shot through Kakashi's head. He paused. His nipples had hardened in an instant, and his body ached. He felt a telltale heat between his legs and glanced down anyway. _Maa…what do I do about this? Gai's sure to see it. But there's no privacy in here. I can't just take care of it. _

"Kashi?" Gai's voice came from the stall beside his, on his right.

Kakashi gave a start. "Yes?"

"I'll wash your back," Gai said. He stepped into the shower stall behind Kakashi and took the sponge out of Kakashi's limp hand.

Kakashi turned on his heel and stopped, paralyzed. His pulse jumped in his throat. _Why did I turn around? He'll be able to see me. All of me._

Gai beamed at him and squeezed the sponge. "I thought I'd return the favor, since it felt so nice last time when you washed my back for me."

"Maa…" Kakashi was glad his habitual genjutsu made his face appear masked. He didn't know what he would do if Gai was able to read his poorly concealed panic.

Gai playfully took his shoulders and turned him back around. "Just face this way, and I'll take care of it."

Kakashi couldn't form words.

Gai enthusiastically stroked the sponge down Kakashi's neck, across his shoulders and shoulder blades.

Kakashi squirmed slightly. "That tickles."

Gai chuckled. "But it feels nice, too, doesn't it?" He ran the sponge lower, over the planes of Kakashi's lower back.

Warmth surged through Kakashi's body in response. Low-level buzzing made his fingers tingle pleasantly.

The sponge slipped lower. Kakashi's erection jumped. If he wasn't fully hard before, he was now. Kakashi froze, not daring to move or speak. The sponge caressed his buttocks with circular strokes, firm and thorough. _That's not my back… _That pointless thought was the only one to surface.

Gai finished and reached in front of him, washing out the sponge. "There. Finished."

Kakashi opened his mouth, but no noise emerged. His body was flame.

Gai's hands suddenly gripped his shoulders. "Want me to massage you, too?"

"N-No, I –"

Gai squeezed and rubbed. "It's no trouble." His hands roamed over the back of Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi bowed his head. His neck was sensitive in general, and Gai touching it with large, warm, soapy hands felt better than anything he thought he'd felt in his life. His eyes drifted shut.

"How does it feel?" Gai asked.

"Good," Kakashi murmured.

Gai hugged him. "Good!" Then, before Kakashi could register Gai's intention, Gai peered over his shoulder.

Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. "It's not what you think." _Stupid. It's exactly what he thinks, isn't it? I got hard. _

"You should take care of that," Gai said. Amazingly, Gai sounded concerned for him.

"I can't," Kakashi said. His cheeks flamed.

"There's no one here," Gai said softly into his ear.

"But – But I can't be sure that someone isn't coming," Kakashi said, trying to sound reasonable. Inwardly, his heart raced, and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

"Facing towards the shower, with me behind you, it will be difficult for others to see," Gai said. "And if you are silent…"

Kakashi wanted to protest, but he'd used the same kind of argument on Gai. And they hadn't even been alone. He'd encouraged Gai to masturbate while Tenzo and Bensaku slept not ten feet away. In a bizarre way, this was retribution.

"I'll shield you," Gai said.

Kakashi couldn't deny that he was leaking. His fear of discovery pounded, only seeming to fuel his arousal at this situation. At Gai, innocent, oblivious, Gai, suggesting…

"Go on," Gai said softly. "It's okay."

Didn't he…sort of owe it to Gai? He squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his hand around his erection before he lost his nerve. He stroked himself quickly, quicker than he liked to start out. But this was so embarrassing…_Erotic_, his mind whispered.

A moan hitched in Kakashi's chest. He bit his lip. He could feel moisture welling up on the tip of his erection, and hot streaks of lightning shot through him. He bowed his head, watching himself, trying to block out the fact that Gai was watching him. Kakashi was afraid that if he looked at Gai he would end up doing something he would regret. Like kiss Gai senseless.

Halfway through, with his erection pulsing in his hand, his arm lost strength. He let his hand fall away from his erection. _What am I doing? Why don't I just tell him? Why am I going through all this? _

"What's the matter?" Gai asked.

"Nothing."

"You stopped."

"I can't." Kakashi couldn't explain.

"You can't –" Gai stopped. Kakashi cringed at the awkward silence. "Oh! You mean after so much training, your wrists are tired! I can help you with that."

"W-What?"

Gai slipped his arm around Kakashi and wrapped his hand around Kakashi's erection. "I know how to do this. I'll help you finish. This is what friends are for."

Kakashi hissed and arched back against Gai's body, his hips pressing into Gai's touch. Gai's hand was so – so warm, and callused, and strong…gentle…firm… He couldn't think anymore. Gai's slow, deliberate strokes consumed him.

"You really need this." Gai sounded amazed.

Kakashi sucked in his breath and bit his lip. _Why aren't I stopping him?_ Instead, he drank in every touch, every pulse of heat and need in response to Gai's stroking hand.

"Is it any good?" Gai asked.

Kakashi tried to speak. What came out first was a quivering moan. "Yeah…" He barely managed to form the word.

"Good." Gai sounded relieved. His strokes sped up slightly and took on a steady rhythm.

Kakashi panted. The needles of stabbing electricity morphed into a liquid feeling Kakashi much preferred. His face felt hot.

"How are you doing?" Gai asked gently.

Kakashi mumbled, "I can't stay…on my feet." His legs were shaking, and his knees felt like they were going to give out.

"I'll help you." Gai wrapped muscular arms around Kakashi's thin waist.

Kakashi sank into the feeling of Gai's heat and strength. In Gai's arms, he could pretend helplessness. Still, even with his head swimming and his body melting with arousal, a tiny part of his common sense kicked in. "What if…what if someone comes?"

"Then I'll stop," Gai said. "You don't have to embarrassed. It's okay to need some help…"

Kakashi didn't argue. He curled backwards into Gai's body, his hands resting on Gai's forearms loosely. "Gai…more."

"More how?" Gai asked.

Kakashi flushed. _He's going to make me say it._ "A l-little faster…and…harder…around the…grip." His blush redoubled as he realized how incoherent he sounded.

"Like this?" Gai whispered, tucking his head against the side of Kakashi's neck. He stroked faster, held Kakashi more firmly.

Kakashi whimpered. "Y-Yes…" He could feel Gai's erection against his backside, an unintentional, terrible tease that acted as a counterpoint to the firm, stroking hand. He arched his hips into Gai's touch instinctively. "Oh…Yes…" He bit his lip, but he couldn't keep from moaning and sighing. Gai hit a particularly good spot, and he squirmed. That shivery squirm accidentally made his bottom rub Gai's erection.

Gai whimpered. "Kashi…What did you do that for?"

"Sorry," Kakashi whispered. "Couldn't…help it." He was glad Gai's arms were around him now. He really couldn't stand up by himself at this point. Gai's fingers felt so good; they brushed against his tip, making him leak furiously.

"Felt good," Gai gasped out, sounding breathless. His body was hot against Kakashi's back.

_I'm in the shower jerking off with Gai –_ Kakashi came all at once, stunned and overwhelmed. The gravity of what they'd done hit him full force, bringing with it his orgasm. He sagged against Gai, collapsing in Gai's arms. The warm water spraying against his stomach and legs washed everything away, pulling it down the drain before Kakashi could even see it. He closed his eyes and gasped, panting. Gai's erection throbbed against him.

"I…have to…" Gai sounded breathless and embarrassed.

Kakashi nodded. A wordless mumble emerged when he tried to speak.

"Are you steady?" Gai asked.

"Set…set me down. I'll be okay."

Gai helped Kakashi down onto his knees and then took a position in front of Kakashi in the shower, the spray pattering against his chest. Kakashi watched him with blurry vision. Gai only moved a few times before biting his lip to stifle a sharp moan. His legs shook, and he swayed, catching himself against the side of the stall with one hand.

He slowly slid down to join Kakashi in kneeling on the floor, crouching on his hands and knees. Fine droplets of water misted onto Gai's hair, shimmering and smoky against Gai's pure black locks.

Kakashi stared at the sight, dazed. All he could think of was how beautiful that was; droplets of water glistening in Gai's unruly hair. If he could move without collapsing bonelessly to the floor, he would have kissed Gai.

A feeling rose up in his chest, so strong it stifled him. _I don't want anyone else to have this. I want to be the only one. _

Gai reached out, shifting, and pulled one arm tight around Kakashi's waist.

Kakashi looked at him with surprise.

They lay down on the floor of the shower stall together by some kind of mutual, silent agreement, letting warm droplets rain down on them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

On the way to the hospital wing to check in with Tenzo and Bensaku, they ran into Tenzo in the hallway.

"Oh, we were just on our way to visit you," Kakashi said.

"Not going to do any good," Tenzo said. He shrugged.

"Is Taichou out of the hospital?" Kakashi asked.

"No…" Tenzo trailed off and looked down the hall in the direction of the hospital wing.

"He's not doing any worse, is he?" Gai asked with concern.

"Nope," Tenzo said. "But he, ah…He needs to sleep. The medical ninjas chased me out." He looked at his feet, appearing disheartened by that. "So, Sempai…I guess I'm supposed to wait. They did say we would be going home tomorrow if Benku-taichou got enough rest."

"What about you?" Kakashi asked. "Are you going to get some sleep? Or are you going to stay up and brood?"

Tenzo made a face.

"Why would you do that?" Gai asked.

Tenzo visibly put up his stoic mask. Kakashi saw the curtain go down over the emotions in Tenzo's eyes. "I'm not. Sempai is just being Sempai."

"If you mean 'concerned about my teammate's well-being'," Kakashi drawled, "yes."

"I'm not going to howl and whine at the moon because I can't see Taichou," Tenzo said. "I'm not a dog. I'm a cat." He sauntered off. "Cats don't care about anything." He slipped his mask down over his face. Then he disappeared with a flicker.

Gai looked surprised and disconcerted. "But –"

"I'll speak to him," Kakashi said. "Later." He touched Gai's shoulder in a gesture of reassurance.

Gai nodded. "I'm worried about him, too. He seemed especially eager to please the Taichou when we visited them earlier in the hospital, and I'm not sure how Benku-taichou dealt with those feelings. Benku-taichou can be…a little rough around the edges sometimes."

"He allowed Tenzo to stay until the medic nins chased Tenzo out," Kakashi said. "I think that's a good sign. No, I think it does more harm than good to separate Tenzo from the Taichou's side right now. All Tenzo is going to do is worry – in spite of reassurances than the Taichou is now healthy. Finding Taichou in an injured state while we were out sparring meant the burden was placed on Tenzo to get the Taichou some help. And he did. But that's how an unfair burden of responsibility is going to build up in Tenzo's mind. Since he saved the Taichou this time, he's going to think he has to save the Taichou every time, even if there are other people around."

Gai fell silent.

Kakashi glanced at his friend. He knew he'd hit uncomfortably close to the mark of why Gai was the way he was. When the leader of Gai's team had died in the field, Gai had taken control of his team and fought for their safety. Shortly after that mission, Ebisu had resigned from the team and become a tokubetsu jonin, and Genma had transferred to mission control. Gai had stuck it out for another year, filling rotations on any team that would have him. In that short time, he had earned more medals of honor than any other jonin on active duty in a similar time frame. Five. Each one was a badge of escaping near death.

He and Gai had argued about Gai's sudden change in tactics; the selfless body shielding, the wild command decisions, the frequent use of the Eight Gates technique. Then the Kyuubi attacked. The source of their squabbling had been rendered moot, because Gai joined ANBU with him and never strayed from his side since.

Kakashi sighed, remembering the crux of their arguments. It always came down to the same thing: Gai would say, 'We'll never be this young again!' And he would retort, 'You'll die young.'

He'd cared, even then. Cared about the man he privately called a 'green-clad idiot', because Gai was someone from his childhood, one of the last faces Kakashi felt warm inside towards when he recognized Gai on the street. He'd cared because Gai would leave an inordinately large hole if his 'rival' ever died. A loud, green hole. He'd cared, because…maybe…

"You'll get through to him," Gai said, misunderstanding his sigh. "Tenzo is very interested in what you have to say about things. He looks up to you."

Kakashi was glad that Gai had interrupted his thoughts. "Maa, you think so?"

Gai nodded. "I know so." He squeezed Kakashi's shoulder.

Kakashi found this topic too embarrassing to stay on for long. Besides, he had an emptiness in his middle that he wanted to fill up. "Want to get dinner?"

Gai grinned. "When don't I want dinner?"

"When it's breakfast or lunch time," Kakashi teased.

Gai laughed. "Touché. You are, as always, quick on your feet, my Eternal Rival."

Kakashi rolled his eyes good-naturedly as the title came out and started walking in the direction of the mess hall.

Gai followed alongside, a step behind.

**xXx**

After dinner Kakashi and Gai parted ways so that Kakashi could look for Tenzo.

The base was wide and echoingly empty at this hour; everyone was either on duty or asleep, and if they were on duty, then they were posted places where Kakashi wasn't allowed. In spite of the magnitude of the search, he figured if he just went floor by floor he'd find Tenzo eventually. Even if Tenzo suppressed his chakra, which Kakashi found likely, given Tenzo's mood.

Kakashi walked through a series of double doors at the end of a narrow hallway and emerged in an enormous section of open space on the east side of the base, as far away from the hospital wing as a person could get. The wall was banked with windows, high up on the wall. The windows were clearly to let light in. It looked like the kind of place one met diplomats in; large, airy, and featureless, with good light. Decorations could be put up and then torn down.

He looked up and knew he didn't have to go any further.

Kakashi found Tenzo sitting on a windowsill, looking out at the darkened fields. He wore his mask. One knee was clasped to his chest, the other leg straight out.

"You missed dinner," Kakashi said. "Gai and I have already eaten. That's not like you."

Silence. Tenzo didn't move, didn't acknowledge his presence.

Kakashi kept going anyway, hoping that if he talked long enough, Tenzo would feel compelled to answer. "That's unusual. You like food almost as much as Gai does. And you say you hate eating by yourself."

Tenzo didn't shift, but after a few moments, his voice traveled down to Kakashi, slightly altered by the mask. "What if they're just lying? What if they don't want me to see that he's going to die?"

Kakashi blinked. That hadn't been the response he had been expecting. It seemed Tenzo had cut straight to the point.

Tenzo spoke again before Kakashi could think of what to say. "They would, you know. ANBU medic nin know some dirty tricks."

"Like what?" Kakashi asked. He was more than happy to engage Tenzo in a conversation that might be marginally distracting.

Tenzo's voice flattened. "When I was little, they told me a barium swallow was a milkshake."

"Maa…" Kakashi scratched his temple. "I'm sorry." A barium swallow was a paste like thick cough syrup, usually chalky and artificially flavored. It was definitely not a milkshake, and it was used for certain x-ray tests. He'd had it done once, and so had Gai.

"Then they told me magnesium citrate was lemon-lime soda."

Kakashi bit back a joke. 'You fell for essentially the same ploy twice?' Magnesium citrate was a salty, citrus-flavored laxative. Sometimes it was used to prepare someone for a colonoscopy. Normally, people didn't have to go through colonoscopies. But this was ANBU. Everyone was screened for everything.

"Well, would a little kid drink something terrible without a lie attached?" Kakashi knew the question was unfair, and he didn't agree with it at all, but playing devil's advocate would keep the conversation going.

"They said I'd feel a little pressure, and then they reset my arm," Tenzo said.

Okay, that was particularly low. And Kakashi had been there. Tenzo had broken his arm on the second mission they'd ever done together. When they got back to the nearest ANBU outpost, the med nins had to set Tenzo's arm properly. Bensaku had done a fair job, but all the fighting and flailing had effectively wrecked the captain's efforts.

"Would you like to sneak in to see the Taichou?" Kakashi blurted.

Tenzo jumped down from the windowsill, grabbed his arm, and dragged him down the hallway.

Kakashi took that as a yes.

"We're going to do more than that," Tenzo said. "We're going to break him out!"

"The Taichou doesn't want to break out," Kakashi protested. In the past, whenever he, Gai, or Tenzo snuck out of the hospital, Bensaku had berated them for being idiots and ordered them back in.

"He'll want to break out this time," Tenzo said.

Kakashi didn't argue again.

They swung by the captain's barracks to pick up a clean change of clothing for the captain, and then headed for the hospital.

**xXx**

Kakashi and Tenzo snuck into the hospital ward with very little trouble. There weren't very many people on staff, and most of them were genin-level nurses. Easy to body flicker past them with such control that they didn't put out enough chakra to read.

They managed to get past the door without so much as stirring the curtain. That was the true measure of their training. Kakashi felt momentarily proud. Even a seasoned operative would have trouble pulling that feat off. But he and Tenzo were slim and young, and they were both renowned for their stealth.

Bensaku lay still on the bed, flat on his back. His face was illuminated by the glow of many machines, and a single night light that seemed humorously out of place. His face was pale and blue-tinged in the light.

Tenzo crept closer like the cat his mask embodied, graceful and silent. He popped up next to Bensaku's bed. "Taichou?"

Bensaku twitched and turned his head toward the sound of Tenzo's voice. His eyelids flickered. "What?" He sounded out of it, but Kakashi wasn't worried. Bensaku always sounded this way when someone woke him up in the middle of the night, after they'd had a long day.

"Taichou!" Tenzo's voice was hushed, but nonetheless it burst forth in an overjoyed exclamation. He wrapped his arms around Bensaku's neck and hugged.

Bensaku snorted. "You're not supposed to be in here."

"Need anything?" Tenzo asked brightly.

Bensaku shifted, sitting up slightly and then adjusting the bed with his remote control, so that he could rest against it in a sitting position. "A cup of water would be nice."

Kakashi nodded at the pitcher of water on a small table beside him.

Tenzo crossed over and poured Bensaku a glass of water, then delivered it to the captain.

Bensaku drank until the cup was empty and then let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I didn't realize I was thirsty until you woke me up."

"Are you feeling okay?" Tenzo asked.

"Fine," Bensaku said. "I really don't need to be here, but they want to keep me here overnight because I'm such a bad patient." He gave Tenzo a wry smile.

Tenzo lifted up his cat mask and gave Bensaku a grin. "They don't need to worry about anything. I'm looking after you."

Bensaku looked amused.

"I promised you, didn't I?" Tenzo said.

"Actually, I think it was more like you ordered me," Bensaku said. "But whatever."

Tenzo looked around furtively. "Wanna sneak out?"

Bensaku opened his mouth, stopped, and shut it again. He looked away, his gaze briefly alighting on Kakashi.

Kakashi held up the standard issue black spandex suit they'd taken from Bensaku's belongings.

Bensaku stared at it for a second, his expression locked in a grimace. Then he looked at Tenzo and exhaled. "Yes."

They helped Bensaku get dressed with lightning speed and made their escape. The three of them ran down the hall away from the hospital wing, and then slowed to a casual stroll to avoid suspicion.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Bensaku muttered softly. "What am I, fifteen?"

Tenzo grinned at him. "Then you fit right in with me and Sempai. I'm fourteen, and Sempai is sixteen."

Bensaku made a noise of disbelief, but he looked pleased.

_Yes,_ Kakashi thought with approval. _This is the way it should be._ He was only sorry that Gai hadn't been here to break Bensaku out of solitary, but Gai was no good at those sorts of things. His sneaking was way too furtive, nowhere near casual enough to fool anyone. Gai thought way too much about getting caught and doing something not strictly approved of. Not to mention Gai was secretly afraid of medic nins.

The halls were nearly deserted, and the few people they passed didn't give them a second glance. They made it to the captain's barracks without a hitch.

The room was dark, dark enough to sleep in. Still, Kakashi scanned the beds and found only a few people present. That hinted that most of the high ranking ANBU took night shifts at this outpost. It made sense. Night was a much more dangerous time to be fighting than daytime. If there did come to be a fight, the outpost would want their best operatives already awake and ready to go.

Bensaku selected a bed close to the door.

Tenzo lifted the covers. "In you go."

Bensaku climbed into bed and shifted around until he was comfortable. He ended up lying on his back, arms at his sides.

"Comfy? Cozy?" Tenzo grinned.

"As much as I can ever be," Bensaku grumbled. "This bed's full of rocks."

Tenzo laughed. "That's our Taichou."

To Kakashi's astonishment, instead of leaving, Tenzo climbed into bed beside the captain and wrapped the covers around the both of them, snuggling up as if he belonged there.

"What're you doing?" Bensaku groaned.

"My position will act as a motion detector," Tenzo said. "If you move, you'll nudge me, and I'll wake up." He grinned. "That way you can't sneak away from me."

"I'm not –" Bensaku huffed. He stopped and asked, "What if I need to use the bathroom?"

"Then I better escort you to make sure you're still alright," Tenzo said.

"I don't need a chaperone to the little boy's room," Bensaku said.

"No, but you might need someone there to catch you if your blood pressure drops," Tenzo said. "If you feel dizzy or faint you might hit your head on the urinal and crack it open. It could be fatal. I'm not going to let that happen."

Kakashi backed away. "Maa…I'm going to bed."

Bensaku and Tenzo both seemed too involved in their argument to take much notice.

Kakashi counted himself lucky and slipped away.

**xXx**

Gai was asleep in bed when Kakashi got to the barracks. He watched Gai sleep for a moment. He knew it was too much to ask for Gai to wait up for him, but still…he would have liked to say something before Gai fell asleep.

Kakashi would have liked nothing better than to live in a fantasy land where his actions with Gai in the shower meant they were in a consenting sexual relationship. But they didn't. Relationships were built on communication and trust; he and Gai had plenty of trust, but no communication.

He sighed to himself. It probably wasn't a good idea to climb into bed with Gai tonight. For all he knew, Gai needed some space after what they'd done in the shower. It wouldn't surprise him if sometime between then and tomorrow morning, Gai realized the gravity of what had happened.

Kakashi chose the bed next to Gai's and lay down, still watching the gentle rise and fall of Gai's chest, the slow, steady breaths.

_For all I know he'll hate me in the morning. _

Kakashi rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes.

Gai climbed into bed behind him and slipped an arm around Kakashi's waist, pressing against his back and spooning him.

Kakashi didn't move, didn't give any indication that he felt Gai there. But he was awed. This was the first time that Gai had actively sought out his bed space. It was always him seeking Gai out, not the other way around. He'd thought that had been because he'd been interested, and Gai hadn't been. _But what if it was just because I never gave him the chance? _

Gai nestled his head in the crook of Kakashi's neck and shoulder. The feeling was undeniably intimate. The warmth of Gai's breath curled out and tickled Kakashi's ear. He pressed back into Gai a little, snuggling up in return.

"Night, Kashi," Gai whispered, directly into his ear.

Kakashi felt a mild stirring of arousal, but he was too happy and satisfied with what they'd done in the shower to feel much else. That was good. He didn't want to get a hard-on again. Not until they were home and in private.

"Night," he whispered belatedly.

Gai uttered a soft sound that was almost a chuckle and brushed his lips against Kakashi's ear. Then Gai shifted, laying his head on the pillow in preparation for sleep.

Kakashi's cheeks flamed. He wondered if Gai's lips brushing his ear was deliberate. He would love for that to be true. He couldn't expect it to be – this was Gai, after all – but if it was true then it counted as a kiss, and even though that would be a kiss to his ear and not his mouth, Kakashi wanted desperately to latch onto that as proof that there was some mutual sexual attraction here, that Gai was in love with him, that things could work out.

In spite of the rush those musings caused, Kakashi fell asleep, sinking into a happy haze of half-formed thoughts. Like holding Gai's hand as they walked down the street.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

* * *

Kakashi woke up pleasantly warm, his hair tousled and someone's breaths moist against the back of his neck. A hand comfortably lay against his chest, arm around his ribs, tucked under his arm. Even in the twilight grogginess of just waking up, he recognized the sleeping chakra of this other person washing over him in waves. This person was safe. This person made him feel safe. And loved. Everything about this person was perfect.

When he woke up enough over the next three minutes to realize this was Gai, Kakashi felt vaguely embarrassed. _But at least he's not mad at me about the shower incident. If he were, he wouldn't have hidden it by climbing into bed with me. _Gai was an uncomplicated creature, wearing all of his emotions on his sleeve.

Which reminded Kakashi why Gai couldn't be in love with him. Gai wore all of his emotions on his sleeve. If he did love Kakashi, why didn't he just say so? Kakashi doubted Gai had his problem. Tongue-tying anxiety didn't seem like something Gai had to deal with. Gai just blurted everything out.

But then, why was Gai snuggled up to him? Kakashi shifted slightly. _Probably just because he's used to it. Last night was the first night I didn't try to get into bed with him. He probably felt lonely. _

Gai turned from dead weight into a living being, waking up at the feeling of Kakashi shifting against him. "Good morning," he mumbled, and tucked his head against Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi flushed and felt himself stirring, a wave of heat flashing through him at the feeling of his neck being nuzzled. "Maa, Gai?"

"Yes?" Gai's voice was low, innocent and rumbling.

Kakashi felt his ears heat up. "Are you alright with what we did yesterday?"

"Of course I am." Gai sat up and rubbed his eyes, seeming puzzled.

Kakashi rolled over to face him and sat up. "I was just wondering." Gai's hair stuck straight out on one side, and was plastered against his head on the other. Kakashi desperately wanted to run his fingers through that glossy black hair, not to fix it, but to feel the warmth of Gai's scalp and the silkiness of his hair.

Gai swung his legs over the side of the bed and folded the covers down, getting up with a stretch. "I have to pee." He glanced at Kakashi. "You coming?"

"No, I'm good," Kakashi said automatically. Then he shifted, and felt his bladder protest. "Well, maybe."

"Come on." Gai gestured.

Kakashi walked with him to the bathroom. He was self-conscious of the florescent lighting, the morning chilliness, and the fact that they had urinals and no stalls. He didn't look, and neither did Gai, to his knowledge. They returned to the barracks and started getting dressed.

"So, are we going to visit Benku-taichou before we eat breakfast?" Gai asked. He pulled on his soft, black gloves and strapped on his arm guards.

"Maa, I doubt that's necessary. He'll be able to come eat breakfast with us," Kakashi said. He fitted his chest plate on and buckled it.

"He will?" Gai looked confused. He paused in the act of jerking the strap tight on his shin protector.

"That's right, you were asleep when I came in," Kakashi said. He smiled cheerfully. "Tenzo and I broke Bensaku-taichou out of jail." He finished getting dressed first.

Gai gaped. "You what? You – " Then he looked enormously let down. "You got Benku-taichou to sneak out of his hospital room for the first time, and you didn't bring me?"

Kakashi scratched his temple sheepishly. "Maa, it was more like a spur of the moment thing. Tenzo looked so sad I offered to help him sneak in to see the Taichou, and the next thing I know Tenzo wants to break him out. So we did."

"Oh." Gai seemed mollified. "As long as it wasn't a premeditated thing." He finished dressing and took his mask out of the foot locker, slipping it over his head in the upright position, flattening down his hair.

"No, of course not," Kakashi said. "If we'd planned it out from the start, Tenzo and I would have involved you. We're a team."

Gai broke into a smile and hugged him.

Kakashi hugged Gai in return and patted his back. "I would never exclude you. From anything."

Gai squeezed him so tightly that his ribs creaked. "Of course. I should have known that. I was being foolish."

Kakashi felt warm.

**xXx**

They walked together to the captain's barracks in companionable silence. Kakashi couldn't help throwing admiring glances at the way Gai's shoulders rolled with each swing of Gai's arms, muscles fluid underneath the green spandex. For a moment, he caught himself thinking of Gai as his lover.

_I really need my Icha Icha back._ Kakashi consciously stopped himself from dwelling on Gai's body. It was difficult, after Gai had finally taken initiative and touched him in some very private places. He'd be lying to himself if he said it didn't make a difference. It did.

He was surprised by how much. Part of him had thought the scenes in Icha Icha where characters touched each other for the first time and afterwards became hopelessly attached to that specific person…well, not that it had been a lie, exactly. Just an exaggeration. He was finding out the hard way it wasn't. If he had been hopeless before, now he would break the wrist of anyone who tried to touch him that way. Gai was the only one he wanted to ever touch his body intimately.

When they entered the captain's barracks, Kakashi was stunned to find rumpled covers where Bensaku and Tenzo had been.

Gai pointed at the empty bed, his jaw dropping in an expression of shock and outrage. "Not again!"

Kakashi chuckled. "Relax, Gai. I doubt the same thing has happened twice. It's more likely that the med nins found out Tenzo and I broke him out of his room and dragged him back to the hospital again. You know how ANBU medics are."

Gai shuddered. "Yes. They are cruel beings, med nins. They like needles."

Kakashi patted Gai's shoulder. Gai had a very well-known needle phobia. It was so bad that Kakashi used his sharingan to knock Gai out until the injections were over. In their line of work, they needed immunizations for every mission abroad. And then there were the flu shots every year and the blood tests that came with every physical examination.

The first time he had seen Gai's reaction to needles had been when they'd joined ANBU. Kakashi, as numbed as he was by Minato's death, had still cringed at the way Gai screamed and cried. He'd vowed to help Gai get through it in the future then and there. Bensaku had called Gai a big baby, but Gai had stuck to his assessment of needles as the scariest thing on earth.

**xXx**

They visited the hospital wing. Kakashi knew they probably wouldn't get a warm welcome this morning. Still, it would be hard for the nurse at the reception desk to say no. They were part of Bensaku's team, after all.

"No."

Kakashi stared at the no-nonsense blonde nurse. Her posture was rigid, and she held a clipboard like a weapon. "But –"

"No visitors."

Kakashi helplessly gave the nurse his puppy eyes, which always worked on everyone in Konoha.

She didn't budge.

Kakashi hung his head, deflated. "Maa, I guess we're not going to see the Taichou right now, Gai."

"We can at least visit Tenzo wherever he may be and cheer him up with our youthful energy," Gai said. "Young Tenzo must be feeling down that his youthful tactics did not result in Taichou's permanent freedom."

Kakashi chuckled. "You're right. We should be good teammates."

**xXx**

Kakashi thought their best bet was to find Tenzo in the mess hall, sadly eating breakfast by himself and moping. To his surprise, Tenzo wasn't there. _Maa, if he skipped breakfast, he must be feeling bad. _

He and Gai weren't above grabbing a quick breakfast themselves, though. After devouring some kind of folded, fried thing with meat and vegetables inside, they moved on.

Kakashi and Gai found Tenzo wandering aimlessly around the fields outside of the outpost.

"I thought we were leaving this morning," Kakashi said, purposefully leading Tenzo into conversation, although he already knew they weren't leaving.

"No." Tenzo made a face. "They're punishing him for sneaking away last night and making him stay for another round of observations. They'll let him go after dinnertime, if his condition stays stable."

"Still, that means that they are releasing him and we are going home." Gai clapped Tenzo on the back, as if half-knocking Tenzo over was a way to cheer him up.

Tenzo stumbled and gave Gai a long-suffering look.

Kakashi chuckled.

"I am going to youthfully train until it is time to go home," Gai declared. He jogged in place for a few moments. "Kakashi, would you care to join me?"

"Maa…I think I'll pass," Kakashi said.

"Very well! How about you, young Tenzo? Does your heart beat with the desire to run laps around the outpost?"

"No," Tenzo said. "No, it does not."

"Very well, then! I shall return, my stalwart companions!" Gai took off at what Kakashi knew to be a 'casual' jog at twenty-five miles an hour.

Kakashi turned to Tenzo. "Well, that leaves us."

"I guess it does." Tenzo looked at the ground. His voice sounded hollow, and Kakashi didn't think it was from the mask.

"Why don't we have a talk?" Kakashi suggested. "We don't talk that often, do we? We should start talking more often."

"About what?" Tenzo asked. He raised his head.

Kakashi shrugged. "Maa, this and that."

Tenzo looked at him warily.

Although Kakashi thought that Bensaku probably understood more of Tenzo's psychology than he did, he knew he couldn't just go up to their team leader and ask. Bensaku would probably try to protect Tenzo's privacy or brush him off. Neither one of which would answer Kakashi's questions.

Kakashi started walking, leading Tenzo to the far side of the field, away from the other ANBU training. "Let's go over here, where we can take off our masks." He headed towards a nice, green, grassy knoll and the dogwood tree he saw standing out there, a perfect place for shade against the sun later.

"Alright," Tenzo said uncertainly.

When they were far enough away, Kakashi slipped his mask up, and Tenzo followed suit. It was bad etiquette to uncover one's face around a group of unknown ANBU agents, but it was acceptable when maintaining a distance, and it was a well-known signal for privacy.

"Why do you antagonize Bensaku all the time, Tenzo?" Kakashi asked.

"Because it's funny?"

"That sounds more like a question," Kakashi said cheerfully.

Tenzo flushed. "I don't know. It's just always been that way. I make a crack about him, and he gets annoyed with me."

"'Always been that way?'" Kakashi said. "It sounds like you two are close."

Tenzo looked away. "Not really…"

Kakashi wondered for the first time if Tenzo wouldn't like to be closer to Bensaku – similar to the way he wanted to be closer to Gai. _But, no, that's just my imagination getting carried away. Bensaku's an old man, at least for a ninja, and Tenzo's younger than me. Why would he be interested in Bensaku? _

But it was true that Bensaku was interested in Tenzo, and maybe, the interest ran both ways. Tenzo definitely cared about their captain deeply.

"Ne, Tenzo?" Kakashi scratched his temple.

Tenzo glanced at him nervously. "What?"

"How long have you and Bensaku-taichou known each other?" Kakashi asked.

"Not that long," Tenzo said evasively.

"How long is that?" Kakashi smiled cheerfully, refusing to give it up.

"Sempai…how come you're suddenly interested in these kinds of things?" Tenzo asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "Bensaku-taichou took away my Icha Icha."

"Oh." Tenzo chuckled. "That's right. You were bad and Taichou took your book away."

"Uh-huh," Kakashi said. "So I'm bored. Indulge me, Tenzo."

Tenzo sighed. "Well, okay. But I don't see how this is any more exciting than watching clouds or counting blades of grass or any other activities you could be doing to kill time."

"You'd be surprised," Kakashi murmured. "You might provide just the sort of excitement I crave."

"Honestly, that possibility worries me more," Tenzo said.

Kakashi laughed. "Now, now, Tenzo. You're not afraid of me, are you?"

"No…I'm not…" Tenzo's gaze slid away. "Much."

Kakashi dropped his arm across Tenzo's shoulders.

Tenzo almost bolted. He stayed in place by sheer fortitude, his knees shaking.

_He really is afraid of me and what I might do._ Kakashi felt saddened by that. _Like I've hurt him or something. Or someone has…_ "Ne, Tenzo, why don't we sit down under that tree and talk?" Kakashi pointed.

"Okay," Tenzo said reluctantly. "If you say so, Sempai."

They walked across the grass to the tree and sat down. Kakashi didn't remove his arm from Tenzo's shoulders. "Now, how about you tell me all about yourself, starting when you joined ANBU?" Kakashi asked.

"I'd rather not," Tenzo said.

"Oh…" _So joining ANBU came at a painful time, just like it did for me_. Kakashi studied him.

"There's just not much to tell," Tenzo said quickly. "I mean, I didn't have any reasons for joining ANBU. I just did because they asked me to."

"They asked you to?" Kakashi pondered that with curiosity. He smiled at Tenzo. "That's a start. So they asked you to. I joined ANBU of my own free will. That is, I sought the job out, after the death of my sensei."

"I know," Tenzo said quietly.

Kakashi realized Tenzo probably did; more than Kakashi would ever be willing to tell him. "Yeah…" He put his cheerful smile back on. "So when did this happen? When did ANBU ask you to join them?"

"Eight," Tenzo mumbled. "I was eight."

"That's early," Kakashi said admiringly. "It must be because you're so incredible."

Tenzo looked away. "Not really…"

"Ah, but few people can use the mokuton," Kakashi said.

Tenzo tensed up. "It's not mine to use. I just have it because –" He stopped. "Ah…Sempai…is there a point to all of this?"

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Kakashi said. "We can change the subject."

Tenzo looked relieved. "Thank you, Sempai. I really don't like to talk about it. It…embarrasses me."

Kakashi thought that embarrassment probably wasn't it, but he didn't say anything. He didn't want to spook Tenzo further. "Let's talk about whatever you want to talk about, Tenzo."

Tenzo put on a wide, sheepish grin. "Not myself, Sempai. I just don't."

"Maa…that's okay," Kakashi said. "Let's just talk about whatever comes to your mind."

"Really?" Tenzo brightened.

Kakashi chuckled. "Really."

"Well, I'm worried about my cat back home," Tenzo said.

"Your cat," Kakashi said blankly. "I thought cats could take of themselves."

"They can," Tenzo said. "But my cat, he's…well, he's, he's special. He gets into everything even when he shouldn't, and I'm worried he might have done something foolish."

"Foolish?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Gone to drink out of the toilet and fell in and started drowning and grabbed the handle for purchase and accidentally flushed himself down the toilet," Tenzo said immediately, all in one breath.

Kakashi looked at him with wide eyes for a moment and then chuckled. "I don't think he could do that, Tenzo."

"Really?" Tenzo clung to him. "Really, Sempai? He couldn't?"

"No," Kakashi said, smiling. "For one thing, when he flushed the toilet, he'd stop drowning, and then he'd have time to get out. For another thing, a cat does not fit down the opening at the bottom of the toilet bowl. The opening is shallow and tiny – just enough for the water. It cannot suck down a cat."

"How – How do you know?" Tenzo asked.

"Because if it could kill your pets, it would come with a warning label," Kakashi said.

Tenzo straightened, struck by that. "That's true. It would." He gave Kakashi a brightly relieved smile. "Thank you, Sempai. That really puts my mind at ease."

"It's the same with the other things you imagined," Kakashi said, guessing this was not the first time an absurd cat suicide scenario had popped into Tenzo's head. "None of them happened. It's just your anxiety, pushing itself onto your cat when you go on a mission because you don't want to worry about the mission. So you worry about something else."

As soon as he explained that, he wondered if he should have punctured Tenzo's denial. He wasn't a psychologist, after all. He didn't know if it was healthy to take away someone's transference like that.

"Oh…" Tenzo thought about that, nodding slowly. He looked somber. "I see. So my cat is safe."

Kakashi squeezed his shoulder. "Yes."

Tenzo gave Kakashi a small, sad smile. "That's good. Maybe I can stop having nightmares about it, then."

Kakashi looked at Tenzo in shock. He'd had no idea how bad Tenzo's anxiety had been. If he did, he doubted he would have carelessly thrown around what psychology training he did have. "You have nightmares?"

Tenzo nodded. "All the time." He noticed Kakashi's concern with surprise. "It's okay, though. I always have. It's part of being –" He stopped, and then laughed. "Well, part of being in ANBU, I guess."

Kakashi knew that wasn't what Tenzo had been going to say, but he supposed it was true enough.

"I worry about him a lot," Tenzo said. "Daidai, I mean."

"Daidai?" Kakashi echoed. A 'daidai' was an orange.

"I named him that because he's an orange tabby," Tenzo explained quickly. "And 'daidaiiro', the whole thing, kind of disrupts the flow. I like words that rhyme – or not really rhyme, I guess. You know, the words where the first part is the same as the last part." 'Daidaiiro' would have been the more proper name because that meant orange as in the color.

Kakashi just looked at him.

Tenzo gestured. "You know, words like dokidoki, piripiri, shunshun…stuff like that." The sound of a heartbeat, the sensation of something prickling or hot, and the sound of a whistling kettle, respectively.

Kakashi found himself becoming amused. "Ah." He smiled cheerfully. "And daidai."

"Yes!" Tenzo beamed.

"Cute," Kakashi said.

Tenzo flushed, taken aback, and then pouted. "Mean, Sempai!"

"What's wrong with being cute?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm a boy," Tenzo said indignantly.

"Boys are cute," Kakashi said. "Boys are cute all the time."

Tenzo relaxed marginally once he gathered Kakashi hadn't attempted to be insulting. "If you say so, Sempai."

Kakashi smiled. "What, do you think you have never seen a boy do something cute? Or say something that could be considered cute if he was a girl? Why are girls the only ones that can be considered 'cute' over something?"

"I don't know," Tenzo said, frowning. He accused, "You're philosophizing, Sempai."

"Maybe I am," Kakashi agreed.

Tenzo fell silent, reluctantly thinking about it.

Kakashi had to consider that a step forward, if only for the reason that in some part of Bensaku's heart, the man probably thought Tenzo was cute. _Even if it is covered by a cranky book-stealing exterior that bears no mercy towards Icha Icha. _Not that he was trying to fix them up together. Which he wasn't. After all, he had the good sense to stay out of Bensaku's business. But if he just so happened to help…well, then, that was serendipity.

They talked about minor things; Daidai's antics in turning everything he could find into a cat toy, Kakashi's minor fascination with lying in bed and watching the lights on the ceiling from his drawn blinds, cast there every morning by the sun. Little things that got them more acquainted with each other. More comfortable.

Kakashi had little experience in talking to someone this way. He found it freeing. He never thought he would. Such things had always seemed inane, pointless and irritating, a waste of time. When he'd been little, similar attempts by Obito to get him to open up had resulted in fist fights.

But Kakashi thought he understood now. It was about understanding someone's soul, and the little things helped with that.

**xXx**

When they stood up and started to head inside, Kakashi remembered a question he'd thought of earlier. _Maybe now I'll get a straight answer out of him._

"How come Bensaku calls you 'Tenzo', when he won't call me and Gai anything but 'Hatake' and 'Maito'?" Kakashi asked.

Tenzo so visibly responded to that question that Kakashi felt a stab of alarm. He stopped in his tracks and paled. It was like he'd been slapped. "I don't have a last name." In contrast to his body signals, Tenzo's voice was calm.

Kakashi didn't know what to do. Should he react to the calm voice or the sudden paleness? "Oh."

Tenzo's gaze dropped. He looked at the ground. "It's not my real name, either."

"A double code name?" Kakashi was surprised.

Tenzo raised his head with an amused snort. A wry smile twisted his lips. "No. I just don't know my real one. No one does."

"Oh," Kakashi said for the second time in five minutes. That was a new record.

"People think…ANBU scientists think…" Tenzo visibly gathered his courage. He swallowed. "My appearance was changed somehow when Orochimaru took me."

It was Kakashi's turn to go pale. "What?"

Tenzo turned away. "I was a little kid. I was the only one who survived. From the batch, I mean."

_Batch? There are batches?_ Kakashi's head spun. He immediately recalled newspaper clippings, warnings, and debriefings about Orochimaru's experiments. _He kidnapped people and – Oh god. Batches of kids? _

"I was the lucky one," Tenzo said, his voice ringing with false brightness. He sounded as though he'd been told that a lot. "No one could find out who I am, though. My parents couldn't recognize me. If I still had them. I couldn't remember a thing. They interviewed all the parents who'd had kids stolen and showed them to me, and I kept waiting for one of them to say, 'Hey, that's my son. Let's go home, Ichiro, or Akio, or Kenji' – whatever my name was – and I'd go into their arms and they'd pick me up, and that was all I'd ever have to think about my ordeal and everything."

Kakashi was filled with a helpless rush of empathy. He could feel that despair. He had felt that despair. It was the despair of his own life, before Gai rescued him.

"ANBU took me instead," Tenzo finished. "After all, I was carrying the power of the first Hokage inside of me. Even if I didn't know how to use it and didn't think I ever could." He turned to Kakashi and smiled. "And look at me now. I'm all Wood Grip this and Insta-Cabin that."

Kakashi was discomfited by that smile. It was hard, plastic.

"A success," Tenzo added. He spread his hands. "Look at me! A boy wonder with the powers of the Shodaime – an honorary Senju!" He lowered his hands slowly. "I guess that's why I thought we could be friends, Sempai. I know you didn't know my story, but I knew yours." His smile faded, became a lot more real. "There's not a kid in Konoha who doesn't know about Sharingan Kakashi, the heroic ninja who carried on for his teammate, bearing the legacy of two lives."

Kakashi was thrown off balance. _Heroic? _"I'm not a hero, Tenzo."

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Tenzo smirked and looked away, posing with his hand on his hip.

Kakashi flushed slightly. "I'm trying to say…"

"Oi, I hear a little buzzing in my ears," Tenzo said. "It must be a passing butterfly."

Kakashi gave up. "Yes."

Tenzo was caught off guard. "Huh?" His gaze snapped back to Kakashi.

"Yes, you can, you know," Kakashi said.

Tenzo stared at him.

"Be my friend," Kakashi belatedly clarified.

"Sempai…" Tenzo looked at him with amazement. Then a smile slowly spread across his face, a happier one than Kakashi had ever seen in the two years he'd been on Tenzo's team. "Really? You'd be friends…with me?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Maa, if you can stand me."

Tenzo tackled him in a hug.

Kakashi caught him, but he wasn't expecting that.

Tenzo squeezed him tightly. "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"It's no great favor," Kakashi protested. "I'm weird and socially awkward. And cold. You can't expect that much from me, really. I'm a letdown. You're going to have to bug me every step of the way, Tenzo."

Tenzo raised his head from Kakashi's shoulder with a devious smile, his eyes dancing. "I have permission to bug you, Sempai?"

"Every step of the way," Kakashi said with a sigh. "If you don't, I expect you won't see much of me. It's the same way with Gai. Ask him."

"Oh, Sempai, I'm honored." Tenzo let go of him, still smiling. "I'm on the same level as Gai-sempai, your Eternal Rival?"

Kakashi choked on a laugh. He turned away. "Maa, I didn't say that."

"Won't Gai-sempai get jealous if there is a three-way rivalry?" Tenzo teased.

The idea of a three-way of a different kind made Kakashi flush. He wasn't sure if he was turned on or horrified by the thought. _A little of both, maybe._ "Watch out. Gai just might declare you another Eternal Rival if you attempt to join in on things. You never know."

"Maybe I better stay on the sidelines," Tenzo said.

Kakashi laughed. He threw an arm around Tenzo's shoulders. "Come on. Let's go inside. It's time for lunch."

"Okay!" Tenzo's stomach rumbled on cue. He chuckled. "Guess I'm a little hungry."

"Just a little," Kakashi teased. "You could eat a bear or two."

"Don't let Kuma-shou hear you say that," Tenzo said, grinning. "He'd feel threatened. After all, cats can beat bears any day."

Kakashi shook his head. They walked across the field, companionably close and adjusting their stride for each other. They were almost the same height, but Tenzo still had an inch and a half to go before they'd be even.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Since I have no other way to respond to anonymous reviews, I'll respond here.

Mikan: Thank you for your kind review, and please don't be self-conscious to leave reviews in the future. It matters more to me to hear from my audience than proper English does. You also have my permission to turn this story into a doujinshi, if you wish. *grin*

Unnamed Anonymous Reviewer: I'm flattered by your assessment that my story merits a thorough analysis, and has such things as 'themes'. I consider myself a genre fiction writer, not necessarily someone who is producing literature. I look forward to whatever you have to say about how my story measures up. Thank you as well for your kindness as your readership.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

* * *

Gai met them on the way into the outpost, panting and flushed from his laps. "I have finished, my friends and companions! Just in time, it seems, for you are doubtless journeying within for refreshment." He gave them a thumbs up.

"Yeah." Tenzo looked at him for a moment. Then Tenzo said slowly and clearly, "We are going inside to eat lunch."

Gai looked at Tenzo in confusion. "What is the meaning of your strange cadence and enunciation of those ordinary words, young Tenzo?"

"I'm strange?" Tenzo shook his head. "You're the one who says 'journeying within for refreshment' instead of plain old 'going inside to eat lunch'."

"It makes things more exciting," Gai said, sounding put out.

Kakashi resisted the urge to laugh. "Maa…let's journey within anyway."

Gai beamed. "You see? Kakashi understands the need to make ordinary events into an exciting adventure. He savors every moment. For we are the youth, and we shall never be this young again! So grasp every moment, young Tenzo!" Gai clenched his fists. "Every tiny, infinitesimal moment is an opportunity for –"

Tenzo walked past him and opened the door. "Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I'm in a hurry, too. I missed breakfast."

Gai deflated.

Kakashi shook his head. "I'm sorry more people can't be understanding." He patted Gai's shoulder.

Gai visibly collected himself. "That is alright. He will learn. As will others."

Kakashi wondered if Gai knew how ominous that sounded.

Tenzo glanced over his shoulder at Gai and grinned. "I'm glad you're not an evil mastermind, Gai-sempai. You'd attack every day with a boundless need to do evil, just to prove you're still on top."

Kakashi laughed. "That's true," he teased. "Gai would make a great villain."

"I would not," Gai protested.

They all went inside together, laughing and talking and arguing.

**xXx**

When they reached the mess hall, they saw a familiar figure sitting at a table by himself, already eating lunch.

"No way," Tenzo said, his expression falling into one of awe.

Kakashi had to admit he was surprised as well.

"Benku-taichou!" Gai exclaimed, astonished.

"Hi." Bensaku waved lazily in an excellent impression of Kakashi. Kakashi wondered if the captain knew that. "You're late. I would've thought you chowhounds would be first in line at the sound of the lunch bell."

"There was no distinctive peal of a bell that announced lunch's readiness," Gai said. "Otherwise, I am sure that you would be correct." He sat down at the table across from Bensaku, looking perplexed. "But how is it that you join us for lunch? Not only that, but that you have beaten us in our quest for sustenance?"

"Yeah," Tenzo said. "I thought they were going to keep you until after dinner."

Bensaku slurped up a mouthful of noodles from his bowl of ramen, swallowed, and grinned. "I managed to convince them that it was all your fault."

"What?" Tenzo protested.

Bensaku laughed. "With my track record, it wasn't that much of a stretch. You guys are the crazed idiots always trying to break out. So I got them to give me another chance and let me go in time for lunch. Eat up, boys. We leave as soon as you're finished filling your stomachs."

"Alright!" Tenzo cheered, his bone to pick with Bensaku forgotten in the face of the captain's promise that they were going to leave as soon as lunch was over. He went to collect lunch a happy man.

Kakashi snorted. He followed at his own more stately pace.

Gai stopped, looking at Kakashi and then at Bensaku, and crossed over to their captain. He hesitated again.

Bensaku tilted his head at Gai and raised an eyebrow.

Gai bent down and carefully enfolded Bensaku in a hug.

Bensaku smiled with affectionate exasperation. "Get lunch, Maito."

Gai squeezed him happily and then let go, straightening. "Hai!" He bounced off to join Tenzo and Kakashi in the lunch line.

Bensaku chuckled.

**xXx**

Lunch passed in a whirlwind of food and discussion. They parted ways to pack their things and regrouped at the front entrance of the outpost. Bensaku was waiting, his mask already up. His chakra was comfortingly strong; as strong as ever.

Kakashi belatedly realized that he'd been worried, too. A hard cherry pit of tension in his stomach finally unwound. His shoulders dropped a little. He realized he didn't want to lose Bensaku, either. Maybe not as much as Tenzo, but he hadn't.

"Everybody got their things packed?" Bensaku asked. "Remember, we're not coming back here. If you lose something you didn't want to let go of, tough shit. It'll get recycled through the lost and found until someone dumps it in the trash."

"Hai." Kakashi saluted. "As long as you have my book safely secreted away in your possession, I'm fine."

Bensaku rolled his eyes. "Yes, Hatake, I've got your dirty book."

Kakashi beamed.

"I suppose you'll be wanting to read it as soon as we get home," Bensaku said.

"Yep," Kakashi said.

Tenzo chuckled. "My, my, Sempai, feeling separation pangs?"

"I'm withering away," Kakashi said wryly. "I need an infusion of porn every twenty-four hours, since I'm so addicted and everything."

"I still say it's not healthy," Bensaku said, not missing the barb thrown his way. "Even if your successful way of coping without your orange book proves you're not exactly addicted in the classic sense."

"Not 'classically addicted', ne?" Kakashi said. He scratched his temple. "Soon you'll be trying to revise the definition of addiction so you can still convict me."

Bensaku turned away with a muttered 'hmph'. "Let's move out, people. I want to make it to Konoha before the sun sets."

"Right!" Tenzo slid his mask down into place.

Kakashi and Gai followed suit.

They moved as one, all ANBU grace and silence, flitting to the border of the outpost and crossing the barrier jutsu without a hitch. Bensaku paused to pull out his compass and check their bearing. Tenzo crept up behind him and watched over the captain's shoulder. He had to be sneaky, because Bensaku hated that.

Kakashi waited patiently.

"Get on top of me," Gai said.

Kakashi froze, his cheeks heating up. "Huh?"

"Get on top of me," Gai said. "I'm going to carry you, just like I promised."

"Oh." Kakashi couldn't help reading into that request, and the mental picture that provided was very distracting. He never imagined himself being on top when he fantasized about having sex with Gai. The thought that he might actually do that was interesting. Interesting, as much as it was disconcerting.

He scratched his temple. "How do you want me to do this?"

"Just hop on." Gai looked at Kakashi over his shoulder.

Kakashi shrugged. "Well, okay." He hopped onto Gai's back, wrapping his arms around Gai's neck.

Gai caught him effortlessly, hooking his hands underneath Kakashi's thighs.

Kakashi blushed again, and he was glad he was wearing his dog mask. He didn't think his legs would be so sensitive, but no one ever touched the backs of his thighs. And with nothing between his skin and Gai's hands but a thin layer of black spandex…it was practically like Gai's hands petting his bare skin. He couldn't help but think about the proximity of Gai's hands to his bottom. If Gai slid his hands up just a little more…

Kakashi wasn't exactly surprised to feel himself stirring, becoming half hard at the prospect of the things he imagined, but he was still embarrassed. If Gai hadn't been wearing standard issue ANBU armor, his erection would have pressed against Gai's back in a supremely revealing way.

"Um, Sempai…" Tenzo pointed weakly. "Why are you riding Gai?"

Kakashi snapped out of his daze at the question. Though his heart skipped a beat at Tenzo's unintentional sexual innuendo.

"Maa…he lost a bet," Kakashi said, putting on his best smile underneath his mask. It helped put him in the right mood to do a convincing voice.

"What kind of bet?" Bensaku asked. He finished checking what their heading should be and snapped his compass shut, slipping it into a hidden pocket.

"The kind where he has to carry me if he lost it," Kakashi said cheerfully.

"I lost at sparring," Gai said, with an ill-concealed grunt of effort.

"You seem to do that a lot," Bensaku said.

"Nonsense," Gai said. "Kakashi and I are equals. I have been losing much less frequently lately."

Tenzo snorted.

"You sure like taking advantage of Maito's competitive streak, don't you, Hatake?" Bensaku said.

"Maa, it was Gai's idea to carry me if he couldn't knock me out of the ring first," Kakashi said. "I'm just going along with it because I'm such a good friend."

"I think a good friend would get off of Gai-sempai's back," Tenzo said.

"Nonsense. On my back is exactly where I want him," Gai said. "I told Kakashi to get on top of me."

"He did," Kakashi confirmed.

"That doesn't make it right," Bensaku said. "You've got legs. Do your own walking."

"A bet is a bet, Benku-taichou," Gai scolded. "I could never turn down the consequences of a bet that which I willingly made myself. It would be unfair to Kakashi."

"Unfair to Hatake?" Bensaku said in disbelief.

"Maa, I did get promised a ride home," Kakashi said, grinning beneath his mask. "And I am notoriously lazy. So I want my ride."

"Don't question it, Taichou," Tenzo said. "This conversation can't lead anywhere good."

"You're right," Bensaku said, sighing heavily.

Kakashi did his best to ignore that exchange.

The 'ride' home was very enjoyable. He enjoyed having this excuse to wrap his arms around Gai's neck and cling in full view of everyone without anyone being able to say a word. And there was something intoxicating about feeling Gai's strong muscles moving fluidly underneath him, even in this context. He couldn't imagine what it would be like, should they ever do something more intimate. It would probably be mind-blowing.

Slipping past Konoha's walls an hour before sunset, light pouring over their village like honey, it felt like entering another world. Everything was so quiet, so clean, so peaceful. Kakashi took a deep breath of Konoha air, catching faint traces of savory steam from the village's many ramen stands. His stomach stirred and growled. Kakashi felt the homecoming deep in his bones, and something inside of him relaxed, finally unclenching with a sigh. Home. Safety. Privacy. Gai.

At that last addition, Kakashi tightened his hold around Gai's neck slightly, becoming aware all over again of the beautiful sixteen-year-old man carrying him. His gaze caught on a lock of glossy hair pushed up by the band of Gai's turtle mask.

They reached ANBU headquarters, silent and swift, and entered by the secret door only opened by their ANBU tattoos. It was part of the special jutsu encoded in the tattoo. A jutsu that was deactivated when someone left ANBU, converting the mark on one's shoulder into an ordinary tattoo that would fade with time without periodic maintenance. 'Once an ANBU, always an ANBU' did not hold true when it came to security privileges.

Kakashi had almost forgotten by now what clothes he'd left behind for himself in the locker room.

"Alright, Hatake," Bensaku said teasingly. "Now that you're indoors, you can stop using Gai like a horse and stand on your own two feet."

Kakashi slid his mask up in the privacy of the locker room and winked at their captain. "Maa, I could always do that. But this was more fun."

"I enjoyed it as well," Gai said. He pushed his mask up to reveal his flushed, sweaty countenance. "It was good exercise."

Tenzo punched Kakashi's arm playfully. "Sempai might look like a stick figure, but he's pure muscle, isn't he, Gai-sempai? He's a lot of weight to carry when he gets lazy."

Kakashi laughed. "Next time it might be you," he teased.

"No way," Tenzo said immediately, cutting one hand across the air. "I am never going to make a bet like Gai-sempai did. I'm not stupid. You'd figure out some way to win just so that I would have to carry you."

"How wise, our Kouhai," Kakashi said to Gai.

Tenzo blushed slightly at being called 'kouhai' and looked away with a smile.

Kakashi was surprised by Tenzo's pleased flush. He had always thought the title of 'kouhai' demeaning. Certainly, if anyone had used it on him, he would have broken their fingers. He had never considered calling Tenzo his kouhai, due to his negative associations. But if Tenzo liked it…

Kakashi beamed at him for a moment before they all turned their attention to getting showered off and dressed in their clean clothes. Their black spandex went into an industrial sized hamper, but their armor and their masks went into special slots in their lockers. Unlike the loaners they'd used at the outpost, these lockers were their own personal lockers, keyed to their chakra signatures with a special jutsu.

The ANBU headquarters shower area was also nicer than the one they'd used at the outpost. Unlike the outpost, the stalls had curtains for privacy. But then, security was less of an issue, since no one could enter without being part of ANBU in the first place. And rumor had it, if you tried to start a fight in the locker room, a jutsu would kick in to extinguish your chakra. It was painful, apparently. And life threatening. Kakashi had heard of people ending up in the hospital because of attempted brawls.

Bensaku grumbled something about 'finally' and disappeared behind a curtain.

Tenzo chuckled and pantomimed going in after the captain. 'Surprise,' he mouthed at Kakashi and Gai.

Gai opened his mouth as if to protest, and stopped when he saw that Tenzo was joking.

Kakashi couldn't help but laugh.

"Stop horsing around and get clean," Bensaku snapped. "Or don't you want to go home?"

"Yes, Taichou," Kakashi drawled.

They all got down to business after that. All of them finished bathing at around the same time, which meant Tenzo took extra time compared to usual, and Gai took less.

Tenzo emerged modestly wrapped up in a towel, using a second one to scrub his hair. "Ah…there's nothing like being clean."

Bensaku pulled aside his curtain with a rattle of curtain rings, his own white towel wrapped around his waist. "You were clean before. You barely sweated on the way home."

"I know," Tenzo said. He smiled contentedly. "But our soap is special." He wiggled his toes, as if the headquarters soap had some magical foot-cleansing properties.

Bensaku rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

_It's good to be home,_ Kakashi agreed silently.

They all wandered over to their lockers and pulled out their gym bags, reluctantly getting dressed. It always felt weird to shrug into civvies after all that time in uniform. Kakashi glanced around, noticing for the first time how different all of their styles were. On the street, they would look as if they didn't have anything in common.

Bensaku wore a pale blue t-shirt with a faded yellow band logo on it, a black leather jacket that looked like it belonged to someone who owned a motorcycle, and acid wash jeans. His black sneakers looked like he was still breaking them in.

"What happened to your old ones?" Kakashi asked, pointed at Bensaku's shoes.

Bensaku shrugged. "Got tired of them."

"More like they fell apart," Tenzo said. "I saw them last time. The soles were peeling away from the bottoms of those poor old things. I hope you put them out of their misery instead of stuffing them in your closet, Benku-taichou."

"What are you, my wife?" Bensaku said good-naturedly. "Mind your own business. I don't make fun of your clothes."

Tenzo shrugged. "But there's nothing wrong with my clothes, is there?"

Kakashi looked Tenzo over in a glance. "Not especially, no," he murmured.

Tenzo wore a white t-shirt that clung to his narrow frame and warm gray cargo shorts with a pair of flip-flops that reminded Kakashi of zori. With his messy brown hair, innately innocent eyes, and bony elbows, Tenzo looked like any fourteen-year-old kid on the way to hang out with his friends at the arcade.

But Kakashi couldn't help noticing that there wasn't much personality in Tenzo's choice of clothes, either. Tenzo's civilian clothes weren't revealing, like Bensaku's were. Or interestingly at odds with their owner, like Gai's were. His gaze flicked to his best friend.

Gai wore a baseball jacket of a team he had most assuredly never been on, a name emblazoned across the back. The hem of the jacket on the bottom and the sleeves was yellow, with a white stripe running horizontally across it. The body of the jacket was dark blue, and the sleeves were light gray. There wasn't a scrap of green on Gai's body. His t-shirt was white, like Tenzo's, but baggy. It hung off of him in comfortable wrinkles, just how it had come out of the dryer. In addition, Gai wore a pair of faded blue jeans, and red hi-top shoes with white soles.

The transformation never ceased to amaze Kakashi. Instead of a ninja, Gai looked like an out of work baseball player for the minor leagues.

Kakashi was actually the only person out of the entire group who looked like an off duty ninja. He wore his blue spandex shirt and matching mask with a short-sleeved black t-shirt and a pair of black jeans with a pair of well-loved black sneakers. His outfit said, 'Hi, I'm a ninja, but I'm not going to kill you now. I'm just buying milk'. He liked it that way. He didn't want people to forget who he was, what he could do. Even without his hitai-ate it was obvious, but with his forehead protector skewed over his sharingan eye, no one could miss his membership to Konoha's military.

"We all ready to go home?" Bensaku asked, looking everyone over critically.

"Yep," Kakashi said. He looked at Bensaku expectantly, but the captain didn't react. If Bensaku forgot about his volume of Icha Icha, he was going to be annoyed. He resolved to wait just a little longer.

"Don't we have to come back here tomorrow just to do our reports?" Tenzo asked. He sighed. "I almost wish I had the strength to get it over with now."

"Yeah…" Bensaku scratched his chin. Kakashi noticed he needed a slight shave. There was dark brown stubble at this point. "Well, maybe we'll make a day of it. Get lunch at the mess hall after we're finished. They've got some good food here. Hell, if they didn't have better than average food in a place like this, someone would commit serial murder."

Over half the people at ANBU headquarters were paper pushers. Paper pushers who could wrestle the average jonin to the ground and disable them in less than five seconds. Kakashi shuddered at the thought of having a desk job someday. He'd sooner stab himself through the eye with a kunai – and he had a personal code against suicide.

"Okay," Tenzo said. "I guess that would make it more bearable. What do you think, Sempai, Gai-sempai?"

"Mm?" Kakashi was distracted by how tired he felt suddenly. "Fine, fine. Alright by me."

"Sure!" Gai smiled. "It would be nice to see each other more often between missions."

"You think so?" Tenzo brightened.

Gai clapped Tenzo on the shoulder. "Certainly, young Tenzo! Life wouldn't be the same without teammates on whom one could depend. We should make an effort to overlap our social circles and grow closer every day."

Tenzo discretely tried to pry Gai's fingers off his shoulder. It didn't work. Nor did Gai notice. "Er…Is this going to turn into a big speech or somethi –"

"Every day is just as precious as the last, and every moment is another moment of our youth gone!" Gai moved himself to tears. "Treasure every moment of this springtime of our youth, Tenzo! Every moment!"

Kakashi wanted to laugh.

Tenzo ducked out from under Gai's hand and slipped to the safety of Bensaku's side. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Gai sniffled and wiped his eyes. "Of course. I shall arrive whenever it is destined that we should meet."

"How about ten o'clock?" Bensaku asked wryly. "Is that specific enough for you?"

"Yes!" Gai gave Bensaku a thumbs up. "I shall arrive, and endeavor to make sure Kakashi arrives on time to our rendezvous as well." He grabbed Kakashi's arm.

Kakashi almost fell over, startled. "Maa…yeah. I'll be on time. Gai will get me out of bed if necessary."

Gai grinned. "If necessary, I shall bring the whole bed with Kakashi attached!"

Kakashi could just imagine Gai carrying him, bed and all, over his head. Right down the middle of the street. _That would cause a commotion._ "I don't think that will be necessary, but I appreciate your devotion." He patted Gai's arm.

Gai looked gratified. "You're welcome."

Bensaku snorted. He tossed Kakashi the orange book he'd been withholding this entire time.

Kakashi caught it, almost fumbling.

"There's your book back, pervert." Bensaku smirked. "Now, ja ne." He waved lazily and teleported out, not leaving so much as a breath of air to stir the room.

"Damn, he's good," Tenzo muttered. "Well, me too, I guess." He made the hand seals for teleportation and disappeared as well. His sudden displacement of air ruffled Kakashi's hair.

"Want to walk me out?" Kakashi asked, tilting his head at Gai.

"Of course! I would be remiss not to accompany my best friend and Eternal Rival on the door that will grant us our freedom from this institution for a period of roughly twenty-four hours." Gai flashed Kakashi a thumbs up and a broad grin before falling in step with him on the way out of the locker room.

Kakashi shook his head, affectionately amused. "Maa, you could have just said 'yes', Gai. Tenzo has a point. Sometimes you tend to overthink the situation."

"I merely endow each moment of our youth with eloquence," Gai said, confidently ignoring the advice.

Kakashi opened his sorely missed volume of Icha Icha and ran his fingers across the pages lovingly, pretending not to hear.

When they reached the street, Kakashi experienced a moment of awkwardness. He really didn't want to say good night to Gai and just walk home. He didn't want to be by himself. He'd gotten used to the company. Usually, they went their separate ways. After a mission, everyone needed their space.

Or, he thought they did. Right now, he wasn't so sure. Kakashi saw the same look of indecision on Gai's face.

Gai jerked a thumb over his shoulder vaguely. "I should…"

"Yeah…" Kakashi shuffled his feet rather than walk down the sidewalk in the direction of his home.

Gai's look of indecision burst with a grimace of agony. "Do you want to –"

"Yes," Kakashi said quickly.

"Let's eat at Ichiraku's first," Gai said. "I'm starving. I don't think there's any edible food left at your house by this point, is there?"

"No," Kakashi said.

Gai rested his hand on Kakashi's shoulder and started walking down the street with Kakashi, headed towards the Ichiraku Ramen stand, and Kakashi's house.

Kakashi was glad for that warm hand on his shoulder, the warmth of Gai's body by his side. He glanced up at Gai gratefully.

"I'm paying," Gai said.

Kakashi was startled. "You don't have to –"

"I want to," Gai said.

That made Kakashi feel warm. He smiled at Gai cheerfully. "Maa, okay. If you say so." He stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Gai squeezed his shoulder and smiled at him in return. "I do."

Kakashi wanted to climb into Gai's arms and stay there. Forever. He'd settle for ramen and a good night's sleep in his own bed with Gai to cuddle up to, though.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

* * *

Kakashi did exactly what he expected they would do. They ate ramen at Ichiraku's, they went back to his house, they crawled under the covers of his real bed, and they went to sleep. One never slept as well on missions as one did at home in one's real bed, no matter how much training they went through.

In the morning, they met back at the ANBU headquarters.

The report went pretty much as expected. They did the verbal portion first. Their superiors chewed Bensaku out for his poor command decision, Bensaku weathered it with a cringe in his shoulders, and then they wrote up their individual versions of the events that happened during their mission. Kakashi noticed lots of spelling errors on Gai's count and didn't say anything. He'd learned from past experience that just led to Gai crossing things out as he went along, drenching his scroll with bars of black ink, until the whole thing was unreadable and Gai was red in the face from embarrassment and irritation.

It was a thing best avoided.

Once they turned all of their reports in to the records division, they departed down the hall in a loose group, headed towards the mess hall. In the case of ANBU headquarters, it was more like a food court at a mall.

"So what do we want today?" Bensaku asked. "They have pretty good Western fare here. I'm kind of particular to the burger and fries combo. There's just something about it."

"Something about it?" Tenzo raised an eyebrow. "You mean, like heartburn?"

Bensaku shrugged, flushing slightly. "Maybe I have an iron stomach. I enjoy the stuff."

"I think it's worse for you than fried tofu," Tenzo declared.

"Fine," Bensaku said. "What do you want?"

Tenzo thought about it.

When they reached the intersection in the hallway, the locker rooms to the left and the mess hall to the right, Tenzo paused.

This prompted everyone else to stop and wait for him.

"What is it?" Gai asked.

"Let's get lunch somewhere else today," Tenzo said, his eyes lighting up at the thought. "I'm tired of the same old food."

"Somewhere public," Gai suggested, taking to the idea immediately. "We should get out of the ANBU compound and enjoy the fresh air."

"Maa, sounds fine." Kakashi smiled cheerfully.

They headed down the hallway to the left, towards the locker room.

"Now, wait a minute," Bensaku said. "You can't just go off and decide something like that."

Kakashi glanced over his shoulder at the man. "Why not?"

Bensaku realized they were going to leave him behind if he didn't move and ran to catch up with them. "What about me? I could get in big trouble."

"How?"

"Well…" Bensaku hesitated.

They made it to the locker room and pushed through the door.

Kakashi could have sworn that Bensaku was pouting. He ignored that observation and went to his locker, opening it with a touch. That was all it took, since it was keyed to his chakra.

Tenzo and Gai followed suit.

Bensaku stood there, watching them with indecision. "You guys…What's so bad about the cafeteria food, anyway?"

"Seriously," Tenzo said. "What's the big deal?"

"I think this is a bad idea," Bensaku said. "It's not good to appear in public together. Our assignment on the same team together is a secret."

"Everything about ANBU is a secret," Tenzo said, not sounding impressed.

"Is it against regulations?" Gai asked.

"Not exactly," Bensaku said.

Gai beamed. "Oh, good. I was afraid we'd have to cancel."

"But it's not exactly recommended, either," Bensaku put in quickly.

"Maa, if you don't want to go, we'll go to lunch by ourselves," Kakashi said. He was curious to see what kind of effect that would have on the captain. Tenzo seemed to think Bensaku was chronically lonely.

"Now wait a minute," Bensaku protested. "I didn't say I wasn't going to go. Just that it was a bad idea." He crossed over to his locker in two steps and yanked out his civvies, getting dressed in a hurry to catch up with them. He stripped off his ANBU uniform, shoved it in place in the locker, and yanked on his jeans. Today they were plain blue jeans. He'd already replaced the clothed he'd worn yesterday. Their captain was meticulous about such things.

Tenzo grinned. He waited patiently.

"Now that I've put in my official protest as your captain, let's go," Bensaku said, grabbing his coat. "I'm hungry."

Gai laughed.

Kakashi blinked. _I guess there's something to Tenzo's belief after all_. He wondered what else Tenzo knew that he didn't.

**xXx**

They walked down the street together.

"Where should we go?" Tenzo asked.

"You mean you didn't have a plan?" Bensaku asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

Tenzo grinned at him. "Do I ever?"

"You guys are going to make me do everything," Bensaku muttered.

"I am capable of choosing a location in which to partake of lunch," Gai declared. He pointed at a café with a pink and white striped awning over the window. "That place looks quite youthful."

"You mean pink," Tenzo said. "No. No way. That place is for girls. Clearly."

"What about the color pink inspires such prejudice in you, young Tenzo?" Gai asked.

"It's not prejudice," Tenzo said. "I'm just saying that pink is a color associated with girls."

"I have not noticed such a connection," Gai said, looking confused and intrigued. "How did you come about such a conclusion?"

Kakashi smiled in spite of himself.

"Well, girls wear pink," Tenzo stammered.

"Oh? They do?" Gai rubbed his chin. "The only girls I have seen were wearing purple, green, or blue."

Tenzo sighed. "Well, forget it. It's a fact, that's all. Pink means girls."

"Then I object to this clearly unfair and unrighteous segregation of the sexes that prevents me from being served in certain establishments," Gai declared. He marched forward. "I must insist that we protest this treatment and hold a sit-in at that restaurant until they agree to serve us."

"Social activism?" Bensaku protested. "I thought we just wanted lunch."

Kakashi was much too amused to clarify what Tenzo had meant and stop Gai from plowing ahead with his pursuit of justice for all mankind. _Maa, this will be interesting. _

The café was at the end of the street, on a corner. It was on the side of the street they currently walked down, so somehow or other, even though Bensaku and Tenzo hardly seemed willing, they allowed themselves to be dragged along by Gai's determination and Kakashi's amused indifference.

Gai turned to them when they reached the sidewalk in front of the café. "Now, when we go inside, we will all individually ask for service, thus increasing the force of our presence."

"Maito…" Bensaku sighed. He massaged the bridge of his nose. "I don't think…" Unlike Kakashi, he had no idea how to go about defusing Gai.

"Gai-sempai, this is stupid," Tenzo complained. "We can go in there any time we want. They won't refuse to serve us."

"They won't?" Gai looked confused. "But you stated that this establishment caters solely to females."

"I meant it's only appealing to girls," Tenzo said. He turned to face the restaurant, gesturing. "It's too cute and frilly and unmanly to –"

Tenzo watched a waitress in a miniskirt and tight button-up shirt walk past the window, carrying a tray of milkshakes. Her hair was done up in springy pigtails, and she couldn't be older than eighteen. "Okay, let's eat here."

"No," Bensaku said. He grabbed Tenzo by the back of the collar and dragged him away from the window. "Let's not. We are definitely choosing somewhere else to be."

"But Taichou…"

"No. We're going somewhere wholesome." He added in a mutter, "And normal. Like a sports bar."

Kakashi couldn't blame the captain. He was only glad Gai hadn't reacted in a similar way.

Instead, Gai tilted his head, puzzled. "What's the matter? Is there something out of place about the young lady who passed the window?"

"Yeah," Bensaku said. "She's out in public."

Gai looked concerned. "We should inform someone."

Bensaku snorted. "Yeah. Her mother. If we knew who that was, I would."

Gai clenched his fists, excited. "I shall get on it right away! This calls for an information gathering mission!"

Bensaku blinked, his smile replaced by bewilderment. "H-Hold on. Not everything is a mission."

"Huh?" Gai paused in the middle of preparing to spring into action.

Bensaku took his shoulder and gently guided him away from the café. "You really need this time off."

Kakashi snorted.

"But what about informing the young woman's mother of her appearance in public?" Gai asked.

"That's not important," Bensaku said, fighting a smile.

"Maa, it would also help if you knew what the Taichou was objecting to," Kakashi said. He wanted to hear the answer to this. It would tell him whether Gai had noticed the sexualized nature of the waitress' appearance.

Gai looked from Kakashi to Bensaku. "I assumed that there was some issue of custody – possibly that she is an escaped person under house arrest."

Bensaku was trying not to laugh.

Gai looked confused. "Why else would you have an objection to this person appearing in public?"

Bensaku gave up trying to fight it and let out a laugh. "Never mind. It's refreshing that someone has a clean mind in this bunch. I'm ashamed of myself. Let's leave it at that, huh, Maito?" He patted Gai's shoulder. "Let's get lunch."

"Okay…" Gai walked alongside their team leader amiably enough, although he still seemed as confused as he was a moment ago.

_It's not a clean mind_. Kakashi was tempted to speak up and correct the captain. _It's that he's not interested._

**xXx**

They ended up in a humbly furnished casual dining place frequented mostly by shinobi. It had a dining area and a bar. A radio sat on the bar, tuned to a baseball game in progress. Since it was lunchtime, there were only a few people at the counter of the bar, off-duty shinobi in their work clothes who looked as though they'd been up twenty-four hours.

"Now this is my kind of place," Bensaku said. "A seat yourself, low-key dining experience. Just what the doctor ordered."

Kakashi wasn't sure how low-key any dining experience was when Tenzo and Gai were involved, but he let their captain reassure himself.

Bensaku chose a booth on the left side of the restaurant and dropped onto the bar bench seat, sitting down casually. Tenzo immediately sat down next to him.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, but kept comments to himself. He slid onto the bench seat across from the captain and allowed Gai to take the aisle position at the end.

A waitress came by and deposited menus, served complimentary tea and ice water, and then returned in a few minutes after they'd had a chance to look at the menu. Bensaku ordered his burger and fries. Tenzo ordered vegetable yakisoba. Gai ordered a steak. Kakashi, to everyone's disbelief, ordered a bowl of ramen.

"You could have gotten that anywhere," Bensaku protested. "What's the point of coming to a sports bar?"

"Maa, you wanted to come." Kakashi shrugged.

"Are you together?" the waitress asked.

Gai beamed. "Yes."

"Separate checks," Kakashi clarified. He cast Gai an amused glance. It was obvious that Gai hadn't understood the question.

The waitress bowed. "Hai." She departed to convey their orders to the cook.

"I'm impressed," Bensaku said. "I thought you usually conned Maito into paying for you."

"Conned?" Kakashi protested. "It is an honest and fair bet. He only has to pay for lunch or dinner when I beat him at sparring. The same goes for when he defeats me."

"Which I finally did before our mission!" Gai glowed with pride. "Kakashi had to take me wherever I said. We went to Fujiwara Steakhouse."

Kakashi was a little embarrassed at this discussion of their personal lives, but he tried not to show it.

Bensaku snorted. "I suppose you wrung him dry."

Gai grinned.

Kakashi chuckled and gave Bensaku a rueful smile. "Maa, it was only fair after winning so many times in a row. And I am happy to pay for myself today."

"And now that I've caught up, I'm going to even the score," Gai declared. "Starting with the next five matches. I've bet that if I can beat Kakashi at the next five sparring matches, he has to do my laundry."

"That is significant incentive to win," Bensaku said. "I imagine your laundry must be terrible."

"Oh?" Gai looked confused. "Why do you say that, Taichou?"

Tenzo shuddered. "Gai-sempai, you train so hard…your clothing takes a lot of damage in the process."

Gai rubbed the back of his neck. "I never thought of that. I just don't like to do laundry." He laughed.

Kakashi smiled and shook his head. "Maa, what about you and Tenzo, Bensaku-taichou? What do you do on days off?"

Tenzo and Bensaku gave each other a startled glance.

"Oh, we don't hang out together," Tenzo said.

"You don't?" Gai looked as surprised at Kakashi felt. "What a shame."

"We have our own stuff to do," Tenzo said, but he seemed uncertain. He gave Bensaku another glance, and then put on a grin. "Taichou wouldn't want to spend time with a little kid like me. I bet he has a circle of manly man friends he goes out and does manly stuff with."

"Like what?" Bensaku asked wryly.

"How should I know?" Tenzo retorted, sticking out his tongue. "I'm just a kid."

"I don't have some 'manly man circle of friends'," Bensaku said.

"Then what kind of friends do you have?" Tenzo asked. "The girly girl kind?"

Bensaku's eyebrow twitched. "Knock it off, you. We're supposed to be having fun."

"Aren't we?" Tenzo grinned innocently.

"One of us is," Bensaku said, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards. "I'll give you that much."

Tenzo laughed. "Come on, Taichou. I really want to know. I'll stop joking now."

Bensaku sighed, settled back against the bench seat, and reluctantly said, "I don't have a lot of friends. Honestly, you guys have met the closest one I have. And Kuma is too far away to talk to regularly."

"What's his real name?" Gai asked.

Bensaku gave him a look. "I can't tell you that."

"Oh. Right." Gai smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Taichou."

"Who else is there?" Tenzo asked. "Is there someone in Konoha?"

"If you mean a girlfriend, I have one in every village we go to," Bensaku said, with an eye roll and heavy sarcasm.

"No girlfriend, then," Kakashi said.

"I'm in ANBU," Bensaku said. "It comes with the territory. No date life, being saddled with a bunch of little boys that ask you awkward questions when you're just trying to get a hamburger…"

"Well, gosh, Taichou," Tenzo said. "You could have chosen not to come."

"I was hungry," Bensaku said.

"Nuh-uh," Tenzo said. "You didn't want to miss out on our little get together."

Gai looked concerned. "Do you not have any friends you can rely on within Konoha's borders?"

"I've got friends," Bensaku protested instantly. He straightened. "I just said I don't have many. 'Not many' doesn't mean none, Maito."

Kakashi studied him, doubting that he did have any friends in Konoha. _We're the closest thing he has. And we usually drive him crazy. _That was a little depressing. _We're nowhere near his age, whatever it is, and he doesn't have anyone who shares his interests._

"Does this place have karaoke?" Tenzo asked suddenly.

"It is way too early for me to be getting drunk enough to want to do karaoke with you," Bensaku said.

"You have to be drunk to do karaoke?" Gai asked. "I didn't know that."

Kakashi laughed. He couldn't help it. There was just something too adorable about Gai's attempts to piece together new information from verbal context clues. "Maa, I think he just means he doesn't want to do karaoke, Gai."

"Oh."

"A drunk Gai-sempai," Tenzo said, grinning. "I wonder what that would be like."

"Don't," Kakashi said.

"Why not?" Tenzo asked. "I imagine it's probably pretty funny."

"Your imagination is a lot more amusing than the truth," Kakashi said.

"So you've seen it then," Tenzo said.

"I don't think I've ever gotten that drunk," Gai protested. "I've never gotten very drunk at all."

"When you can't walk without someone else to hold you up, you're drunk," Kakashi told him.

"Oh! I just thought I got tired." Gai looked at him with wide eyes. "Every time I drink, I get very sleepy."

"That's drunkenness," Bensaku said. "It feels like that."

"Oh." Gai looked thoughtful. "I must have gotten really drunk, then. I was almost asleep."

Kakashi sighed. "That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"Sleepy?" Tenzo complained. "Is that all it is? I don't see why being drunk is so popular."

"It does different things to different people," Bensaku said.

"How is that possible?" Tenzo asked.

"Alcohol's interesting that way," Bensaku said wryly.

"Can I try some?" Tenzo asked.

"No," Bensaku said.

"They've got alcohol here, don't they?" Tenzo tilted his head. "There's a bar."

"It's not an availability issue, Tenzo. It's an age issue. You're fourteen."

"So?" Tenzo stuck out his lower lip. "I'm a jonin."

"You're still two years away from being the legal drinking age," Bensaku said. "Rank doesn't change that."

Tenzo crossed his arms and looked put out.

"If it makes you feel any better, that rule is the only thing that saved my life," Kakashi said. "Otherwise I would have drank myself to death when Minato died."

Tenzo stared at him, horrified.

No one else looked very pleased, either.

"Jesus," Bensaku said. "Don't say things like that."

"That's horrible," Gai said for all three of them, looking pale.

Kakashi shrugged. Inwardly, he wondered why this sort of thing always happened when he got too honest with people. "It's true. I don't see what's so horrible about it. I'm perfectly aware that if a cowardly way of committing suicide had been presented to me, I would have taken it."

"But then we wouldn't have Sempai," Tenzo said. He was shaking.

"I know," Kakashi said quietly. _I scared him. But I'm not suicidal now…_"I'm lucky."

Gai draped an arm over his shoulders and held him.

"Taking your own life is selfish," Kakashi said. He needed to show them he was okay. _I really do understand why it's bad to take your own life. I'm not going to run out on you._

"Yes, it is," Bensaku said. "Very selfish."

Gai was silent.

"But people in pain are selfish," Kakashi said. He didn't want them to think he didn't have a reason to be suicidal. That he'd just done it for fun, or something. People had strange ideas about that, too. "It was the pain that made it tempting. People in pain would do almost anything to not be in pain anymore."

Dead silence again.

Kakashi uncomfortably pressed forward. "That's how they are. I should know." He gazed at the table. "I saw my father firsthand. He became one of the most selfish people I ever knew. He didn't care about me anymore. And then, he killed himself."

Everyone was silent, but oddly, the silence didn't feel cold to him, now.

Kakashi ventured a glance at Tenzo's face. He was the most worried about what he'd done to Tenzo by talking about this.

Tenzo's eyes were bright, and his jaw was set in determination. "Well, I'm never going to stop caring about you. No matter what."

Kakashi was stunned and profoundly touched.

His gaze slid to Bensaku. Bensaku was looking at him with the strangest expression he had ever seen on the man's face. It took him a moment to place. It was the look of a mother hearing that her son had died in service. That was where he had seen that look before: on the faces of mothers. No wonder it seemed out of place.

Kakashi looked away, swallowing. Being the recipient of such a look brought a lump to his throat.

"I can assure you…that I will never stop taking care of you," Bensaku said quietly. "I am your captain. I am not going to abandon my post. Hatake, you can leave ANBU for all I care. I'm not going to stop treating you like one of my own."

Kakashi felt a hiccup of nausea.

Gai hugged him tightly. "You see? None of us are going to stop caring about you. We love you. We love you with all of our hearts."

_How am I going to stand losing any one of you?_ Kakashi's bones turned to water with his level of helplessness and fear. After his father died, he'd fought so hard to keep his distance away from everyone. He'd hurt so badly. And his team – they were just like this one – they rallied around him and chipped away at him until he could accept their love. And then Obito died, and he nearly went insane. He tried to run away with all of his might. Minato stopped him. And then Minato died, and he had been driven straight into Gai's arms.

Now Gai was holding him, and Tenzo was going sentimental on him, and Bensaku was looking at him like a mother and talking about him like a son, and he didn't know what to do.

The waitress came and deposited their food down in front of them.

Kakashi stared down at their plates of food, and then gave everyone a watery smile.

They all dug into their food, and the normal clamor of people eating around him was somehow what set him off, what unlocked that final, stuck piece inside of him. He felt the tears soaking into his mask, making his cheeks damp. He tipped his head forward, shutting his eyes, and felt a couple tears drop off of his eyelashes, most likely landing on his plate.

_I don't want this togetherness to end. I don't want to lose you._ He wished he could freeze time right now, call it to a stop and just live here forever, in this moment where they were all gathered around a table in some sports bar he'd never been in before, sharing a mediocre meal and nothing more than each other's company to make it special.

He felt someone's hand on his shoulder, and it was the wrong angle for it to be Gai. "Hey, Hatake…it's okay. We're still going to be here tomorrow. I promise you that. We're not going away."

Kakashi raised his head, looked into Bensaku's eyes, saw the understanding shining there, and realized he should have known an ANBU captain would be able to read him like a book. Especially after the man's spot-on guesses about Gai. "Maa…" His voice wavered too much for him to say any more.

Bensaku squeezed his shoulder. "We will be. You'll see. We'll be here every day for the rest of your life."

"What about you?" Kakashi muttered.

"I'm not that old," Bensaku said, drawing his hand back and looking offended. But the look in his eyes hadn't changed, so Kakashi knew the offended expression was a front. "I bet I'm going to outlive you."

"Is that so?" Kakashi said. He swallowed. He couldn't seem to get rid of the lump in his throat. "Then let's make it a formal bet: if I lose, you have to go to my gravestone every day and say hello."

"I will," Bensaku said. "I'll get up every morning and go see you. Don't worry about that, Hatake. I won't miss a day."

Kakashi nodded. "Okay, then." He picked up his chopsticks and started eating. He noticed Bensaku didn't have to ask what would happen if he won. Their captain knew all about his tendency to visit the memorial stone where his old team's names were carved. In the case of Bensaku's death, the man would simply become another name to visit.

Oddly, the idea that Bensaku would visit him if he died first comforted Kakashi. He wasn't sure why. He ate a few mouthfuls of noodles, and then belatedly glanced up at the captain.

Bensaku was looking at him with a small smile.

Kakashi smiled back. "Thank you." His came out more quietly than he intended, but he was pleased that the words still emerged.

**xXx**

The rest of lunch passed uneventfully. Tenzo tried to drag Bensaku over to the karaoke station after they'd paid their bills, but it was resounding failure. They ended up outside the sports bar, milling around in front of it in that post-hanging-out phase Kakashi hated so much. It was enough to make him not want to see people in the first place. If he had to say goodbye, it just wasn't worth it sometimes.

"When are we going to get together next?" Gai asked.

Gai's question broke Kakashi's bubble of self-absorbed discomfort.

"Yeah, I guess we should," Bensaku said reluctantly. "It was a lot of fun…and relaxing, to boot. Just what we needed after that mission."

_In spite of my breakdown?_ Kakashi raised an eyebrow, but he didn't say it.

"You should visit me, Sempai," Tenzo said.

Kakashi turned to Tenzo in surprise.

"I bet Daidai would like to meet you. You saved his life, after all. Sort of." He grinned sheepishly. "In my head, at least."

"I don't know…" Kakashi hesitated.

"Look me up!" Tenzo smiled brightly. "I'd love it if you dropped by sometime, Sempai."

"Okay," Kakashi capitulated. He didn't have to specify when, after all. He could give himself plenty of time to mull it over and try to rationalize his embarrassment away.

"Great!" Tenzo hugged him.

"Maa…" Kakashi patted his back. "It might be a while. I can get pretty busy."

"I know you'll come," Tenzo said, blissfully unaware of Kakashi's temptation to the contrary.

Kakashi smiled weakly.

Tenzo let go and gave Kakashi a playful salute. "See you later, Sempai." He waved. "Bye, Gai-sempai."

Gai waved in return. "Goodbye, Tenzo. Enjoy the rest of your day. Perhaps you and I shall also meet again soon for more lessons in camaraderie."

"Right," Tenzo called. "Or lunch."

Gai looked confused.

Kakashi chuckled. "He means the same thing, Gai. He's just saying it in his own way."

"Oh." Gai's expression cleared. He called back, "Yes, indeed!" Then he happily extended a thumbs up in Tenzo's direction.

Bensaku shrugged. "Well, I'm going too."

"Ja ne," Kakashi said.

"Yes, goodbye, Taichou," Gai said.

Bensaku blinked. "Could you maybe think about calling me something else when we're not supposed to know each other at work?"

"Oh." Gai thought for a moment, rubbing his chin. "Benku-san?"

"It'll do for now," Bensaku said. He made a face. "But I hope to god you don't call me that forever."

Gai grinned. "I shall endeavor to think of something that befits you."

"Good," Bensaku said. "Go for it." He gave them both a salute, and looked at Kakashi knowingly. "Take care of yourself, Hatake. And in case you fall and ever need someone to help you up…Manabu Street. 312. The yellow apartments. Mine's A14. Remember it."

Kakashi nodded, awkwardly touched by the gesture of trust. I can drop by on him whenever I feel like it. "Maa…" He scratched his temple and ducked his head. "You know where I live."

"Sure do," Bensaku agreed. He grinned suddenly, looking smug that he'd caught Kakashi off guard. "See you later, boys." He took off down the street at a casual clip, walking with his hands in his pockets and glancing around, taking particular interest in a light pole for a moment for no discernable reason, merely seeming to enjoy himself.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at the man, but he couldn't find it in him to be annoyed.

Gai waved until Bensaku was well down the street, and then turned to Kakashi with a grin. "Want to train? I bet we can go home and get changed and meet in the training field in less than an hour."

Kakashi grinned in response. "Maa, maybe, but give me three."

Gai laughed. "Okay."

Kakashi felt better. Meetings were always the best. It was goodbyes that were hard.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

* * *

Kakashi spent the three hours he'd gained lying on his bed reading Icha Icha. By the time he went to meet Gai at the training field, he felt almost normal. It was relief to immerse himself in his fantasy world again. The real world was uncomfortable.

Gai won the sparring match. He counted that as win number one in his entirely predictable, predestined five match winning streak that would guarantee Kakashi's fate as the person doomed to wash his laundry.

Kakashi allowed him to think that; there was no way he was going to get cornered into facing Gai's dirty laundry. Even if he had to cheat a little. Which he wouldn't, because he was still stronger than Gai, and always would be.

Although, Gai's progress was giving Kakashi pause.

They walked back to Kakashi's house together, took entirely normal separate showers, and changed into t-shirts and clean boxers. Kakashi noticed neither of them bothered to put on pants. Apparently they were both thinking the same thing.

_Time for another lesson,_ Kakashi thought, taking in the sight of Gai in plain white boxers and a leaf green shirt. Green really was a good color for Gai. And there was something arousing about seeing the toned muscles of Gai's legs.

They sat down on the edge of Kakashi's bed.

"Let's talk about what turns you on," Kakashi said.

"Is this part of learning about sex?" Gai asked.

"Yeah," Kakashi said. "Now that you know what sex is, and you know what sexual pleasure feels like when you touch yourself, the next thing you're going to need to know is how to select a partner. So it's important that we discuss what turns you on. Aside from the love part of the equation, that's how you'll know someone is right for you."

"I don't understand," Gai said.

"Someone else is going to need to agree to do what turns you on," Kakashi said gently.

"Oh." Gai fell silent.

"Do you think that's going to be a problem?" Kakashi asked lightly.

"I don't know," Gai said.

Kakashi touched his arm. "It's okay. I'm sure someone will want to do the things that you like to do."

Gai sighed. He scooted further onto the bed and lay down on his back.

Kakashi looked at his friend in concern. "What's the matter?"

"Kashi…the last time we masturbated together…after you bought me dinner at the steakhouse…" Gai hesitated. "I'm not sure why it turned me on to think about it."

"Think about what?" Kakashi asked.

"Somebody licking…" Gai trailed off, turning red.

Kakashi lay down on his back beside Gai, feeling more at peace than he had in a while. "What you described the last time we masturbated together sounds like a fantasy."

"What's a fantasy?" Gai asked.

"A fantasy is a pretend scenario in your head that turns you on when you think about it."

Gai was silent for a little while. He looked up at the ceiling, thinking.

"I have fantasies all the time," Kakashi offered.

Gai's gaze snapped to him, startled. "You do?"

Kakashi nodded. "All the time." At this stage, he didn't see any harm in describing them if he just kept Gai's name out of it. "Even when we're together, doing normal activities."

Gai blushed. "About what?"

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Well, since you asked. I'll be happy to describe them to you." _And see if you get turned on_.

Gai rolled onto his side and looked at Kakashi curiously, his eyes wide.

Kakashi licked his lips. "Ah…I fantasize about being tied up. A lot."

Gai twitched, startled. "Tied up? You mean, restrained?"

Kakashi's cheeks felt a little warm. He looked at the ceiling. "Well…it's like this. I imagine that someone pins me down, and ties my wrists above my head, and starts…" He felt a flutter in his chest, remembering how close Gai had come to fulfilling his fantasy the last time they sparred in Gai's training field. "Undressing me. Touching me. Eventually that leads to sex."

"And you like this?" Gai asked.

Kakashi glanced at him. Gai didn't look or sound disapproving, only confused. "Well, yes. In my fantasy I do. I don't know about real life. I've never tried it. I've only thought…there's something nice about being helpless, about cutting through the communication, and having someone just take…" His cheeks heated up again. "Ah…what I want them to take. I don't have to say anything. They just know."

Gai scratched his head.

Kakashi laughed. "I didn't say it was realistic. It's a fantasy. I know how unlikely it is that someone would understand exactly what I want them to do unless I spell it out for them. It's just pretend."

Gai smiled a beautiful, boyish smile that made Kakashi's heart beat faster. "I've pretended things too. I know what you mean." He tilted his head. "So what are those things the person knows exactly to do in your fantasy?"

Kakashi should have known Gai would still be curious. "Well…ah…first things first, they know to take off my mask." His gaze flicked from Gai to the ceiling. "And then they undress me, starting with my vest…and sometimes, they use a kunai to cut up my spandex suit. Usually I imagine them teasing me about how I shouldn't hide my face, and then they kiss my neck…start running their hands over my body, my arms, and legs…and sometimes they stroke my erection, because of course since it's my fantasy I'm very hard." He smiled ruefully. "Does that answer your questions?"

Gai nodded quickly.

Kakashi thought that was probably too much information to suit Gai. "I also have fantasies about making out or having sex in public places, which again is unrealistic, because I also imagine that somehow, everyone around me has failed to notice that this is going on. So I'm in a wide open space, but no one knows it's happening except me."

"Like a dream," Gai said. "I've had dreams like that."

Kakashi guessed Gai meant dreams of being in crowded places with some secret knowledge, not the having sex in public part. He nodded. "It's common, I suppose. For ninjas, I mean. We often hide in plain sight, so it makes sense we would have dreams about having some kind of secret or doing something normally secret in a crowded location, and being able to pull it off without detection."

It felt unexpectedly good to get this off his chest.

Kakashi added, "Sometimes, I think about…ah…someone making me get down on my knees and give them a blowjob, especially in public. But of course I want to do it, because it's my fantasy." He figured he had to be careful explaining such things to Gai, since Gai always took everything exactly the way it was said.

"What's a blowjob, Kashi?" Gai asked.

Kakashi bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. "A blowjob is when someone places their mouth over someone else's erection and tries to make it feel good."

"Oh."

Kakashi glanced at Gai, curious at the tone of Gai's voice. Gai was blushing. He looked illuminated, and at the same time, uncertain. After a moment, the expression clicked. _He's self-conscious._ "Is that one of the things you've thought about someone doing for you?"

"Well, it's in a lot of the books you have, Kashi." Gai looked at the ceiling, one hand resting on his stomach. "Even the ones about boys and girls. Is this really so common that everyone does it?"

Kakashi nodded. "Just about. It's a choice, of course – a choice that has to be made between couples, not dictated by wider culture – but yes, it's generally considered normal to give someone a blowjob." He gave Gai a small smile. "Or get one."

Gai's face flushed further. "So it's not abnormal to say…"

Kakashi reached out and squeezed Gai's hand. "It's okay. Like I said, I fantasize about giving them."

Gai looked at him with wide eyes. "You do? Really?"

Kakashi nodded. "Mm-hmm." His smile turned mischievous. "If we teamed together, we'd both get to experience our fantasies." He didn't expect Gai to actually go for it, but he couldn't resist throwing the suggestion out there.

Gai pouted at the ceiling, his face as bright as a tomato.

Kakashi waited. The lack of an immediate rebuttal made him curious, though he tried not to get his hopes up. _He couldn't actually be considering it, could he?_

"If – If it remains between friends, and I know I'm not hurting you or inconveniencing you in any way, then I'll do it," Gai said.

Kakashi beamed. "Alright." His heart leapt, and a wave of tingling warmth crashed through him. He was so happy that Gai could have said just about anything and gotten away with it.

"And I want to shower first."

Kakashi chuckled. "Of course. I expect no less of you."

"And I apologize in advance for how strange it must feel, and taste, and be like to put someone else's penis in your mouth –"

"Gai." Kakashi gave him a look. "I said alright. It's a fantasy of mine, remember? I want to do it. I'm only concerned that you might want to experience me putting my mouth on you a little less than I want to do it."

Gai's blush fanned brighter again. "I…don't think I have any reservations."

"Good." Kakashi smiled cheerfully and squeezed Gai's hand. "Then we're settled. As soon as you're ready for me to do it, you can take a shower, and I can get ready too, and we'll both see what it's like to live out our fantasy."

Gai swallowed. "Okay."

A moment passed.

"Today?" Gai asked.

Kakashi chuckled. "It doesn't have to be."

"Ah." Gai relaxed. Then he looked caught between relief and something else.

"What is it?" Kakashi asked.

"I got hard," Gai said.

Kakashi snorted. "That was bound to happen, Gai."

"It was?" Gai looked at him with wide eyes.

Kakashi felt a deeply abiding fondness well up inside for his friend. He just smiled, looking at Gai's face. He realized he wanted to touch Gai's cheek, like he had before in the cabin when they'd been on their mission. "Yes," he said quietly.

"Oh." Gai looked up at the ceiling contemplatively, his hands clasped over his stomach. "Then…Kashi…"

"Yes?" Kakashi asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Can we do it now?"

Kakashi resisted the urge to laugh. "Yes, Gai. We can."

Gai looked at him with wide eyes. "I'll go take a shower, then."

Kakashi met his gaze with a smile, barely restraining a grin of fondness. He really was too adorable. "Yes. Be my guest." Kakashi rolled onto his side and watched Gai rise from the bed.

Gai looked over his shoulder at Kakashi self-consciously. "Are you sure that you don't mind?"

Kakashi was exasperated, but he was also touched. _Gai really doesn't want to hurt me._ And suddenly, there was a lump in his throat and an ache in his chest. _I don't want to hurt Gai either. _He gave Gai a big grin. "Go on. Take your shower. I'll be waiting right here." Never mind that Gai had just showered twenty minutes ago. The delay bought Kakashi some time to let everything sink in.

Gai smiled back, appearing reassured. He shut the bathroom door behind him.

Kakashi shifted to the edge of the bed and sat up. He couldn't remain lying down with this much adrenaline pumping through his system. _We're really going to do this._

The sound of the shower running made Kakashi hard. Usually, it was part of the normal soundtrack of life. But now, he listened to the water pattering in the other room with anticipation, his stomach clenched hard and his erection harder, leaking in his underwear and trying just to breathe. He clenched the edge of the bed in both hands.

_Okay. It's going to be simple. I'm just going to put my mouth on him, and he's going to lay back, and I'm going to move my mouth like the way they do in the manga, and try to follow the advice Jiraiya put in Icha Icha about how to make someone feel good. It'll be easy. _

Kakashi was more nervous than he had been when he'd been taking the graduation test in school, and that had been when he was six. His heart palpitated. He wanted desperately for Gai to feel good, but that wasn't all. After doing nothing but looking the entire time, he was finally going to touch Gai sexually. And he had Gai's permission. He wanted to be worthy. More than that: he wanted Gai to like it so much they did it again.

He realized what he wanted for the first time with terrifying clarity: He wanted to seduce Gai.

Up until now, he'd been in denial.

Now that he'd realized it, Kakashi couldn't escape from the knowledge. He'd wanted to seduce Gai all along. In the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind, it had never been about anything other than that. He'd hoped, more than anything else, to _make_ Gai love him. That simply by revealing to Gai piece by piece how deep his feelings ran, he could induce Gai to feel the same.

_I should abort this now. I should explain. I should…_

Kakashi suddenly registered that the water had stopped running. He froze for a second. Then he forced himself to take a deep breath. _I promised him. He really wants me to do it. I want to do it. Why am I going to ruin this for both of us? Why should I? Shouldn't I just go along with it?_

He tried to imagine what this looked like from Gai's point of view. _We're just two friends, doing some secret, silly thing that two friends would do. We're getting into some mischief. That's what this is. Later on we will be able to laugh about this. _

Gai came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, looking uncertain.

Kakashi stood and smiled at him. "Alright. You ready?"

Gai nodded. "I think so…" He hadn't bothered to put any gel in his hair. His glossy hair stuck up in unruly cowlicks.

Kakashi thought he was beautiful. Crossing the room to Gai, Kakashi placed his hands on Gai's shoulders and led him back to the bed. "Like this. You'll sit here on the edge of the bed. I'll kneel between your legs." He smiled brightly. "Simple."

Gai swallowed. "Simple," he echoed. He unwrapped the towel from his waist and sat down. That motion revealed his erection. The tip was already gleaming with moisture.

Kakashi knelt in front of him, placing both hands on his knees and parting Gai's legs gently. "A little bit more."

Gai opened his legs obediently.

"Like this. Good." Kakashi caressed Gai's knees reassuringly.

"A-Are you sure…?" Gai trailed off, looking at Kakashi with wide eyes.

Kakashi looked up at him. Somehow, Gai's willingness to take no for an answer, even at this late stage, helped Kakashi feel at rest about going along with it. "I'm sure. Are you sure?"

Gai gauged his face as if to make sure, and then nodded. "I'm ready."

"I can see that," Kakashi said playfully.

Gai blushed.

Kakashi took in the view for a moment. Gai's muscular thighs, leading back to his groin, his erection standing almost straight out. Kakashi reminded himself to breathe. Looking at Gai's erection at eye level was a totally different experience. His stomach fluttered. Then he steeled himself and leaned in, closing his mouth around the tip of Gai's erection.

Gai gasped loudly and twitched.

Kakashi felt the tip of Gai's erection pulse. He almost panicked at the warm, slick texture and the unexpected syrupy feeling of Gai's moisture on his tongue. Then he realized Gai tasted fruity. Like pineapple, almost. And it was a little salty. Kakashi sucked experimentally.

Gai let out a loud whimper and shuddered, his legs flexing.

Kakashi slid more of Gai's erection into his mouth, leaning his head forward to do it. He tasted bath water on Gai's skin. "Mm," he said. _That's not that bad_. He stroked the inside of Gai's thigh.

Gai's head snapped back. He made an inarticulate noise.

The combination of heat, of syrupy, fruity sweetness, and soft skin was strange. This was different than how Kakashi had thought it would be. But at the same time, Kakashi felt a sense of excitement and exploration. He moved his tongue, licking the underside of Gai's erection inside of his mouth, getting used to the feeling.

Gai trembled with every lick. "It's good…It's good…"

_He likes me?_ Kakashi was flooded with warmth. He bobbed his head up and down, sliding Gai's erection in and out of his mouth, licking the tip of Gai's erection every so often. It was a simple enough thing to do, but when Kakashi looked up, he saw Gai's face was flushed and his eyes were closed in utter bliss, his mouth slack.

That did more to Kakashi than fulfilling his fantasy. A surge of electricity cracked through Kakashi's body, making his erection pulse. He felt himself leaking.

"Kashi…I need to lie down," Gai whimpered. His voice was almost unrecognizable.

Kakashi withdrew his mouth for a moment. He swallowed. The taste in the back of his throat wasn't nearly as bad as he'd feared. "Hai."

Gai melted back onto the mattress, his legs spread wide.

Kakashi's heart skipped a beat at that sight. Gai, parting his legs to let him in, to let him give Gai the pleasure he knew Gai deserved…He was flooded with a sense of power and responsibility. He scooted forward, placing his hands on Gai's inner thighs, and gave Gai's erection a long lick.

Gai let out a sob, a jolt going through his entire body. Kakashi felt Gai's legs quiver under his hands. "Kashi."

Kakashi licked him again and then leaned forward, gently pulling Gai's erection into his mouth. He moaned. He was starting to get a feel for this now, and it was growing on him. He felt like he thought he might in his fantasies: special. He was the only one to ever do this for Gai, Gai was submitting to his touch – moaning in pleasure, even – and it felt like they were the only two people that ever existed on earth.

He got lost in it.

Gai suddenly let out a breathless cry. "I'm coming!"

It took Kakashi a shocked second to interpret what Gai had said. Then he pulled away with a gasp.

Gai clenched the bed sheets hard and jerked, his hips snapping and his head falling back. "I –" He gritted his teeth, and then let out a sound halfway between a sob and a sigh of pleasure.

Kakashi scrambled. Hot wetness hit him in the forehead and dripped down his cheek, narrowly missing his eye. In the process of standing, another spurt of wetness hit him in the chest just below his left collarbone. The last hit him in the stomach and tickled so much it made him giggle. He touched his stomach self-consciously.

Gai looked up at him, dazed.

Kakashi touched the syrupy wetness on his stomach, then the droplets on his chest. "Gai…" He cracked up, snorting and chuckling. "I think we need to take a shower." Kakashi clenched his jaw, but he couldn't contain his laughter. He was giddy. _I made him come! I did it! _

"I'm sorry," Gai said, but he was choking on laughter, too.

Kakashi threw back his head and laughed. He laughed so hard he was shaking. He'd just pleasured Gai with his mouth, and Gai had felt so good he'd come. Making Gai come was a high he had never known. _He came so much he came on me._ Kakashi's legs were shaky. He absently realized at that point that he'd come a little, too, in the pure excitement of the situation.

"I'm sorry," Gai gasped out, but he could barely breath for laughing. "I just – it happened, and I – Ah, oops."

"It's okay," Kakashi said breathlessly. "It's really okay." He could feel the blinding smile on his face.

Gai struggled to sit up.

Kakashi crossed over to the side of the bed and grabbed his hand, helping him up.

Gai hugged him.

"Oh, Gai." Kakashi groaned. "Now? I was covered."

"I don't care," Gai said, resting his head on Kakashi's shoulder. "It's from my body. Why would I mind if it touches me?"

Kakashi couldn't argue with that logic. He patted Gai's back. It was damp with sweat. Considering that his mouth still tasted sweet and tangy from Gai's erection, Kakashi couldn't say he minded a little sweat.

He helped Gai stand up, and they stumbled to the bathroom for a shower.

This time they showered together, and it felt natural.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

* * *

Kakashi lay in bed beside Gai, the both of them clean and dry and enjoying the intimate silence. There was that heady feeling of shared breaths, warmth that curled all the way down to one's toes. That feeling called relaxation, that ninjas didn't get to experience nearly often enough. Kakashi watched the late afternoon sun create patterns on the wall through the blinds. He reached up and passed his fingers through one golden beam of light falling over his headboard. He couldn't feel anything, of course, but the light reacted, flashing over his fingers and dancing light-dark, light-dark, on his headboard. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine that he felt the warmth on his fingers.

Kakashi glanced at Gai.

Gai lay on his back with his eyes closed, his hands folded over his stomach and his toes pointed upward. It was the same posture Gai had when he floated on the surface of a lake. A posture of perfect repose, a blissful smile on Gai's face.

Kakashi glanced away, smiling. "Maa, Gai, are you happy?"

"Mm?" Gai's eyelids fluttered. Kakashi had apparently disturbed a light meditation. "Very happy. Why do you ask?"

Kakashi shrugged, even though Gai had his eyes closed. "Nothing." He paused, and then considered his reasoning for the question. "I'm happy," he clarified.

"Ah…" Gai let out a slow, resonant breath. "That is good to hear, my Eternal Rival."

"Coming home was a relief," Kakashi said, not sure what he was probing for.

"Yes, indeed. Our most recent mission, like all our missions, was intensely uncomfortable," Gai said.

"But it's better because you're there," Kakashi said. "Otherwise it would be unbearable, ne?"

"Of course," Gai said. Now he had Gai's attention. His friend looked at him with wide eyes. "I feel the same way. I could never do what we do if it were not for you, Kashi. My life would be filled with nothing but emptiness."

Well, Kakashi doubted that, but he let it slide. "Thank you, Gai." He looked away, studying the blinds over his window. The blinds looked pale blue in shadow, bright and golden in the light.

"For what?" Gai looked confused.

"I could have thrown it all away." Kakashi glanced over at Gai. "But you let me buy it all back."

Gai shook his head slightly, wide-eyed. "Thrown what away?"

"When I joined ANBU, that was me letting my grief do the talking," Kakashi said. "It was grief, and everyone knew it. But no one was going to stop me because…" His voice dropped to a whisper. "There was no one left."

"There was me," Gai said confidently. He reached across and took Kakashi's hand, holding it in his and squeezing.

Kakashi rolled onto his side to face Gai. "I didn't think there was –" He swallowed against a lump in his throat. "It was a cry for help. Gai, I know that it was. It's psychology. You can't escape it. Neither can I. I didn't. I pushed myself too hard, I went too far down into myself, and I came up –" He bit his lip to keep from crying, stopping the tremors before they started. "I needed help. I was in panic, so numb I could barely breathe, and I wanted someone to save me." He clung to Gai's hand, squeezing tightly. "I didn't think there was anyone there to do it and I knew ANBU was a for-sure suicide if I entered the ranks in that state of mind. I wanted someone to stop me, catch me, anything."

Gai pulled Kakashi to him and held Kakashi tightly. He pressed his face against the top of Kakashi's head and cried. "I couldn't leave you there."

Kakashi wrapped his arms around Gai's waist and hugged Gai fiercely, wishing there were some way to be so close they'd never be separated; so that they melted into one person. He buried his face against Gai's chest. "You saved me," he said, his voice almost too muffled to hear. He could tell because it was stuffy sounding in his ears. _And that's why I'm in love with you. _

His eyes burned with tears of frustration. _Why can't I say it? I'm not able to say it, still. I don't understand. _"You're everything…I need…in a world," Kakashi mumbled. "A world where there's nothing else left…of me." It was torture to get those words out, and they didn't even make sense.

Gai hugged him more tightly, so tightly that he knew he wouldn't be able to breathe for long, so tightly that the warmth of Gai's body radiated into his skin, the solidity of it was unavoidable, palpable, all-encompassing.

Kakashi needed that.

Gai rubbed Kakashi's back slowly, letting up on the pressure of the hug only the tiniest bit. "When you cry for help, audible or not, I will be there." Gai's voice was solemn, deep, and exactly what Kakashi needed to hear.

Kakashi could feel Gai's voice rumbling. His ear was against Gai's chest. He closed his eyes and listened to Gai's heartbeat, letting his breath follow, regulating itself to Gai's rhythm. He cried, steady, silent tears that soaked into the warm fabric covering Gai's chest.

Gai rubbed his back, hanging onto him fiercely.

Kakashi didn't know why he had to cry, when he was so happy.

"We care about you," Gai murmured. "We all care about you. Benku-taichou, and Tenzo, and I. We are like your family now. We are all family to each other. I don't have any family other than you three. Tenzo doesn't. Bensaku-san doesn't. We're all each other have. We make each other's lives meaningful. Rely on us, Kakashi. We will love you. You are one of us."

Kakashi clung to him. "I want to." He couldn't explain his fears.

"We will catch you," Gai whispered. He ran his fingers through Kakashi's hair. "You no longer have to be so afraid of falling. We are here, and we will catch you." He kissed the top of Kakashi's head, unmistakably kissed it, but Kakashi didn't detect a hint of romance. It was more like the kiss a parent would bestow on a child.

Kakashi couldn't argue. He needed that kind of love, too, just as desperately as he needed Gai to be in love with him. Whatever he could get, he'd take it. And maybe there was still hope, someday. At least the word 'love' had entered the conversation somehow, even if it had been in the context of family.

He lifted his head and looked at Gai, sniffling to keep his nose from running all over the place. _I love you_. "Thank you."

Gai stroked his hair tenderly. "You came to die, but ANBU is a place of rebirth. And new beginnings. We will begin again, Kakashi, and we will both be stronger than before. We are ninjas; and we will not lie down and give up. We are shinobi of the Leaf, and this is our Springtime of Youth. No one can take this away from us."

Kakashi had to smile at that uniquely Gai pep talk. "You're right." Even if nothing else, the effort Gai spent on him was sweet.

Gai smiled in return, happily satisfied that he had accomplished the task of cheering Kakashi up.

Kakashi suppressed a snort of amusement.

After Kakashi surreptitiously snuck off to the bathroom to pull his mask down and blow his nose on some toilet paper, they got up and went to their favorite sushi place, so that Gai could collect his victory dinner.

It was a small restaurant, the kind with the conveyor belt that teased you with tiny morsels on plates until you took one down. The plates were color coded to price; yellow was the cheapest, and indigo the most expensive. Green, robin's egg blue, and red were in between.

Kakashi and Gai sat down at the counter that ran along the side of the conveyor belt, side by side on padded stools. A girl in an apron set their dipping bowls and chopsticks down in front of them.

"Ice water?" she asked.

"Maa…sure," Kakashi said.

"Hot tea for me, please," Gai said.

They settled into the companionable late afternoon silence of the place. Sun came through the windows, but not blindingly. The air was warm, and still, and behind them on the street, a steady trickle of people passed by, most of them civilians on their way back from work. The sushi place was more popular around lunch time, with a peak rush around eleven o'clock. Kakashi liked the deserted feel of the restaurant the way it was now.

Gai sat with chopsticks poised, watching different plates of sushi pass by with interest. Kakashi watched Gai out of habit, trying to guess what Gai was waiting for. He didn't have to wait any longer when Gai let out a happy, "Ah," and snatched a plate of tuna maki with sweet teriyaki glaze. He took off the protective plastic cover and dug into them, devouring all four pieces of sushi in less than thirty seconds.

Kakashi chuckled. "Hungry, are we?"

"Trying to gain the upper hand over you always works up an appetite," Gai said.

"Then you must eat extra in order to win again tomorrow," Kakashi teased. "I would hate for you to run out of energy in the middle of a fight."

"It's not a fight, Kashi," Gai said, furrowing his brow slightly and glancing at his friend with confusion. "It's a sparring match. If it came down to a fight between us, you would win, and I would let you. I am not going up against the man of a thousand techniques; neither am I interested in bringing harm to my Eternal Rival."

"Man of a thousand techniques?" Kakashi protested, not liking the way that title sat. He looked at Gai uneasily. "I know far less than a thousand techniques. It's more like a few hundred. And most of them I've copied, so that doesn't count. I didn't learn anything, I just stored them."

"Details!" Gai waved away such considerations. "The fact is, you know a lot more techniques than the average person, no matter which way you've gone about it, and a thousand is a nice round number."

Kakashi considered his friend for a moment before absently yanking down a plate of newfangled, very bad for you, sushi that had cream cheese in them. He liked cream cheese. It was almost a sinful addiction. He pulled down his mask, hands weaving seals at the same time to put up his genjutsu. His face securely covered, Kakashi indulged in his tuna and cream cheese sushi. "Maa…Gai…"

Gai looked at Kakashi warily. "Yes, my Eternal Rival?"

"You wouldn't be trying to nickname me, would you?" Kakashi narrowed his good eye at Gai.

Gai let out a burst of unconvincing laughter. "Of course not!" He grinned. "But, if you hear something you like in our every day conversation, please speak up. I will be glad to let others know of the virtuous nickname you have chosen for yourself."

"I'm not choosing a nickname," Kakashi said. He snatched down a plate of crab sushi wrapped in seaweed and no rice.

"You will eventually," Gai said, blissfully confident. "You will grow jealous of not having a moniker as fabulous as the Green Beast of Konoha."

Kakashi choked. He'd hoped Gai would forget about that. "I will never be jealous of that," he promised.

Gai slipped an arm around him and squeezed. "Ah, you are a selfless rival, Kashi."

"Yeah. Selfless." Kakashi looked away shiftily. "That's it. I'm just too selfless to every be jealous of you, Gai. You are too meaningful to me." He figured 'meaningful' was quickly becoming another one of those words Gai usurped and packed whole new concepts into. Like 'rival'. And 'springtime'. And 'youth', for that matter. Gai built up his own special, coded language over time. Kakashi wasn't even sure Gai knew he was doing it.

Gai grinned and hugged Kakashi tightly against his side.

Kakashi resumed eating his crab sushi when Gai let go of him.

Gai hunted down a plate of fried sushi with shrimp in them, a plate of sushi with little omelets tied on top of them with strips of seaweed, and a plate of crab sushi with mayonnaise. He followed that with a little plate of seaweed salad.

Kakashi, as usual, ate far more slowly.

"When are you planning on visiting young Tenzo?" Gai asked suddenly.

"Maa…I don't know," Kakashi said. "When?" He glanced at Gai amiably.

Gai looked confused at the redirect.

Kakashi chuckled. "Sometime," he said, not having the heart to lead Gai on a wild chase through a conversation that would take them far away from this subject.

"Sometime is not a very specific date," Gai said. "I think perhaps you should visit him tomorrow."

"Why?" Kakashi asked. "Are you busy?"

"No," Gai said. "I merely suggest some date not too far in the future, so that Tenzo is not left with the impression that your promise to visit him was false."

Kakashi stirred the soy sauce and wasabi in his dipping bowl with his chopsticks. "Ah…You know me too well." He should have known that if nothing else, Gai would keep him from hurting Tenzo's feelings.

"Tomorrow," Gai said. "That way I've decided it for you and you don't have to feel any personal obligation to make up your mind."

"I am a naturally decisive person and can make my own decisions," Kakashi said. "I may or may not choose to visit Tenzo's apartment tomorrow, in spite of your advice."

"Ah." Gai nodded, seeming satisfied. "Okay."

Kakashi wondered what that was supposed to mean.

After they'd both eaten their fill, Kakashi paid the bill, and they went their separate ways. Gai had to make up for lost time and visit his own home sometime, and Kakashi needed the space to think.

He entered his empty home with relief, sat down in the living room with his Icha Icha, and let his thoughts drift to the background noise of his television.

The television hardly worked; it was the same television set his family had owned since Kakashi could remember. The picture was snowy and the sound was dull, and sometimes it didn't pick up the channels correctly, leaving multi-colored streaks across the whole screen. Sometimes things were the wrong color entirely, and Kakashi didn't know how to fix it. That effect came and went by itself. Still, Kakashi wouldn't get rid of it, because it was more a part of his family than his father was at this point.

It had been around longer.

Kakashi brushed off that thought and went back to the matter at hand: losing himself in Icha Icha and thinking about what the hero of that story would do.

Of course, he was nothing like Kiuraga, the greatest swordsman of all time, but that was the appeal. It would hardly be escapism if he escaped into a reality just like the one he'd left. There wouldn't be a point.

After reading the next fifty pages of volume six, Kakashi concluded that Kiuraga would act like Gai: declare his love and then ignore all the protests of the other person, until he could gradually wear the other person down and make them give up into loving him.

Kakashi was more like Satoshi, a young ninja in the story who went about expressing his love for his crush in myriad sneaky ways, mostly anonymous gifts and innocent questions; Satoshi obscured his identity from his lady love because he was afraid that she would not accept him, or that he would be killed in battle. Kakashi saw a lot of himself in Satoshi, and a lot of Jiraiya-sensei in Kiuraga.

Of course, Kiuraga also reminded Kakashi of Gai, and thus was the character Kakashi crushed on in the story.

_He cares about me,_ Kakashi thought, his mind drifting to Gai; the way that Gai's muscles rippled under that thin layer of green spandex. The spandex hid nothing, and if Kakashi had known Gai less well, he would have thought the wardrobe choice was vanity.

But Gai chose the spandex suit day in and day out because it was flexible and allowed perfect range of motion. And he wouldn't zip up his flak jacket because he hated the way it hugged his ribs. Of course, Kakashi had pointed out that it was better than broken ribs, but Gai still persisted in wearing the vest like a weird afterthought.

He leaned back in his worn out armchair, his volume of Icha Icha resting open on his thigh comfortably. Kakashi tipped his head back, resting his head on the back of the chair, and imagined touching Gai, trailing fingertips along the soft green spandex, tracing the muscles of Gai's arms.

A flash of what they'd done earlier hit Kakashi, spectacular, like fireworks exploding behind his eyes. Gai's moans and sighs. The urgent shuddering. The implicit trust.

Kakashi knew he was hard. He hadn't asked for anything in return, because he'd wanted to give something solely to Gai without taking; a gift. But that hadn't satisfied his own urges like mutually accepted masturbation would have.

He unbuckled his flak jacket, unzipped the front, and trailed fingertips down his own chest. His breath hitched, and he couldn't help tracing the hardening outline of one nipple against his blue spandex shirt.

His pulse picked up in his ears. Kakashi almost expected Gai to find him at this. That thought made him want to laugh. What about the days when it had been normal – expected – that he would touch himself in privacy? When had it become so important to do all of his touching in the context of Gai, and teaching Gai new things?

How had that become right and this become wrong?

Kakashi shook his head at himself and rubbed his nipples with one hand, arching his back into it. He couldn't help himself; he needed the release. And this was something he hadn't dared to share with Gai yet. He didn't know if he could talk about erogenous zones without dying of embarrassment.

_Is it that, or am I not ready for Gai to touch me in experimentation?_ Kakashi asked himself. _Because if I start talking about special places, Gai is going to want to touch them. _And he would probably get permission to touch Gai.

The image of rubbing Gai's nipples through his spandex suit until he was arching and squirming snapped the last of Kakashi's hesitant self-control. He slipped his hand underneath the waistband of his pants, worked his fingers underneath his boxers, and touched himself. He let out a low, involuntary moan and rubbed his erection gently, working himself up to full hardness.

His mind flashed back to the feeling of Gai's erection against his backside when Gai had helped him masturbate in the shower. The sound of Gai's moan when Kakashi pressed back into him.

Kakashi gasped, his hand quickening on his erection. He squirmed, shifting, pulling down his pants and boxers just enough to comfortably free himself. He closed his eyes and pressed into the sensations; his erection a hot, glowing coal in his hand. He felt his grip get more and more slippery.

He bit his lip. "Nn…Gai." He imagined Gai holding him, securely cradling him with warm, strong arms.

Kakashi almost didn't grab the tissue box from his end table fast enough. He yanked out a handful of tissues frantically and barely managed to stem the tide. Then he collapsed, still holding the sticky tissues to his fading erection. He needed a few minutes before he would be able to walk.

"Oh…Gai…" Kakashi sighed. _Why do you have to tease me like this? You're the closest friend I've ever had._

He cleaned himself up and went to bed.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

* * *

_Look me up,_ Tenzo had said.

Kakashi stood awkwardly outside the apartment complex. He scratched his temple. _Should I even be here? Shouldn't I have warned him first? _He wondered how he'd even gotten here. He'd meant to go to the training field and spar with Gai. He hadn't meant for his feet to take him straight here and plant him outside a foreign building he had never been in and probably would never go inside of again, as soon as Tenzo figured out what bad company he was.

He walked up to the front door and pressed the buzzer anyway.

"Moshi moshi?" Tenzo's voice crackled over the little speaker, breathless and cheerful.

"It's me," Kakashi said.

"Sempai!"

Kakashi winced slightly at the excited yell.

The door in front of him unlocked with a click.

"I guess I should go in," Kakashi said to the speaker.

"Yes!" Tenzo replied immediately. "I'll be right down. Wait just inside the door. I'll come get you."

"That's not…necessary…" Kakashi wondered if Tenzo had any idea how uncomfortable he was with walking through a strange apartment building and was trying to minimize his discomfort.

"Oh. Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said. He'd honestly be more self-conscious with Tenzo leading him around, chattering at him the whole way. "It's okay. I know your apartment number. 218, right?"

"Yeah," Tenzo said. "So you'll be right up?" A note of anxiety crept in, as if he thought Kakashi was going to back down at the last moment.

"The sooner I stop talking to this box here," Kakashi said cheerfully.

"Right." Tenzo sounded sheepish. "Ja ne, then."

"Ja ne." Kakashi turned the intercom off and entered the apartment building.

It wasn't bad; it didn't smell or anything, like some apartment buildings did. There was just an unobtrusive floral air freshener scent. The walls were salmon pink, and the carpet was a gray-beige color made for high traffic areas, as if the people in charge of decorating had sighed, 'Well, white won't stay white, so why don't we pick something ugly to begin with?'

Kakashi found his way upstairs without meeting another soul; the apartment building was quiet as well. _Most of these people aren't home,_ Kakashi surmised. That was a relief.

He reached Tenzo's door and knocked.

Tenzo opened the door just wide enough, peeking at Kakashi anxiously. "Come in." He glanced around his ankles and gestured. "Hurry. Daidai heard the door open."

"Is your cat keeping you prisoner?" Kakashi asked, slipping inside and allowing Tenzo to shut the door.

"No, but he thinks I'm keeping him one," Tenzo whispered. "Every time I open the door he tries to escape like a man possessed."

Kakashi laughed.

Tenzo was wearing an apron covered in white and pink checkers. He didn't appear to notice, so Kakashi didn't want to say anything. "Want to follow me into the kitchen? Now that the door's shut, Daidai's interest is going to be in stealing the fish out of my sushi."

Kakashi snorted. "You have to watch this cat every moment, don't you?"

Tenzo sighed theatrically and led the way. "You have no idea."

He followed Tenzo into the kitchen.

Tenzo's kitchen was small, but very clean. Lots of gleaming white tile, white cabinets, and a white ceramic sink. The only things of color were the appliances, and drainboard, and the cutting board. Freshly rolled sushi sat on the long wooden cutting board, a knife resting next to them.

Kakashi glanced around at floor level, but there was no orange tabby in sight.

"Excuse me," Tenzo said, taking his spot in front of the cutting board and picking up his knife.

"Go ahead," Kakashi agreed. "Don't let me stop you."

Tenzo cut up his three sushi rolls into eight pieces each.

"Maa, that looks good," Kakashi said cheerfully.

Tenzo blushed. "Thank you. It's nothing – just leftovers."

"Must be good leftovers," Kakashi teased.

"I make 'em look pretty," Tenzo said.

Kakashi was amused by the deft dance of Tenzo's polite deference. He decided to try to throw Tenzo off balance. "You make that apron look pretty, too."

"Huh?" Tenzo looked down at himself. Then he blushed bright red. "It's not what you think, Sempai," he said weakly. He smoothed down the front of his apron self-consciously. "It was a gag gift – but it's the only apron I've got, and making sushi is messy. And –"

Kakashi laughed. "Don't let me bother you. I apologize."

"Such comments, Sempai," Tenzo complained. "They're bound to bother me."

"Gomen nasai." Kakashi bowed, grinning.

Tenzo sighed. "I forgive you."

"Thank you," Kakashi murmured.

Tenzo relaxed and went back to his sushi, taking down a plate from his cupboard. He shifted his sushi from the cutting board to the plate.

"So who gave you the apron?" Kakashi asked. "Benku-taichou?"

Tenzo whirled around and looked at Kakashi incredulously. "Why would Taichou give me a pink and white apron?"

"No reason." Kakashi shrugged. "You said it was a gag gift."

"Yeah," Tenzo said. "From my foster mother. For getting my own apartment." He stared at Kakashi.

Kakashi blushed at his assumptions about Tenzo's upbringing. "Foster mother, ne?" He scratched his temple, smiling sheepishly.

"Yeah," Tenzo said. "She raised me for three years. Until I was nine. Then, because I was in ANBU, everyone encouraged me to get my own apartment, so…" He shrugged. "I moved out of her house, into here. She would have had to stop raising me when I was twelve, anyway."

"Why is that?" Kakashi asked.

"House rules." Tenzo shrugged. "She runs a house. And it's set up so you only get six years in there, because she has so many people to foster. So I was always going to leave, eventually. It was just nicer to leave there of my own accord, I guess."

Somehow, that made Kakashi sadder than if Tenzo had had no mother at all. _Does he still see her? _He didn't want to ask in case the answer was no. Then he'd be really depressed.

"Would you like some sushi?" Tenzo asked brightly.

Kakashi couldn't miss the transition, but he was grateful for it. "No, thank you." If Tenzo was going to be polite, so was he. The first time someone asked if you wanted food or drink, the traditional response was 'no'. It made no sense, but there it was.

"Really?" Tenzo gave him a look. "I insist."

"Well, if you insist." Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Thank you, Tenzo."

"You're welcome, Sempai! Let's eat over here." Tenzo picked up the plate of sushi, grabbing a couple pairs of chopsticks from the silverware drawer, and headed into the next room, which happened to be a dining nook with a glossy wooden table. "I'm glad you came, Sempai. This is much too much food for just me." Tenzo flashed Kakashi a smile over his shoulder.

Kakashi padded along behind him. "How thoughtful. When you come visit me, I'll have to feed you something as well. Probably not something I cook myself, though. I wouldn't want you to die." He laughed.

Tenzo almost dropped the plate of sushi. "You'll let me come visit you? Really? When?"

"It's no particular privilege," Kakashi said. He wondered if he should take the plate of sushi away from Tenzo and put it on the table himself.

Tenzo set the plate down on the table, allaying Kakashi's fears. He plopped down into a chair and grabbed a pair of chopsticks. "I think it is," he said seriously, gesturing with his chopsticks.

Kakashi sat down across from him at the small table and took the remaining pair of chopsticks. "Well, you can think that."

Tenzo gave him a look. "Sempai…"

"You can visit me whenever you like," Kakashi said. "And Tenzo…"

Tenzo paused in the act of picking up a piece of his sushi. "Yes?"

"You don't have to call me Sempai."

Tenzo grinned and popped the piece of sushi in his mouth. He chewed, and swallowed. "I know. But I'm going to anyway. Dig in, or I'll eat your share."

Bemused, Kakashi did as he was told. "Excellent," he complimented. "I knew it would be good when I saw it."

Tenzo blushed slightly and pouted. "Sempai exaggerates."

"Not at all," Kakashi said, eating another piece of sushi roll. "My Kouhai is quite the little sushi-maker."

Tenzo turned bright red.

Kakashi laughed.

They ate for a few moments in silence. Tenzo looked awkwardly from the plate of sushi to Kakashi and around the room, seemingly unable to find a safe place to keep his gaze.

"So, how long have you known our Taichou?" Kakashi asked.

Tenzo sighed, hanging his head. "What is it with you? Why do you care? What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with you and the captain," Kakashi said.

Tenzo straightened quickly and looked at Kakashi with wide eyes. "Is Sempai jealous?"

"What?" Kakashi protested.

"The way Sempai keeps asking abut Taichou…" Tenzo narrowed his eyes. Then he laughed. "You're not in love with me, are you?"

"But – But – Why?" Kakashi was flustered. He could not possibly have anticipated that question. _Why are you asking me that? You're not in love with me, are you?_ That would be awful. He couldn't imagine trying to covertly convince Gai of his feelings, while Tenzo pined after him.

Tenzo's grin faded somewhat. "You're not, right?"

"No," Kakashi said. _Oh, good. At least he doesn't seem like he wants me to be in love with him. _

Tenzo stared at him, looking remarkably like a cat. "Convince me, Sempai."

"What?" Kakashi protested again.

"You've been acting strangely around me," Tenzo said. He nodded to himself. "And now, trying to be my friend all of a sudden…it's suspicious."

Kakashi hung his head. "This is what I get for trying to be friendly." He sighed. "No, Tenzo. I'm not in love with you. I'm in love with someone else." He muttered, "Someone extraordinarily thickheaded. I doubt he would notice me."

Tenzo gasped. "Taichou! That's why you're asking me about him. You're trying to gather information about the man you're in love with."

Kakashi smacked his forehead. "No."

"No?"

Kakashi shuddered. "I am not in love with Benku-taichou. How could I ever be in love with someone who would take my Icha Icha away?"

Tenzo looked confused. "Then why have you been asking all those questions about Taichou?"

Kakashi realized he'd backed himself into a corner. _It might have been wiser to pretend. Except, Tenzo might have told Gai, or Bensaku-taichou, or both, and then I would have been doomed. _He thought quickly. _How do I get out of this subject? Redirect._ "I think the Taichou is in love with you."

Tenzo gave him a scolding look. "Flimsy, Sempai."

"It's the truth," Kakashi said. _And I was not supposed to tell you on pain of death, probably. _

"How could Benku-taichou be in love with me?" Tenzo asked. "I'm fourteen. He's…however old he actually is. He keeps calling me a little boy. And we're both guys."

"That didn't stop you a moment ago when you accused me of being in love with you and then with him," Kakashi said.

Tenzo smiled mischievously. "Yeah, but everyone knows you like the guys."

"Everyone?" Kakashi protested. "And anyway, it's not true."

"Then why did you say 'he'?" Tenzo teased.

"When?"

"When I asked if you were in love with me, and you said you were in love with a man who's too thickheaded to notice you exist," Tenzo said. "You said 'he' wouldn't notice you."

Kakashi's cheeks burned. "Well, I'm still not gay."

"Uh-huh." Tenzo cupped his chin in his hand and ate a piece of sushi. "Go on, Sempai."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at Tenzo and gathered his dignity. "I'm bisexual."

Tenzo choked on his sushi.

Kakashi couldn't feel sorry for him.

Tenzo's smile soon returned. "Kinky, Sempai. So you like the guys and the girls." His smile widened to a grin. "So, have you ever dated them both at once?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," Kakashi said flatly. "That's not what it's like."

Tenzo's smile faded. "Sorry."

Kakashi sighed. "I don't talk about it. With anybody." The closest he'd gotten to talking about it was with Gai. And the subject of bisexuality still hadn't come up.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Tenzo said. He looked remorseful.

Kakashi was reminded that Tenzo was fourteen. Some things about fourteen-year-olds couldn't be changed. Like their tendency to tease first and think later. Some people grew out of it, and some people didn't. Kakashi wondered which kind Tenzo would turn out to be.

"It's okay," Kakashi said.

"Really?" Tenzo looked at him with soulfully pitiful eyes.

Kakashi gave him a smile. "Really."

Tenzo perked up a bit at that. "So you're in love with a guy," he said tentatively.

"Yes." Kakashi nodded.

"I wonder how that is." Tenzo looked thoughtful. "I've never been in love with anybody before. Is being in love with a guy different than being in love with a girl?"

"No. It's the same." Kakashi ate a piece of sushi just to keep up. He tended not to be hungry anymore when he thought of Rin. "You think the same things about them, feel the same feelings. It's like…" He sighed. "You want to be with them, but you want them to notice you, to the exclusion of everyone else. And if you can't have that, then you're not happy."

Tenzo looked disconcerted, and then pale. "That's what love is?"

"Kind of," Kakashi said. He watched Tenzo carefully. "That's not a very good description, but that can be how you feel sometimes. When you're around them."

Tenzo was silent. Then he asked, "How do you know you're bisexual, Sempai?"

Kakashi grudgingly said, "I was in love with a girl first. It didn't work out. So now I'm in love with a guy. I don't know if it alternates like that for everyone, or if I just…I…went from one to the other because I was hurt. I just know…I fall in love with both sexes equally."

"Oh." Tenzo ate a piece of sushi slowly. "Who was the girl?"

"I'm not telling you," Kakashi said pointedly, and ate a piece of sushi.

Tenzo smiled. "Okay. Who is the guy, then?"

"I'm not telling you that either."

Tenzo laughed. "But Sempai, if I don't know who this guy is, how can I help you get through to him?"

"I don't want your help," Kakashi said.

"Cruel, Sempai."

Kakashi gave him a look.

"We're friends now!" Tenzo gestured dramatically with his chopsticks. "We should help each other with personal things! And that means I should fix up Sempai with his love-crush."

"No."

"Fine, then." Tenzo pouted. "I'll let you wallow in despair."

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Thank you."

Tenzo sighed. "Sempai…I just don't understand you sometimes."

"Why don't you invite Bensaku-taichou over for sushi sometime?" Kakashi asked, changing the subject.

Tenzo made a face. "Because he'd probably criticize it. Taichou doesn't want to come over to some kid's apartment when he's home. He wants to go to his own apartment. Lie down. Read a magazine. Go to sleep."

"Then you've asked him?" Kakashi asked.

"He's talked about it enough, hasn't he?" Tenzo said. "'All I want to do is get home to my apartment, lie down'–"

"'And read a magazine. Maybe watch the tube,'" Kakashi finished. "Yeah. He does say that. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be invited over."

Tenzo looked at Kakashi doubtfully. "Sempai isn't still trying to say Taichou is in love with me, is he?"

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "If you invite him over and nothing happens, then it'll prove there's nothing between you two, won't it?"

"You won't spy on us or anything, will you?" Tenzo asked.

Kakashi chuckled. "Why would I do a thing like that?"

"I don't know," Tenzo said. "Why would you try to tell me that Taichou is in love with me? See, you're being creepy enough already."

Kakashi was beginning to wish he'd brought Gai with him. "There is a limit to my creepiness."

"Thank goodness," Tenzo said.

Kakashi glared at him.

Tenzo grinned.

"Maa, you will tell me if anything happens, won't you?" Kakashi asked, unable to resist.

Tenzo shuddered. "I hope nothing happens."

Kakashi hoped for Bensaku's sake Tenzo would change his mind.

"Sempai, who is this guy you like?" Tenzo asked. "Do I know him?"

"Why do you want to know, Tenzo?" Kakashi teased, figuring turnabout was fair play. "You have no reason to be interested."

Tenzo looked taken aback. "What do you mean? We're teammates, aren't we? And I thought you wanted to be friends. Friends tell each other who they're interested in, don't they?"

"Flimsy," Kakashi said. He didn't want to tell Tenzo that was more typical of girls. Tenzo clearly didn't have any friends to model proper behavior for him.

"Well, what other reason is there?" Tenzo protested.

Kakashi grinned. "Maa, maybe you have a crush on me."

"A crush on you?" Tenzo blinked. Then he leaned back in his chair and smirked, pointing at Kakashi accusingly. "Sempai has a swelled head." He folded his arms across his chest. "For your information, I don't have a crush on anybody."

"Is that so?" Kakashi said.

Tenzo nodded decisively. "I'm much too mature for that."

Kakashi snorted. "Crushes aren't a matter of maturity. They're a matter of chemistry. You hit it off with someone. So you get a crush on them. And then one thing leads to another…you get married…you have kids." He shrugged. "Or at least that's the usual explanation for how children are born."

"That's never gonna happen for me," Tenzo said.

"Why? Because you don't have crushes?" Kakashi asked.

"No," Tenzo said. "Because I'm aspermatic." He said the word matter-of-factly.

"A…Asperm…" Kakashi stammered, filled with discomfort and embarrassment. _This conversation got a lot more awkward._

"Aspermatic," Tenzo said. "It's a medical word. It means I can't produce sperm."

"I know what it means," Kakashi said weakly.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," Tenzo said. "It doesn't embarrass me. It's just a fact." He shrugged. "I can't have kids. It's because of what Orochimaru did to me. They say that's why, anyway. Maybe I was like this to begin with. The scientists say some people are born with it. So who knows? Maybe I was never going to have kids. But I sure can't now. That's for certain. So I'm not going to bother with the getting married stuff. People want to have kids. I don't want to disappoint anybody. It's better not to get married at all."

Kakashi wasn't sure what was more unspeakably sad; the fact that Tenzo knew he couldn't have children, or that Tenzo was so calm and accepting of that fact. "Tenzo…just because you can't have kids doesn't mean you shouldn't bother to fall in love. There are lots of ways to get around that. You could adopt. Or find someone who doesn't want to have kids."

"Sempai…" Tenzo sighed. "I don't think about the future a lot, because it scares me, but…It's true that I always thought I would adopt anyway. Adoption's not that popular, and there are a lot of kids who need homes. So I thought I'd do what my foster mom does: run a home where kids can stay in a place that's nicer than an orphanage. Cause the orphanage kind of sucks. There's not enough people there to take care of all the kids. People just don't have the ability to make one on one time for the kids. And that's what you need to grow up healthy. My foster mom says that, anyway."

Tenzo gave him a scrutinizing, uncertain look. "Sempai, do you think I'm healthy?"

Kakashi tried to think of how to answer that. "As healthy as any of us can be."

Tenzo nodded and sighed. "Yeah…but that's not very healthy, is it?"

"Maybe not." Kakashi hesitated, then reached out and touched Tenzo's shoulder. "But I think we're getting better."

Tenzo brightened a little. "You think?"

Kakashi nodded.

Tenzo smiled. "Hey, thanks." He reached out and touched Kakashi's arm, then visibly gathered his courage. "I think you've been getting a lot better, Sempai."

"Me? Really?" Kakashi smiled ruefully.

Tenzo nodded. "I know it. You've been smiling a lot lately, and you make jokes when you didn't used to. And you hang out with Gai. That didn't used to happen."

"How do you know I hang out with Gai?" Kakashi asked, flushing slightly.

Tenzo rolled his eyes. "Because I watch you, Sempai. You stick close to his side on missions, you always talk to him a lot, and you sleep on the same side of the room. You always did the same-side-of-the-room thing, but now you're sparring with him a lot and you just do things with him, like eating with him at lunchtimes even when we're at the mess hall of some outpost, when you used to sit by yourself."

Kakashi's gaze slid away. "Oh, yeah." _I did used to sit by myself._ He hadn't noticed when things like that had changed; they just had.

"Sempai, it's a good thing," Tenzo said. "Don't be embarrassed."

Kakashi fell silent. _I guess many good things have been happening to me lately…it's almost like my life is turning around or something. _

"So, Sempai…" Tenzo's expression turned mischievous. "If I invite Benku-taichou over for sushi, will you let me help you with your crush?"

Kakashi cringed.

Tenzo laughed. "Oh, come on. It can't be that bad."

Kakashi suddenly saw Bensaku's point. _I don't need life advice. _Yet here he was, going behind Bensaku's back, talking to Tenzo, trying to help anyway. _Maybe this is a bad idea._

"Tenzo…" he began. But he hardly knew what to say. "I can't tell you. It would be too awkward."

Tenzo's eyes went wide. "It's someone I know, then."

Kakashi wanted to kick himself. "No…I just don't want you coming up to some stranger on the street and telling them I love them."

"How would I even know who to do that to unless I know what they look like?" Tenzo asked.

Kakashi looked away. "Well…"

Tenzo smiled, pleased with himself. "Nice try, Sempai." He rubbed his chin, unknowingly imitating the very person he was trying to guess. "If it has to be someone I know…then the options are limited."

_Very limited_. Kakashi watched Tenzo apprehensively.

"This is a tough one," Tenzo said. "Are you sure you're not in love with Taichou?"

Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"No? Hmm."

Kakashi couldn't tell if Tenzo was yanking his chain or not. _Does he really not suspect Gai might be the one I'm in love with?_

Also, he found Tenzo's joking question about their captain suggestive. _You must at least find Bensaku attractive._ This was terrible of him. Here he was, trying to twist Tenzo's arm to get a confession, and Tenzo was doing the same thing to him.

_One of us has to stop and let the other go. _"Well, it doesn't matter," Kakashi said. "And it doesn't matter whether you invite Taichou over for sushi. I'll drop the request, and you'll drop this subject of who I'm in love with. How about that?"

"Okay," Tenzo said uncertainly. "I guess."

"Now, where's Daidai?" Kakashi asked. "I was looking forward to meeting him."

Tenzo brightened. "Really?"

Kakashi smiled. "Really."

"Okay!" Tenzo leapt up from the table.

Kakashi chuckled. He rose from the table as well, watching Tenzo search for his cat.

After canvassing the house, Tenzo went into the living room. "He's got to be here. He's not in the laundry room and he's not in the bedroom."

Kakashi looked around Tenzo's humble living room, puzzled. "I don't see anything…"

Tenzo smiled ruefully. "You know what? I bet he's underneath the couch. What do you want to bet?"

Kakashi shrugged.

Tenzo got down on his hands and knees. Then he flattened his cheek against his carpet.

"Well?" Kakashi asked.

"Daidai," Tenzo said gently. Then he looked slightly hurt. "He's not coming out from underneath the couch. He must be really scared of you."

Kakashi sighed. "What did I do? I like cats."

Tenzo glanced up at him. "You must smell like your ninja dogs."

"I'm wearing clean clothing," Kakashi protested. "And I took a shower."

"Well, I don't know," Tenzo said. He got up off the floor. "Maybe it's just that he's never seen a stranger before. No one's visited since I got him."

"No one?" Kakashi asked, startled.

Tenzo shook his head. "My apartment is a pretty private place. People don't come here. If they want to see me, they invite me out places. That's why I was afraid my apartment was boring. I'd have invited you over sooner if I thought there was anything here for us to do."

"I like it," Kakashi said. "It's quiet."

Tenzo grinned. "I should have known you would say that. You like quiet places." Spontaneously, he added, "I'm glad you came, Sempai. It's really exciting that you're here."

Kakashi was touched. Confused, but touched. He scratched his temple and smiled. "I'm glad you think so. It's clearly an honor to be here, since I'm the only person who's visited. Thank you for letting me in."

"Oh, you can come over anytime," Tenzo said. He flopped down on the sofa. "Wanna watch some TV?"

"Sure," Kakashi said. He sat down a sofa cushion away. It didn't really matter to him what was on TV. He just got the sense that Tenzo needed more time around people. Like Tenzo's cat. And for whatever reason, Tenzo had decided he was a good candidate. He understood Tenzo's explanation that Tenzo felt their pasts were similar, at least as it related to their abilities, but Kakashi felt there had to be more to Tenzo's feeling of kinship than that. _Perhaps it really is because we're teammates._

Halfway through the program, Tenzo said spontaneously, "You saved my life, you know, Sempai."

"Huh?" Kakashi blinked.

"I'm sure of it." Tenzo looked at him. "I'm sure I would've died if it weren't for you. I thought that before, but now I'm sure."

"Well…" Kakashi shifted uncomfortably. "You're my teammate." _And I've lost too many people already._

Tenzo smiled. "I just want to say…thank you."

"Maa…" Kakashi settled for simply smiling in return.

Tenzo leaned over awkwardly and hugged him.

Kakashi didn't know if he was supposed to pull Tenzo closer or not. He didn't want to risk it. He didn't want Tenzo to think he was making some kind of sexual move. In the end, he just patted Tenzo's back.

They went back to watching TV. At the end of the show, Kakashi got up. "It's probably time I should leave."

"How come?" Tenzo asked.

"I kind of promised Gai I would train with him today, and I haven't yet, and it's already three o'clock…" Kakashi held out his hands.

"Okay…" Tenzo didn't disguise his disappointment.

"You can come train with us if you like," Kakashi said. He smiled cheerfully. "You know, you're always welcome, Kouhai."

"Thanks." Tenzo looked less than thrilled. "It's only been a few days since we got back from the frontier, you know. I'm planning on taking it easy for at least a week."

Kakashi shrugged. "Suit yourself. You know Gai. The day he takes a day off from training will be the day of his funeral. And probably not even then. Knowing Gai, he'll find a way to be buried mid-stride, punching a training post or something."

Tenzo chuckled and made a face. "I don't know what you see in that weirdo. Gai-sempai wouldn't be my choice of a best friend. He's so different from you."

"Maa, that's the spice of life," Kakashi said vaguely.

"I guess that true…" Tenzo nodded slowly. He stood. "I'll walk you out."

"Thank you, Tenzo," Kakashi said. "How kind."

They came to the door.

"Are you sure you have to go?" Tenzo asked.

"I'm late to meet Gai already," Kakashi said. "He's probably counting the seconds to my arrival and stamping his foot." Not likely, but it was an entertaining image.

"Alright." Tenzo sighed. "But you will visit again, right?"

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Maa, how can I not when you make such delicious sushi?"

"They're leftovers," Tenzo said. "Just leftovers."

Kakashi rolled his eyes at the politeness. "Next time, you'll come over to my place, okay?"

Tenzo brightened. "Okay!"

Kakashi opened the door a crack, watching for the infamous orange tabby to appear around his feet. Daidai didn't. He slipped out into the hallway. "Ja ne."

"I'd stay and wave but I'm afraid he'd get out and I'd never get him back in –"

"Don't worry about it," Kakashi said. "Just shut the door before you lose your 'prisoner'."

"Thanks! Bye, Sempai!"

Kakashi waved. "Goodbye, Tenzo."

Tenzo shut the door to his apartment with a nervous look at his feet.

Kakashi chuckled.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

* * *

On the way to the training grounds to spar with Gai, Kakashi considered his dream from this morning. This morning, he had woken up from a particularly interesting dream. One that involved him and Gai. Him on top of Gai. More specifically, him straddling Gai, arching his back, and leaning in to speak in Gai's ear. "Oh, Gai. I need you," he'd purred boldly.

And then he'd woken up. Chagrined, and very much the shy person he always had been.

Kakashi sighed. _If only some of that 'Oh, Gai, I need you' would come when I'm awake. _

Gai was already battering away on his training posts when Kakashi arrived. Kakashi walked into the clearing to hear the sound of hard objects meeting wood, a distinctive patter that resembled the sound of a woodblock drum. Kakashi had been to a few traditional theatre performances, as had most of Konoha. Kabuki was part of their heritage. Gai's rapid fire strikes reminded him of the percussive sound of running from a kabuki play.

Kakashi strolled up to the packed dirt border of the training circle.

Gai packed half a dozen punches into a single moment and turned to face Kakashi, wiping his brow and taking a deep breath. His face was pleasantly flushed from the exercise. "You're here later than usual."

"I visited our Kouhai today," Kakashi said casually.

"Really? That's wonderful." Gai grinned. "So…how was it?"

"Not bad," Kakashi admitted.

"Will you visit him again?" Gai asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "Maa, probably. We've already discussed visiting each other's homes on a regular basis."

Gai hugged him.

Kakashi patted Gai's back, amused.

"What was that for?" he asked when the hug ended. "Not that I minded."

"You made a friend." A smile spread across Gai's face. "That's wonderful, Kashi! I've wondered if you would make friends with young Tenzo. I have always thought he would make an excellent friend for you."

"What about you?" Kakashi asked. "How do you feel about Tenzo?"

"I am very fond of Tenzo," Gai said easily. "I wish to be our youthful cohort's friend as well."

"If you wanted to befriend Tenzo, why didn't you?" Kakashi asked. He raised an eyebrow. "You know, you could have approached Tenzo any time."

"It might have made you uncomfortable," Gai said. "I wouldn't want you to worry, or fear that I wasn't interested in being your Rival anymore, or feel envious because you might think I cared about Tenzo more than you. I couldn't possibly care about anyone more than you, Kakashi. No one in the universe can compare to you. I just wanted you to know that and not be afraid."

Kakashi was struck by the sudden knowledge that in their own ways, Bensaku, Tenzo, and Gai had all been trying to take care of him for the past two years. Perhaps Gai the most selflessly of all. He was touched, far beyond words. An indescribable feeling rushed through him, and along with it the knowledge that he was truly loved after all. In some form or fashion, Gai loved him.

He gave Gai a small smile. "I'm not afraid." He added softly, "Thanks to you." He was prepared.

Gai tackled him and hugged him tightly.

Kakashi hugged Gai in return, treasuring the way Gai's strong arms closed around him. _Now would be the perfect time for a kiss,_ he thought. _If I can just get up the courage…_

They sparred instead.

Afterwards, they lay side by side on the grass, Kakashi with his arms crossed behind his head, Gai with his arms spread out in post-sparring bliss. Gai had the funniest posture. Either he collapsed with his arms stretched all the way up and back, hands above his head, or he spread his arms straight out. Kakashi didn't think he could be comfortable that way, but Gai sure seemed to be.

"I'm feeling depressed," Kakashi admitted. He glanced at Gai. He'd tried to say 'I love you' all through the sparring match. He'd even tried surprising himself. Nothing worked. No matter what he tried, nothing would come out. Not even a casual 'I really like you'.

Gai looked at him in surprise. "Oh?" Then he rolled over onto his side, propping his chin in one hand. "How come? Do you know?"

"I've heard maybe it's low blood sugar," Kakashi said.

Gai leapt up and pulled Kakashi to his feet. "Then we should eat!"

He dragged Kakashi to Ichiraku Ramen.

Kakashi found himself sighing over a bowl of chicken ramen, topped with sliced chicken, green onion, and those little ramen crackers. He ate dutifully, trying not to cry. Gai would do anything for him. Gai would take him to Ichiraku Ramen, have sex with him, die with him. So why couldn't he tell Gai his feelings? Even a simple 'Daisuki' or 'Aishiteru' would suffice. Just the reference to those feelings ought to make them clear. He didn't even have to get out a whole sentence.

After a few days of misery, he decided the only thing that could make him feel better was badgering Tenzo about Bensaku.

**xXx**

Kakashi cheerfully cased Tenzo's apartment building and concluded that the security was flimsy by ANBU standards. He used a short-range teleportation jutsu and ended up in the hallway outside Tenzo's apartment. He walked up to the door as if he belonged there and knocked, anticipating Tenzo's reaction.

Tenzo unchained the door and took a peek out. He let out a blood-curdling shriek and fell over. "Sempai!"

Kakashi laughed. Tenzo's reaction was every bit as entertaining as he'd hoped. "Maa, are you trying to make me go deaf? What a cruel thing to do, Kouhai. And here I was going to visit you."

Tenzo scrambled up from the floor and opened the door. "Come in!" He waved Kakashi inside quickly and shut the door.

Kakashi glanced into the kitchen at just the right time and caught the back legs and tail of an orange tabby disappearing around the corner of the cabinets. "Ah, Daidai." Kakashi pointed to where the cat had been spotted, ecstatic that he'd managed to catch a surprise sighting.

Tenzo turned and looked. "Oh, yeah. He was just there. I just got done feeding him. That plus the door…he must have stayed long enough for you to get a glimpse, huh?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said agreeably. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, pleased. "So what delicious things are you making for lunch today?"

Tenzo's blush returned. "Oh, nothing much. You can have some if you want; it's chicken chow mein."

"How nice," Kakashi said. "I think I'll pass, though. I'm full."

"Really?" Tenzo asked. He looked at Kakashi with intense scrutiny.

"Yes," Kakashi said.

Tenzo relaxed. "Okay. I just got done putting it away in the refrigerator, but I would have gotten some out and warmed it up for you if you'd wanted."

Kakashi squeezed his shoulder. "I know that."

Tenzo smiled. "So what's up, Sempai?"

"I'm dying of curiosity," Kakashi said, purposefully being dramatic.

Tenzo's smile slipped. He looked worried and wary. "Curious?"

"Have you had Bensaku-taichou over to visit since we've talked last?" Kakashi asked.

Tenzo blushed brightly. "No…"

"Maa, maa, why not?" Kakashi grinned.

"Because…" Tenzo fidgeted. "I went over to his place instead."

Kakashi almost fell over. "Well, that's wonderful!" _At least someone is making progress in the area of their loved ones. _He laughed. "Tell me all about it." He draped an arm over Tenzo's shoulders and led Tenzo to the couch.

His kouhai was understandably nervous.

Tenzo sat down next to Kakashi with his hands in his lap, his posture scrunched up. "Well, I went over there, and…"

"No, start at the beginning," Kakashi interrupted. He shot Tenzo a smile. "How come you ended up going over to Bensaku-taichou's apartment in the first place?"

"He said he didn't want to come over here," Tenzo said. "And at first I was really disappointed – but then he said I could come over there! If I wanted…and I did. So I went. I came back with him. His apartment is really nice, Sempai. His living room furniture is all dark leather. And he has a color TV, and a magazine stand for all his magazines…he reads a lot of magazines, Sempai, I can tell. And – and he has a fuzzy carpet, and house slippers, and…"

Kakashi patiently waited for Tenzo to stop rambling. A few more minutes of apartment description went by. Kakashi nodded and pretended to listen. He caught phrases like 'big kitchen' and 'fern'. He guessed the latter was a reference to a house plant.

"…and we had takeout for dinner," Tenzo said.

Now that sounded more interesting. "Maa, did you?" Kakashi said rhetorically, smiling cheerfully. "That sounds nice. Did you do anything else?"

"We talked…" Tenzo looked at Kakashi uncertainly.

"Ah." Kakashi brightened. "What about?"

Tenzo's expression turned scolding. "Private stuff."

"Like what?" Kakashi asked happily.

Tenzo scowled at him, but then caved. "About our feelings. Like…how I felt about him."

_How do you feel?_ Kakashi wanted to ask. But he knew better. A blunt, confronting question would just make Tenzo stop talking. "That's good. People should talk about their feelings." _I really should. I just can't._

Tenzo nodded. "I agree."

"So what happened next?" Kakashi asked. "Did he say anything?"

Tenzo nodded again. "He sure did. He said, 'I'd been wondering if you felt that way'."

That sounded good. Kakashi couldn't help but form romantic imagery based on that; Tenzo and Bensaku sitting on the black leather couch, their arms around each other, looking deeply into each other's eyes. "And then what?" Kakashi whispered. _Did you kiss? Did you do the things I can't? Did you say 'I love you'?_

Tenzo smiled mischievously and raised an eyebrow. "And then he said, 'Do you have any idea how long I have been wanting to screw you to the bed?'"

Kakashi flushed hotly. "He said that?"

Tenzo laughed. "Of course not!" He whacked Kakashi lightly upside the head. "Pervy Sempai."

Kakashi was wildly embarrassed. "Maa…" His shoulders slumped. _I wasn't trying to be perverted. Not at all. I just wanted to know how your date went. If you had a better time than me and my difficulty saying what Gai needs to hear. _

"Bensaku-taichou is right," Tenzo said. "You have been reading too many issues of Icha Icha."

"But everything you said up to this point was truthful," Kakashi protested. "How was I supposed to expect a deception?"

"That's what makes it so funny," Tenzo said, grinning.

Kakashi pouted. _We'll leave your sense of humor for later_. "So, what really happened next?" He couldn't miss how Tenzo called their captain 'Bensaku-taichou' instead of just plain 'Taichou'. _Clearly something has happened._ Something that had redefined Bensaku as a man instead of simply being their superior.

"Well, he did say he wanted me to visit more often," Tenzo said, looking away thoughtfully. "He said I brightened up the place, and his apartment had always been a little dreary. That's sappy, coming from the Taichou."

"Yes, it is," Kakashi agreed.

Tenzo smiled. "So, I'm going to visit him again!"

"That's it?" Kakashi stared at him. "That's all you're going to tell me?"

"Yep!" Tenzo hopped up from the couch.

Kakashi was left feeling let down and chastised. "I thought we would confide in each other, Tenzo…"

"Really? You wanna tell me who you're in love with?" Tenzo brightened, turning around to face him.

It was blatant extortion. Kakashi struggled for a moment. He stood up, then sat back down and folded his arms over his stomach uncomfortably. _I have to confide in somebody. Why do I want to be lonely? _He looked away. _He's younger. He doesn't understand._ Slowly, his gaze took in the dead screen of the TV. The gentle sheen of dust on the top of a shelf, sporting a little potted plant, barely more than a tall sprout. _He's in ANBU. Age doesn't matter. He understands. _

Kakashi glanced over at Tenzo and saw Tenzo standing in the divide between the dining area and the living room, poised uncertainly.

"I never told her," Kakashi said, and inwardly cringed. His stomach tightened, cramping. _Why did I start there? _"I never told anyone how I felt before."

Tenzo came over and down on the couch next to Kakashi without making a sound. He sat still, his face in listening repose, his hands resting on his knees.

"Rin never knew how I felt about her," Kakashi said. His mind flashed to the memorial stone, the last time he'd seen her. A name inscribed into a rock, that had become her body. Her face. "I never told her. I felt the same. The same way that she did."

"So she loved you, too, Sempai," Tenzo whispered.

Kakashi inclined his head and sighed. "I couldn't tell her. Not after I'd killed our best friend. Not after she'd held Obito's eye in her hand and put it into me, knowing Obito was dying. Not after she'd seen me with one eye, and the other one gone, just a mass of bloody tissue. Not after she'd seen me that way. A traitor." He hung his head and stared at the dull gray carpet underneath his feet.

Tenzo hesitantly gripped his shoulder with delicate fingers. "You didn't betray anything, Sempai."

"I didn't," Kakashi said blankly, his voice too flat to be a question. He couldn't put any emotion into the words. It was too much effort. "I did. I betrayed them. Rin. Everybody. I couldn't look at me after that."

"Is that why you wear a mask?" Tenzo asked.

Kakashi touched the mask over his face. He'd forgotten it was there. "It started as a way to follow the ninja code. It's not so much that I wear the mask because of my betrayal of everything I'd ever known. The betrayal is why I don't take the mask off."

Tenzo nodded slightly, appreciating the difference. "I understand, Sempai." He squeezed Kakashi's shoulder. "I know this is a really difficult subject for you. But did anyone ever see you without your mask?"

"No one," Kakashi said automatically, but he froze, thinking. There had been a certain day. A hot day. A pool by a waterfall, rocks covered in green moss, emerald in the soft light of the forest. A time when he'd stripped everything off down to his boxers and jumped in with his teammates. Rin had gone all the way down to the spandex suit she wore underneath, sleeveless, magenta. She'd dived right in alongside them, exclaiming about the cool water. He'd been revealed then, uncovered and vulnerable, unconscious of the future reviled status that would become attached to his face. It had simply been…his face. A face he'd always had, and thought nothing of.

"No one alive," Kakashi amended.

"Rin saw your face." Tenzo tilted his head, looking at Kakashi closely.

Kakashi didn't meet the scrutinizing gaze. "Yes. And Obito. They saw me. Once. Neither one of them seemed to mind." His hands slowly clenched into fists. "But I mind. I mind the face of a traitor."

"Rin saw your face, and she fell in love with you."

Kakashi's skin burned. He instinctively resented the way Tenzo boiled down years of his life into one sentence. Then he realized his knee-jerk reaction and sublimated it, forcing it down so that he didn't lash out at his new friend. If he lost Tenzo, he would be right back where he was before. "She did more than base her decisions on that, I hope."

Tenzo jerked back, surprised. "I didn't mean –" He stopped. "I'm sorry. I made that sound all wrong, didn't I, Sempai? I meant…she saw you the way you really are, and she fell in love with you. And it was nice. It was good. A good thing to have happen."

"She could never be happy because of me," Kakashi said.

"Being with you made her happy," Tenzo said.

"What do you know?" Kakashi crossed his arms over his stomach more tightly.

"I know," Tenzo said. Then he hesitated, his brow furrowing. "I know…how is it to be happy when you're around someone. It doesn't matter what they think of you. As long as you…you're allowed to stay. With them. That's nice. When you find someone like that."

Kakashi straightened and unfolded his arms, looking at Tenzo with curiosity. "Did you find someone like that, Tenzo?"

Tenzo's eyes glinted with apprehension, and he was pale. "Ben-Benku-taichou…"

Kakashi realized how hard that admission was for Tenzo, and wished he hadn't forced it. He slid his arm around Tenzo, gently pulling Tenzo closer, against his side. "I'm glad. I'm glad you can be happy with Taichou."

"Rin was happy with you, Sempai," Tenzo said, leaning against him. "I'm sure of it."

Kakashi couldn't combat Tenzo on this subject any longer. Every word Tenzo spoke bent him closer to breaking. "So?" he whispered.

"If you show someone your face, they'll fall in love with you," Tenzo said. "They'll have to."

Kakashi had to smile at Tenzo's brand of logic. "Maa, be careful, then. Someday you might see it, and then what would become of Benku-taichou?"

Tenzo made a face at him.

Kakashi chuckled.

Tenzo poked Kakashi's masked cheek. "I'm serious, Sempai. You should show that boyfriend your face."

"He's not my boyfriend," Kakashi said.

Tenzo grinned. "He will be after he sees your face."

Kakashi considered what to do. He had to do something in response to that. _If we were brothers…_His mind flashed to what he'd seen Obito's older brother do once. He slung his arm around Tenzo's neck and ruffled Tenzo's hair with cheerful force.

Tenzo instinctively tried to get away, so Kakashi tightened his hold. His teammate quickly submitted to the abuse, rendered helpless by Kakashi's superior strength.

Kakashi withdrew his fingers from Tenzo's mussed hair and let him go, leaning forward and giving Tenzo a smile.

"Hey…" Tenzo pouted and attempted to smooth his hair down. It was a hopeless exercise.

"Maa, maa, maybe next time you'll think twice before saying something so ridiculous that I have to do that," Kakashi said.

Tenzo glared at him and sulked to no avail.

"And how come I had to visit you?" Kakashi asked. "How come you didn't visit me like you promised?"

Tenzo blushed, flustered. "Sempai, you didn't say when."

Kakashi gestured dismissively. "Any time."

"That's not a real time," Tenzo protested.

"Just come over," Kakashi said. "What's the big deal?"

"It's rude." Tenzo fidgeted. "And you might be out of the house, or you might be busy, and you wouldn't want me to come over."

Considering some of the things he did with Gai, Tenzo had a point. Kakashi shifted and cleared his throat. "Maa…how about…" He hated schedules. He had a fear of them, even. But he couldn't explain it, so he just made excuses whenever he wanted to get out of something. It was like a phobia. _But I'll have to face it just this one time, so Tenzo can be comfortable and I can keep my privacy._ "Thursday," Kakashi said. Two days from now. "One o'clock. How does that sound?" Just the suggestion made him anxious. He tried not to show it.

"Sure," Tenzo said. "I can do that."

Kakashi tried to feel relieved.

Instead, his shoulders were tense.

"Great," he said. He gave Tenzo a cheerful smile.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

* * *

After he left Tenzo's, Kakashi wandered through the village aimlessly. He didn't want to go home, and he wasn't sure where else there was to be.

Kakashi felt like a failure. He'd failed to protect the people he'd loved before, and failed to tell the people he loved now how he felt. Everything was thrown into depressing clarity after his discussion with Tenzo. By moving on, he felt he'd betrayed his team's memories, so he'd resisted. Hard. As hard as humanly possible, he thought. But he couldn't resist Gai's brightness. Tenzo's mix of bravado and hero-worshiping vulnerability had won him over, too. Even Bensaku's gruff parenting had gotten through to him.

_Why do people care about me? Why do I have to live?_ He didn't understand why fate didn't pick the best and the brightest to survive. He didn't understand why he was Obito's light for the future, why he didn't die with Rin, why Minato and Kushina died protecting Naruto and everyone else. Why the world looked so bright, without them in it. _It should be the gray it's always been since they left. _

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets and kept his head down, refusing to see it. He didn't want to see the brightly painted buildings, the blue sky, the white clouds cheerfully clustered around the Hokage Monument, which had his sensei's face on it. He didn't want so see the Hokage Tower or the banners strewn throughout the village snapping in the wind. He definitely didn't want to see people.

He sank onto a park bench in a quiet part of one of Konoha's shopping districts and pulled out his book, hiding in it.

He didn't know how much time had passed before there was a presence, someone sitting down on the park bench beside him. A familiar presence. Kakashi glanced up from his book using his peripheral vision and discretely caught a flash of emerald green spandex on a muscular arm. He looked away and buried himself in his book as much as possible, staring at the manga panels numbly. The black lines and white spaces seemed meaningless.

Gai silently touched his shoulder, then slid a warm, strong arm around Kakashi and gently pulled him until he was resting against Gai's side.

Kakashi's volume of Icha Icha folded, and then fell shut little by little around his thumb. He stared at it blankly. _I'm in love with you._

"I'm here," Gai murmured, "if you want to say anything."

Kakashi glanced up at Gai's face. That was all it took. His fragile barriers broke down in an instant. "I loved Rin," he blurted.

Gai's eyebrows rose in surprise.

Kakashi cringed, expecting Gai to be angry with him. What was he thinking, blurting that out all of a sudden? He closed his Icha Icha and slipped it into his vest pocket, then slumped, folding his arms over his stomach.

When he got up the courage to look, Gai looked back at him with a soft smile of understanding. "Rin was a wonderful person. I was very fond of her as well."

Kakashi clenched his jaw. That was almost too much pain to stand. It reminded him that he, Gai, and Rin had been a close-knit group before Rin died. Before the mission that screwed up everything. "I mean I loved her," Kakashi said. "I was in love. With her."

Gai squeezed his shoulder. "I know. I understand what you mean. That makes it all so much more tragic, what happened to her. What you had to face…"

Kakashi found himself hugging Gai tightly, vibrating with the intensity of his feelings. "I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have." He didn't care that they sat on a park bench. Their surroundings didn't even register. If he didn't cling to Gai, he was going to fly apart.

"You had no choice." Gai stroked his hair slowly. "I understand that. The village understands that. You had no choice. Sometimes, you have no choice. You couldn't let the enemy get what was encrypted inside of her. I understand that. If she hadn't been aware of the risks, she would not have been allowed to carry such sensitive information. Dying for the protection of the village is one of the things we sign up for. It's in the contract. We are trained to die for the village."

He stroked Kakashi's cheek, making Kakashi look at him. "If you had been captured, she would have died anyway. Only you would have died too, and so would hundreds of other people. Maybe thousands. No one knew what the potential of that information was. That was why Rin needed to carry it to the medical ninjas waiting here for her arrival."

Kakashi felt a wave of coldness in his chest, and calmness take over him. He looked at Gai solemnly and nodded. "You're right." Gai would always keep him sane. He counted on that. Just thinking about Rin all day had taken a lot out of him. He'd been wavering close to a panic attack. Or something more. Thinking about how he should have saved her. Like he promised.

He promised. Kakashi hesitated. "I…made a promise to Obito to protect her. But I didn't do what I said."

Gai cupped his face with both hands. "You did do what you said. What is more painful? A split second of being hit in the chest with a chidori – an attack that kills instantly by electrical impulses to the heart – or a death at the hands of one's captors after being tortured for months? Possibly years. Rin knew a lot of information, Kakashi. A lot. And she wouldn't have given up easily. She might have spent years being tortured for what she knew. But she didn't. Because of you. Because you had the mercy to know when you were cornered, and you know that even forty-eight hours of torture could be devastating. You know how it takes a toll on a person's mind. You've seen some of the survivors. Some of the survivors can't even talk anymore. Some of them are catatonic, are afraid of sounds, of people…"

Kakashi's mind flashed to the Veteran's Recovery Center. It was near the hospital, and nestled in the middle of the most beautiful garden. Trimmed hedges, water fountains…a private park, just for the residents. Most of the people in that center never left. They were just too damaged. Sometimes, Kakashi thought he would end up there. But he didn't, and he wouldn't. He had Gai. Gai had him. They would both live until old age on their own, enjoying their life's pleasures on their own without the sheltering cloister of nurses and doctors and calming white rooms.

He wouldn't want anyone to end up there.

Kakashi realized he had tears in his eyes. "Thank you, Gai." His voice was a strangled whisper, but he knew Gai heard him. _I think I have the courage to go see her now._

He'd been waiting all this time. Out of fear. Guilt.

Gai stroked his cheek and smiled, then very tenderly pressed a kiss to Kakashi's forehead.

Kakashi clung to him.

They held each other for a long time.

Then Kakashi stood. It was four o'clock in the afternoon. Sun drenched the store fronts, casting shadows. He couldn't let it get much later, or he wouldn't do it. "I need to go." He waited on the sidewalk, chakra buzzing on his skin with anticipation, nervous at Gai's answer.

Gai smiled and nodded. He rose from the park bench as well and squeezed Kakashi's shoulder. "Good luck." Then he walked away with a salute, making Kakashi's decision easier.

Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief and headed in the opposite direction. _Thank you._

**xXx**

The clearing around the stone was as silent and peaceful as ever. No one seemed to come here but him. Even though he knew it was an illusion, he was comforted by the illusion of privacy.

He approached the stone on silent feet, his pulse surging in his ears. The memorial stone seemed to grow nearer too quickly, as if some trick of perspective had skewed the stone towards him. Then he was standing in front of it.

For a moment, all he could do was stare down at it. Waiting for the words to come.

"I left you," Kakashi said. He sank to his knees and adopted a prayer pose, pressing his hands together and bowing his head towards the stone. "I tried to leave. I'm sorry. I wanted to go to you, but I…I couldn't. Obito had to make me, because I won't." Tears were in his eyes. He'd never said these things before. Not to Rin in life, and not after her death.

"I wanted you to know me," Kakashi said. "And I forgot you. I tried. I tried to forget you…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…yes, I did." He sighed, letting out his breath. "I meant to. I didn't want to…but I meant to. I'm so sorry."

The tears burned his eyes, but they wouldn't come out.

"I'd say prayers for you," Kakashi whispered. "Before I went to bed at night." His throat constricted, and his breaths came in gasps. "I'd say prayers that you would be okay. I tried to apologize…for never being there when it counted. When it counted…I was gone. And you were alone. That's not what a teammate is supposed to do. Minato-sensei would say that. And Obito too. I wasn't any good for you. I wasn't there for you."

He took a deep, whistling breath. "Someone says that you're happy anyway, if you can just be with the one you love. He says…being with them is all that counts."

Kakashi traced the katakana of her name with one fingertip. "He says you loved me anyway. He says you didn't hate me in the end." He knelt in front of her, this body that was left of her, the black monolith that was home to a lot of other souls. "Is this true?" He could feel her gentle spirit, looking back at him from the face of the memorial.

He placed one hand against the stone and leaned forward, placing his cheek against it. If she could, he knew she would embrace him, stroke his hair. She'd always done that when he was sick or injured. When he'd been half-delirious from a wound on his arm inflicted by the blade of a Sand nin's puppet, she'd stayed with him for days, cradling his head in her lap and stroking his hair. That had been before. Before he'd made his terrible mistake, costing Obito his life, costing Rin her trust in him. It should have, anyway.

"You should hate me," Kakashi said, trying to reason with her. "You should. Why don't you?" He wished he could draw her closer, out of the stone, pull her into his arms and cling to her. "How can you forgive me when I can't forgive myself?"

Ghostly fingers brushed his hair, his ear. The wind. But it was her. He knew.

"Did you still love being with me?" Kakashi whispered. "Every moment?"

He closed his eyes, and a thousand moments flashed before him. Moments of mundane activity, punctuated only by Rin's presence in and out of his life like the ebb and flow of a tide. A flower here. A touch on the arm there. A smile, a look, a declaration of faith. A thousand tiny things she had given him, grains of dust in his hand he desperately tried to hang onto.

Kakashi felt the same old vulnerability he felt around her. "Do you love Gai?" His breath caught, his throat constricting, and he felt an accompanying pulse in his heart. "Is he…good?" He shifted, resting his forehead against the smooth face of the memorial stone, and finally cried. Two overdue, aching tears, both from his real eye, welling up and falling. "I love…you."

He gasped, his chest heaving, and clenched his hands into fists, resting on his knees as he sat seiza style. "I love you." This time it came out easier. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I am so sorry. I tell Obito but I never tell you. I tell him he is my friend, he was right, I do care, but I never tell you. I am so sorry, Rin…can you ever forgive me? I never spoke to you."

He sobbed quietly, his breath whistling, because she did. She did forgive him. His shoulders finally relaxed, he shook his head slowly and let himself slump, lying down at the base of the memorial and letting her cradle his head in her lap.

He fell asleep there, drifting down into the darkness where his memories of them lay, a brightly burning ember at the end of his journey.

A different time.

**xXx**

The sterile examination room, white and gleaming, the padded bed-like table, covered with tissue paper. He sat there, his feet dangling, Rin wrapping bandages around his hand. His hand ached a little, but it really didn't feel that bad.

"You didn't even ask me how it happened," Kakashi said.

"I know how it happened," Rin said, giving him a look.

"Not asking questions as simple as that," Kakashi said, straight-faced and teasing. "Maa, maa, what kind of medical ninja are you?"

Rin sighed and rolled her eyes. She gave in obediently. "How did it happen, Kakashi?"

"I slipped." Kakashi smiled at her ingratiatingly.

Rin snorted. "You can't keep getting injured to see me."

"It was an accident," Kakashi said. "You think I would do this on purpose? I was fighting ten enemy nin on the top of a cliff, and I happened to fall off. I was hanging by this hand for hours before my team found me." He looked at her with wide eyes.

"It's a wound caused by using your chidori too many times," Rin wryly informed him.

Kakashi grinned. "Maa, but it was a good story, wasn't it?"

"Stop reading Jiraiya-sensei's books."

"If I did that, I wouldn't be nearly so creative," Kakashi said.

"Exactly."

Kakashi chuckled.

"You know, I have to be careful of ninjas like you," Rin said. "There's an entire subclass of you: boys who have crushes on someone in the hospital, so they make sure to let themselves get injured so they can visit their sweethearts discretely. I think it's a terrible practice, and it gluts the hospital full of lovesick idiots who could take better care of themselves. Unlike the real casualties in this hospital."

Kakashi made a show of listening and then nodded, staring at the ceiling. "So…if I get injured the next time, you don't want me to come to the hospital?"

Rin cuffed him on the shoulder.

Kakashi grinned. "I'll see you next week, then."

Rin sighed in exasperation.

**xXx**

Kakashi fought all the ninjas this time, and he won. He took Rin home on his back.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

* * *

Kakashi opened his eyes to see a pattern of dark leaves against the night sky. _I'm outside._ He was cold, and stiff. He'd fallen asleep on the ground somehow. Then he turned his head and saw that he was lying in front of the memorial stone. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and stared at it. The moon was so bright he could read the names even now; true, he filled in some of the characters by memory, completing the shapes of the kanji in his mind, but he knew who was there.

As soon as he got to his feet, he realized his back was sore. He'd fallen asleep entirely the wrong way.

Kakashi thought about his unusual dream while he spent the next several minutes trying to stretch out his stiffness and soreness. It was hard; the air was chilly, signaling the fact that it was early September now. The hot days might still fool him, but time was inexorably marching forward. Towards his birthday, towards his father's…

_Don't think about that,_ he chastised himself. _Isn't one bad dream enough for you?_

Of course, it hadn't been completely a bad dream. Kakashi considered the worst part waking up and finding life to be more complicated, less pleasant…and yet…

If he'd dreamed of being a hero, that meant it must be somewhere inside of him, didn't it? He wasn't completely hopeless. And though he'd spent the entire last mission panicking when it got down to the pivotal battle, he'd apparently cut an impressive figure to Tenzo, at least. Tenzo was a fourteen-year-old, but all the same, Tenzo was an ANBU agent fourteen-year-old. That had to count for something. He couldn't impress Tenzo if he were truly as lame as he felt sometimes.

And Bensaku had tried to put him up for promotion…

Kakashi shook his head, rolled his neck to test his muscles, and decided he'd done well enough. He walked away from the forest clearing.

_Now what?_ Now that he was more awake, Kakashi remembered Rin forgiving him, remembered crying, remembered falling asleep in her invisible arms. _No wonder I had the dream, then. _Without the fear and shame of Rin holding a grudge against him, of his crimes being unspeakable…

Maybe he deserved to have Gai love him after all.

**xXx**

Kakashi returned to the village, but he lingered on the dark streets.

He didn't want to go home to sleep alone.

Well, he knew where Gai's apartment was. Maybe he could find the courage to sneak in and wake up Gai.

Kakashi found the apartment complex by moonlight. He examined his options. His gaze lingered to the window on the fifth floor he knew was Gai's. By superstition, the number four had been skipped; the apartment building went from the third floor to the fifth. Then his gaze went to the front entrance of the apartment. He could just buzz Gai's apartment number and get Gai to unlock the front door of the building for him.

Or he could chance trying to teleport his way in; Gai's apartment building was full of shinobi, though. They wouldn't appreciate a strange suddenly teleporting into their building in the middle of the night. Chakra surges like that tended to wake everyone up in the ninja community.

Kakashi chewed his lip indecisively.

He climbed in through the window.

He climbed down the other side and shut the window, amazed that after all this time, even as an ANBU agent, Gai never latched his window. To his bedroom, no less. Kakashi crossed the darkened room and wondered if Gai had ever woken up. He'd opened the window, climbed through the drapes, and closed the window again. The soft scrape of the window opening and closing should have been distinctive; an alert.

But Gai was flat on his back with his mouth open, his blanket pulled up to his neck.

Kakashi stared down at his friend for a moment. Then he said in an unsubtle whisper: "Gai."

Gai gave a start and a choked off snore, then sat up a little in bed without opening his eyes. His eyes slowly opened a moment later, unfocused. "Kashi?"

"Yes," Kakashi said. "You left your window open." He was annoyed, actually. Anyone could have come in and murdered Gai, and then he'd have to adjust to losing the love of his life all over again. "Bad choice."

"I knew you'd come in," Gai said sleepily. "Sometime." He rubbed his eyes.

"That's no excuse," Kakashi protested, taken aback. The last time he'd come in through Gai's bedroom window had been a year ago. He hoped it hadn't been unlatched all this time.

Gai rolled over onto his side, reached out, and pulled Kakashi into bed with him, folding back the covers and then drawing them up around them both, snuggling against Kakashi's side with his arms around Kakashi's waist. "You're cold," he mumbled, with a note of dismay in his voice.

"Yes," Kakashi said. "It gets cold at night. I slept on the ground." He was a little surprised to be pulled into bed, but Gai was clearly mostly asleep. He'd never lain in Gai's bed before; it was a totally different firmness and texture than his bed at home. He adjusted to it, shifting around, and warmed himself up against Gai's body. "You're warm."

"Good," Gai mumbled, and stroked Kakashi's back.

Kakashi blushed. He waited for Gai to settle down against him and stop moving. "I love you, Gai."

But Gai was asleep.

He guessed he'd known that. Still, this was a start. If he could say the words while Gai was in the room, but asleep, eventually he'd be able to say the words while Gai was awake and listening. That would be a nice day. Kakashi looked forward to that.

He snuggled against Gai and fell asleep, in a nice, comfortable bed, with a hot, muscular body to rest against.

**xXx**

When he woke up, there was no Gai, but there was a warm spot in the shape of his friend on the other side of the bed. Kakashi felt it for a moment, climbed into it, and wondered how long it would last before the traces of Gai's body heat faded and it would be more appealing just to get up.

_Why bother to wait for the heat to fade? That's just depressing._ Kakashi rolled out of bed and checked the master bathroom. No Gai. He padded down the hallway, through the living room, and out to the kitchen.

Gai turned at his arrival and gave him a thumbs up. "Have some breakfast!"

Kakashi couldn't see any cooking. Gai's kitchen was pristine. The only thing out of place was the blender on the counter beside Gai, filled to the brim with something green. "Maa…where is it?" He scratched his head.

"This!" Gai pointed to the blender.

Kakashi had been afraid of that. "It's green."

Gai grinned. "I know! It's all the good-for-you leafy vegetables that make a bright and happy day."

"Leafy vegetables make a bright and happy day?" Kakashi mumbled. His stomach rumbled. _But I don't want that,_ he internally protested at his stomach.

"Yes!" Gai's grin positively glinted.

Kakashi slumped. "No wonder I don't have them."

Gai gave him a concerned pout, and then pulled a tall glass down from the cupboard. He whisked the blender from its stand and poured the thick, smoothie-like slurry into the glass, filling it to the top. At least the mixture was smooth. It was still a disturbing granny smith apple green.

"Here." Gai handed him the glass tenderly. "Maybe you will have some happy days if you drink some of my Super Awesome Energizing Muscle Drink."

Kakashi wanted to laugh at the fact that Gai had said that in a soft, utterly sincere voice. "Maa…I'm sure it'll be fine." _I am?_ But it was better to humor Gai than hurt his feelings. Kakashi knew Gai was sensitive about his cooking.

Gai gave him a wide-eyed, hopeful look.

Kakashi swallowed his doubts and pulled down his mask, forming his habitual genjutsu. Then he steeled himself and took a drink. It was surprisingly fruity. And it had an aftertaste like dried eggs. He looked at Gai suspiciously. "You put protein powder in your shake."

"Of course I did!" Gai wagged his index finger. "It's important to get enough protein in your day."

"And did you add fruit?" Kakashi asked.

Gai grinned and propped his hands on his hips. "A full three servings of fruit, and of vegetables. And a full serving of protein." He poured himself a glass of his smoothie and took a swig, giving himself a green mustache.

Kakashi couldn't help it; he laughed. "Maa…" He pointed weakly at Gai's face. "I don't doubt it's good for you, but it's less good as a fashion statement, isn't it, Gai? You might want to wipe your mouth."

Gai looked bewildered. He turned around and caught his reflection in the toaster. He let out a cry of dismay and embarrassment, then hastily wiped his mouth off on his sleeve.

Kakashi knew better than to point out Gai had made a mess of his sleeve. _This is why I don't want to do your laundry. _He sighed to himself and took another drink of Gai's 'Super Awesome Energizing Muscle Drink'. It wasn't a bad smoothie. It needed a little crushed ice, maybe. Kakashi thought about mentioning that, but considered himself too polite.

Surprisingly, after finishing off another half glass, he was full. "Hey, this stuff really works."

Gai grinned at him and flashed a thumbs up after draining the remainder of his own glass. "I know! It's a great source of energy throughout the day." Remarkably, his smile was still white. Kakashi wondered if Gai had great enamel, or if he was just using a jutsu to keep his teeth clean. Gai had done stranger things.

"I feel energized already," Kakashi assured him.

"Now that we've filled ourselves with youthful energy, it's time to train!" Gai stretched his arms and swiveled side to side, popping his back.

Kakashi should have known that was coming. "'Kay." He gave Gai a fond smile and pulled his real mask back up, dispelling his jutsu.

**xXx**

The morning was still dewy when they arrived at Gai's training ground.

"I'd like to finish stretching and go through my regular exercises first, if that's alright with you," Gai said apologetically.

Kakashi waved a hand. "Fine, fine. I'll just go over there and wait for you." He pointed to a tree at the edge of the clearing that looked nice. It was positioned correctly to be a shield from the morning sun.

"Alright!" Gai nodded and smiled at him, waiting for him to get comfortable underneath the tree and pull out his book. Only then did Gai turn his attention to his training posts.

It was those little signs of consideration that made Kakashi so thoroughly in love with the man. He flipped to the spot he'd left off at in his Icha Icha volume and got started, sinking himself into this imaginary world with a sigh of appreciation. _Jiraiya-sensei is so talented…I wish I could be like him someday…_

The patter of Gai's fists against the training posts was soothing.

Kakashi lost himself in the climactic battle between a noble samurai and his arch nemesis.

**xXx**

The next thing he knew, Gai was standing over him. He looked up from his book.

"We need a challenge!" Gai announced.

Kakashi scratched his temple. "Maa…didn't we have a challenge to be spontaneous?"

"I have not forgotten that challenge," Gai said. "I am merely waiting for the right moment to be spontaneous."

"That's not very spontaneous," Kakashi teased.

"Just you wait!" Gai stabbed a finger at him. "I shall be spontaneous just when you least expect it!"

Kakashi chuckled. "That's the idea."

"Hmph." Gai scowled with determination. "While that challenge is going on, I suggest we make up a less spontaneous challenge."

"As you wish," Kakashi said. "But I believe we also had an ongoing bet that if you won the next five sparring matches in a row, I would have to do your laundry."

"Well, that is a bet," Gai said. "It's not the same thing. We need a challenge. That is, something that we can do right now."

Kakashi sighed. "Alright. I guess." He didn't want to have to use any brainpower to come up with a good challenge. That was Gai's department anyway. Truthfully, he didn't want to move from underneath his tree, either. But he would, to please Gai. He put away his book. "Maa, how about rock, paper, scissors?"

"What?" Gai blinked. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi stood and shrugged. "If you think you can't do it, that's okay. You can forfeit."

"I will not forfeit," Gai protested. "Rock paper scissors is a children's game. I can surely do that."

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Okay."

He promptly beat Gai at rock paper scissors, two papers to Gai's rocks, and then rock to Gai's scissors.

"How did you know?" Gai exclaimed.

"I knew you would throw rock," Kakashi said.

Gai looked at his hands.

"And then I just wondered how long it would take you to realize I knew, and as soon as I saw a flicker of understanding in your eyes, I switched to rock," Kakashi said. "Because I knew your strategy would be to pick the opposite of rock in an attempt to throw me off."

Gai struggled with this information. "So, you mean…I'm predictable."

"Afraid so." Kakashi pulled out his book and started reading again.

Gai stabbed a finger at him. "I will come up with something spontaneous to do! So just you be ready."

"If I'm ready, then I won't be surprised," Kakashi said.

"Well, then don't be ready," Gai retorted.

Kakashi laughed. "Maa, do you want to train for real or what?"

"Certainly," Gai said.

Kakashi got up, brushing his pants off, and tucked his book away in his vest. Then he dropped into a fighting stance. "Come at me, then."

Gai flew at him, fist leading.

Kakashi dodged a flurry of fists. He felt the snap of air from them on his body. This was the fifth and decisive match; Gai had won four in a row. Somehow, this moment had been sneaking up on Kakashi, and he found himself locked in a life-or-laundry struggle.

For a moment, he was on the run, but inevitably, Gai pressed too hard. A well-timed evasion and Gai sailed past him, the kick landing on the trunk of a tree instead.

Kakashi whipped around and drew his kunai, throwing them at the same time as Gai rebounded, using the trunk as a springboard. The ground outside the border of the training field was out of bounds, but not the nearest trees. Kakashi himself had argued that point, since for a Leaf ninja, a tree was a ninja tool.

Now, unfortunately, that meant he'd lost the right to call an easy out in the first round.

Gai evaded his kunai, body flickering, and appeared to his right, trying to sneak an uppercut past his defenses.

Kakashi backflipped out of the way, skidded to a halt, and charged Gai in return. His first punch went purposefully wide, allowing Gai to dodge what would have been a rib-cracking impact, and tackled Gai to the ground. They wrestled. Kakashi was not above punching and kicking, but then again, his technique in this area was clumsy, and Gai was more amused than endangered. The only reason Kakashi came halfway close to pinning him was because he started laughing.

That made Kakashi pout and flush, but he wasn't going to stop. He needed the practice at pinning someone to the ground anyway. It was an important submission technique.

Gai grabbed him and twisted, pinning him to the ground. Somehow, Gai had managed to wrap his legs around Kakashi's, and trap Kakashi's arms at his sides, in the blink of an eye.

Kakashi stared up at Gai, taking in the broad grin. "Maa, I forfeit. Round one goes to you."

Gai graciously helped him up.

Kakashi vowed to play dirty.

Over the next two rounds, he fought his way back on top, two to one, and Gai found himself on the defensive. Even if Kakashi was panting like a dog at the effort of thwarting him. Kakashi refused to use chakra for this, since they hadn't been using any before. He wanted to win legitimately, in spite of being as sneaky as possible.

"Best two out of three?" Kakashi teased.

"No," Gai said, grunting with the effort of blocking Kakashi's punches. "You know full well it's four out of five, Kakashi."

Kakashi grinned at Gai's annoyed expression. "Maa, maa, okay. If you want to make it hard on yourself."

Gai ended up trapping Kakashi inside the circle of training posts, cornering Kakashi with his superior speed. Kakashi narrowly escaped defeat by leaping free. They fought in the air, then, leaping from post to post. By some unspoken agreement they stayed within the packed dirt ring, duking it out to the end.

Kakashi had more experience fighting enemies in the air. He clipped Gai in the side, and then had to save Gai from falling onto one of the training posts, whisking by and grabbing a handful of Gai's spandex suit. A wrong fall could break a person's back or hip. Neither one of those injuries healed well. He jerked Gai to safety, and they landed on the grass.

"Thank you," Gai said breathlessly.

Kakashi hugged him. Until then, Kakashi didn't realize he'd been scared for a split second. _If Gai had been injured, it would have been my fault._ That thought turned his stomach to water. Feeling better about Rin or not, Kakashi figured he'd be sensitive about blame for the rest of his life.

Gai hugged back.

Kakashi asked sweetly, "Best three out of four?"

Gai laughed. "No." He pushed himself back up, and pulled Kakashi up as well. "Come on. One more round. Give me a chance to catch up, at least."

Kakashi reluctantly agreed. "Alright…but this is hardly fair. I didn't sleep well last night."

Gai gave him a wry smile.

Kakashi knew that excuse wouldn't work. "Maa, maa, come at me, then."

Gai ended up behind Kakashi, locking Kakashi in a hold that he deeply suspected Gai had used just to be ironic. He wrenched this way and that, but couldn't get free. "Alright, I give. One more round. We're tied at three wins each. We can't leave it this way."

"Agreed," Gai said, letting him go. That smirk appeared; the one when Gai was getting a truly worth-it workout against somebody. Gai only smirked that way when he thought he might lose, but without regrets.

Kakashi considered himself flattered. "Are you ready?"

Gai nodded. "I'm ready."

**xXx**

"I won one," Kakashi said. "That means your streak is broken."

Not that he hadn't almost broken his fingers and dislocated his shoulder doing it. The last round had been an all-out taijutsu spar that bordered on brutal.

Gai was red-faced and sweating, his hair mussed. "You did indeed." He bowed his head respectfully. "This means my defeat."

"You got closer than you've ever been before," Kakashi said. He didn't want to rob Gai of self-esteem. He just didn't want to do Gai's laundry.

Gai raised his head and gave Kakashi a small smile. "This is true."

"The bet is still on for a five match streak." Kakashi decided instantly. "If you can manage to do it, I'll do your laundry."

Gai grinned, surprised and grateful.

Kakashi smiled in return. _Maa…if it makes Gai happy, it's worth the risk of a terrible defeat. _He looked up at the sky and rubbed his chin. "Now, about where to go for dinner…"

Gai waited, tilting his head.

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "Let's go where you want to go." _This ought to be a fun change of pace. _

Gai blinked. "Really?"

"Yes." Kakashi took his hand and re-wrapped Gai's bandages matter-of-factly. "But you're still paying."

"Of course!" Gai protested. "I would have it no other way. The circumstances of our arrangement are a matter of great sentimental importance to me, never mind the honor aspect of it. I would never violate our agreement."

Kakashi smiled at him tolerantly. "Maa, I didn't mean that."

Gai nodded, and a grin spread over his face. "Very well. I accept this challenge. I shall take you to a place of my choosing and wine and dine you."

Kakashi blushed, flustered. "Wh-What?"

Gai laughed at his expression. "That is the saying for taking someone to a place of one's choosing and paying for dinner, is it not?"

"Oh." Kakashi distractedly returned his focus to fixing the bandages on Gai's hand. "Yes. Of course." _What was I thinking? It's not a date. _

"How would you like to return to Fujiwara's?" Gai asked.

Kakashi looked up at Gai, surprised_. That's where I took him when I wanted to take him on a 'date'._ "Maa…I'll go wherever you want to go. But that sounds nice." His stomach rumbled at the thought of really good food. _And he's paying this time._ His eyes widened. He caught his heart beating faster and reined himself in. _You can't make assumptions like that. Gai probably just wants a steak. _

"Formal attire again?" Gai asked in a low voice, watching him.

Kakashi was frustrated at how that simple lowering in volume played with his fantasies of Gai suddenly figuring things out and sweeping him off his feet. "Maa, it'd be polite," he said, trying to sound bored. "What do you think?"

Gai nodded. "It is only fitting to dress appropriately for a dining experience as meaningful as this."

_Meaningful?_ Kakashi's lips parted, but no sound came out. Gai's word choice tortured him.

"Are you ready?" Gai asked.

Kakashi nodded. If Gai were actually asking the question he wished Gai would ask, his answer would be, _Past ready_. Then he paused. _For dinner? But it's barely lunch time. _

Gai dropped to the ground in pushup position. "Let's do this!"

Kakashi almost fell over. "What are you doing?"

"If I failed to win five times in a row, then my punishment was to do two-hundred pushups with you on my back," Gai said. "Did you not remember the terms of our challenge?"

"No," Kakashi murmured, scratching his head. He vaguely remembered something about this coming up in discussion at Fujiwara, but that felt like such a long time ago. _Oh, well_. "I guess there's no help for it."

"None at all!" Gai agreed.

Kakashi snorted and sat down cross-legged on Gai's back. Gai began. After Kakashi got used to the rhythm of Gai's pushups, he pulled out his volume of Icha Icha and flipped through it, going to the spot where he'd left off.

After about twenty-five pushups, Gai grunted. "You didn't say anything about the extra weight of that book."

"Maa, you can't expect me to just sit here without entertainment while you finish your two hundred pushups," Kakashi said. He turned the page. "I'm going to need something to read. That's just consideration, Gai."

Gai huffed, panting and sweating.

"And if you're worried about the extra weight of this little book, then maybe you shouldn't let me be sitting on you in the first place," Kakashi added cheerfully.

"No! I can do it!"

Kakashi chuckled. "Alright, then. Either the book stays or I get off. Your pick, Gai."

Gai's face slowly turned beet red. "Stay! I refuse to change a challenge punishment."

If Gai collapsed, Kakashi was going to get off, no matter what Gai said to him.

"Suit yourself," Kakashi said, absorbing himself in his book.

"I will!" Gai pistoned up and down, forcing himself on ahead with his pushups. "I'll be done in…no time!"

Gai's increase in speed made for a bumpy ride, but Kakashi didn't show it. He just focused on maintaining his balance and reading at the same time.

An average day in their lives, with all of its strangeness.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

* * *

Gai made it through all two hundred pushups with Kakashi on his back…but just barely. After Gai gasped, "Two hundred!" and Kakashi got off Gai's back, Gai collapsed on his face.

Kakashi looked down at his friend. "Maa, that doesn't look comfortable. Do you want some help up?"

"No," Gai wheezed, his voice muffled by the grass.

Kakashi scratched his head. "Okay…do you want to rest for a while?"

Gai shifted his shoulders and then flopped down still again. "Maybe."

"By all means," Kakashi said cheerfully. "Take your time." He gestured with his book. "I've got plenty of reading material." He stood over Gai and read, not to flaunt that he could still stand, but because he was mildly afraid that Gai had gotten heat stroke.

After a few minutes punctuated only by the sounds of pages turning like dry leaves in Kakashi's hand, and labored breathing from ankle level, Kakashi asked casually, "Do you want a drink of water?"

Gai struggled, squirming much like an agitated fish, and finally flopped over on his back. "Certainly. I shall go retrieve the canteen from that tree over there…" He raised a trembling hand and gestured across the training field, to the tree he always used as a locker. Its trunk formed that perfect 'Y' shape five feet off the ground.

Kakashi looked up from his book and noticed that a large canteen was nestled in the 'Y' of the trunk, and a white towel was draped over one side as well. Then he looked down at Gai. His red-faced friend was singularly incapable of standing, much less walking, he decided. "Maa, I'll get it. I'm already up." He shut his book and walked across the training field, no longer dewy now that the early afternoon sun had burned all the moisture off, and retrieved both items, the canteen and the towel.

By the time he got back, Gai had maneuvered into a sitting position, his legs straight out in front of him.

"Here you go." Kakashi crouched and handed the canteen and the towel over.

"Thank you." Gai's face had faded to a bright pink, but Kakashi was still concerned.

Gai drank the entire twenty ounce canteen in the same time it took Kakashi to blink, and then mopped his face as he began to sweat profusely.

Yep, Kakashi was worried. "Would you like me to get you some more water, Gai? I don't think you should be doing that…" He pointed at the sweat stains that appeared all over Gai's spandex uniform like magic.

"Maybe," Gai said.

Kakashi shook his head. "What am I going to do with you? I think that I should just take you home with me and clean you up there."

"I have plenty of chakra," Gai said, standing up. His legs shook. "If we're going to teleport, I can teleport myself."

Kakashi placed his hand on Gai's shoulder and teleported them both into his kitchen instead of arguing. Their entrance ruffled the curtains over the kitchen window. Kakashi had been less precise than usual. "We're here. We don't have to argue now." He took Gai's arm and guided Gai to sit at the kitchen table, a pathetically tiny structure no bigger than a card table with two chairs across from each other.

He turned and got the pitcher of water out of the refrigerator and a tall glass down from his cupboard. He hadn't touched either in weeks and had to make sure the water was still fresh. The filtered pitcher was supposed to help with such things, but… Kakashi didn't like the smell of the water. He poured it out and filled the pitcher up again.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Gai slumped over the table, mopping his forehead.

Kakashi finished filtering a new pitcher of water. He brought it over to the table and poured Gai a glass, sitting down across from his friend at the table.

"Thank you," Gai said. He drank the whole glass in a single second.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes at Gai. "You're welcome. You didn't have to do that."

"What?"

"Doing two hundred pushups after our extensive routine was foolish," Kakashi said.

Gai scowled. "I don't consider it foolish to honor a promise."

Kakashi blinked. "What promise?"

"The promise that if I did not win five times in a row, that I would do two hundred pushups with you on my back," Gai said.

"It was a ridiculous promise," Kakashi said. "One I could not expect to hold you to."

"You can, and you will, because I will always do whatever I promise," Gai said.

Kakashi poured him another glass of water.

Gai drained it. "The point is not the contents of the promise, but merely the promise of fulfilling the promise no matter what the promise is."

Kakashi's head hurt a little bit at that. "You mean to say…it's the principle of the thing."

"Yes," Gai said.

"What if I made you promise to marry me?" Kakashi said.

"Then I would marry you," Gai said simply. "If I said the promise, then I made the promise."

That was too easy. Kakashi couldn't believe in that kind of thing. "Maa, Gai, you're going to take a shower, and then I'm going to take care of you until I'm convinced you don't have heat stroke and don't need to go to the hospital."

Gai's eyes widened in horror at the mention of the word 'hospital'.

Kakashi rose from his seat and poured Gai another glass of water. "You better drink up, and then you better take a cold shower to my satisfaction, or I'm taking you to the hospital." He grinned. "I promise."

Gai drank his water and dashed to the shower.

Kakashi laughed.

He walked into the living room and plopped down on his couch to wait for Gai to come out. He made himself comfortable, putting on the drone of the tv and taking out his Icha Icha to read.

Gai came out about ten minutes later with wet hair, wearing a clean white t-shirt and a pair of off-white martial arts pants with a plain blue obi. They'd left spare clothes over at each other's homes for a while now, in case of emergencies. He plopped down on the sofa next to Kakashi, heaving a tired sigh, and rested his head in Kakashi's lap, lying down and making himself comfortable.

Kakashi blushed a little at that casual show of affection and intimacy. He reached down and ran his fingers through Gai's wet, glossy hair.

Gai murmured and squirmed slightly. "That feels nice, Kashi."

Kakashi knew he felt warmer now. He petted Gai's head, massaging Gai's scalp lightly. In his other hand, he still held his volume of Icha Icha. "Maa, maa, Gai," he said soothingly. "I'll be here to take care of you."

He saw Gai blush.

Kakashi continued petting Gai's head while he read. _How very domestic,_ he thought with a mixture of amusement and glee. He imagined that if Gai ever moved in with him, this could be their routine.

Of course, Gai would never move in with him. They both liked having their separate spaces too much. Especially Gai. How else would Gai get any time away from him? He was as clingy as a friend could come. True, Gai was an extrovert, but even extroverts ran out of energy sometime.

After all, Gai was the man who had gone on a classic coming of age journey to train for the jonin exam. He traveled the world by himself for a whole year before coming back to Konoha, stronger and louder than ever. He'd been back a matter of months when Minato died.

Kakashi could remember hoping that the time alone would help Gai balance out, stop risking himself so much on missions. Of course, he didn't say anything. That would have been insulting, and he never wanted to insult Gai. Especially not before a big journey. So he'd merely said, 'Maa, hope it works out,' and gone back to reading Icha Icha as if he would see Gai the next day.

Gai had hugged Kakashi and made declarations of intent until he moved himself to tears.

Kakashi looked from the pages of his Icha Icha to Gai and smiled. He massaged Gai's scalp with a playful tickling motion. "Maa, remember when you took the jonin exam?"

Gai grinned. "Yes. I didn't pass it the first time, but then I trained, and when I came back, I passed the very first time!"

Kakashi chuckled. "Yes." That was Gai's enthusiasm and optimism: everything was the first time. Over and over again.

"And then you started accepting my challenges," Gai said contentedly. "Just like you promised you would."

Kakashi was startled. He'd almost forgotten. "That's right…I said when you were jonin like me, I wouldn't have to worry about hurting you." He hadn't meant it as an insult. However, Gai's teammates had been offended and had wanted to fight him right then and there for being 'arrogant'. Gai had stopped them with a trademark laugh and good-natured determination.

"The first challenge you ever gave me in return for all of my failed proposals over the years." Gai smiled blissfully. "Of course, I accepted."

Kakashi couldn't help but let out an exasperated sigh, even though he was blushing. "I didn't mean it as a challenge. I was just trying to warn you that our skill levels were different."

"I know." Gai shifted, fitting his shoulders against Kakashi's thigh. "But in doing so, you proved yourself to be my Eternal Rival once and for all! An ordinary man would not have minded our differing skill levels. However, an Eternal Rival would worry about exactly that! So it was a match made in Heaven, guided by the hand of Fate!"

"Ah…" Kakashi grinned ruefully. "Fate…right." He wanted to tell Gai it was less about fate and more about Gai's tireless insistence, but he knew where that conversation went. Somehow, Gai would just take everything he said and turn it around until it was proof that Gai's conception of the way the universe worked was correct. Kakashi didn't begrudge him that; Gai had a far clearer idea of how things worked than he did. Gai never spent any time being confused philosophically or religiously.

Thanks to Kakashi's upbringing, he was confused about such things all the time. Nothing made sense to him. Life seemed to have no pattern, unless he borrowed a paradigm from fiction. Jiraiya's books were more of a guide to him than the ancient books of prophecy that everyone else seemed to believe in.

He supposed that was another reason he read Icha Icha all the time. People who couldn't bother to read it would find such a statement unbelievable, but the truth was, there was as much idealism and philosophy in Icha Icha as there was romance. Jiraiya wrote meaningful stories. Whether he meant to or not was up for debate, but Kakashi thought that someone's character would come through in what they wrote, no matter what it was. And Jiraiya was a genius, a war survivor, a Sage with life experiences most people couldn't even imagine. Some of that had to be imprinted on his fiction, even on accident.

Kakashi and Gai relaxed on the couch for another hour in companionable silence before Kakashi glanced at the wall clock and reluctantly determined that it was time to get up. He shut his book. "Alright, Gai. I suppose if we don't get up now we never will, ne?"

Gai sat up, stretched, and then stood. "I feel alright, now. Thanks to your tender ministrations." He grinned. "I can't help but wonder how life had turned out for you if you had become a med nin."

"Maa, not likely," Kakashi protested. "My father would never had let me become a medical ninja. It would have been a waste of training. For all my skill on the battlefield, I would have been put in the back. And if that had happened, I never would have met Obito or Rin. Rin would have been assigned to one team, and I would have been assigned to another."

"It was just idle speculation," Gai said. He looked at Kakashi fondly. "You have a great bedside manner."

Kakashi blushed. "Well, you need to go home and get dressed for dinner," he said, trying to change the subject. "Otherwise, you're going to have to go like this." Not that he minded. Gai looked good in white, and especially, for some reason, in that odd combination of t-shirt and martial arts pants. Kakashi thought Gai was the sexiest man alive in white casual clothes and tousled hair.

Gai chuckled. "I'm coming back for you. That way I can make sure you're not going to be late."

"Late, me?" Kakashi protested. "How could I be late to a dinner you're paying for?"

Gai gave him a fondly exasperated grin. "You'd find a way."

Kakashi chuckled. "You are so right." He stood. "Maa, I don't want to keep you waiting. I should start right now, while you're on your way home. That way I might at least be finished by the time you come back."

Gai nodded. "We need to account for you becoming distracted in my absence." He saluted. "Very well! I shall go home to attain a proper outfit, and you shall make the attempt to be ready by the time I get back!"

He ran out of the room in fine form, apparently determined to make the walk back to his apartment a workout jog. Kakashi wondered if Gai ever stopped exercising. For all he knew, Gai dreamed about exercising.

Kakashi walked back to his bedroom, shaking his head. _Maa, I guess it's time to get ready for the date that isn't a date._

He wondered why he kept grasping for the impossible.

Maybe Gai's attitude was catching.

**xXx**

Gai picked him up, as promised. Kakashi was ready by then. He actually finished with fifteen minutes to spare and sat on his bed, reading Icha Icha and trying to calm his nerves. He read the first date scene of a pair of characters he particularly enjoyed, and practiced taking deep breaths. There was no reason in the world to assume that this was a first date. But Kakashi couldn't stop his rebellious brain from making that conclusion, and he had to settle himself down somehow. It helped to read about two characters laughing over a disastrous date, in which everything had gone wrong, but they still loved each other anyhow. It was reassuring.

_Even if this were a first date, even if this goes all wrong…we would still be mature enough to laugh about it and love each other anyway,_ Kakashi thought on the way to the restaurant.

When they got there he realized he couldn't remember anything they'd talked about on the way. He'd been so absorbed with regulating his feelings that a whole other part of his consciousness had answered Gai's questions and made all the jokes. He did that sometimes. Usually not off the battlefield, though.

Gai opened the door for him, and Kakashi found a smile for Gai in response. It was sweet, even if it was weird for a friend to show such courtesy.

Kakashi blushed when he realized the kimono-clad hostess was leading them back to a private room at the back of the restaurant, just like when Kakashi had brought Gai here a few weeks ago. Or was it less? Time seemed distorted by all the things they'd done since that night.

They took their sandals off and entered the mock-traditional room, sitting seiza style across from each other at the kotatsu table. The hostess laid down their menus, bowed, and exited the room, leaving them to themselves.

"What are you thinking about getting for dinner, Kashi?" Gai asked happily. "I was thinking about having steak again. Or maybe trying their pork. I like ribs and roasted pork loin…"

Kakashi laughed. "Maa, get whatever you want. I think I'll focus on sushi this time."

"Alright," Gai said. He smiled at Kakashi warmly. "This is your dinner, after all. You beat me fair and square."

Kakashi wondered if Gai was such a good loser with everybody, or only him. He shut that thought down. _No, I will not go there. I will only end up disappointing myself when nothing happens._ His solution for everything, really, which was one reason he was branded as being lazy. If the possibility of disappointment lurked in a situation somewhere, Kakashi chose not to go in.

Really, this whole experience with Gai was out of character for him. He was risking a lot every time they hung out. What made him think anything could work out for the best?

Then he remembered Gai touching him in the shower at the outpost and blushed. For one magical evening, they'd seemed to have an understanding. Even if Kakashi had been too flustered to comprehend what was happening.

_But it was a nonverbal understanding. Was it an understanding at all? Does it count if there are no words? _Kakashi didn't know.

He suddenly felt compelled to say something. "Maa…"

"Yes?" Gai looked up from his menu and caught sight of Kakashi's expression. "Would you like something to drink, also?"

"No," Kakashi said automatically. "No, thank you." He scratched his head. "I mean, yes. Water or tea."

Gai laid his menu down on the table. "What is the matter?" he asked gently.

Kakashi wavered. "Maa…about the outpost…"

Gai looked confused.

Kakashi scratched his temple and sighed. "You know. In the shower."

Gai shook his head slowly.

"When you helped me, in the shower," Kakashi said slowly and clearly.

"Oh!" Gai brightened. "When I scrubbed your back?" He laughed. "Kashi, are you trying to ask my help for a shower this evening? There is no need to be so nervous!"

Kakashi smacked his forehead. "Right. My mistake." He glanced down at the menu in his hand with wry amusement. _Never mind. I'm clearly not getting through to him. _He didn't know what he'd been thinking. Talk with Gai? It was impossible. At least about things like this.

Still, he tried again, at least for the sake of his own sanity. "Are you okay with our behavior?" Kakashi asked.

"What do you mean?" Gai asked.

Kakashi paused, then said the word. "Our 'relationship'."

Gai's expression cleared. "I have noticed that this behavior we regularly engage in closely resembles the process of becoming acquainted with a future wife called 'dating'."

Kakashi's stomach churned. Just when he'd forgotten about it ever existing, out came that phrase: 'future wife'. _Maa, what was I thinking? Of course he's going to want to go have babies with some woman. It's natural. It's my fault for not being normal. _

"You could say that," Kakashi said casually.

Gai nodded, as if satisfied.

Kakashi's eye twitched. "Why? What's on your mind?"

"What is on my mind?" Gai's brow furrowed.

"Yes," Kakashi said. "In other words, why did you make the observation that we're acting as though we are dating?" He struggled to hold in his frustration. _You started this discussion, Gai. Now finish it. _

Gai hesitated another moment, then nodded. "I have noticed by observation that our ritual still lacks some of the features commonly included in 'dating'." He looked at Kakashi cautiously.

"Yes…so…" Kakashi looked at him suspiciously. _What are you saying?_

"I would like you to teach me," Gai said. "I want to date you."

Kakashi stared at him. "You want me to date you…for practice." He couldn't believe that Gai had asked such a thing. It was his fault that he had encouraged Gai to seek him for life lessons, but still, this was a new boundary to cross so casually.

Gai looked nervous. "Well…not precisely practice…"

Kakashi sighed. "Pathetic. Just say what you mean, Gai. Or don't you think you can find the words?" _You want me to help you find someone to replace me? How do you think I'm going to feel?_ He reined in that response. Gai couldn't possibly have understood what their current relationship meant to him. After all, he hadn't said a word. Like an idiot.

"I want you to date me because I suspect it will be an enjoyable experience," Gai said. "And neither one of us are dating anyone, so there is clearly an area of emptiness in each other's lives that we could be filling up, and as each other's Eternal Rivals, it is our responsibility to fill each other's lives with meaning. I wish to fill your life with meaning, and if you could only teach me how, I would be happy to proceed with making your youth vibrant with the feelings of Spring."

Kakashi tried to decipher that morass of language. _So…you want the practice, and you feel sorry for me? No, that's not like Gai. Hmm._ Gai didn't offer things out of pity. Sympathy, yes, pity, no.

Well, he did know one thing that Gai needed to know. "If you date me, for any reason whatever, girls are not going to want to date you, Gai."

Gai blinked, and then frowned. "I should think that any unknown girl is less important to me than the well-being and happiness of my Eternal Rival."

Kakashi melted. He couldn't help it. "Maa, okay, Gai. If you feel like it. We can practice dating together."

"I told you, it's not practice, it's –" Gai looked frustrated.

"Filling our lives with meaning?" Kakashi suggested.

Gai let out his breath and nodded, looking suspiciously sulky and teary-eyed.

Kakashi reached across and squeezed his forearm. "Alright, Gai. We'll fill our lives with meaning with each other."

Gai's shoulders relaxed, and he gave Kakashi a small, soft smile. "I appreciate it."

Kakashi smiled back. "Maa, I appreciate it, too. It's lonely, not having someone to do things with, I know. And it's true that we have gotten very good at keeping each other company."

Gai nodded resolutely. "As Eternal Rivals should be."

Kakashi chuckled. "Yes."

At least he still had a chance to convince Gai to stay this way. For a few pain-filled moments, he'd thought his time to confess his feelings had run out.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

* * *

Gai let out a satisfied sigh and plopped down, shifting from seiza style to sitting cross-legged. He licked sauce off his fingers. "Oishi!" His voice rang with appreciation. "Can we make this a monthly thing no matter who's paying? I think I love this place."

"Dinner was wonderful," Kakashi agreed. He'd had some very fresh sushi, some of it made with lobster. He'd really treated himself. Or rather, Gai had treated him. He'd finished dinner first for once, and sat back to watch Gai enjoy his ribs. It had been a uniquely amusing sight. There was something inherently endearing about watching Gai enjoy food so much.

Gai enjoyed everything so much. That was one reason why Kakashi had fallen in love with him. _What a positive person. _

"What do you want to do now?" Gai asked.

"Let's go back to my house," Kakashi suggested.

Gai nodded. "I should walk you home like a gentleman."

Kakashi grinned. "Yeah. You should. Don't be a rude date. Someone might decide to mug me. Or, ah, something."

Gai snorted. "I feel sorry for the mugger."

Kakashi laughed. Then he stood and stretched. "Alright. You ready to go?"

"Mm." Gai nodded and stood as well.

He took Kakashi's hand and secured it on his arm.

Kakashi flushed in bewilderment and embarrassment, but he allowed Gai this – strange – gesture. _Only men and women do this,_ he wanted to say. _And you've assumed I'm the woman._ But he found it kind of sweet, in a way, that Gai was trying. He decided he'd let it go, for now. They'd have a talk about advanced etiquette later.

People gave them strange looks as they walked across the restaurant, but Kakashi couldn't bring himself to care. People gave Gai strange looks anyway. If that bothered him, he would have stopped being Gai's friend a lot time ago.

Gai paid for dinner with a smile and opened the door for him, again in a show of etiquette. Cold night air hit Kakashi in a blast, and he found himself clinging to Gai for body warmth, glad for Gai's decision to link arms.

"It's a little cold out," Kakashi said. He mock shivered. Though that wasn't far from the truth. Without Gai's body heat to cuddle into as they walked, he would be shivering.

"Would you like my coat?" Gai asked.

Kakashi stared at him. "Maa, you know, I'm wearing a coat." They both had their haori on. "And it's not necessary for you to offer your haori when I know you hate the cold."

Gai had hated cold weather since a mission to the Land of Frost when he was little. Since Konoha rarely had snowy winters, he hadn't known what snow was, and had blown off others' concerns about being cold with typical bravado. He'd come back blue as an ice cube, and with hypothermia to boot. Kakashi had visited him in the hospital. Not that Kakashi had acknowledged that they were friends or anything.

Kakashi shook his head, smiling ruefully. At the time, he'd told himself he'd gone to visit Gai just because he was curious about why Gai wasn't around to bug him. And he'd teased Gai that wearing a scarf with a sleeveless shirt defeated the purpose.

"Very well," Gai said. "But know it is here if you get colder." He grinned. "And it is already infused with body warmth."

Kakashi snorted. "I'll keep that in mind." _Body warmth you should be keeping for yourself. If anything, I should be offering you my coat._ But he wouldn't, because Gai would just refuse. That was part of the odd push and pull of their relationship.

_Speaking of relationships…_ Kakashi considered a dark street on a cold night on the way back to his house as good a place as any for a serious discussion. The deserted streets gave the illusion of privacy, anyway. He knew that if anything he and Gai said or did became a matter of security, even unintentionally, they would be spied upon. That was part of living in a ninja village. Privacy was a luxury, not a guarantee.

For now, Kakashi had to assume that he and Gai had all the privacy they wanted.

"What do you think dating is about?" Kakashi asked.

"I don't know," Gai said. He stopped and thought about it, rubbing his chin.

Kakashi waited.

"It seems…dating is about getting to know someone." Gai cast a puzzled look at Kakashi. "But I already know you." Then he smiled. "So it's like we've already been dating for quite a while."

Kakashi's heart melted a little more. "Ah…okay." He smiled cheerfully. "Well, another thing dating people do is be extra nice to each other."

Gai grinned excitedly and flashed Kakashi a thumbs up. "Then I will be super nice to you, starting right now!" He grabbed Kakashi and hoisted Kakashi into his arms bridal style. "Off we go, my love! To your house!"

Kakashi clung to Gai for dear life as Gai shot down the street, full speed. "This is a little fast…" His voice vibrated. Gai's stride was so quick it was like oscillations of an electric fan.

"Would you like me to slow down, my love?" Gai shouted.

Kakashi blushed beet red, all the way up to his stinging ears. _Gai, shouting into the night, calling me 'my love'._ This was not one of the situations he had prepared himself for. "Um…yes, Gai. That would be nice."

Gai slowed down to a normal run.

Close enough. Kakashi wasn't going to bother explaining that most people didn't dash off with their loved ones at a hearty run. Besides, that would be missing the point. Gai wasn't most people. Gai was Gai.

_And I just challenged him to be 'extra nice'._ He saw long, hard days ahead of him. "You know, you're already pretty nice to me. I don't see any reason why we can't continue to behave the way we normally would in a situation…" At least his voice wasn't vibrating now.

"Ah, but to be truly nice to you, to make it the epitome of my ways, that will be a fantastic challenge," Gai said. "I have never truly put my mind to being nice to someone."

Kakashi found that amazing, especially since Gai had been going out of his way to follow around a sullen genius for most of his life.

"You know," he ventured, "this has to go both ways."

"What does?" Gai asked.

Kakashi gathered his courage. "I am going to have to be especially nice to you."

They reached his doorstep, and Gai set him down on his feet with a flourish. Even though Kakashi had been the one being carried, he leaned against his closed front door and tried to catch his breath.

Gai took his hand and knelt, looking up at him with a soft smile and shining eyes. "You are always especially nice to me. More so than anyone else I have ever known."

Kakashi opened his mouth, but no words came out. Several memories flashed by at once, all on top of each other.

The first day of school, when he'd been so nervous, and Gai had marched up to him with a hearty, 'Look! We're both wearing scarves! Let's be friends,' and given him that blinding smile that would become commonplace.

Gai following him everywhere, and pleading with his father for help, when his father had only laughed. He hadn't understood what was so funny about his 'desperate situation'. 'Touchan!' he'd yelled. 'Help me!' His father had patted him on the shoulder. 'You made a friend. Now go play.' He'd been furious…only to give in later that afternoon. Gai challenged him to a sparring match on top of a lake, since they both ought to know water walking. Gai had almost drowned. Then he'd watched as Gai did twelve laps around the lake, wondering what he'd gotten himself into.

Gai holding him while he cried about Obito dying…

Gai visiting the memorial stone with him…

Gai talking him out of resigning as a ninja, giving up his rank as jonin…

He shook the memories off, trying to think. He knew there would be an endless chain of them.

_Gai… _"I like you," Kakashi blurted.

"Yeah?" Gai grinned up at him, surprised and cheerful.

"Yeah," Kakashi said, nodding. He looked at Gai with wide eyes, surprised that he had gotten anything out. "You're the kind of person I would want to date. I would want to date you."

Gai straightened and grinned wider. "Then date me."

"Okay," Kakashi said. He stared at Gai dazedly, wondering why the conversation had been that anticlimactic, that simple. When it came to words exchanged, they'd spoken very few. Compared to the tsunami of words in Kakashi's head. The waves of memories that threatened to drown him if he ventured too far in.

He turned and unlocked the door, then looked over his shoulder. "You want to come in?"

Gai nodded. "Sure!"

Kakashi grinned. "Okay." He entered the house and let Gai in, slipping off his sandals in the foyer.

Gai followed, slipping off his footwear and setting his sandals next to Kakashi's. "So what do people do on a first date?"

Kakashi turned to him, surprised, and paused in the middle of the kitchen. "You mean, what do people do, or what do we want to do?"

"Both," Gai admitted. "I must confess I need a frame of reference with which to interpret my impulses."

_Impulses?_ Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Well, just ask me, and I'll tell you whether or not it's okay." He teased, "There's no need to be shy." He was fully aware of the irony of telling Gai not to be shy.

"Well…" Gai took a step towards him and stopped, his hand outstretched for a brief moment before it fell at his side. "I want to stay the night. But I don't know if that is appropriate for two people dating each other."

Kakashi reached forward and clasped Gai's hand, pulled Gai close until their chests were touching. "Of course it is." He wrapped his arms around Gai's waist and looked up, into Gai's eyes. "I don't think we should have to do anything different than what we've done before."

Gai slipped his arms around Kakashi's waist in return. "Really? There aren't special rules that I should have to observe?"

"None," Kakashi whispered. He became ultra-conscious of the mask covering his face, his lips. How he wanted Gai's lips covering his mouth instead.

Gai looked at him with wide eyes.

"You know, there's something we could do that we've never done before," Kakashi whispered. He reached up with one hand and caressed Gai's cheek. Then he trailed his fingers down, bringing Gai a shiver on accident, and rested his fingertips on the hem of his mask.

Gai swallowed, transfixed.

"People on first dates always kiss," Kakashi said, looking straight into Gai's eyes. He didn't want to miss a moment of Gai's reaction. Then he hooked his fingers underneath the spandex material of his mask and pulled it down slowly. He couldn't help a stifled gasp as it suddenly slipped off of the tip of his nose. The soft fabric brushed over his lips in a precursor to what was to come. By the time the hem of the mask was down to his chin, he was blushing.

They stared at each other.

Gai's hand came up, and his thumb ran over Kakashi's bottom lip.

Kakashi sucked in his breath. The warm, callused pad of Gai's thumb stroking his lip made his vision shutter. "Gai…Please kiss me."

Gai leaned his head down.

Kakashi took Gai's face in both hands, executing a course correction so that their first kiss didn't involve bumping noses. But his direction was gentle, not controlling. He wanted to feel a kiss that was uniquely Gai.

Gai tilted his head at the cue of Kakashi's gentle hands and closed his eyes, his lips parting slightly. It was the most beautiful sight Kakashi had ever seen.

Their lips met.

Kakashi closed his eyes and flung his arms around Gai's neck. Gai's lips were warm, dry, a little chapped, even. Wonderful. These soft, dry lips explored his own, instinctively mouthing. Kakashi melted.

Gai's arms supported him so that he didn't fall.

"Gai," Kakashi whispered in a little hiss of breath around their kiss.

Gai's response was a moan in the back of his throat.

Kakashi's pulse jumped. He felt himself leaking in his pants. _Carry me…_

He didn't know if he said it out loud, but Gai's arms gathered him up, nestling him against a strong, warm chest, and carried him off. Maybe they were just that good at reading each other.

Kakashi allowed Gai to carry him without a destination in mind, leaving his eyes closed. He wasn't surprised, however, to feel the rush of air of a door opening, and smell the familiar surroundings of his bedroom.

Gai set him gently down on the bed, on top of the covers. Then a warm, strong hand ran fingers through his hair, and he blushed, his ears burning. He felt a smile on his face, and he knew for the first time that Gai could see him smile. Really see him smile.

Weight depressed the bed and shifted. Kakashi opened his eyes to find Gai settling down on the bed next to him.

Gai smiled at him tenderly and ran an arm around his waist. "Kashi…" Gai leaned in and kissed Kakashi's bare jaw.

Something was so sensual about that, so raw and powerful, that Kakashi moaned, getting half hard just from that. Probably because no one had touched his face like that in his whole life. Not that he could remember. His skin buzzed and tingled where Gai kissed it. At the thought that they were just beginning, Kakashi moaned again.

"It is time," Gai said solemnly.

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Time?"

Gai nodded. His fingers ran down the line of Kakashi's jaw, to Kakashi's chin. "I told myself that if I ever saw your face, I would tell you. I would tell you, I –" Tears gathered in his eyes.

Kakashi bit his lip, worried. "Maa, Gai…" He reached out and petted Gai's head. "It's okay. It's nothing to cry over."

Gai pulled him into a crushing hug. "I'minlovewithyouI-love you – Kashi please don't die!" Gai sobbed all over him, raining down big, manly tears.

Kakashi patted the back of Gai's neck and wondered what in the world he'd just heard. "I'm not going to die," he said, addressing the easiest to understand part. "I've got you by my side. I don't need to die. You're not going to die, either. I've figured that out. That's why I love you so much."

He froze. It just slipped out, in the most unlikely of circumstances. He hadn't even been thinking about it.

Gai squeezed him until he couldn't breathe and then started peppering his cheek and chin with kisses, his arms loosening enough for Kakashi's lungs to work.

Kakashi wished he felt something so pleasant in a more pleasant context. "Maa, maa, it's alright now. I'm not going to kill myself." He stroked Gai's hair, and ran a hand down Gai's back. "I have what I always wanted."

"I'm in love with you!" Gai blurted, somewhat more intelligibly. Kakashi realized that was what Gai had tried to say before.

"I'm in love with you too," Kakashi said gently. "So please don't cry anymore. Not about me."

Gai raised his head and looked at Kakashi with wide, shining eyes, tear tracks on his cheeks.

Kakashi smiled sadly but fondly and wiped Gai's tears away with his fingers. "Please don't. I'm okay. I have you."

Gai kissed him full on the lips with so much passion that Kakashi felt knocked half unconscious. He fell limp under the force of it, reduced to passively receiving this physical declaration of Gai's feelings. It was what he'd always wanted. Gai shifted, draping over him, sheltering his body completely underneath the heated bulk of Gai's own. He felt Gai clasp his hands, sliding their fingers together, and moaned. _I love you._

He'd finally said it.

Somehow, he'd finally said it. And he was free now. Free to do what he really wanted.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

* * *

Gai kissed him with successively more gentleness each time, until it was obvious that Gai had calmed down. He pressed little butterfly kisses to Kakashi's lips that drove Kakashi crazy. He arched his back, seeking out Gai's mouth, but Gai playfully held him down, squeezing his hands affectionately.

Kakashi moaned and squirmed, his back arching and his head tipping back. He'd told Gai his fantasy of being tied up. This was the next best thing. _Gai remembered…_ It clicked in his head suddenly. _I told Gai that when he was already in love with me, already intended to… _His heart jumped and started racing. All of his little clues and flirtations hadn't been for nothing?

_When? When did he –? When did this start?_

Kakashi needed some questions answered. "How long?" he asked. "How long since…since you knew?" His mind was whirring. Gai's statement about his mask seemed to imply that Gai had been hanging onto these feelings for a long time. But if that were true…

"Ever since we were children, I wanted you to notice me," Gai said. He shifted against Kakashi with a sensual motion, rubbing their erections together, and moaned. He buried his face against the side of Kakashi's neck and nuzzled.

Kakashi shivered and moaned at that, unable to help it. His neck was sensitive in general, and Gai had hit upon the most sensitive spot of all; a place halfway down the left side of his neck, lined up with his ear. He'd noticed it by accident as a child because it was so ticklish. It had made him giggle when he'd accidentally brushed it while putting on his scarf in the morning.

He squeezed Gai's hands. "I know that. I mean, I noticed." _And I did what about it, precisely? I went to my father and complained._ He felt bad about it. But then, he never would have guessed Gai was following him around because Gai had a crush on him.

Gai raised his head and chuckled, looking down at Kakashi in amusement. "I made sure you did."

Kakashi blushed. He thought of one time he was sure Gai had broken an arm falling out of a tree. "That's true." Luckily, Gai hadn't been injured. Somehow.

"I never imagined that the fullness of my feelings could go this far," Gai whispered, tracing Kakashi's face with his eyes.

Kakashi swallowed hard, remembering that he wasn't wearing his mask. He'd forgotten, but now his face felt oddly bare again. "Well…" He licked his lips. It was hard to think with Gai devouring him with those dark, gleaming eyes.

"Yes?" Gai asked.

"When did you…When did you put it together?" Kakashi asked.

"When you risked everything to save me," Gai said.

Kakashi was startled. "I don't remember that."

Gai laughed. "So modest." His expression became serious. "No; you probably don't remember it like that."

"No," Kakashi agreed, "I don't. If I did, I would know what you were talking about."

Gai nodded slowly, obviously thinking.

Kakashi waited, wondering if Gai was ever going to share, or if Gai was just going to think about it privately.

"You were…fifteen," Gai said slowly. "We were a new ANBU team, still, and we got assigned a mission to the Land of Frost…"

Kakashi felt a pang of remembered fear and sorrow. "I remember," he said, his voice suddenly scratchy. Gai didn't need to go any further.

"You cried for me that day," Gai said. He released one of Kakashi's hands to stroke Kakashi's cheek, looking at Kakashi with soft awe. "That was the first time you did that."

Kakashi couldn't argue.

Gai continued stroking his cheek. "When you did that…I realized I was in love. With you. No one ever cried for me before. And you risked everything to save me."

"We all did," Kakashi said.

"But you especially," Gai pointed out. "You didn't know at the time how Bensaku-san and Tenzo would react to you pulling me off the battlefield. We weren't that close, then. You wouldn't have known. You might have risked being discharged from ANBU. For me. Just for me."

Kakashi shifted his freed hand and ran his fingers through Gai's hair. "You are valuable. It's not 'just for you' as in 'just for someone like you', which implies that I think you're somehow unworthy. It's all for you, as in, it's all for the person I love and trust and depend on beyond any other man or woman I have ever known."

His relationship with his father had been full of ups and downs, mostly corresponding to his father's ups and downs. He'd questioned Minato sometimes, even while loving his teacher. And the duties of being Hokage made Minato so busy. Rin was…painful. Obito, he had argued with near-constantly, while never giving up Obito as his best friend. They had been touchy and inseparable, an explosive relationship that hinged mostly on Obito's ability to say things weren't a big deal and let the arguments go.

Gai was unlike any of that.

"So I am in love with you," Gai said, the simple answer for Kakashi's declaration.

"So…But…" Kakashi floundered.

Gai kissed his neck gently. "What is it, love?"

A thrill passed through Kakashi's chest at the word 'love'. He tried not to let it distract him. "Um…I…I don't understand. Were you just playing along this whole time because you wanted so badly to be closer to me?"

"No…" Gai smiled. The smile slowly spread into a grin. "Though that would have been deviously underhanded, wouldn't it?" He chuckled. "I would have been really smart to do that. But if I had known what I was looking for, I would have trapped you into educating me a long time ago."

Kakashi blushed. "That's the truth. You took such a long time, and I know it couldn't have been because you lacked nerve." _That was my problem. _

"I lacked understanding," Gai said softly, sadly. "I was only aware of my feelings, not my sexual desires, nor that they would be welcome. If I had known you longed for such things…" He stroked Kakashi's cheek and kissed Kakashi's lips gently. "I would have risked the offer long before I saw your face beneath the mask. I would have known that you needed me."

That sent a pulse of warm arousal rolling down Kakashi's body. "Oh…" He shut his eyes and panted, overcome with the knowledge that if he'd just admitted his feelings, they would have ended up here a lot sooner.

Gai kissed his lips again, mouthing, and Kakashi's hand tightened on the back of Gai's head. He panted into the kiss and couldn't resist slipping his tongue inside Gai's mouth. Gai moaned and shifted on top of him. He slid his tongue against Gai's, stroking Gai's hair, and Gai got the idea pretty quickly.

Soon, Kakashi was whimpering helplessly, and needed to break the kiss in order to breathe. And not come. He was throbbing and wet, dangerously close just by all the rubbing against each other and kissing.

He'd wanted this so badly. He'd wanted the understanding. Understanding that Gai knew what they were doing, participated out of mutual love and need, was something that Kakashi needed before he could wash all his guilt away and just enjoy himself.

"I love you," he murmured. It seemed so easy to say now. _But that's because all the pressure is gone. I'm not worried about being unrequited anymore._

"I love you more than the sky and the stars, and I would burn them out one by one for you," Gai murmured. He traced Kakashi's lips with his fingers. "I would break the moon in half for you."

Kakashi's chest ached at the romantic words, even as he found them hilariously destructive. He could just imagine Gai Front Lotus-ing the moon, and that made him want to laugh. "Well, I'm sure that won't be necessary." He grinned up at Gai, stifling a chuckle.

"But if it is," Gai said, looking solemn, "you know that I am your man."

"I know." Kakashi nodded. Then he grinned. "Now that that's clarified –" He grabbed Gai's waist and rolled them, seating himself on top.

Gai's back hit the bed with a thump, and he looked up at Kakashi with wide eyes.

Kakashi straddled him, both hands on Gai's chest. "It's time to get our clothing off."

Gai blushed brightly. "Okay."

Kakashi helpfully unknotted Gai's obi.

"Is – Is this behavior alright on a first date?" Gai asked, seeming genuinely lost.

Kakashi laughed. "To hell with 'the first date'. This isn't our first date. This is like our millionth. Every day is a mini-date with you."

Gai's blush had ebbed, but now it came back full force. This time, he was silent.

Kakashi grinned, his smile spreading so far that his cheeks ached. "I'm going to undress you, and you're going to undress me. It's sexier that way."

"I-If you say so," Gai said, looking flustered and awed.

Kakashi squirmed, rubbing their hips together. "I do say so. And I'm going to undress you right now."

Gai nodded against the pillow. "Okay."

Kakashi finished unwinding Gai's obi and pulled it out from under him, discarding it over the side of the bed without a glance. Kakashi was far more interested in parting Gai's green kimono and untying the built-in obi of the under-kimono. Once he had that free, he threw open the white under-kimono, exposing Gai's golden, olive-skinned chest. He ran his hands over Gai's nipples, unable to resist.

Gai shifted, startled, and let out a whimper. "What're you doing?"

Kakashi licked his lips. "I have waited so long…and been so hard…because of these."

Gai blushed. "What?"

Kakashi stroked Gai's nipples teasingly. "These." He took in Gai's confusion with amusement. "I find these, this part of you, especially attractive." He flicked the one on his left gently.

Gai let out another whimper, and arched his back, his head tipping back. "Kashi…"

"Does it feel good?" Kakashi asked.

"Uh-huh." Gai squirmed.

"I've wanted to see you in pleasure like this," Kakashi said. A confession easily made, now. "I've wanted to bring you pleasure by touching and kissing these." He rubbed Gai's nipples slowly.

"Kissing?" Gai was startled. He looked at Kakashi with wide eyes. "Okay…"

Kakashi dived in, happily accepting the permission and kissing one warm, hard nipple. He moaned, and immediately got to licking, ecstatic at the hardness against his tongue. "You feel so good." He'd never been able to imagine Gai's nipples hard enough, apparently. Not this hard. It was incredible.

He licked a line all the way up to Gai's neck and breathed out a moan.

Gai shivered, so Kakashi licked Gai's neck again. "Ooh…Are you sensitive here, too?"

"F-Feels better than my nipples," Gai said, gasping a little.

Kakashi filed that away. "So maybe, in spite of the sexiness, your nipples aren't your most sensitive spot." He resolved to do a little hunting.

Gai's hands found his obi, and Kakashi didn't complain when Gai made short work of his clothes, baring him down to his boxers.

He kissed down Gai's neck, nuzzling the place where neck and shoulder connected, and then licked down to Gai's collarbone.

Gai let out a loud moan and arched his back. "What was that? Go-go back there. There."

Electric tingles passed through Kakashi's body at Gai's frank appreciation of pleasure. He licked and nuzzled the spot right above Gai's collarbone, wondering if that was the place Gai meant.

Gai cried out and squirmed, arching his back again. "More! More there. Please…" He gripped Kakashi's waist with both hands.

Kakashi was happy to comply. He kept going until he felt Gai's hardness against him acutely, until he felt Gai soaking through his green hakama.

Gai shook. "Could – Could you touch the other side of me – and maybe scratch – no not scratch, just…run your nails –"

"Hai," Kakashi agreed breathlessly. He licked the spot above Gai's collarbone and reached up with his hand to the spot on the opposite side of Gai's neck, running the tips of his fingers across the top of Gai's collarbone.

Gai let out a deep moan and went limp.

It was the most delicious thing Kakashi had ever experienced. He licked and stroked with abandon, until Gai's heartbeat hammered against his ear.

Gai suddenly blurted, "Kashi. Kashi, I need you to –"

Kakashi stopped what he was doing and raised his head, panting. "Yes?"

"Touch me. Please." Gai looked at him pleadingly. "My erection. It's throbbing and stiff and stuff."

Kakashi didn't need to be asked twice. He undid the strings of Gai's hakama and pulled them down, then pulled Gai's fundoshi to one side, freeing Gai's trapped erection. Gai was glistening wet. He slid down between Gai's legs and put his mouth on the tip of Gai's erection, unable to help himself.

Gai wailed.

Kakashi took that as agreement and sucked, pulling Gai's erection into his mouth. He only got fourteen seconds in before Gai came, crying out, his hips jerking uncontrollably, erection throbbing. Kakashi didn't take his mouth away because he didn't want to accidentally get hit in the face with flying liquid. Then he realized that Gai didn't taste bad. Just strongly sweet and salty.

He got up on unsteady legs and walked to the bathroom. Kakashi saw his mask-less, flushed reflection, and marveled at it while he rinsed his mouth out. He looked so normal. Nice, even. _This is the man who betrayed his comrades?_

Kakashi shook himself and turned his attention to the bedroom. Gai lay in the middle of the bed, legs spread, golden skin gleaming faintly with sweat, his dark hair a halo around his head. In the time that Kakashi had gone to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out, Gai had taken off his underwear, no doubt for issues of comfort. Gai lay in Kakashi's bed blissfully naked. He looked beautiful. Unspeakably beautiful.

Smiling, Kakashi crossed the bedroom and climbed back into bed, using one of Gai's outstretched arms as a pillow and snuggling against Gai's warm, damp side. _I did this. I made you come_. It was still a novel sensation, being the one who caused Gai's pleasure. He was pretty sure he would celebrate it every time it happened.

"Gai…I love you." Kakashi stroked one hand across Gai's muscular stomach.

Gai's eyes were still closed in repose, but his smile widened.

Then Gai rolled on top of him, startling him into immobility, and kissed him, mouthing his lips and teasing them open to admit Gai's tongue.

Kakashi moaned into Gai's mouth, his erection twitching and throbbing at this treatment.

Gai's mouth left his and kissed down his neck, sucking gently. "Did I surprise you?" Gai teased huskily.

Heat flooded to Kakashi's cheeks. "Ha…yes."

"Was it…spontaneous?" Gai sucked on that special spot on Kakashi's neck, making Kakashi leak helplessly and squirm.

"Yes," Kakashi moaned.

"I win the challenge, then." There was laughter in Gai's voice.

Kakashi's head spun as he tried to push through the haze and understand what Gai was talking about. "What?"

Gai kissed and sucked, squeezing Kakashi's wrists gently. "The challenge," he murmured against Kakashi's neck. "To be 'spontaneous'."

Kakashi started laughing, and couldn't stop for a few minutes. He laughed himself straight out of breath. When he was finally able to get a hold of himself, he was warm and sweaty and tingling all over.

"Maa…" Kakashi's chest rose and fell with deep, panting breaths. "I guess you showed me, then. I said you weren't spontaneous. But you are."

"Mm," Gai moaned in agreement, shifting his body against Kakashi's. "Want to see how spontaneous I can be?"

A pulse of heat shot through Kakashi. "Okay…" he whispered.

Gai reached down with both hands, grabbed the waistband of Kakashi's boxers, and pulled Kakashi's boxers down in one swipe, moving between Kakashi's legs.

Kakashi trembled at the swiftness of it. "Ah…Gai…" He had no idea what Gai was planning.

Gai lowered his mouth onto Kakashi's erection in one smooth movement and began sucking.

Kakashi put his hand on Gai's head helplessly and cried out. Gai's mouth was hot, wet, devouring… He sobbed and quivered, overwhelmed. Even though he'd fantasized about giving someone pleasure this way, he'd never spent much time on what it must feel like, other than that it felt good.

It wasn't just good. It was great.

Kakashi fell into a world of pure pleasure, his senses narrowing down and flooding with Gai's tongue and lips and mouth. He felt as though Gai – Gai's heat, Gai's passion, Gai's slick wetness – enveloped all of him at once. Every movement Gai made shocked a surprised whimper or moan from him. He was shaking, squirming, and pressing into Gai's mouth with his hips, unable to keep still.

Gai's hands were on his hips, and they were so hot, strong, callused. Kakashi's head fell back, and his back arched sharply, responding to the pleasure with abandonment. Heat crashed through him.

Then, it felt like Gai was somehow taking him deeper and deeper into that wet, encompassing heat, and Kakashi's cries gained force.

He screamed out, coming with more pleasure than he ever had in his life, heat surging, his body tightening down and pulsing, spasming. His world was spinning, and his body was drained. Everything was suddenly as soft as feathers. Kakashi noticed the warm light behind his eyelids and realized he'd closed his eyes at some point.

Gai pulled Kakashi into his arms, nestling their warm, sweat-slick bodies together. Kakashi wrapped himself up in the feeling of Gai's warmth. It was a cocoon of safety. He luxuriated in the feeling of being taken care of and being loved. This was what he was missing all these years. The feeling of perfection of being truly understood and wanted. Wanted for who he was.

And he had to imagine, Gai was feeling a similar euphoria.

_We both needed each other. We needed to be with each other this way. The universe just isn't right if we aren't._

The universe was right. Finally.

* * *

**Author's Note:** This is not the last chapter.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

* * *

The morning was a nightmare. Kakashi realized that he had Tenzo coming over, and he didn't want their little teammate anywhere near them because he wanted to snuggle in bed with Gai for the next six hours.

_Or, you know, do other stuff._ Kakashi sighed and finished washing his kitchen table.

Gai had gone home to do laundry or whatever it was Gai did when Gai wasn't with him. The house seemed oddly empty, even though sunshine was streaming outside and ordinarily Kakashi would be out there. In the back yard under a tree, if nothing else, rereading Icha Icha.

Now he couldn't even do that because Tenzo was coming over.

_Why was this a good idea again?_ Kakashi double-checked that he had enough clean dishes for two people to eat lunch and caught himself on the verge of hyperventilating.

He vaguely remembered that this had something to do with generosity towards Tenzo, but at this point, he just wanted to stab himself. How could he have forgotten how much he didn't like people being in his father's – in his – house? It had taken Minato's death and Gai's insistence to get him to let Gai in. And he'd known Gai since he was six years old.

Tenzo was a relative stranger, even if he was a largely inoffensive ANBU nerd with insecurity issues.

Kakashi predicted a disaster. He'd withdraw into his uncaring shell to keep from feeling overwhelmed, Tenzo would be hurt, their friendship would fall apart, then their teamwork would be destroyed, Bensaku would want to murder him and kick him off the team, and then Gai would be forced to choose between Kakashi and everyone else.

Regardless of the fact that Gai would choose him, that would still be terrible. Especially since Kakashi wasn't cruel. He knew Gai needed friends as much as he did.

It dawned on him. _That's it, then. I'll do this for Gai if no one else because I don't want his happiness to be destroyed._

Kakashi made up his mind, and when he made up his mind, he didn't change it. Instead, he scrubbed his kitchen floor and vacuumed his living room. Twice. He hated the way the carpet looked after doing it once, so he had to go back over everything and fix it so the carpet fibers were brushed the right way.

Finally, he made sure that his father's door was locked, and put up a brightly colored shonen anime poster on his front door in order to mark it. He didn't want to give Tenzo the chance to make a mistake and – god forbid – touch the doorknob of his father's bedroom door.

As an afterthought, he dug out the old sign he'd bought when Gai first started coming over: Bathroom. He hung that up on the bathroom door so his father's room couldn't be mistaken for that, either.

Kakashi distractedly walked around with a volume of Icha Icha in one hand, checking over his residence. He'd already bought bento boxes with Gai in the morning, he had soda, juice, milk, and water, he'd dug out his checkers and his shogi sets. _That's all I can do, right? If it gets messed up at this point, it won't be my fault. I've been the perfect host._

After all that worry, he forgot all of his apprehension when he saw Tenzo's nervous face through the peephole in his front door. He unlocked the door and opened it wide. "Tenzo…come on in." He stepped aside, gesturing casually.

Tenzo broke into a beaming smile and bowed so low his head practically bumped Kakashi's front step.

Kakashi shook his head, amused, and waited for Tenzo to straighten up. "Stop that." He took Tenzo by the arm and gently dragged Tenzo inside, shutting the door.

"What is it, Sempai?" Tenzo looked around curiously. "Do you have a pet, too?"

"No, you're embarrassing me by being too polite." Kakashi grinned behind his mask, glad for the security of it, even though he was glad that Gai had seen him underneath it.

Tenzo slipped off his sandals. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Kakashi said. He led Tenzo from the front door to the kitchen, and through the kitchen to the living room, which was the hub of the house. He gestured. "Everything's labeled."

Tenzo looked at the sign on the bathroom, and the shonen poster on Kakashi's door. "Um…oh. Okay." He turned full circle, taking everything in. "I've never been in a house before."

Kakashi nodded. "They're rare. Almost everybody lives in apartments these days except for the noble clans." He shrugged. "Well, I used to be in one. Before everyone died. Most of the Hatake clan died during my father's time…leaving him, his uncle, grandfather, Mother, and me. By the time I graduated the academy, everyone was dead except for me and him. And then he went. So this house is all that remains."

He walked back to the kitchen, and Tenzo trailed along after him. Kakashi didn't look back. "At one point, before my time, we had a clan compound, but my uncle sold that off to get rid of the bad memories. It's a park now." He opened the refrigerator.

"Oh."

When Kakashi glanced at him, he saw that his little history lesson had affected Tenzo more than he meant it to. "Well, don't get weepy on me. It's ancient history. Would you like a soda? Or maybe a can of juice?"

"No, thank you," Tenzo said.

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked, figuring Tenzo was doing the polite deferral things again.

"If it's no trouble," Tenzo said.

Kakashi rolled his eyes and said, "It's no trouble. What have I told you about being polite? I don't like it."

Tenzo bowed. "I'm sorry."

Kakashi smacked his forehead. "Never mind. What flavor would you like? Orange? Grape? Lychee? Strawberry?"

"Lychee, please," Tenzo said.

Kakashi handed his kouhai a bottle of lychee soda, and took out a melon flavor for himself. He closed the refrigerator. "If you're hungry, just say so, and I'll pull out a bento box."

Tenzo blinked. "A bento? You didn't have to go to all that trouble, Sempai."

"I didn't," Kakashi said. "I bought them this morning with Gai. I wasn't joking when I said I didn't want to poison you with my food. Besides, there's not much here to eat." He shrugged and walked into the living room. "Want to sit down?"

"Uh, sure." Tenzo followed him.

They sat down on the sofa together and popped open their drinks.

For a few moments, they both sipped in silence. Kakashi wondered if this visit was going to be as awkward as he'd imagined. But no…at least Tenzo wasn't asking questions about everything and poking around.

That was what Gai had done when he'd finally let Gai into the house. Investigated everything. Including the toilet. Kakashi had honestly almost thrown him out of the house several times during that visit.

So this was going a whole lot better, and he still loved Gai. Surely his friendship with Tenzo could withstand boringness.

Of course, there was an easy way to make things less boring.

Kakashi thought that maybe, now that they were sitting side by side on the sofa having sodas together, he might be able to indulge his curiosity. He needed a moment to think about what he wanted to ask first, but he quickly categorized which questions were most important to him.

After a glance at Tenzo to make sure Tenzo wasn't tense, Kakashi went for it. "About what happened on the mission…why did you keep pressing on him about his age after it became obvious he was upset?"

"I've called him 'old man' ever since we met." Tenzo gestured listlessly. "And he's always called me 'little boy'. But lately there's been all this tension. I'm not sure why. Things changed…we didn't like it anymore. Either one of us, I guess. I thought I was the only one until he snapped at me on the way home from our last mission."

He trailed off and looked at the kotatsu table, morose and distracted.

Kakashi waited, sipping his soda.

"That's what we talked about when I came over to his apartment." Tenzo glanced at Kakashi. "In case you were wondering. We talked about why we didn't like calling each other those things anymore, and decided we'd treat each other like adults. Like, the same age. He wouldn't call me a little kid anymore, and I won't call him an old man."

"When did you first meet?" Kakashi asked.

"When I was eight," Tenzo said. He ran his fingers through the condensation on the outside of his soda bottle, looking at that rather than Kakashi.

That explained a lot. Kakashi sat back, mildly stunned at this information. _No wonder Bensaku didn't want to admit he has feelings for Tenzo. He probably feels like he's in love with his nephew or something. He watched Tenzo grow up._

And that also explained why Tenzo was nervous about his feelings for the taichou. It probably felt a lot like being in love with a parent. That was enough to confuse and worry anyone.

But Tenzo wasn't Bensaku's nephew, and Bensaku wasn't Tenzo's father, in spite of the fact that Bensaku was the only reliable male adult Tenzo had probably ever known.

In his own way, Kakashi understood. He'd considered Gai a friend or a nuisance for so long that he'd almost thrown away his chance at happiness.

Speaking of which, if he wanted to get on Tenzo's side and into Tenzo's confidence, he probably had to cough that up now instead of trying to hide it for as long as possible. Kakashi cleared his throat. "Tenzo…"

"Hm?" Tenzo looked up, seeming mildly surprised.

"I'll tell you who I'm in love with and what's happened, if you'll take me into your confidence about Taichou," Kakashi said casually, dropping his arm around Tenzo's shoulders.

Tenzo's eyes widened. Kakashi made a bet there was no way Tenzo could refuse that kind of offer. His kouhai had seemed desperately curious the last time they spoke. Tenzo had to swallow to clear the dryness from his throat. "You will? Really? You'd tell me something like that?"

Kakashi nodded at each question.

"Yeah." Tenzo ran a hand through his hair. "Of course. You can tell me anything, Sempai. I'll tell you about Bensaku-taichou if you tell me about your boyfriend."

Kakashi chuckled. "Until last night, he wasn't my boyfriend."

Tenzo winked. "You must have shown him your face, then."

"As a matter of fact, I did," Kakashi said.

Tenzo grinned. "I knew it."

Kakashi resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He let his kouhai have his moment. "If you're done gloating, I'll tell you who he is."

Tenzo composed his features and folded his hands in his lap, the picture of attentiveness.

Kakashi snorted. "It's Gai."

Tenzo didn't react.

"Maito Gai," Kakashi said, wondering if the surname would somehow help.

"Ah –" Tenzo was frozen. He barely managed to blink. "Ah…"

"Gai-sempai," Kakashi said, staring at him.

Tenzo unfroze, but he looked as if he were about to collapse. "I can't believe it." His voice was thin.

"Why not?" Kakashi asked.

"Gai's not gay," Tenzo said, completely forgetting the honorific. "He's – He's all big, and green, and muscle-y, and stuff!" He gestured helplessly as he listed off Gai's qualifications for not being gay. "He's too manly! Look at those eyebrows!"

"People with large eyebrows can't be gay?" Kakashi asked tolerantly. He was curious about Tenzo's answer.

"Well – I mean –" Tenzo balled his hands into fists in his lap. "I don't know! All I know is that Gai can't be gay. You're making fun of me."

Kakashi sighed. "I am not. I thought the same thing you did. I even thought that he didn't notice me, in spite of the fact that he spends a substantial amount of time chasing after me, trying to get my attention, because I was pretending to ignore him."

Tenzo slumped and cupped his head in his hand. "I think my brain's broken."

"Do you want me to call a repairman?" Kakashi asked wryly.

"No…" Tenzo rubbed his head, setting aside his bottle of soda. "I want you to make sense."

"I made out with Gai," Kakashi said, deciding to be relentless. "Multiple times. Under the pretext of teaching him about sex. He did need to know these things, but mostly I just wanted an excuse to touch him and look at him. That's how desperate I was. How serious I am. He let me get away with it because he likes me, too. That's how desperate and serious he was. We finally talked to each other last night and came to an understanding. We're dating now. We're together. We're each other's boyfriends."

Comprehension slowly, unwillingly dawned in Tenzo's eyes. Kakashi had to drag it out of him, but it was there. "Oh," was all Tenzo said.

"You said you knew him," Kakashi pointed out. "How many people do we mutually know?"

"Not many," Tenzo muttered.

"Exactly." Kakashi shrugged. "So it would have been a logical conclusion if you had come to the conclusion that I liked Gai in the first place, but you didn't because you harbored a host of assumptions. That's bad for a ninja to do. You shouldn't make assumptions about the information you're gathering. Just get all the pieces and put it together."

"Hai." Tenzo was still too stunned to make much of a response, even though classically, he had a witty retort for a lecture like that.

"Are you going to tell me about you and Bensaku now?" Kakashi prompted, squeezing Tenzo's shoulder.

That seemed to snap Tenzo out of it. "Oh. Right. Yes. I'm sure it can't be as weird as you and Gai."

Kakashi knew he probably should be insulted, but he was aware of what people thought of him and Gai already. "I'm sure you're right," he said soothingly. He set aside his own soda.

"I really love him," Tenzo said, his shoulders slumping. "But I've known that for a while. I always wished he would adopt me or something. Be my friend. Something. Anything other than staying my captain all the time instead of breaking out of the role and being someone to me."

Kakashi nodded. Predictable. Tenzo had been orphaned by his circumstances, and as if that hadn't been traumatizing enough, he'd been experimented on by Orochimaru. He would be desperate for a family, anyone to care about him personally instead of being interested in his new abilities.

Painfully close to home, really.

Tenzo heaved a sigh. "I never expected I'd feel this way. I mean, he's my captain. He's been my captain since I was eight years old. He's practically like a bodyguard or something. He'd never let me go anywhere before. I guess he must have decided he trusted you or something, because he left me with you when we split up on our last mission. Not that I didn't panic like an idiot."

That explained the way Tenzo froze. In six years, Bensaku had never ordered Tenzo to stay behind in some other part of the battlefield. "Maybe he also trusted your abilities," Kakashi suggested.

Tenzo snorted, but then he stopped and considered. "Maybe. He does say he respects me. I'm not a little kid anymore."

"No, you're not, and I'm guessing you have some pretty adult feelings," Kakashi said. He thought back to the way Tenzo flirted in the hospital room at the outpost. It had been so over the top it seemed like a joke, but now Kakashi realized that was because Tenzo was fourteen, not because he didn't mean it.

"I really want to do things with him," Tenzo agreed. He seemed not at all thrilled with this side of himself.

"Would it be okay if he wanted to do things with you, too?" Kakashi asked.

"Okay?" Tenzo straightened and looked at Kakashi blankly. "That'd be great. Then I'd know I'm not alone and I'm not some kind of freak."

Kakashi made up his mind then and there to speak to Bensaku. He knew where the man lived now, after all. Bensaku had told him after they left the sports bar the time they'd tried hanging out as a team outside of work.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

* * *

Kakashi rang the doorbell to Bensaku's apartment and waited.

After he'd gotten done with Tenzo, he'd come straight over to the address Bensaku had given him. In the apartment lobby, he'd had to stop and check in, which meant telling a security man who he was and the reason for his visit, and writing his name in a log book. Kakashi had never been to an apartment complex like this. It was almost a hotel.

But the check in process was easy enough, and the man was friendly. And when Kakashi was in mission mode, people didn't make him nervous.

Bensaku opened the door on a chain, then hastily unchained it and opened it wide. "Hatake. What –"

"You told me to show up if I needed anything," Kakashi said.

Bensaku reconsidered his surprise. "Oh. That's true. Come in." He backed up, allowing Kakashi to enter the apartment.

Kakashi stepped inside and shut the door. "Maa, I didn't come here for myself. I want to talk about Tenzo."

Bensaku stiffened again. "What?"

"You told me that you didn't have any feelings for Tenzo like I have for Gai, but I think that you do." Kakashi leaned against the doorframe, not having been invited to enter any further, verbally or otherwise. He didn't even bother to slip off his sandals, in case Bensaku threw him out.

Bensaku glared at him, hands clenched at his sides. "What are you going to do about it? Arrest me?"

"No," Kakashi said, curious at that suggestion. _Why is he so guilty?_ "I'm here to help you."

Bensaku shifted stances, leaning back and folding his arms, looking down at Kakashi from his full height. "Why would you do a fool thing like that?"

"Because…I like you?" Kakashi didn't know if he had a more complicated answer. "And I like Tenzo. And I think you know he's interested in you."

Bensaku looked away. "I know no such thing."

Kakashi slipped off his sandals and walked down the step to join Bensaku in the living room. It was as Tenzo said; pristine, with a black leather sofa in front of a tv, a magazine rack next to an armchair. "I do. That's why I'm here. To make sure you don't mess it up and make Tenzo cry. That, neither of us wants. I know how you reacted when he cried at how you risked yourself."

"I know," Bensaku said, his teeth clenched.

"Why don't you tell me your side of it?" Kakashi asked reasonably.

"I don't know why I should tell you anything," Bensaku said.

Kakashi propped his hand on his hip. "You should tell me everything, because then I can explain it to Tenzo. Tenzo's told me everything, because he needs me to explain it to you. You both need to learn to communicate more effectively, but I know that's harder than it sounds or I would just shove you two in a room together and lock the door."

"It would have to be a bunker buried five stories below the surface," Bensaku said.

Kakashi wagged his index finger. "I know, I know. You'd rather do anything but face your feelings and their consequences. But let's not be sidetracked by imaginary bunkers and their specifications. Let's talk instead about you and Tenzo."

"You're being awfully nosy," Bensaku said.

Kakashi grinned. "I'm in ANBU."

Bensaku sighed and conceded the point. He gestured at the living room. "Come in. If you're going to interrogate me, we may as well sit on the sofa where it's comfortable. This is going to take a while. I can sense it."

Kakashi chuckled. "I'll try to be succinct. Gai is the one who rambles."

Bensaku paused. "True." Then he walked to the black leather sofa in front of the tv and sat down on it.

Kakashi sat down beside him, but at a polite distance. "Nice place," he commented. He glanced at the potted plant in the corner. It was some kind of fern. Low maintenance. Plants had to be to survive an ANBU schedule.

Bensaku nodded. "ANBU pays well. I invested in this apartment when I was a captain for an emergency backup team. It pays the best."

Kakashi nodded in return. "I'd heard that." Emergency backup teams were called into the eye of the storm, as it were. They handled all the most dangerous missions – the missions that had killed other ANBU teams. As such, they were paid an exorbitant amount of money and had the best medical benefits.

He smiled at Bensaku, though the expression was hardly visible. The only uncovered part of his face was his natural eye. "Let's talk about Tenzo. When did you meet him, and why?"

Bensaku took a deep breath and flexed his fingers where his hand rested on his knee. "Let's see…I met him when I was coming off of emergency backup duty. I decided I'd rather not be killed before my thirtieth birthday. It became a goal of mine."

"How old were you?" Kakashi asked.

Bensaku scowled at him.

Kakashi raised his hands. "I just want to know. Put this in context for me. How long were you in ANBU? When did you join?"

"This is my tenth year in ANBU," Bensaku said.

Kakashi's eyes widened. "So this is a landmark year for you." Ten years was a long time to be in ANBU. Most people didn't make it that long. Kakashi didn't know if he would make it that long. The idea scared him a little bit; he'd always imagined being able to relax about his job someday. Someday when he was a full-grown adult, and had job security, a permanent post he could count on for income that wasn't dangerous and didn't involve his friends being in danger.

"Yes," Bensaku said.

"How old were you when you joined up?" Kakashi asked, not letting go of the question that had plagued Tenzo since he'd known his teammate.

Bensaku's lips tightened, but he answered the question without fidgeting. "I joined when I was eighteen."

The mental calculations only took a second. "You're twenty-eight," Kakashi said, not expecting an answer. "Tenzo is fourteen. That makes you exactly twice as old as him. You don't want to tell him what your feelings are because you feel like a pervert. You hate perverts. You think I'm a pervert, so you hate me." He thought back to the lunch at the diner. "Sometimes."

"I don't hate perverts, I get angry at them," Bensaku said. "And I never hated you. So let's get that straight, even if the rest of this conversation is going to be screwed up."

Kakashi nodded. "Hai."

Bensaku paused, looking away.

Kakashi let him take his time.

"I'm…" Bensaku wiped his mouth. "I'm ashamed to be in love with Tenzo. Can't I find anyone better? I mean – Not better. My age. More appropriate. That's what I mean." He sighed, and slowly lowered his head.

Kakashi felt bad for bothering his captain at this point. But he had to stick it out for Tenzo. He wanted Tenzo to have the same happy ending he had with Gai. Or rather, a happy beginning. The ending was an end to their suffering. He knew Tenzo had suffered a great deal, and so had he. He needed Gai. Gai was ointment on his wounds.

And he knew that Bensaku and Tenzo could be that way together, if they just gave each other a chance to make it work.

Kakashi looked down at his hands, touching them together by the fingertips. "Maa…Is it always shameful to be in love with someone you care about? Or can there be some kind of consensus that makes it not shameful?"

Bensaku stared at him. Kakashi saw the expression out of the corner of his eye. "That is…incredibly mature for someone who reads porn."

Kakashi smiled at his hands. "I told you before, it's not porn. It's nice. Jiraiya-sensei writes romances. Romances involve two people who never thought they could get together, but love each other very much. When they finally meet and see eye to eye, they realize that they can't live without each other, and they have to make it work. That's very romantic, ne?"

Bensaku still looked stunned. "I suppose it is."

Kakashi straightened and gave his captain a look. "So I think you should take a chance with Tenzo. He's ready for you."

Bensaku choked on a laugh. "If you mean that absurd flirting he's been doing, I've noticed. I think it's just sexual tension. He needs a girlfriend."

"What he needs is you," Kakashi said sharply.

Bensaku shook his head. "I'm sorry, but you're wrong."

"Do you really want a 'sweet', 'innocent' girlfriend his age goading him into sexual acts and then leaving him when she gets bored with him?" Kakashi asked.

He narrowed his eyes, feeling a spike of that anger he felt whenever he thought about Gai being with some girl. "How attractive do you think he is going to be, being insecure and physically diminutive? Some girls might give him the pity vote, but that's it. Our culture is clear: girls want confidence, and when they date someone who isn't confident at all, their friends and relatives pick on them. Do you really want to set Tenzo up for mockery? More pain? What he needs is someone who wants to be with him, for all the right reasons."

"And what would those reasons be?" Bensaku drawled, seeming unaffected by Kakashi's vehemence.

Kakashi ticked his main points off on his fingers. "You love him, you care about him, and you want to protect him. I'd say those are pretty good reasons for being his boyfriend."

"Boyfriend." Bensaku looked at him blankly. "Do you really think it'll be that simple?"

Kakashi thought about it. Then he shrugged. "I do."

Bensaku didn't seem to have a ready answer for that.

"What do you see happening if you admit your feelings to Tenzo?" Kakashi asked. He didn't want the conversation to stall. It was far from finished yet. He wasn't going to leave until he'd convinced Bensaku to talk to Tenzo about their feelings.

Bensaku took a moment to answer this question carefully. He bit his lip and looked at the ceiling, obviously casting his mind back to the last time he'd entertained that scenario. "I see…him accepting, and me doing something to screw it up, and me hurting him. Then he goes crying back to therapy, terrified of me, and I kill myself, because I've hurt Tenzo."

"That's pretty dark," Kakashi commented. He couldn't say he was surprised. His fantasies of doom about telling Gai his feelings had a similar quality of utter destruction; an apocalypse of failed love.

Bensaku chuckled, the tension broken. He grinned, blushing, and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah. It is. I'll admit that any day. I think the situation is pretty bleak. Tenzo has been damaged by Orochimaru, and I don't think – I'm not sure if there is any way to get better from that. I know he'll always have these powers he hates." He slanted a look at Kakashi. "He hates the powers of the mokuton. He wishes he didn't have it. He views it as something Orochimaru did to him that everyone falsely celebrates."

"I agree with him," Kakashi said, frowning. "I don't want to be celebrated for having my dead best friend's eye. That's not appropriate. It's not appropriate, either, to celebrate Tenzo's powers that he acquired by being tortured and experimented on. That's not okay."

"You're one of the only people who feels that way," Bensaku said softly.

Kakashi's frown deepened. "Because I know what it's like."

"That's why I requested you for the team," Bensaku said. "I hoped that you would be Tenzo's friend. But when you came, you were angry. So angry for so long that I lost hope. I have to admit I was disappointed in you for not fulfilling my expectations…the coldness you sensed was probably that."

"But I did befriend Tenzo," Kakashi pointed out. "It just took some time."

"I know." Bensaku smiled at him. "So I'm not disappointed. I'm not disappointed any longer. I'm sorry I was hard on you."

Kakashi shrugged. "It happens." He smiled. "Now I'm going to be hard on you."

He groaned.

Kakashi raised an index finger. "Before you think this is all one-sided, remember that discussion you had with me about Gai? I took your advice. We're together now." He smiled cheerfully. "So you can take my advice and make a move on Tenzo. It's time to return the favor."

Bensaku fought a bemused smile. Kakashi guessed his attempt at emotional manipulation was a little obvious. "I didn't do you any favors, and I don't owe you anything. But you're right. I owe Tenzo something, and that's an explanation. I've been snippy with him lately, and it's probably because of my feelings. You know, when you're in love with someone, you don't want them to call you an old man and make fun of you. You kind of what them to be sweet with you. What Tenzo doesn't do is try to sweet. I guess because he's been in ANBU so long, he's got a diamond edge to everything he does. He's had to be tough, very tough. And I regret that. I regret the childhood he didn't have."

"You need to tell him all of that," Kakashi said.

Bensaku considered that. "You're right. You're absolutely right. I do need to tell him how I feel, even if I can't offer him a relationship because it would be wrong."

Kakashi smacked his forehead. "A relationship isn't wrong. You're just afraid. Bensaku-taichou, don't lie to yourself. That's the worst person to lie to of all. If you lie to yourself, you can't possibly act on the truth. I know. I did it. I told myself I just wanted to help Gai, when really I wanted to seduce him, and I took twice as long as I should have to tell him my real feelings, so he could act on them. He has the right. I deprived him of the right to know my feelings. That was wrong. You're going to do the same thing to Tenzo if you don't realize that there is nothing wrong with your feelings."

Bensaku held up his hands. "Okay."

Kakashi looked at Bensaku warily. But his captain seemed to be sincere. He relented. "I just found out last night that I'd tortured Gai for years. If I'd just paid a little more attention, and accepted that my feelings were reasonable, then I could have spared him a lot of pain."

Bensaku looked troubled. "You have a point. It's a good point."

"I know it is," Kakashi said quietly. "That's why I came."

Bensaku nodded. He patted Kakashi's shoulder. "I appreciate it. I'm sorry I'm not a very grateful kind of person usually." He stood up and jerked his thumb at the white refrigerator sitting in the kitchen. "Want a drink?"

Kakashi stood as well, too uncomfortable in this unfamiliar space to remain sitting while someone towered over him. "Sure. But if you mean beer, then no. I hate the stuff."

"It doesn't have to be alcoholic," Bensaku said.

Kakashi nodded.

"Soda or water?" Bensaku asked, walking to the kitchen.

Kakashi tried to stay put, but he followed as far as the border of the living room and kitchen and stood there, leaning against a counter and trying to look nonchalant. "Soda. If you have it. Thanks."

Bensaku gave him a look. "I wouldn't have offered it if I didn't have it, Kakashi."

"You called me by my first name," Kakashi said. "That's an improvement."

"Don't get used to it," Bensaku said, opening up the refrigerator. "On the job, it's Hatake all the way."

Kakashi sighed dramatically. "I figured."

Bensaku handed him an icy cold root beer.

Kakashi's hand was half numb at the freezing temperature of the bottle. "What have you done to your refrigerator? Mine never goes below forty degrees."

"They have settings," Bensaku said mildly. "And I have a drink cooler. In the drink cooler, I've set the temperature to thirty-three degrees. I like it that way."

"Hmm." Kakashi wiped instant frost off on his pants leg, shifting the soda from one hand to the other. "Well, cheers." He twisted the top off his soda and drank a sip. "Ah…refreshing." He smiled cheerfully. "So if I finish my soda really, really slowly, does that mean I'll get more time to talk to you?"

Bensaku rolled his eyes and chuckled. "You don't need to do anything like that." He retrieved a beer and opened it, taking a sip. "If you want to stay, you can stay. You just can't stay the night."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Why? You have company coming over later?"

"I'd like to be able to sleep," Bensaku said dryly. He walked back to the sofa, so Kakashi followed him. He sank down on the sofa with a sigh. "I couldn't sleep if you were here."

"It's not like I'd stare at you all night," Kakashi said. "But I'm not planning on staying here anyway. I've got my own bed to sleep in."

Bensaku sipped his beer. "What about Gai?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "What about Gai?"

"Does he have his own bed to sleep in?" Bensaku asked. He gestured lazily. "I was just making conversation."

"Sure you were." Kakashi took a sip of root beer.

Bensaku smirked. "I put together what you guys were doing in the cabin."

Kakashi blushed crimson. He hid his face behind one hand. "Maa…it was really Gai's idea…"

"Sure it was." Bensaku chuckled. "I don't believe that for a minute, and neither do you, Kakashi. It was all your idea from the start. You and your porn-rotted brain."

Kakashi frowned at him. "Hey."

Bensaku held up a hand. "Oh. I'm sorry. Your pornographic romance rotted brain."

"That's better." Kakashi would take what he could get on that subject. Besides, Bensaku was right about whose idea it had been.

Bensaku's smile faded. "Don't do that anymore. I understand there was some tension going on, but a mission's a mission. If you do that again I'll have to write you up."

"Hai, Taichou." Kakashi sipped his root beer. "But you won't have to write me up, because I can get what I want at home now." They were both adults. He didn't feel any need not to be blunt.

Bensaku cleared his throat and looked away, obviously feeling differently. "Well…yes. So – So there's no excuse, you hear me?"

Kakashi beamed. "Yeah. I hear you. But what about you and Tenzo? Are you going to get what you want at home?"

"It's not all about sex," Bensaku said sharply.

The tone of Kakashi's voice made him rethink his approach. He sipped his soda carefully, letting the momentary spike of tension pass. He looked away, scanning Bensaku out of the corner of his eye. "Benku-taichou…what happened to you?"

Bensaku bristled. "I don't know what you're talking about." His beer can let out a warning pop at the way Bensaku was squeezing it, and he hastily loosened his grip. He took a sip and set it aside on the end table. "Nothing. Nothing 'happened'."

"Something did," Kakashi said softly. "Something happened to make you so wary of this subject."

"I just don't wanna talk about it, alright?" Bensaku seemed to hear the same tension that Kakashi did, because he sat back against the sofa and sighed, looking repentant. "I know we're friends and all – as close as we can be under the circumstances, considering our difference in age and rank – but we can't talk about some things. I can't talk about some things."

"Have you gotten help?" Kakashi cut straight to what he thought was the most important question.

Bensaku didn't say anything for several moments. "Yes. And no. Help doesn't fix anything. It just makes the problem more bearable."

"Love fixes things," Kakashi murmured. "Gai's love fixed things."

"I'm glad to hear that," Bensaku said heavily.

Kakashi knew then the conversation was over. He stood up. "Maa, well, thanks for the soda."

Bensaku looked at him warily. "Aren't you going to finish it?"

Kakashi drank the rest of the bottle in one gulp. "Thanks for the reminder. Where am I supposed to put it?"

"Under the sink. There's a bin labeled cans, and a bin labeled bottles. You figure it out."

Kakashi could. He walked into the kitchen and deposited the empty bottle in the proper bin. "I'm not going to take up any more of your time."

Bensaku got to his feet and hesitantly walked into the kitchen. "You're not bothering me."

Kakashi shrugged. "But I've got nothing else to say, and neither have you. At least you said you'd talk to Tenzo about your feelings."

Bensaku nodded and sighed. He looked away and rubbed the back of his head. "I will."

Kakashi nodded. "Then that's good enough for me. Mission accomplished."

"Kakashi, I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Gai," Bensaku said. He looked at Kakashi for a moment. "Not everything is a mission."

Kakashi smiled cheerfully. "I know. But this was. A self-appointed mission: Bring Taichou and Tenzo together, because they're perfect for each other."

Bensaku shook his head, smiling. "Alright, go." He walked Kakashi to the door, and they said their goodbyes. Kakashi even got the waving treatment until he was out of sight. Pretty polite for the taichou.

As he walked back down to the lobby to check out – another required procedure – Kakashi wondered if there was anything else he could do for Tenzo and Bensaku. Probably not. In the end, they'd have to talk to each other. He wasn't a relationship counselor.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

* * *

Kakashi walked through the door, back out onto the street, and was confronted by a pointing finger attached to a green-clad arm. He took half a step back and focused his eyes. "Gai?"

Gai stood in front of him on the sidewalk, clad in his usual green spandex and unzipped jonin vest, accented with bright orange arm and leg weights. "You did not tell me you were going to Benku-taichou's apartment."

"Did I have to?" Kakashi asked, puzzled.

"Rival!" Gai flung his arms out dramatically. "I went to check on you about your visit with Tenzo, and you weren't there."

Kakashi scratched his temple. At least that made sense of the implication that he should have told Gai where he was going. Gai had come by to see him, and he hadn't been home. In the past, that would have been a major alarm bell. "So how did you know to find me here?"

"I tracked your chakra," Gai said matter-of-factly.

Kakashi imagined Gai waiting outside for him for the past hour and a half and blushed. _Just like old times_. "I guess, once a stalker, always a stalker," he teased.

Gai grinned. "I'm not going to stop following you just because you're my lover."

Kakashi almost fell over at Gai's choice of words. _Lover?_ He didn't know if he was comfortable with Gai using that word in public. It seemed very adult and private somehow, in a way Kakashi felt he couldn't live up to.

"Especially since we have challenges to complete, and it's already four in the afternoon!" Gai clenched his fists, seeming distressed that so much of the day had passed in inactivity.

That set Kakashi back on familiar ground. He smiled. "Maa, you're right, I've been a slacker. Let's go train."

"Yes!" Gai set off down the street at a casual walk, no doubt making accommodations for him since he had never been known to head off to the training field at more than an amble.

Kakashi stuck his hands in his pockets and started walking down the street, following Gai and then catching up, taking his place at Gai's side. After a few minutes of silence, he realized that putting Bensaku's apartment complex behind him did nothing to take his mind off of his visit.

"I think I messed up in there."

"Messed up?" Gai looked concerned.

Kakashi bowed his head, watching the sidewalk. "Yeah. Things were going really well, and then I made a joke about sex, and Benku-taichou got all hostile. I didn't know what to do, so I left."

"Hostile? You mean, angry?" Gai tilted his head, curious.

Kakashi shrugged. "No…more like…offended. He stared at me like I'd said something awful." He couldn't figure it out, actually. The precise meaning of Bensaku's expression eluded him. Except… "It seemed a lot like he was afraid, too."

"Afraid? Afraid to discuss sex?" Gai seemed puzzled.

Kakashi had to smile at that. "Yeah, he's not like us…I wonder why."

"Maybe Benku-taichou doesn't know anything about sex," Gai said, gesturing with an index finger. "He could be afraid because he doesn't know anything. That's a common reaction."

Kakashi snorted. "I don't think that's it." A twenty-eight year old man in ANBU could not still be a virgin. It wasn't possible. And even if one didn't do anything, everyone heard things.

"Then what?" Gai asked.

Kakashi shrugged. "He seemed scared of having sex with Tenzo. Specifically. And angry that I suggested it in a casual manner, as if that cheapened the feelings that Tenzo and the Taichou have for each other."

Judging by Gai's furrowed brow, he didn't understand. "How does sex cheapen things?"

Kakashi smiled at him. "I don't know. That is, I would never have sex with someone I didn't love, and I love you, so I feel uplifted. But I think if people use sex to solve their problems, it can be degrading. For the person they're having sex with and for them. Because they might secretly be saying to themselves that they don't deserve for anyone to love them, so why wait, and the other person might be degraded because he or she feels that they cheapened themselves to have sex with someone that didn't love them. Like that they were used for someone else's pleasure, even though they had fun too, because what they wanted that the other person didn't give was love."

"That sounds terrible," Gai said.

Kakashi took his hand out of his pocket and squeezed Gai's arm. "I don't know anybody who's doing that, though. I don't think there's any reason to be upset about any one person specifically. And Tenzo and Taichou love each other. So it wouldn't be that way for them."

Gai nodded slowly. "But it's still terrible. We must stop people from doing that."

Kakashi wanted to laugh at Gai's predictably proactive attitude. "But it's their lives."

Gai scratched his head. "But you said…"

"It's wrong?" Kakashi shrugged. "I think so. But I'm not the master of anyone but myself."

Gai straightened and smiled, patting Kakashi's back as they walked. "That's a very reasonable attitude, Kakashi. But I think it lacks a little civic-mindedness."

Kakashi snorted with laughter. "I'll leave that up to you."

Gai laughed as well and hugged Kakashi, sweeping Kakashi up off his feet. "Well, the civic-minded part of me says that you need help getting to the training field faster. So I'm going to carry you."

Kakashi was in Gai's arms before he could protest. After a moment's warm embarrassment, he rested his head against Gai's shoulder and enjoyed the ride. _Wouldn't Tenzo and Bensaku call me lazy right now? I mean, making my boyfriend carry me…_

Being in Gai's arms felt too good to entertain that thought for long, and anyway he didn't care. His relationship and behavior was his business, as long as it wasn't hurting anybody else. And as far as he could tell, it wasn't. So it was fine.

Gai leapt and bounded across Konoha. Judging from his expression, he thought nothing of carrying Kakashi. In fact, Kakashi suspected Gai might be enjoying this. He'd never allowed Gai outward expressions of their feelings before. Even though that was mainly an accident, the remaining part of him had been wary up until Minato's death. Due to the emotional problems between him and his father, he'd found it hard to bond with people. Hard to let them take that extra step and become entrenched in his life, when a part of him suspected at any moment they could leave.

Minato had unfortunately proven that thesis correct. His collapse onto Gai had been complete.

And yet, for Gai, that might have been a strange kind of windfall. The man he loved was crushed, but at the same time, finally allowing him to do what he seemed to do best: protect others.

Finally, Kakashi could see that event from Gai's point of view a little bit. He saw a glimmer of romance in what had been his greatest pain. That alone gave him hope that with time, he would gain a different perspective on his life and be able to see some beauty in it, instead of a meaningless tangle of pain and suffering.

He knew Gai would help. Gai always helped.

"Ne, Gai?"

"Yes, Kashi?"

Kakashi realized how close his face was to Gai's neck, and realized he was tempted to kiss it. He didn't want Gai to stumble when they were three stories off the ground, though, so he didn't. They sailed over the marketplace, just another pair of shinobi taking the easiest route through the village. "You didn't mind the burden of looking out for me after Minato died, did you?"

Gai was startled. "No! Not at all. Why? Who told you –"

Kakashi touched his fingers to Gai's lips, smiling. "No one. I just figured it out, that's all." He removed his fingers. "I always felt like such a burden. Like nobody could want me around."

"That's because of your father," Gai said somberly.

Kakashi was taken aback and a little stunned. He'd never expected to hear Gai say anything about his father. "What do you know about it?"

"That day in the park when I found you crying about it, and you claimed you weren't," Gai said. "You said that you were in the park because there was nowhere else to go. I always remembered that. I always wondered why you didn't go to live with Minato-sensei and Kushina-san."

"Because I would have been a burden, that's why," Kakashi protested.

"I don't think you could have burdened them any more than you could have burdened me," Gai said. "I want you around. Very much so. I don't think that I could live without you. Not happily, anyway. Perhaps I could have survived, but survival is hardly the kind of life standard a healthy person maintains. Life is supposed to be much more than that."

"What happens if I die, then?" Kakashi asked wryly, hiding behind the question rather than facing any of the implications of what Gai had said about Minato. He wasn't ready to talk about what could have been.

"You don't really believe that," Gai said.

Kakashi was stumped. How well Gai knew him. He believed he led a charmed – or rather, cursed – life. Everyone else died. Not him.

Gai kissed the side of his head. "Don't worry about anything. We're together now. That's what matters. We're going to face the future together."

"We would have anyway," Kakashi pointed out.

Gai laughed. "I suppose so." He beamed. "But now we're even more together!"

Kakashi had to chuckle. "I agree with that. We are undisputedly more together." He placed a hand on Gai's chest, cherishing how easily Gai carried him. "I want Tenzo and Bensaku-taichou to be more together the same way."

"They do seem to like each other," Gai agreed. "Is that why you were speaking to Benku-taichou today? I noticed that you must have done to his apartment straight after spending time with Tenzo. Did young Tenzo say something that got you thinking about getting them together?"

"Yes," Kakashi admitted. "I'm not sure he feels comfortable with you knowing, though. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to tell."

"Then keep it to yourself," Gai said. "I don't mind." He smiled. "Just as long as I get to help bring them together."

Kakashi laughed. "Why, Gai, you're a romantic."

"Always have been," Gai said.

Kakashi supposed that was true. They sailed over the bridge now, and Gai hopped into the nearest tree, bounding into the forest towards his training ground.

The training ground…Kakashi uneasily realized that for all he knew, what they had done last night changed everything. "Ne, Gai?"

"What?" Gai asked.

"Is our usual arrangement still on?" Kakashi asked.

"You mean, the loser buys the victor dinner?" Gai asked. "I think so. Why shouldn't it be?"

Kakashi relaxed. _That's a good question_. Why should things have to change now that they were definitely romantically involved? They could compete against each other and make love too. Why not?

"Kashi?"

Kakashi realized Gai was still waiting for an answer. "Ah, sometimes people say things change when friends become romantically involved."

Gai grinned. "Well, one thing will never change: You will always be my Eternal Rival. That's what 'eternal' means."

Kakashi smiled and tightened his arms around Gai's neck in a hug.

xXx

After warm up stretches, they started off with a light spar, exchanging soft blows back and forth in kata form. They both felt pretty confident in pushing it to the next level, so they started the competition of the day: best four out of six, like usual.

The first match Gai easily won. Kakashi was undone by a few feinted punches and Gai hooking his ankle with one foot. He stumbled, and Gai shoved him to the ground, pinning him.

Kakashi couldn't find it in him to be annoyed. He accepted Gai's hand and let Gai pull him back up. "The next match won't be so easy."

"We'll see," Gai teased. "Maybe you'll lose confidence and allow me to win through nerves."

Kakashi pouted. "Just for that…" He yanked three kunai out of his vest pouch and threw them in rapid succession.

Gai dodged by a grazing margin, laughing.

Kakashi used body flicker and appeared behind Gai, grabbing Gai under the arms in a classic hold that had worked before. Though admittedly, it wasn't as strong a move now. The last time he'd tried this stunt, Gai had thrown him off.

Gai threw himself backwards, toppling Kakashi over and landing on top.

Kakashi struggled to keep a hold of him, but Gai wrestled free and pinned him, face to face.

"Okay, okay, so you're right," Kakashi said. "I won't get you this way ever again."

Gai looked at him innocently. "This way? I'll pin you whenever you want."

Kakashi blushed.

Gai kissed him before letting him up.

Kakashi didn't think he would mind this particular change in their relationship. Flirting and sparring at the same time was deeply arousing to him.

The next match, Kakashi played it purposefully defensive, forcing Gai to chase him around to try to catch him. Then when Gai caught up he quickly slipped behind Gai and locked him in a hold again.

"Kashi, you're throwing the match," Gai complained, shifting against him. "This is the same move as last time."

"One thing is different," Kakashi murmured in Gai's ear. He let out a breathy laugh and inched his fingers upwards. Gai's nipples were hard through his spandex. Kakashi ghosted his fingertips over them.

Gai let out a surprised moan and squirmed.

"Don't leave your vest open," Kakashi murmured. He planted a kiss on the side of Gai's head. "Ever since you made jonin I've been telling you this little stylistic choice makes you vulnerable." He punctuated the words 'little' and 'stylistic' by rubbing circles around Gai's nipples. "Do you believe me yet?"

Gai pressed back against him, panting. "Enemies hardly spend their time trying to seduce me, so I think I'm okay."

"Why do you wear spandex that's all one piece?" Kakashi asked. "Isn't it…inconvenient?" He squeezed Gai's nipples gently. If Gai wore a spandex shirt like him, he would have slid his hands underneath by now and touched bare skin.

"I think it's comfortable," Gai said, fighting back a moan in order to speak.

"Maybe…but isn't it revealing?" Kakashi asked.

"It's not skin tight," Gai protested. "I'm not an exhibitionist."

"Why not?" Kakashi asked playfully.

Gai moaned, giving up the discussion. "Kashi…please."

"Please what?" Kakashi whispered, flooded with heat at the plea.

"You're hard, and I'm hard, too," Gai said.

Kakashi kissed the side of his neck, just under the ear. "Uh-huh…"

Gai squirmed. "So please!"

Kakashi kissed again. "Please…"

"We're alone…"

"So…"

Gai let out a moan of mingled frustration and arousal. "Touch me. Kiss me. Do stuff. Kashi, stop teasing. You're getting my underwear all wet."

Kakashi went weak in the knees at that. "Ah…okay." His heart pounded at Gai's graphic honesty.

"There's a stream not far from here," Gai said. "And – and a clearing no one knows about. Or bothers to go to. I've had picnics there before. We can go there, and – oh, Kashi, stop rubbing my nipples. Please. I can't walk if you do that."

Kakashi withdrew his hands and let Gai turn around.

Gai wrapped strong arms around him and kissed him, moaning plaintively into his mouth.

Kakashi sensed a joke in here about what a monster he'd created, but he hoped Bensaku would have the good taste to refrain. Besides, he didn't want the captain knowing about their love life anyway.

He dismissed their team captain from his thoughts, finally, and allowed Gai to kiss him into submission. They walked through the forest together, in each other's arms, until they stood in a small clearing with tall grass and brush all around, framed by trees.

"What do we do now?" Kakashi asked.

Gai pulled a scroll from one of the pockets of his vest and unsealed a blanket in a puff of smoke. "From my survival kit." He spread it on the ground like a picnic blanket and grinned at Kakashi. "It's certainly coming in handy now."

Kakashi would never have thought Gai would act this way. He blinked, unable to reply.

Gai pulled Kakashi down onto the blanket gently so that they lay on their sides facing each other. He stroked Kakashi's cheek and resumed kissing, pressing their lips together with such gentle passion that Kakashi was soon moaning, throbbing and hard.

"So who wins?" Kakashi asked softly. He kissed Gai's ear.

Gai chuckled. "I don't know. Maybe we both win."

"You were ahead," Kakashi suggested. "Why don't I just admit defeat?"

Gai rolled over onto Kakashi, pinning him and nuzzling his neck. "I don't know. Why don't you?"

A wave of heat rolled through Kakashi, and he moaned. "I'm not the kind of ninja who gives up."

Gai sucked on Kakashi's neck gently, kissing and licking.

Kakashi moaned loudly.

"I'm not the kind of ninja who gives up, either," Gai whispered, his voice husky. "Maybe one of us should rethink his philosophy. We'll soon be at an impasse."

"I'm…okay with that," Kakashi panted.

"Are you?" Gai teased. He shifted their hips together purposefully.

Kakashi arched his back at the pleasurable pressure on his leaking erection, shifting his hips against Gai's in return. He felt himself going limp at the way Gai's hot, soft mouth explored his neck. "Gai…nn…"

"I give up," Gai whispered. "Say it."

For some reason, Gai's insistence caused a pounding pulse of arousal. "I…I give up." Kakashi closed his eyes and bared his neck, tilting his head back.

Gai kissed his neck. "Okay. I'll take care of you, Kashi."

He commenced licking, kissing, and sucking with such relentless enthusiasm that Kakashi was lost in a haze of pleasure, unable to tell even where his body ended and Gai's began. It felt like they were melting together.

"Gai…no…more…down." Kakashi could hardly tell he was speaking, much less what he said.

Gai lifted off of his chest, sitting up. Kakashi watched through his eyelashes as Gai unbuckled and unzipped his vest. He tried to help with the getting it off part, but he was too limp. Gai had to undress him alone, pulling off the vest gently and peeling off the blue spandex shirt. Kakashi watched Gai set those articles of clothing aside carefully, his expression one of almost reverent respect.

_Just because I wear them?_ Kakashi hadn't thought it was possible to fall any more in love with Gai, but the sudden tightness in his chest proved him wrong. He gathered the strength to kick off his sandals. "Gai…pants…"

Gai's eyes widened, and he nodded. He unwrapped the bandages from around Kakashi's calves and pulled Kakashi's martial arts pants off. Then he dispensed with his own clothing, stripping down to his boxers.

Kakashi was struck by how often he had imagined this: making love to Gai surrounded by the wilderness, the smell of fresh grass and wildflowers. The easy peace of the forest washing over them, shading them. Birdsong a counterpoint to their moans.

It was all coming true.

If someone interrupted them, he was going to cry.

"No one will find us here," Gai said softly, as if reading his thoughts.

Kakashi realized that without his mask on, Gai had likely read his face. He blushed crimson.

Gai laid himself over Kakashi and kissed him. "It's alright. Everything is alright."

Kakashi couldn't help but melt at the reassurances and the warm weight of Gai's body. "Okay."

Gai kissed him again, deeply and gently, slipping his tongue into Kakashi's mouth and twining their tongues together. Kakashi wondered how he could have ever thought Gai was a slow learner. It was obvious that as a child, he had misunderstood. There was a difference between someone's innate strengths and weaknesses and how quickly they learned.

He moaned and kissed Gai in return, clutching the defined muscles of Gai's back, his fingers desperately clinging to warm, velvety skin. Gai shifted his hips against Kakashi's slightly and mouthed Kakashi's lips with such persistent gentleness that Kakashi felt himself soak his boxers through. He sifted his fingers through Gai's hair, trying to wordlessly communicate.

Remembering Gai's reaction last night, he trailed his hand down to Gai's shoulder and massaged it.

Gai moaned and gasped for air, then kissed Kakashi's neck, gently licking and sucking.

Kakashi cried out and went limp.

"That's better," Gai said huskily. "It's your turn right now. I'll get a turn later." He kissed and sucked Kakashi's neck with such passion that Kakashi was reduced to whimpering and shivering.

"Do you want me to touch you?" Gai whispered against his skin. "Or maybe suck on you? I'll do whatever you ask me, Kakashi."

Kakashi couldn't answer. His blood was roaring in his ears, and he was dazed at the pleasure pounding through him. It mingled with a fierce need he didn't think Gai was ready for. That, and he wasn't sure he wanted to have actual sex here, out in the open. If they were hiding under a blanket, even, that would be different. But they only had one, and that was protecting them from the scratching and itching of lying in the grass.

Another time, they'd have to come prepared. Kakashi blushed at that thought. A tent in the wilderness. He could imagine that.

"T-touch me," he managed to whisper.

"Hai." Gai kissed his neck again and carefully shifted over to lie beside Kakashi. "I'll do that." He slipped his hand into Kakashi's wet boxers and slid his thumb up the side of Kakashi's length, wrapped his fingers around Kakashi and exerted much needed pressure.

Kakashi moaned and opened his legs a little more. "Gai…" He closed his eyes and lay back, panting. "You feel great."

Gai ran the pad of his thumb over the tip of Kakashi's erection. "I do, ne? I'm glad."

Kakashi opened his eyes to see Gai looking at him tenderly, drinking in the sight of his uncovered face. He blushed fiercely. "Did you want to see me so badly?"

"Yes," Gai said.

Kakashi believed him.

Everything after that was a blur of pleasure.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

* * *

After Kakashi recovered enough to be conscious, he realized the dappled shade and sun filtered down over their bodies, and Gai was beside him. He smiled and rolled over, snuggling up to Gai. Being able to press himself against Gai without fearing that it was too intimate was so new. "Resourceful Gai," he murmured playfully.

Gai smiled, looking happy and flustered.

Kakashi stroked a hand down Gai's body. "What can I do for you, ne?"

Gai blushed. "Nothing, really..."

Kakashi gently ran his hand over Gai's erection. "Really?" He drew out the word in a lilting voice.

Gai blushed pinker and squirmed. "I wanted you to be -"

"But this started because I was teasing you and you got too aroused to spar," Kakashi said. He kissed Gai's lips and wrapped his hand around Gai's erection, slowly pumping.

Gai moaned, falling limp, closing his eyes.

Kakashi trailed his free hand over Gai's nipples, finding them still hard, and felt Gai leaking on his hand. As he pumped, he ran his thumb over Gai's tip, capturing droplets and spreading them down Gai's length, making Gai more slippery.

A deep moan emerged from Gai's throat, and his back arched.

Kakashi lost his self-control. He dipped his head down and licked Gai's collarbone, remembering that Gai was sensitive there. Gai's hot, muscular body shivered against his, flushed, and Gai's loud cries and whimpers shot straight through Kakashi, making him hotly aroused even though his body couldn't react.

He pumped Gai faster and more firmly, moaning himself. As he went, he homed in on which spots he could suck and lick to make Gai the loudest. It was like a game, but it was so much more than that. The need to pleasure Gai burned through him.

Gai arched and panted. His hips slowly shifted, more and more, until his hips rocked with Kakashi's pumping, cooperating and amplifying.

"God!" Kakashi sucked, licked, and lightly nibbled a spot under Gai's collarbone near Gai's shoulder. "God, you're so...sexy..."

Gai let out a watery moan. "Kashi..." Then he sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. "Kashi, I'm..."

Kakashi shifted them immediately, spooning Gai and kissing the back of Gai's neck while he stroked Gai's erection, aiming off of the picnic blanket. He wanted to try to preserve that, at least. When Gai had finished him, Gai had swallowed to avoid making a mess. This was the least he could do.

Their position threatened to make him stir, due to the warmth and intimacy. "You did this with me in the shower," Kakashi gasped out against Gai's neck.

Gai wailed and came, hips jerking and hot liquid arcing out across the grass.

Kakashi thought, unexpectedly, that it was beautiful. He wondered if that was wrong of him, considering most people's opinion, but he felt it was natural, and pearlescent, and beautiful against the vibrant gtreen grass. Doing this with Gai out here, in the wilderness, made him feel connected to nature. Very much a part of things.

He snuggled Gai, trying to transmit these feelings through the skin. They were both hot and sweaty, and stuck together a little, but Kakashi didn't mind. That was another part of the experience. Feeling Gai's heartbeat slowly fall back into resting range was peaceful.

A slight breeze washed through the forest, making leaves gently rustle, brushing coolness over their hot skin. Kakashi looked up and saw leaves dancing in the sunlight, gold, silver, green, gold, silver, green, flipping back and forth, curling and swaying. That was beautiful, too, but he couldn't remember ever noticing and enjoying it before.

"Gai," Kakashi whispered. "How do you feel, love?" He was conscious of his own breathing at trying out the word 'love' for the first time.

"Good..." Gai breathed out the word, sounding sleepy.

Kakashi snuggled him more tightly. "Good. I love you."

Gai's voice was warm and soft. "Love you too, Kashi."

Kakashi waited for Gai, like Gai had waited for him. They lay together in silence for several minutes. To Kakashi, it felt like they were the only two people in the world. A wonderful illusion. _And a sharingan was not involved. We made this ourselves. _

A life together, a life composed of the private relationship between them, was forming in Kakashi's mind. He'd been trying to make such a world for a long time, furtively and guiltily. And now he knew Gai had been trying relentlessly at the same thing. Now they'd come together, and the world was finally formed.

Their world.

A world for two.

**xXx**

After their activities in the forest clearing, they'd washed themselves off in the stream nearby. Gai had reassured him that no one came here, and as far as Kakashi could tell, it was true. This section of the forest stayed blessedly clear of human chakra other than their own.

Once they'd bathed – and had a splashing fight – they'd retreated to a large, flat boulder on the bank of the stream. Their position was shielded by foliage and overhanging trees, but still open enough to catch the sun. It was beautiful.

Kakashi hummed in the back of his throat and shifted slightly. The sensation of the sun-warmed rock underneath him was so relaxing he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes and turned his head.

Gai smiled back at him, still lying beside him.

With training and sexual tension out of his sytem, Kakashi could think more clearly about what to do about Tenzo and Bensaku. He sat up. "Maa, Gai, we're going to set Tenzo and Bensaku-taichou up on a date."

Gai straightened as well. "We are?"

Kakashi nodded, gazing off into the distance, the forest a backdrop for his thoughts. "Yes, we are. Whatever it takes."

"What is the first step?" Gai asked.

Kakashi smiled at him. _How well you know me_. "The first step is to come back to Tenzo and tell Tenzo was I spoke to the Captain about. I'll tell him what Bensaku-taichou told me, that he wants to be with Tenzo, but he's afraid. Maa, that might be a simplification of everything that was said, but it'll do."

"Then what?" Gai asked.

"Then I'm going to spur Tenzo into action, so our kouhai takes the plunge and asks Bensaku-taichou out on a date," Kakashi said cheerfully.

Gai almost fell over. "What if it doesn't work?"

"Then we'll try Plan B," Kakashi said. "But I really think that if Tenzo gets up his courage and asks Bensaku-taichou out, the Taichou won't say no. Especially if Tenzo uses those same techniques he's been using to emotionally manipulate Taichou."

"Emotional manipulation?" Gai protested.

Kakashi nodded. "His cuteness, his persistence, and his ability to argue back and throw logic in Bensaku's face."

Gai nodded slowly, rubbing his chin. "No wonder our young Tenzo is considered a genius."

"Why is that?" Kakashi asked. He didn't think he could follow Gai's reasoning.

Gai grinned at him. "Your description makes him sound just like you."

Kakashi blushed. "Maybe the last two."

Gai shook his head. "You're cute."

"I don't think I am," Kakashi protested.

Gai kissed him.

**xXx**

They had to sneak back into the village and go to their respective homes in order to change clothes. By mutual agreement, they met up at Ichiraku, and Kakashi wasn't even late. He did notice as he arrived, however, that Genma and Ebisu were already there, eating and talking quietly.

Genma glanced up at him as he took a stool. "Oi, Kakashi-kun. Haven't seen much of you."

"Been busy," Kakashi said.

Gai was, for once, a step behind him, emerging out of a side street and taking the spot to Kakashi's left. "Hi, Genma-kun, Ebisu-kun. It's good to see you." Kakashi could see a polite tinge to the smile, however.

Genma did a double take. "What, no greeting for Kakashi-kun? Have you finally stopped chasing him around?"

"No, he caught up to me," Kakashi said.

Ebisu almost fell over. "What? You mean to say that Gai-kun bests you?"

"All the time," Kakashi said. He smiled under his mask at Gai. "I find it refreshing that someone can keep up with me."

"H-Hai..." Ebisu recovered enough not to fall off his stool or choke on his ramen, but his sunglasses had slid down, and for once he didn't correct them immediately.

"Wow." Genma grinned at them. "I guess hard work pays off, ne?"

Gai beamed.

Genma laughed. "Not that I'll start doing any or anything." He chewed on his senbon, making it bob.

"Ne, you've gone from chewing straw to chewing weapons, is that right?" Kakashi said lightly.

The Shiranui Complex was outside of Konoha, nestled in the middle of rich farming and grazing land. As such, Genma's parents had taught him how to manage a farm from the ground up at the same time that Genma had learned how to be a ninja.

Even at this point in life, Kakashi could see some of the lazy farmboy in Genma. According to Gai, Genma had gotten in frequent trouble for napping instead of collecting eggs from the chickens.

Genma grinned at Kakashi, clenching his senbon between his teeth expertly. "That's right."

"Must be pretty confident in those things," Kakashi said.

Genma didn't reply. He shrugged amiably and went back to eating his ramen.

That reminded Kakashi of his rumbling stomach. "Teuchi-san, a bowl of pork and a bowl of beef, please."

"Hai," Teuchi said. "Coming up right away."

Gai laid a hand over his stomach. "I'm starving."

"Gai-kun, always starving," Genma said. He shook his head. "Some things never change."

"Training is hard work," Gai said.

"You know, man, if you ate real food instead of those creepy shakes you're always making, you probably wouldn't be so hungry," Genma said, gesturing with his chopsticks.

"I don't think that has anything to do with it," Ebisu said. "But then, you wouldn't know what being hungry as a result of hard work is like."

Instead of being offended, Genma grinned. "Amen to that!"

"The lazy one, the hardworking one, and the brainy one," Kakashi drawled, teasing them in his own way. "Such stereotypes."

"I am not a stereotype," Ebisu protested. "And Gai-kun and Genma-kun aren't exactly stupid."

Kakashi grinned. Ebisu was hard on people, generally, but he defended his teammates. That was why Kakashi could never be mad at Ebisu for very long. The guy knew the meaning of loyalty.

Genma shrugged. "Meh, I'm kind of a stereotype, maybe. I just don't care." He finished off his bowl of chicken ramen and asked for another.

Teuchi took the order while serving Kakashi and Gai their ramen.

"So what have you been up to lately?" Kakashi asked. He pulled down his mask at the same time as he put up an illusion and started eating.

Gai clapped his hands together in a shrine style prayer. "Itadakimasu." Then he dug in, finishing the first bowl before Kakashi had taken his second bite of food.

"Oi, Teuchi-san, Gai-kun did it again," Kakashi said.

Teuchi chuckled. "Hai. I was already working on another bowl."

"Thank you." Then Kakashi turned to Genma and Ebisu and waited for an answer.

Ebisu spoke first. "Well, I've been privately tutoring students at the Academy. It's surprising to me how deficient teachers are these days. They seem to forget just what a student needs to know. I find myself filling gaps in their cirriculums just to keep students from failing their courses."

"That's normal," Kakashi said. "We did well because we're smart."

Ebisu shook his head and adjusted his sunglasses. "I never knew."

Genma gave him a look.

"I never knew the exent of the gap between what I understood the teacher to be saying, and what the average student hears," Ebisu clarified.

"I've been filling out paperwork to be an academy instructor," Genma said. "They turned me down this past year. I wonder why." He gave Ebisu a mischievous look.

"Because you're even lazier than the average academy teacher," Ebisu said.

Apparently this was the response Genma was looking for, because he turned smug. "Right, right. We'll have to put my laziness to good use somehow."

"Well, you know, if you sign up to be a Chunin Exam referee, you'd only have to work twice a year," Ebisu teased.

"Referees get killed," Genma said.

The Chunin Exam was famously dangerous for everyone involved.

"But you'd die like you lived," Ebisu said.

Kakashi laughed. He couldn't help it.

"You and Gai-kun are alike," Genma said, seemingly changing the subject. "You both work too hard."

Kakashi shrugged. "I can't help it. I have an awesome responsibility." He gestured to his covered eye.

"Yeah, but you worked hard before that," Genma said.

Kakashi shrugged again. "That was my father. He didn't believe in anyone working less hard than him. If I wanted to stay in the house and out of shame, I had to keep up with him."

"But you were a kid," Genma said.

Kakashi inwardly closed off at this point. He didn't want this to turn into a discussion. Instead, he shrugged a final time and finished off his ramen. "Maa, we were all children." He stood up. "And now, I'd say we're fairly successful adults. So I wouldn't worry too much about it." He rested a hand on Gai's shoulder. "Ready to go?"

Gai stacked his second bowl on top of his first, finishing almost at the same time as Kakashi had finished the one bowl of ramen. "Hai!" He leapt up from his stool. "Thanks, Teuchi-san! It was delicious."

Teuchi bowed. "Thank you for allowing me to cook for you."

Kakashi paid the tab.

"You're leaving together?" Ebisu asked, looking puzzled.

"Yeah, I thought you guys were done with the competitive stuff for today," Genma said.

Kakashi smiled at them cheerfully. "We are. We're dating." He slipped his hand through Gai's and walked away.

Gai turned and waved at them over his shoulder. "Ja ne!" He was blushing brightly and smiling, an unusually shy demeanor.

"Did I embarrass you?" Kakashi asked when they were out of earshot.

"No, that's not it at all," Gai said quickly. He rubbed the back of his head. "I just never expected you to say that."

"Well, I'm not going to hide you," Kakashi said, nudging him playfully. "I want everyone to see what a catch I made."

Gai blushed even more brightly, if that was possible, and hugged him.

Kakashi chuckled and hugged Gai back, not trying to rival the bone-crushing intensity of Gai's hug.

Gai swept him off his feet, opting to carry him. Kakashi snorted, but he hung on, knowing he was blushing now, too. "You're going to attract a lot of attention."

"You're not hiding me," Gai retorted.

Kakashi laughed. "Touche."

**xXx**

At home, snuggled in bed, Kakashi thought of his plans for tomorrow. He imagined dropping in on Tenzo and sitting down for a long, persuasive talk about how to handle Bensaku's reluctance. But he wasn't sure that would work. And he was worried about Bensaku's hangups about having sex with Tenzo. It wouldn't be fair to herd them into a relationship that would never go anywhere. Tenzo obviously wanted to date Bensaku, sexual exploration and all. If Bensaku was unwilling, Tenzo's heart would just get broken later rather than sooner, and after Tenzo had been strung along.

That wasn't Kakashi's intention at all.

He wondered what would happen if Tenzo made a move to seduce Bensaku in private, rather than in the hospital room of an outpost.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

* * *

Kakashi woke up luxuriously, the warmth of Gai beside him, the covers over them, and the room hushed with that heavy, sweet sound of slumber. He stretched and lay peacefully. As he gazed at the ceiling, he marveled at the knowledge that Gai would always be here. Whenever he needed Gai, whenever he wanted to reach out, Gai would be here.

It was still sinking in.

He turned his head and watched Gai's sleeping face with a small smile. Gai's hair was brushed back from his forehead, highlighting the strong lines and thick eyebrows. The morning sun cast a glow on Gai's golden skin, and glimmered on dark eyelashes, fanned out like a doll's. Kakashi's gaze fell to Gai's full lips and defined jaw.

He reached out with gentle fingertips and stroked Gai's cheek.

Gai's eyelids fluttered, and he shifted with a soft groan, the sound of someone waking up. He turned his head and kissed Kakashi's fingers. "Kashi...good morning."

"Good morning," Kakashi said, his smile widening. "Are you going to fix me one of your shakes for breakfast?"

"Absolutely!" Gai jumped out of bed with a heroic pose. "I shall run to the market and be back shortly!"

Kakashi burst out laughing.

Gai paused, startled, and then looked down at himself. "Oh." He blushed. "Maybe not like this."

"Sexy," Kakashi said in a teasing voice, but he wasn't really joking. He sat up and scratched his head, running fingers through his mussed hair. Instead of getting up, he just enjoyed the view. Gai's lean, muscular body was like a work of art without any clothing to break up the impression of the whole.

Gai dragged his gym bag over and unzipped it, pulling out a green spandex suit and a pair of underwear. He slipped on the underwear, then squirmed into his spandex. That done, he grinned and flashed Kakashi a thumbs up.

Kakashi shook his head. "I'm almost disappointed. You running to the market with nothing on would have been an interesting sight."

Gai turned bright red.

Kakashi chuckled. "Never mind. I get to see you naked often enough, I suppose." He climbed out of bed, briefly realizing that he could never sleep in the nude whether anyone was in his house or not. He always slept in boxers and a t-shirt.

To get ready for the day, Kakashi shucked off his t-shirt and walked to his dresser, pulling out a blue spandex suit.

Gai wound strong arms around him and pulled him flush against a warm, solid body. "Why do you have to get dressed?" Gai whispered in his ear. "You don't have to come with me."

Kakashi blushed. "You want me to walk around my house like this?"

"It's your house." Gai kissed the side of his cheek by his ear.

Kakashi stirred a little bit. "Well..."

"Yesterday, our sparring match got interrupted because we couldn't handle the stress." Gai kissed his forehead. "Today I was thinking of changing up our routine so that we worked out our temptations prior to engaging in physical exercise. What do you think?"

Kakashi was half-hard and tingling at the idea of waiting for Gai in his underwear, eating – or rather, drinking – his breakfast that way while Gai was fully clothed, and then doing something sexual before even setting foot out of the house. "Hai."

Gai squeezed him and turned him around for a proper kiss. "Good."

Kakashi was tempted to pull Gai back into bed now.

"I'll be back shortly." Gai let go of him and saluted.

Kakashi smiled affectionately and saluted in return. _I can wait_. "Ja ne."

"Ja ne!" Gai shot from the room at full speed.

Kakashi chuckled. Then he flopped back down on his bed, aroused and aimless. He had no motivation to get up until Gai returned. Glancing down at himself, he could see the bulge in his boxers. He sighed and trailed one hand over the front of his boxer shorts, unable to help teasing himself.

_What if we do it in the kitchen?_ A flash of being on his knees in front of Gai on the clean white tile of the kitchen sent a shockwave of heat through him.

Then he imagined Gai, from that standing position, dribbling fruit and vegetable smoothie into his mouth. From there, his mind immediately went to Gai dripping shake all down his exposed body and licking it off.

Kakashi was surprised, amused, and a little embarrassed, even though no one could read his mind. _I'm hopeless. _He'd never had food related fantasies before, but then, he'd never been turned on and waiting for breakfast at the same time.

He rubbed himself slowly through the soft fabric of his boxers, stoking his arousal without fulfilling it. He still wanted to wait for Gai, but he couldn't help teasing himself.

By the time he heard the front door open and close, he'd thought of half a dozen fantasies to try out, and he was thoroughly hard and aching.

"Kakashi," Gai called. "I'm back."

Kakashi forced himself to get up. He pulled his t-shirt back on before padding into the kitchen, hoping that Gai would want to undress him from the waist up again.

Gai had two paper bags of groceries on the counter, stuffed to the brim with produce. "Hi!"

"Isn't that a lot of fruit and vegetables?" Kakashi asked, scratching his temple.

"It all blends down pretty far," Gai said, taking out Kakashi's blender from the bottom cupboard between the oven and the sink. "I wanted us to have plenty of food."

Kakashi walked up and gave Gai a hug, snuggling up. "Mmm...I'm glad you're back."

Gai blushed. "Do you want to help chop the vegetables?"

Kakashi grinned. He noticed that in sexual situations, Gai liked to play innocent as long as possible. But he knew Gai had to feel his clothed erection. "Sure."

"Great! I'll give you the vegetables, and I'll handle the fruit." Gai pulled out the cutting board for Kakashi, and used the counter himself. It didn't matter to Kakashi either way. Stone counter tops were resilient.

They made quick work of the produce, rinsing and chopping and piling it into a large salad bowl. Gai expertly blended it down with some orange juice and then sifted out large pieces of pulp with Kakashi's small collander to make a fairly smooth shake. Gai poured Kakashi a glass, and then served himself.

Kakashi took a sip. "It's good. It has more texture than what you made for me at your apartment, but it's good."

Gai nodded. "I knew I didn't have the same equipment available, so I modified my technique a little bit." He grinned and gave Kakashi a thumbs up. "This shake should still be full of energy!"

"I believe it," Kakashi said. He sat down at the table, purposefully sitting out from the table a little bit and spreading his legs, leaning back casually.

Gai glanced at his posture and blushed, then sat across from him. "Ne, Kakashi, why did you put your shirt back on?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I felt cold, maybe."

"Cold?" Gai looked confused. "It's warm."

Kakashi decided to be blunter. "I put my shirt on because I thought maybe you would take it back off."

Gai blushed more brightly. "Oh."

"As soon as we're done with breakfast," Kakashi said, taking another sip of fruit and vegetable shake.

Gai chugged the rest of his glass and poured himself another one, which he downed in one gulp.

Kakashi wanted to laugh, but he was also flattered. He drank the rest of his smoothie quickly and stood up.

Gai crossed over to him and pulled his shirt off.

Kakashi froze, blushing. _Is he going to do everything here? Does he know I want him to?_

"You said to take your shirt off as soon as we were done with breakfast," Gai said softly.

Kakashi nodded wordlessly.

Gai draped the shirt gently over the back of a chair and kissed Kakashi's lips. Kakashi clung to him, conscious of how he was almost naked and Gai was still clothed. That turned him on for some reason. His erection ached and burned, trapped against Gai.

Gai stroked his back slowly while they kissed, his fingers working lower and lower, until he teased the back waistband of Kakashi's boxer shorts.

Kakashi leaked a little. He broke the kiss, gasping. "Do you want me to take them off?"

"Do you want to take them off here?" Gai asked.

Kakashi looked up at him. "I don't care. It's my kitchen."

Gai kissed him, mouthing his lips with slow tenderness. At the same time, Gai pulled his boxers down, caressing a hand over his bottom and hip.

Kakashi shivered. He felt himself leaking at his exposed state and moaned.

"What do you want to do?" Gai asked, licking his lips.

"I want to..." Kakashi squirmed. "Go down on you."

Gai's eyebrows shot upwards in surprise.

Kakashi knelt and looked up at him hopefully.

Gai blushed crimson and worked his erection out of the confines of his boxers and spandex suit. Both men's boxers and spandex suits had pocket-like seams in the front. Spandex suits were not like bathing suits; they were fully functional articles of clothing one did not have to peel off before using the bathroom. Otherwise, the flak jackets that went on over them would have to be taken off, too, and that was dangerous.

Kakashi took in the way Gai's rosy, exposed erection contrasted with the green spandex suit and blushed. He got up a little taller on his knees and gave it a tentative lick. He was glad to taste that Gai was clean; it was also eye-opening that Gai could run to the market and back without even breaking a sweat. Gai truly deserved to be called jonin.

Gai moaned and shivered at the lick. "Kashi..." He threw his head back and panted at the series of small licks Kakashi teased him with. "Doing it here...it feels really good...and...different..."

Kakashi moaned and sucked on the tip of Gai's erection, lapping up the salty sweetness with a shiver of arousal of his own. "Jiraiya-sensei says that doing sexual things in different places adds..." He had to stop and pant for a moment. "Variety."

Then he kissed Gai's tip and mouthed it, tracing it with his tongue. Gai kept leaking new droplets of clear sweetness, until the taste pleasantly coated Kakashi's mouth. He took Gai halfway into his mouth and worked over the velvet soft skin, licking the underside and sucking gently.

Gai let out a litany of moans and whimpers that turned Kakashi on even more.

Kakashi took Gai in deeper, moaning, burning with arousal at the way Gai heated up and throbbed in his mouth.

"Kakashi, I'm close," Gai blurted, clenching his fists at his sides.

Kakashi looked up, startled, and saw Gai's teeth gritted, his face flushed and his eyes closed. For some reason it was a beautiful expression. Kakashi refocused, sucking longer and more firmly, teasing Gai's tip with his tongue whenever he could.

Gai whimpered, turned his head to one side, and gave a deep-throated gasp. Then he was coming, so quickly that Kakashi couldn't avoid getting it in his mouth.

Kakashi scrambled to the sink, glad the sink was empty of dishes, and spat, then rinsed his mouth out with water from the tap. His knees almost buckled, and his erection ached. He felt about ready to pass out.

For a moment, he didn't know why. Then he remembered that Jiraiya had written about how a man's blood flow changed when aroused, and how it was unwise to stand up quickly.

Kakashi leaned against the side of the sink, trying not to swoon.

Gai swept him up and carried him to the bedroom, where they both collapsed on the bed. Kakashi realized he couldn't call it his bed anymore. Gai was in it too often.

Kakashi smiled at Gai dazedly. "That was good stuff."

"Hai." Gai was still disheveled and sweaty. He snuggled against Kakashi, then fixed himself from the waist down, tucking himself back into his clothes. "You felt really good."

Kakashi kissed his cheek. "I'm glad." He ran his fingers through Gai's silky hair, wondering again at the trouble Gai took to tame it. Gai's hair took on an unnatural helmet-like appearance after Gai was done with it, and why? For what purpose? But he supposed little mysteries made people more exciting.

"I want you to come, too," Gai said, with his usual straightforward attitude. "Should I go down on you?"

Kakashi blushed. "Actually...I want you to give me a handjob in the shower. Do you think you can handle that?"

Gai shifted with a wide grin and murmured in his ear, "That's one of my fondest memories."

Kakashi felt the heat rush through him.

Gai nuzzled the side of his head and helped him into the bathroom, shedding his clothes as he went. Kakashi had already left his clothes in the kitchen, or at least, what little he had been wearing.

Gai helped him step into the shower stall, then climbed in after him and pulled the curtain shut. The light through the shower curtain was gentle, dimly illuminating the space they occupied. Gai stood behind him, cradling him, and turned the water on. After Gai played with the temperature for a moment, he pulled the knob, redirecting the water flow to the showerhead.

Perfectly warm water rushed over them like an inviting storm, just slightly warmer than their skin.

Kakashi looked up at Gai, watching Gai's hair get misted with shining droplets, and then finally get soaked through and slicked down by the water.

Gai's hands trailed down his torso, sliding over his nipples, over the muscles of his stomach.

Kakashi moaned and looked down to watch. Gai's broad, muscular hands with their roughened knuckles and callused pads slowed, teasing him. Kakashi grinned and chuckled, the sound lost in the thundering of the shower spray against the floor of the stall.

Gai dipped his hands down the final few inches, sliding one hand down Kakashi's inner thigh and wrapping the other around Kakashi's hot, tingling erection.

Kakashi moaned and arched back against Gai. His erection felt very tight; ready for release and maybe even overdue. Of course, he had ill-advisedly teased himself while Gai was at the market.

Gai stroked him, and Kakashi didn't muffle his moans. He was as loud as he pleased, unafraid that anyone would hear him. Gai's breathing was loud in his ear, and then Gai's lips were on his ear and neck, gently kissing.

Kakashi melted into the sensations, shifting and moaning. His eyes were closed, and he was focused on the narrow world of Gai and the sensations of the warm shower.

Then the fingers of Gai's other hand brushed Kakashi's balls, and Kakashi let out a yelp of surprised arousal. He whimpered and moaned, pressing back against Gai actively and spreading his legs a little more.

Gai let out a soft moan as well. "Kashi..."

"Hai," Kakashi moaned. His nipples were hard.

"Kashi...I love you." Gai massaged kisses into the side of Kakashi's neck.

Kakashi's hips jerked, and he let out a loud, long moan. "Oh...god..." His hips jerked again, rubbing himself against Gai's hands. "Oh, god, Gai...I love you...too...I'm going to...I have to...I need to...Gai..."

Gai sucked on his neck and sped up his hands.

That was exactly what Kakashi needed. He exploded with a wail, coming fast and hard. Gai was a support behind him, keeping him from falling over.

For several moments, he slumped limply againt Gai, letting the shower wash him clean, panting. Then he turned around and snuggled against Gai, planting his face in the middle of Gai's chest.

Gai stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head tenderly.

**xXx**

After getting dressed and sparring with Gai, Kakashi left Gai to train in order to go home, take a quick shower, and drop in on Tenzo. He left the training field to the sight of Gai punching the beloved wooden training posts. That familiar sight, Gai's hair fanning out, the punches landing solidly on the wood with sharp, short thunking sounds, reassured Kakashi that nothing had really changed. Gai was Gai.

Once he was clean and dressed, Kakashi walked to Tenzo's apartment building and stopped at the intercom, buzzing Tenzo's apartment number. He may as well make sure Tenzo was at home.

"Moshi moshi," the canned-sounding voice of his kouhai came from the other end of the line. "Tenzo residence. Who is speaking?"

"Yo," Kakashi said.

"Sempai!"

This time, Kakashi was ready for the ear-splitting yell. "Yeah. It's me."

"I'll get the door!"

Kakashi stepped back and heard the click of the front door to the apartment complex opening. "Thanks. I'll be right up." He turned and walked through the door, then up the stairs and down the hall to Tenzo's apartment. He extended a fist to knock, but the door opened before he got a chance.

Tenzo grabbed his shoulder and pulled him in.

"Your cat?" Kakashi guessed.

"Konnichwa, and yes," Tenzo said. He shut the door and spun around, scanning the floor suspiciously. Then he let out his breath. "A deliveryman came earlier today with the wrong apartment number. The fool almost let Daidai out. I was telling him I didn't order a pizza, the neighbor across the hall was waving him over, and he didn't close the door. Damn it."

Kakashi nodded. "So Daidai is desperate after his near escape?"

"Furious," Tenzo said. "He won't even come out for me right now. I've been stiffed twice on the way to the food bowl." He walked back into the kitchen.

Kakashi trailed along after. "So, I came here to check up on you. How are you feeling?"

Tenzo cast him a suspicious glance before returning to the dishwasher and opening the door. He bent over and pulled out the bottom rack, picking up plates and drying them with a dishcloth. "Fine...Why? Do you need me to do something for you that requires pain and suffering?"

Kakashi chuckled. "So cynical."

"I like to call it realistic," Tenzo said. "I'm pragmatic about the fact that people want me to do painful things."

Kakashi shook his head. "No, I don't need anything done. I'm here because I want to make sure you're not too worried about Taichou, and to tell you that I spoke to him yesterday after I finished hanging out with you.

Tenzo looked up from drying a plate. "So you talked to him."

Kakashi nodded. "Yeah. I told him how you feel, how you want to be with him and you're in love with him..."

"Yeah...?"

Kakashi shrugged. "And he said he would talk to you."

Tenzo's shoulders slumped. "Oh. Okay." He sighed and finished drying the plate, then put it in the open cupboard and took another one from the dishwasher. "Sempai, he didn't tell you anything at all?"

"He told me that he wanted to tell you himself," Kakashi said. He couldn't think of any way to be more diplomatic to the both of them.

Tenzo made a face. "Okay. I'll wait."

"Maa, wait a minute..." Kakashi scratched his temple. "I did want to tell you, don't be surprised if he seems reluctant or backhanded with his words."

Tenzo snorted and smirked. "You mean like always?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Yeah. I guess that's true. Benku-taichou is always a little that way."

"Try a lot that way," Tenzo said. "But yeah. He's not going to come right out and say it, even if he wanted to sleep with me tonight." He shook his head. "I guess I'm going to have to be patient."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you," Kakashi said.

Tenzo glanced at Kakashi again, but didn't stop drying the cup in his hands.

"Don't be too patient." Kakashi held up his hands. "If you don't tell him you want to go on a date and nudge him forward, he might not ever do anything."

Tenzo gave Kakashi a wry, bemused smile. "But that's his choice. I can't force him to go out with me."

"True..." Kakashi looked away. "But nothing says you have to wait for him to ask you, right? You can ask him to go on a date instead."

Tenzo draped his dishtowel over the exposed rack of the dishwasher. "Sempai...You're planning something, aren't you?"

Kakashi feigned being startled. "Who? Me?"

"I should set Daidai on you and see how long it takes you to escape," Tenzo said.

"Why would you do such a thing to your Sempai?" Kakashi said, adopting a tragic attitude.

Tenzo narrowed his eyes and smiled. "I don't know...maybe for revenge? Your dogs chased me the entire time I had to do perimeter laps on our last mission."

"I didn't tell them to do that," Kakashi said. "My ninken find their own amusement."

Tenzo folded his arms across his chest. "At my expense? Ha, ha. Very funny. If you summoned them, you can control them."

"Now, that's not at all true," Kakashi said.

Tenzo huffed.

Kakashi noticed they'd fallen into a bantering rhythm, and skirted along the edge of the uncomfortable topic of Tenzo and Bensaku. He didn't mind. "Want to watch TV?"

"What's wrong with your own TV set?" Tenzo retorted. But he took Kakashi's arm and dragged Kakashi to the living room, as if to ensure that his play at rudeness wouldn't be misinterpreted.

Kakashi smiled to himself. He sat down on the sofa and waited for Tenzo to follow.

Tenzo plopped down and used the remote to turn on the TV. "What's your taste in programs? Anime? News reports?"

"Maa, I don't care." Kakashi shrugged.

"Hmm." Tenzo picked a teenage anime program, the kind with futuristic heroes in skintight costumes and helmets.

Kakashi wondered why everyone thought that spandex and clunky helmets were the way of the future. But, at this point it was a visual signal that the story was futuristic, so he didn't mind that much. Typically, this program had beautiful robot women, and invading samurai-type characters from outer space trying to conquer the world in garish yukata.

He was interested enough to watch without comment, and to be bored during the commericials for pocky or youth activities in the village. Daidai briefly peeked out from under the couch, but popped back under as soon as he noticed Kakashi watching.

Kakashi had to admit to himself that was kind of cute. Daidai might not be a ninja cat, but at least he had personality. And animals didn't have to talk to be companions. Kakashi imagined that there were times when Daidai curled up with Tenzo in bed, or something like that, and kept Tenzo from feeling too lonely in the middle of the night.

If Tenzo got lonely in the middle of the night.

Nighttime was the worst for Kakashi. He'd always remember sleeping by himself for the first time, knowing his father would never hear him if he woke up from a nightmare. That was a cold, lonely night no amount of blankets could make warm. In that way, it was a blessing to have Gai with him at night.

Kakashi briefly wondered if they should take the last step and actually have Gai move in with him. But that would require planning, and getting used to co-habitating instead of just having Gai around when he wanted, and he wasn't sure that he should move a new person into the Hatake residence.

He realized uncomfortably he was afraid his father would disapprove, and that his father being dead didn't count as much as he thought it should. Dead people could still disapprove, especially in Shinto, Konoha's main religion. _Keep the old dead ancestors happy, including Dad. _Kakashi wanted to roll his eyes in irritation at the unfairness and illogic, but he'd been raised Shinto as a small child, and he couldn't shake off the old habits and superstitions.

And Gai had been raised Shinto, too. Hardcore shrine Shinto, no less. Gai didn't observe specific habits anymore, or at least, not when Kakashi had been around to witness it, but Gai's prayer over his ramen last evening reminded Kakashi that nine-year-old Gai had been Shinto to the core.

Funny how things wore off or changed as one got older. Kakashi wondered if he'd consider himself spiritual at all in ten years. When he was twenty-six, who would he be? What would he be like? He couldn't imagine it.

Before he knew it, he'd daydreamed through the last half of the anime show.

Teno nudged him. "Earth to Sempai. Or did you doze off there with your eye open?"

Kakashi straightened and rubbed his eyes. "The second one. You know I'm always watching, even in my sleep."

Tenzo mock shuddered. "Sempai, creepy. Maybe you ought to cover both eyes."

Kakashi laughed. "Hey..." He pouted, even though Tenzo could hardly see the expression.

Tenzo grinned. "Aw, Sempai, I know you don't offend that easily."

"No," Kakashi agreed. "There are some days when I want to blindfold myself, anyway." He stretched. "It's better than looking at this ghoulish face in the mirror."

Tenzo rose as well. "Are you ugly under there?" he teased.

"Very," Kakashi retorted.

Tenzo laughed and shook his head. "Okay...You're going now?"

"Why? You want me out?" Kakashi asked cheerfully.

"Absolutely," Tenzo said, marching to the door and opening it wide. He gestured. "Out you go, you TV moocher."

Kakashi took two steps to the door before he realized that Daidai had shot out from under the couch.

"Stop him!" Tenzo shrieked.

Kakashi turned sharply and froze, wide-eyed. _How do I stop a cat?_

Daidai stared at him, equally frozen and wide-eyed.

Kakashi shifted.

Daidai put a paw forward.

Kakashi stepped towards Daidai sharply.

Daidai fled back under the couch.

"That's what I thought," Kakashi said. He planted his hands on his hips.

"Quick, Sempai, before he changes his mind," Tenzo hissed.

Kakashi turned and saluted. "Right." He walked to the door in long strides and exited into the hallway. Then he bowed. "Thanks for having me."

"Thanks for coming," Tenzo said quickly. "Bye!" He shut the door.

Kakashi was left standing in the hallway in disbelief for a moment, processing what just happened. Then he walked down the hallway, silently laughing. _That cat really is desperate to escape. What's he got to do in the outside world that's so important?_

He was also happy that Tenzo's ability to relax and banter during these visits had rapidly improved. _My cute little Kouhai is growing up. _

Still, Tenzo seemed as reluctant to ask Bensaku out as Bensaku was reluctant to admit sexual feelings.

Kakashi knew he couldn't force them to come together before they were ready, but he had to admit the romantic in him wanted it to happen sooner rather than later, and with spectacular results**.**

* * *

**Part One End**

* * *

**Author's Note: Coming Next: Part Two: Tenzo and Bensaku**


	33. Chapter 33

**Part 2**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

* * *

Tenzo hadn't been drying dishes for four minutes before he heard a knock at the door. He set down the glass in his hands and walked to the door, using the peephole. The sight that met him made him step back and open the door.

He couldn't hide his surprise at the timing. "Taichou."

Bensaku glanced down the hallway. He was dressed in his civvies, a white t-shirt with a black band logo, a black leather jacket, and dark acid wash jeans with black sneakers. "Was that Kakashi?"

Tenzo nodded. "That was Kakashi-sempai. Why? He just came to tell me you'd be stopping by."

"Hmm." Bensaku stood in the hallway for a moment more, then said, "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Tenzo backed away from the door, allowing the captain in. He glanced back at the direction of the couch, but Daidai was nowhere to be seen.

Bensaku shut the door behind himself gently and toed off his sneakers. "I know this is short notice..."

"No," Tenzo said, holding up his hands.

Bensaku gave him a look and finished, "But obviously, I thought it was important to talk to you, and I wanted to do so before Hatake-san put a lot of ideas in your head about what I might or wouldn't say."

"Um..." Tenzo didn't comment on the sudden plunge to minus twenty degrees at the second mention of Kakashi. His gaze traveled to the refrigerator. "Want to eat? I'm hungry. I could use the company."

"Fine," Bensaku said. "Thank you."

Tenzo nodded and walked into the kitchen. Then he turned around and pointed. "You can sit on the couch if you want."

Bensaku sat.

Tenzo walked around the corner to the refrigerator, put a hand on his chest to stop his heart from beating so fast, and took a deep breath. Once he'd collected himself, he got out a plate of sushi. Some of it was salmon, and some of it was vegetable. "You feel like sushi?" he called.

"No, but I'll eat some," Bensaku called back.

Tenzo smiled halfheartedly. That was an old joke. At least Bensaku was trying to put them both at ease, even if it wasn't working. _Just let this happen_. He wished those words would come out when he was facing Bensaku.

He took two pairs of chopsticks from his utensil drawer and walked across the apartment into the living room, setting the plate down on the kotatsu table. Bensaku obligingly sat on the floor.

Tenzo found himself sitting across from Bensaku, holding his chopsticks. He felt as though he were in a dream. Not necessarily a good dream. "Itadakimasu." He popped a piece of salmon roll in his mouth and chewed. After a moment, he realized he was staring.

Bensaku took it with good humor, eating a carrot and seaweed roll silently.

"So," Tenzo said.

"You said you wanted company," Bensaku said.

"Yeah." Tenzo glanced away.

"Were you hungry when Hatake was here?"

Tenzo shrugged. "I didn't think about it. Why?"

"What did he tell you?"

"That you wanted to talk." Tenzo gave him a reproachful glance and ate another piece of sushi.

Bensaku gave a great sigh and relaxed, his shoulders slumping. "I didn't want Kakashi ruining it all."

Tenzo nibbled on the end of his chopstick, tasting rice. "It? All?" He was disconcerted by his captain's change in mood.

Bensaku nodded and rested back against the sofa. "There's a big difference between what I'm going to tell him and what I'm going to tell you. So you better not blab."

Tenzo grinned. "Me? An ANBU? Blab? Never."

Bensaku nodded, a smile of relif curling his lips. "I wanted to tell you myself, without interference. I've wanted to tell you for a long time and get this off my chest, but every time I tried, I got flashbacks from my commanding officer."

"Commanding officer?" Tenzo's eyes widened, and he set down his chopsticks. "You mean, your taichou. Your and Kuma-shou's taichou, in ANBU."

Bensaku nodded. "I joined when I was eighteen, ten years older than you. Most people don't join until then because ANBU usually requires several years of service on a ninja's resume before accepting them into the elite ranks. Mamba was my commanding officer. Mamba Kuwabara. His codename was Koujaku, or Tree Sparrow. It's since changed."

"Mamba Kuwabara," Tenzo murmured. He picked up his chopsticks and ate a vegetable roll slowly. "Koujaku-taichou. A sparrow led a bear and a rabbit? Who would have thought, ne?"

"Our third member was Viper," Bensaku said mildly. "Tajihi, or Pit Viper, to be exact. Ironically, he was the med nin. He'd been named for his interpersonal skills, not his jutsu."

"Bear, Rabbit, and Viper..." Tenzo trailed off, thinking. _I wonder what they were like together. Commander Kuma seems nice enough. I know Bensaku's nice. He says Viper wasn't very nice, but a person can be nice without seeming to be. And Tree Sparrow..._

He realized Bensaku had stopped speaking. "Why are you telling me this? You never told me this before."

"I'm getting to that," Bensaku said. He ate a piece of salmon roll after dunking it in soy sauce. "I was seventeen when I decided to join and eighteen when the application went through, barely. I was three months away from being nineteen when it happened. I was still a green kid. You understand. Service in the general ranks doesn't prepare you for ANBU service. And ANBU people aren't like normal people. I wasn't prepared at all."

Tenzo ate another piece of sushi without realizing it, looking at Bensaku intently. "Yeah...? Go on..."

"I was sitting by the fire, and Taichou – Koujaku-taichou put his hand on my knee." Bensaku looked away. "He said things that made me think that he was drunk, and then he was sliding over and sitting on the log with me, and then he was wrapping his arms around me...and I don't know why I did what I did. I sat still. I froze. He was drunk, or maybe not. He never admitted it to me either way. And then he was..." Bensaku shrugged. "Kuma and Tajihi got back from their patrol, and it was over. Koujaku-taichou reported nothing. No movement. So we took turns on watch for the night, and I didn't say anything. I had a watch with Kuma, and then Tajihi, and Taichou seemed to be asleep, and I could have told them, but I didn't."

Tenzo chewed on the end of his chopstick, wide-eyed.

"I don't know why I didn't," Bensaku said. He shrugged.

Silence hung between them, and for Tenzo, it was heavy. "Did it happen again?" he ventured.

Bensaku shrugged. "Lots of times. Until I got transferred to another team. This time as the leader. I led an emergency response team for three years before I met you. The only reason I became your taichou was because I dropped out of the Emergency Response Division. I didn't want to die before I turned thirty."

"How old were you then?" Tenzo asked.

"Twenty-two," Bensaku said matter-of-factly.

"Then you're twenty-eight," Tenzo said.

Bensaku nodded.

Tenzo stared at him. "Twenty-eight? That's it? I thought you were like forty."

Bensaku snorted. "No." He looked at Tenzo in amusement. "Is that what you thought? Is that why you started calling me old man, Tenzo?"

Tenzo shrugged sheepishly, his cheeks warm. "I thought you were like thirty when I met you, so I adjusted for the years we spent together. I thought you were thirty-eight, maybe forty."

Bensaku gave him a look. "An eight-year-old is not a good judge of a person's age. We went over this when we did eyewitness training."

"You looked so old," Tenzo said. "I mean, so big and strong. I thought...Well..." He couldn't explain it.

"I told you I wasn't old enough to be your father," Bensaku pointed out.

"I didn't believe you," Tenzo retorted, sticking his tongue out. Then he looked away and rubbed his chin. "Well, what now?"

Bensaku looked at him tolerantly and didn't answer.

"You're saying that your Taichou took advantage of you, maybe even raped you or something, so you get the creeps whenever you think about being with me, but I'm in love with you, and I won't stop shoving my feelings in your face," Tenzo said.

Bensaku narrowed his eyes. "You're summing this up pretty well, except I'd hoped you would have added the part about stopping your inappropriate behavior."

Tenzo stood and propped his hands on his hips, leaning forward. If he had been a woman, that position would have been a little more advantageous. "I would, except it's not inappropriate for someone who's in love, and you have yet to really rebuff me, because you feel the same way. Right? You care about me, right?"

He straightened without waiting for an answer and waved a hand. "Anyway, I'm thirsty, how about you? Soy sauce will do that to you every time. I have salt throat."

Bensaku snorted. "Yes, please. Soda is fine, or water, or anything you have in the fridge. Only don't tell me if you have beer or something, I don't want to know."

"I don't drink," Tenzo said with a dignified expression. "And yes, I have soda. I'll be right back." He walked into the kitchen and got two cans of orange soda from the drinks drawer. He returned to Bensaku, handing one of the cans over. Then he wiped cold condensation off on his pants and sat down, cracking the soda open and taking a sip.

"Soda's got salt in it, you know," Bensaku said.

Tenzo took a big gulp and then had to burp. "I don't care."

Bensaku shook his head. "So you're going to pursue me, ne?"

"Yup." Tenzo looked at him suspiciously.

"May I ask why?"

"Because I'm in love with you, and I'm not you, and you're not Koujaku-taichou," Tenzo said.

Bensaku sighed, then shook his head slowly and sipped his soda. He said softly, "You're so logical."

"I can't help but be," Tenzo said. "ANBU trained me that way." He paused, and then said pointedly, "You trained me that way."

Bensaku shrugged to cover a flinch, but Tenzo saw it anyway.

"It's not a bad thing," Tenzo protested.

"Maybe," Bensaku said.

"It isn't." Tenzo frowned and finished his soda. "Do you want another?"

"No, thank you." Bensaku stood. "I have to use the bathroom. Where is it?"

Tenzo pointed. "Down the hallway, the first door on the left."

Bensaku nodded and headed across the apartment. He glanced behind him at a flash of movement and saw an orange cat dart out from under the sofa, mince hurriedly across the living room, pause, and then hustle into the kitchen. _That must be Daidai._

He found the bathroom. It was small, as expected. Someone of his height and muscular density barely fit. He shut the door behind him, flipped up the toilet seat, and relieved himself. Soda always did this to him, but did he learn? No.

After a few moments, he reluctantly looked around. Pink and white ginham wallpaper, a modern half bath with shiny chrome showerhead, tropical water patterned shower curtain. Baby blue bath mat, and matching toilet seat cover, in a sleek, faux shag carpet type material. A framed picture on the wall of a palm tree.

_A woman decorated this. And badly. _

Bensaku flashed back to the few times he'd been to Tenzo's foster home. The woman there had sunshine yellow kitchen curtains and white daisy wallpaper, and many of the furnishings, like shelves and racks and planters, had been purple and red. This was exactly how Tenzo's foster mother would decorate a bathroom.

He finished, flushed, and washed his hands at the small, blocky sink. Thinking of Tenzo's foster mother made him sad, even though he was happy that she'd cared enough to help him move into this apartment.

Bensaku dried his hands on a white towel hanging on a ring and walked back into the living room.

Tenzo was halfway through a second soda, evidenced by the fresh condensation on the side and the lack of a third can.

"I've never heard of the Mamba clan before," Tenzo said.

Bensaku glanced at him sharply and sat down on the sofa. "Mamba, or Manba, which is how it can also be pronounced, means ten thousand waves. Man (万), which is a common way of saying ten thousand, and then the kanji for wave (波). Not sure how you get the 'ba' sound of out that, because normally the kanji is pronounced 'nami', but there you have it."

Tenzo got up from the kotatsu table and sat down beside him, shifting his soda can to the end table. "So the Mamba clan is from Whirlpool? Or the Land of Waves?"

Bensaku shrugged. "He never told me that much, but if I had to guess, I'd say it was the Land of Waves."

"Why is that?" Tenzo asked.

"The way he looked. But I know that's stereotypical." Bensaku shrugged. "Anyway, I don't think it matters."

"Don't you think it matters where he came from and why he did it?" Tenzo asked.

"No," Bensaku said simply.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Tenzo asked.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? But why? He raped you." Tenzo looked away, his brow furrowed. "Or something."

Bensaku let the moment pass without clarification.

Tenzo looked at him again. "You should do something. He deserves to be punished."

"He has been," Bensaku said. "By his memories."

Tenzo scowled and tilted his head. "For all you know, a sicko like that cherishes he memories. I don't trust that to be a punishment."

"Then he was punished by ANBU command," Bensaku said, holding his hands palm up. "I don't know. I don't care. Like I said, I just want to forget about it."

"But you can't, or else you would be with me," Tenzo said.

"What makes you think that's the only thing in my way?" Bensaku asked mildly.

Tenzo's face fell. "Because I'm so awesome?"

Bensaku sighed and hugged him. "Tenzo...if I went for you, I would be accused of having a Shota Complex."

"Guys grow up fast in ANBU," Tenzo said, hugging him back. "My age isn't the sole defining thing about me."

Bensaku rubbed Tenzo's back with one hand. That brought home again how small Tenzo was. "I can spread my fingers across the span of your back."

"So?"

"I'm almost a foot taller than you."

"So?"

Tenzo pulled away enough to scowl at him. "What has any of this got to do with you and me and being in love?"

"You wouldn't understand," Bensaku said.

Tenzo gave him a hooded look. "Well, I'm not going to if you don't tell me. I can't understand something I don't know."

Bensaku looked at Tenzo pleadingly. "If I do this with you, I'll be just like Koujaku."

"What?" Tenzo protested. "Because I want it? That makes you like him? You're stonewalling me!"

"I'm not -" Bensaku couldn't catch his breath. He sucked in air and sighed. "I'm not stonewalling you. I have a guilty conscience."

"Why?" Tenzo asked. "Am I not the first boy you've been attracted to? Do you make a habit of stalking schoolboys and assaulting them in public bathrooms?"

Bensaku flushed bright red.

"Oh, come on," Tenzo said. "I know you. I know you better than that. I know you better than to think you have some depraved Shota Complex, and I'm just your newest victim." He folded his arms over his stomach and leaned back against the sofa. "Don't give me that line of bullshit. You're scared of something else, and it has nothing to do with being a Shotacon." Shotacon being slang for 'someone with a Shota Complex'.

"I can't tell you," Bensaku said quietly.

"Why not?" Tenzo asked. "You told me everything else."

Bensaku hung his head. "You just need to understand."

"We're back to that again." Tenzo pouted grumpily. He looked away while he thought.

Bensaku let Tenzo think. He had no idea what was running through Tenzo's head. Only that Tenzo was obviously annoyed, and it was his fault. He couldn't salvage the situation, only make it worse if he gave in to Tenzo's pressure and opened his mouth.

"What if I don't call you Taichou?" Tenzo asked.

"That would be disrespectful," Bensaku said mildly. He hid the fact that he was embarrassed that Tenzo was trying to make allowances for him. He didn't deserve any. The advice he'd been given was to live in the present, and he was trying. Admitting that he couldn't was a step backwards.

"No one would tell," Tenzo said. He grinned. "Kakashi-sempai and Gai-sempai wouldn't mind. They'd know the truth. And outside of work, I'm not supposed to know your rank."

Bensaku sighed. "Tenzo, rest it."

"What do you want to be called? Bensaku-kun?" Tenzo asked.

Bensaku didn't answer.

"I know you don't like Benji," Tenzo said.

That won a smile. Bensaku shook his head, amused in spite of himself. "Tenzo..."

Tenzo wagged a finger. "That's already taken. That's my name."

Bensaku laughed. "Okay, stop it."

Tenzo grinned. "Saku-chan."

Bensaku looked away. "Now you're being ridiculous."

"It's Saku-chan, isn't it?" Tenzo asked. "That's what you want to be called. It's adorable!"

Bensaku tried to scowl, but his mouth wouldn't cooperate. The corners stubbornly inched upwards. "Tenzo, stop it. I mean it."

"We're not at work, so you can't make me," Tenzo said. He leaned in and kissed Bensaku's cheek.

Bensaku felt himself flush. "Alright," he whispered. "Call me what you want. But I've got errands to run."

"Alright," Tenzo said cheerfully. He took Bensaku's arm and led him to the door. "We'll talk more later."

Bensaku wished that Tenzo didn't know what a surrender this was. He slipped his black sneakers on and left. At least he'd told the truth about running errands. He wasn't that much of a coward.

As he left the apartment building and walked down the sidewalk, he wondered, _Why did Tenzo have to kiss me? _It had taken all of his willpower up to this point not to make a pass. Now it would be impossible.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

* * *

After Bensaku left, Tenzo flopped down on his bed in front of his fan and sighed. The day was warm, so he should have been outside, but he didn't feel like it. Instead, he retreated behind his electric fan and lay on his back on top of the covers, looking at the ceiling. _Bensaku-taichou... _He was more troubled by what Bensaku had told him than he'd let on.

_I mean, first of all, does that mean that Kuma-shou doesn't even know what happened between Bensaku and Koujaku? Or did Kuma-shou figure it out, and not tell Bensaku that he had? If that happened, why did the whole team cover up for their pervert taichou? _Tenzo sighed. He wanted to contact Kuma and ask questions, but he was terrified of what Bensaku would do if his captain found out. He'd probably never get to be Bensaku's boyfriend, then. _Bensaku would just shut me out. _

A soft thump and a small pressure on the bed made Tenzo look at the end of the bed. He saw Daidai walking across the blanket towards him, tail up and head cocked. Daidai gave a questioning purr.

Tenzo sighed. "Hi, buddy. Come on in. He's gone now."

Daidai picked his way across the ripples and dips in the blanket and rubbed his cheek against Tenzo's.

Tenzo scratched Daidai's head and chin. "You forgave me, huh?"

Daidai didn't stand for this position for long. He climbed onto Tenzo's chest and curled up.

Tenzo stroked his furry back. "Daidai-chan...you heard what the taichou said, ne? It's sad, isn't it? What do I do? Should I tell somebody? He told me not to. But he made it sound as if he never got justice for what happened. That's wrong, ne? I mean, Mamba-san should be punished." He didn't know whether to call the man Koujaku or Mamba, so he alternated as Bensaku had.

Daidai offered no useful advice, but at least he was comforting.

**xXx**

Tenzo found Kakashi early the next afternoon, predictably by going to Gai's training ground. Gai called a breather, graciously allowing Kakashi to walk away from a round of sparring that Kakashi was clearly not winning, and walked across the field to where a bottle of water stood in the crook of a tree.

Kakashi raised a hand in a wave. "Thanks."

Gai took a drink of water. "No problem, my dear rival! All I ask is that you come back refreshed and ready to win." He flashed them both a thumbs up.

Kakashi shook his head. "I can't promise that, but I'll give you a run for your money." He turned to Tenzo. "He feels sorry for me. One more win, and I'll have to do his laundry. He's having second thoughts."

"I knew Gai-sempai couldn't be that cruel," Tenzo said lightly. He didn't know how to broach the subject. He didn't even know if he should have come to Kakashi with this kind of problem.

Kakashi led him into a nearby copse of trees for some privacy and leaned against a tree trunk. "So. You've got a problem."

Tenzo stared at him. "I do?" _Can he really tell?_

Kakashi raised an index finger and made a circular motion. "It's all over your face."

Tenzo hung his head, but this was what he came to Kakashi for. "What would you do if you had a secret you thought you should tell, but the person who told you the secret doesn't want you to?"

"Tell," Kakashi said with a shrug. "They don't know what's best for them."

"But what would you do if you would never see them again if you did tell?" Tenzo asked.

"Not tell," Kakashi said.

Teno made a face. "Sempai...are you making fun of me?"

"No," Kakashi said. "You're being confusing. How am I supposed to know what the right answer is when I don't know the person, the secret, or how you feel about them?"

Tenzo scowled. "I'm not going to tell you."

"Okay, then. I'm not going to offer advice." Kakashi waved a hand in a lackadaisical gesture and walked back towards the training field.

"Sempai..."

Kakashi turned around. "What?"

"I came to you for help," Tenzo said. He was trying not to whine, but he couldn't help it if Kakashi was going to be difficult.

"Then you know what steps you've got to take to get it," Kakashi said.

"I can't just tell you somebody else's secret," Tenzo insisted, in spite of his guilty feeling that he was being self-righteous.

Kakashi held up a hand. "You have a few options: You can tell me the secret and trust me to keep quiet, or you can tell me the secret and have me tell someone else for you, or you can not tell me anything." He shrugged. "I don't see what else there is to do. I mean, you put yourself in an uncomfortable position in the first place by hearing an ugly secret."

"What makes you think it's an ugly secret?" Tenzo protested.

Kakashi smiled at him cheerfully. "It weren't ugly, you wouldn't need advice in response to knowing it."

Tenzo felt cheated. He clenched his hands at his sides.

Kakashi shrugged. "We're both in ANBU, we both know how to read people. If you don't want me to figure it out, tell me and I'll back off. I just thought I'd save you the trouble of telling me if I could guess it. Then you didn't betray anybody, and I could still help you."

"Oh." Tenzo's irritation vanished. "Okay. I'm sorry I can't tell you, but I think it's better this way. That way Bensa -" He paled. "I mean – I -"

"So it's Bensaku's secret," Kakashi said.

Tenzo clammed up, desperately trying to keep his heart from exploding. "Sempai," he squeaked after a few moments.

Kakashi sighed. "I'm not going to call him Bensaku-taichou when he wants to call me Hatake or Kakashi without an honorific. If we know each other that well, then I can call him Bensaku."

Tenzo shook his head frantically. "That's not what I – I betrayed hi -"

"You did not," Kakashi said. "I tricked it out of you. Now relax." He pulled out the volume of Icha Icha he was currently lugging around and flipped through it, needing the buffer to think.

Tenzo waited, sweating.

"So Bensaku told you a horrible secret and you can't handle it," Kakashi said.

"I can too!" Tenzo exclaimed.

"Then why come to me?"

Tenzo almost stomped awat.

"You can't handle it, and that means it must be pretty big," Kakashi said. "You can handle a lot of stuff. You've been through incredibly difficult circumstances, which is to say nothing of the classified missions you've been on since you were eight. So this secret must carry a lot of impact for you. I bet it's probably something where Bensaku got hurt, and he told you because he trusts you, but you can't handle it because you're in love with him. And now you've come to me."

Tenzo nodded helplessly, frozen in place and staring. He couldn't believe it was that obvious, but then again, if he were facing Kakashi it didn't have to be obvious. Kakashi was a genius.

Not to mention that he knew Tenzo and Bensaku fairly well by now.

Finally, after reading for two solid minutes in silence, Kakashi said, "It's a secret that has to do with sexual trauma."

Tenzo gasped. He couldn't help it. Kakashi had literally knocked the breath out of him with that revelation. He felt himself shaking. "How did you know?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I sensed something like that when I talked to him about you."

Tenzo almost fell over. "Sempai, that's cheating!"

Kakashi chuckled and tucked his book away. "Now, now. It's not cheating if it helps you. I know all about Taichou's attitude when it comes to having sex with you. I just don't know why. It seems that he's been sexually traumatized in the past by an older man, and this plays into his perception that he has a responsibility not to touch you."

Tenzo nodded slowly while Kakashi spoke, wide-eyed that Kakashi could glean all that from a conversation with their captain. "He couldn't have said anything so specific."

"No," Kakashi agreed. "He merely said that he was a pervert and a bad person for being older than you. I figured he had to get that perception from somewhere, and it seemed to cut so deeply that I was sure it was a personal memory and not just someone else's opinion coloring his."

"What can I do?" Tenzo asked. A sense of helplessness swept over him at facing the enormity of wanting to be with someone who was determined to run away from him.

"Keep going after him," Kakashi said.

Tenzo almost fell over again. "Why?"

"Because he loves you very much," Kakashi said. "And he wants to be with you. You remember his reaction when you saw the maid cafe Gai almost dragged us into. He was upset that you were interested in the girls who worked there."

Tenzo flushed and looked away. "Hey...who wouldn't be? I mean..." He trailed off in embarrassment.

"You're fourteen, and have a lot of hormones."

Tenzo glanced at him reproachfully.

Kakashi grinned at his kouhai. "I'm sixteen and have a lot of hormones. It's almost the same thing. I just have a better poker face than you do. And anyway, I was already interested in Gai, so I didn't fall over quite as much as you did."

Tenzo felt his cheeks flame. "So Taichou got really upset over that, ne?"

Kakashi nodded. "Really upset."

"I didn't notice."

"I know." Kakashi watched him closely. "You don't tend to notice when the person you're desperate for likes you back. I know; I was oblivious to Gai's feelings for the longest time, and he started having them before me. What if Taichou got his feelings before you did? Wouldn't that make him feel guilty?"

"I guess so," Tenzo said. That was something to consider. "So you think maybe if I just really insist on how I feel, he might understand that I'm not making it up? Or something like that?"

Kakashi nodded. "Something like that."

Tenzo hugged him. "Thanks, Sempai."

Kakashi patted his back. "No problem. Just don't tell him that we spoke. I think he's mad enough already that I've been interfering. He doesn't want to be helped, even by his teammates."

Tenzo let go of Kakashi and nodded. "Hai. I won't. Thanks again."

Kakashi saluted and walked back to the training field to rejoin Gai.

Tenzo walked the other direction, towards the village. He had a lot to think about, and he wanted time to think in. Normally, he would have just jumped from tree to tree and been home in five minutes. This way, he took the long way around.

While he thought, he took in the sunshine slanting through the trees, the way shadows were small and squat at this time of day. His own shadow was so small he could hardly see it. _Why does this have to happen to me?_ He wondered suddenly. _I'm in love with someone twice my age. Shouldn't I be worried?_

Of course, he was young, and twenty-eight wasn't old. And to be precise, Bensaku wasn't twice his age, Bensaku was fourteen years older than him. When his birthday hit next year, Bensaku would be one year less than twice his age. The huge looking age gap wouldn't mean anything by the time he was thirty.

If he lasted that long in this relationship.

_It would be okay to be in love with a fourty-four year old, maybe, if I was thirty already. Thirty-year-olds can hang out with forty-four year olds, can't they? Life's not that different at that point. _

He was distracted by a rustle. Tenzo glanced at his feet in time to see a rabbit cut across his path, a rare sight. Some cultures thought rabbits were lucky. Konoha mostly talked of them in terms of being sexually prolific.

Tenzo grinned to himself. But either way, that seemed like a good omen to him, considering what he wanted from Bensaku. Well, part of what he wanted. _Sex would be nice...I wonder what it's like. Would I be on top, or would he? _He had trouble picturing sex between guys except the behind position, and he wasn't too crazy about that one.

Plus, imagining himself behind Bensaku was laughable.

Tenzo backed out of that line of thought and focused on how to immediately get Bensaku's attention.

Well, he knew how girls did it...

**xXx**

When Bensaku came back from the gym, he found Tenzo standing in front of the door to his apartment, holding a white box. He froze, tempted to put his gym bag between them and shove Tenzo out of the way.

Then he caught himself. _What, are you crazy? It's just Tenzo. Cut the kid a break for crying out loud. _"Tenzo," Bensaku said in a remarkably even voice. "What are you doing here?" He walked up to join Tenzo in front of the door, trying to silently hint at Tenzo to get out of the way.

"Can't you guess?" Tenzo asked.

Bensaku narrowed his eyes. "No."

"Saku-chan, I made you dango..." Tenzo lifted the box by its gift ribbon, grinning.

Bensaku froze again, before he could get his keys out of his jacket pocket. "You didn't."

"Oh, yes, I did." Tenzo's grin widened. "Now let me in so I can feed it to you."

Bensaku flushed. "You will not..."

Tenzo widened his eyes innocently. "I won't?"

Bensaku unlocked his door swiftly and yanked Tenzo inside, shutting the door with a huff. "Okay, I'm willing to concede that you might feed me if I let you." He dropped his gym bag in the foyer and slipped off his sneakers. He could deal with the gym bag later.

Tenzo smiled and clutched the box of sweets to his chest coquettishly. "Bensaku-kun...won't you let me be nice to you?"

"No," Bensaku said. "But we can hang out."

Tenzo pouted. "I'll leave the dango in the kitchen. If you change your mind..."

"I won't," Bensaku said.

"Don't be such a downer." Tenzo slipped off his sandals. He sauntered across the room and deposited the box of dango on Bensaku's kitchen counter.

Bensaku just watched him.

Tenzo gave him a mildly reproachful look and walked down into the living room, plopping onto the black leather sofa. He let out a sigh.

"You're awfully comfortable," Bensaku said. He joined Tenzo in the living room and sat down on the opposite side of the sofa.

Tenzo scooted to the middle, half a cushion away. "Why shouldn't I be? I'm in my boyfriend's apartment."

"We're not dating," Bensaku said.

"Why not? We're both adults." Tenzo gave him an even look.

Bensaku sighed and let his head fall back against the back of the sofa. "Tenzo..." He considered what he could do. "You're probably not even attracted to me."

"Then why do I imagine sitting in your lap and kissing you senseless?" Tenzo asked, raising an eyebrow.

Bensaku gestured with both hands. "Fine. Then it's all sexual and there's nothing emotional to it."

"You've protected me since I was eight."

Bensaku scowled, trumped. "Well, then you're not ready. You're fourteen, for god's sake. You don't actually know what sex is, you're jumping into these things."

"Why are we having this conversation?" Tenzo asked.

"Because you said we were dating and I can't stop you from acting that way!"

Tenzo cringed a little. "I didn't mean to make you explode..."

"Well, it's too late for that," Bensaku said, straightening suddenly. "I was already half-exploded when you showed up on my doorstep."

"Why?" Tenzo asked.

Bensaku squeezed his eyes shut. "Because I can't stop thinking about you!" He knew that he couldn't possibly stop Tenzo by admitting such a thing, but the temptation had already been planted, and he clearly couldn't stop Tenzo by resisting.

"In a sexy way?" Tenzo sounded stunned.

Bensaku opened his eyes and saw Tenzo looking at him with astonishment. He felt a wave of remorse. "Oh, Tenzo...Yes. In a sexy way."

"Sweet," Tenzo said, but he was smiling tentatively, as if he were afraid he would get in trouble.

"Yes, you are." Bensaku kissed his lips gently. "When you're not trying to be so tough."

Tenzo's eyes widened.

"And in control," Bensaku continued. "You're very sweet." He pulled Tenzo into his arms with equal gentleness. It would be a miracle if they managed to pull a meaningful moment out of this, but he was going to drown if he didn't try. And if he communicated his honest desires, and his appreciation, then maybe Tenzo would at least understand what attracted him.

Tenzo allowed himself to be pulled into the embrace, and then seemed to wake up. He climbed into Bensaku's lap, then straddled it, getting comfortable and nestling himself in Bensaku's arms carefully. "Bensaku..." Bensaku could hear the swallowed honorific. "What do you mean...when I'm not trying?"

Bensaku sighed. "When you're not trying to be so tough and in control, I said. When you're less image conscious and stop swaggering."

Tenzo blushed. "But...I don't -"

"We all do," Bensaku said. "All of us in ANBU learn how to swagger and intimidate, and most of all look in control. But you've learned that a little too well. You need to let go, and just be yourself. Even if you think that's someone I don't want to see. I do. I do want to see you."

Tenzo's eyes shone. He looked either as though he were about to cry, or smile. It was a strangely ambiguous expression that filled Bensaku with trepidation.

Instead of doing either, Tenzo threw his arms around Bensaku's neck and clung.

Bensaku hugged him and rubbed his back gently. "Tenzo..."

Then, before he knew it, Tenzo was kissing him with raw enthusiasm. Overwhelmed, reacting before he could tell himself not to, before he could exercise some self-control, Bensaku found himself moaning and trying just to keep up. He squeezed Tenzo and met enthusiastically questing lips with his own. Slowly, he worked them into real kissing, not the sloppy pressing and smushing that Tenzo was trying to make into something more. He gently refined Tenzo's technique, until they mouthed each other's lips properly. He was searing and half-hard.

Tenzo started gasping, and Bensaku abruptly realized Tenzo had never kissed before. He broke it off, panting lightly, while Tenzo panted and wheezed. "I'm sorry. I didn't think." He stroked Tenzo's cheek. It was very warm. "You've never done this before."

"No shit," Tenzo managed to get out.

Bensaku gave him a look. "What'd I say about being tough? You don't need to."

Tenzo flushed brilliantly, up to the roots of his hair.

Bensaku kissed his cheeks gently, one and then the other. "It's okay."

Tenzo took a few more deep breaths, his chest rising and falling, and then nodded. "I'm ready." He leaned in, tilted his head, and closed his eyes, seeking Bensaku's lips carefully.

Bensaku found himself touched and turned on by Tenzo's care, the way Tenzo took the silent instruction to heart.

But that also reminded him that he was the teacher, and Tenzo was the student. He was the captain, and Tenzo was a lieutenant. They weren't that far off in rank, but at the same time, the difference was huge. In the regular ranks, it was the difference between a chunin and a jonin.

He had a responsibility here, and it was inescapable.

As Tenzo continued to tenderly kiss him, lips plucking and massaging against his, he could feel his grasp on that responsibility becoming loose and misty. Finally, when he was achingly hard and leaking in his boxers, he managed to slow things down to a halt.

Tenzo had to breathe anyway. He looked dazed. "Taichou...I mean, Bensaku..." There was a starry-eyed look on his face that terrified Bensaku.

Bensaku came to the crushing realization he'd let his control slip for a mere kiss. "Tenzo...I..."

Tenzo froze.

Bensaku hugged Tenzo tightly before Tenzo could even think of running away, whether on foot or by teleportation. "I love you."

Tenzo melted in his arms. "Taichou...Bensaku..." He said the name shyly, really trying it for the first time.

Bensaku could hear the knowledge of what it was like to kiss in those syllables. He'd changed Tenzo's perception of him forever.

"I love you too," Tenzo said, confirming Bensaku's worst fears. He trailed fingertips down Bensaku's cheek.

Bensaku closed his eyes and tried to hold onto that feeling. "I know. I'm sorry."

Tenzo responded with a concerned vocalization in the back of his throat and by kissing Bensaku's face. "Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I instigated this. I thought it was wonderful. We should do this more often."

"No, we shouldn't." Bensaku groaned. "I took advantage of you -"

"Listen to me." Tenzo cupped his face with both hands.

Bensaku opened his eyes to find Tenzo looking into his eyes solemnly.

"Bensaku...you did not take advantage of me," Tenzo intoned.

Bensaku smiled. "What are you trying to do, hypnotize me?"

"I don't know, does hypnosis work?" Tenzo retorted.

"No."

"Then I'm not." Tenzo got off of Bensaku's lap gracefully and sat down, wrapping himself up in Bensaku's arms and leaning against the captain's side. "Mmm. Hold me. And stop being such a jerk."

"Yes, koibito." Koibito meant 'the object of my affections', roughly. It was a non-gendered term for the person one was dating. Bensaku kissed the side of Tenzo's head.

Tenzo settled in with a satisfied noise. "Yes. Now let's watch tv. We can pretend it never happened if you want, but I'm going to enjoy myself and get some snuggles while I still can. Understand?"

"Perfectly," Bensaku said. He let Tenzo order him around, especially since it was Tenzo's way of saving face in this situation. He reached out with one hand, took the remote from the end table, and turned on the tv.

"Good. Now let's settle in and watch boring things," Tenzo said.

Bensaku snorted. "As you wish." He nuzzled the side of Tenzo's head, finding the scent of Tenzo's hair pleasing. It was an instrinstic smell like toasted almonds and honey.

He realized in that moment that it was hopeless.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

* * *

Bensaku patiently sat through the political program, finding it mildly interesting if he treated it like a debriefing. Tenzo, on the other hand, lasted half an hour.

Tenzo yawned and shifted against him. "Aww, I'm falling asleep. This show is so boring."

Bensaku felt a pulse of warmth. A thin body moving against his side was an intense experience after spending so many years alone, giving nothing but strictly platonic contact to those around him. "You're the one that picked it."

"I know, but this is too boring," Tenzo said.

Bensaku snorted. It was a taping of the civilian council of elders in Konoha, discussing some bill or tax thing or something. Nothing that ninjas had to worry about. They had an entirely different set of rules and a different government. The only thing civilians and ninjas had in common was the Daimyo.

Tenzo stretched and rubbed his eyes with another yawn.

Bensaku couldn't help kissing the side of Tenzo's head, smelling toasted almonds and honey again. "Tenzo...It's time to go home, ne? You're tired."

Tenzo hugged him. "Don't make me go, just like that."

"Sorry," Bensaku said, hugging Tenzo in return. "You kind of have to, you know. You need your sleep. We could be called on a new mission any day now, and you need to be ready. Our recovery time is almost up."

Tenzo pulled away to look him in the eye, somber. "How are you recovering?"

"Me?" Bensaku shrugged. "What do you mean?"

Tenzo placed a hand on Bensaku's stomach. "You almost died. You could have..."

"Doesn't mean anything to me," Bensaku said.

Tenzo frowned. "It better. I'm going to punish you if you die."

"How are you going to do that? I'll be dead." Bensaku gave him a wry smile.

"I'll haunt you," Tenzo said.

Bensaku got up, gently pulling Tenzo with him. "Isn't it the dead that usually haunt the living?"

Tenzo grinned. "I'll be special."

Bensaku grinned back and gently kissed Tenzo's lips. "You're already special."

Tenzo hugged him again.

Bensaku rocked him. "I know, I know. But you've got to go. I'm serious about you getting sleep."

Tenzo pouted. "But I want to see your bedroom."

Bensaku's cheeks burned at that unexpected announcement. "Well, not tonight."

"Then tomorrow," Tenzo said.

"Hey, now wait a minute..."

"You promised," Tenzo said quickly, holding up an index finger.

"I did not," Bensaku protested.

Tenzo slipped out of his grasp and walked to the door, where he slipped his sandals back on. "You implied it. Not tonight means maybe tomorrow night, and why not? We'll both be free."

Bensaku propped his hands on his hips and gave Tenzo his best stern expression. "Why do you say that?"

Tenzo grinned again. "Because neither one of us have a life."

Bensaku huffed, amused and defeated. "Fine. Point noted." He crossed the apartment and opened the door, seeing Tenzo out. "Now good night."

"I think so," Tenzo said. He cheekily leaned forward and kissed the tip of Bensaku's nose, then slipped out the door. "Ja ne, Saku-chan!"

"Don't call me that," Bensaku said.

All he got in response was a wave.

**xXx**

After Tenzo went home, Bensaku was left with his empty apartment. He looked around, realizing for the first time that he'd created loneliness when he'd created his sterile sanctuary. He was a person who needed to guard his personal space carefully, since he needed a lot of it, but at the moment, all he could think about was how much he wished he could have taken Tenzo to his bedroom and let Tenzo sleep there.

But that wouldn't have been safe.

Bensaku sighed and bowed his head. He walked to bed by himself. Then he remembered his gym bag was still in foyer. He went back and retrieved his gym bag, emptied it out in the laundry room and started a small wash, then walked back to his bedroom. He pulled out a sleeping yukata and undressed.

When he'd stripped down to his boxers, he paused, bothered by an unaccustomed thought. _What would Tenzo think of my body? _He assessed himself for a moment before he realized it and hurriedly wrapped his sleeping yukata around himself. _Stop that. It doesn't matter. He's never going to see you this way anyway. It's wrong. _

Bensaku lay down in bed, on top of the covers since it was warm. He didn't have a bad looking body. He didn't think so, anyway. Light brown skin, muscular frame, brown hair. His hair was a couple shades darker than Tenzo's, short and nondescript. He looked alright in colors like blue or green, but he didn't like to call attention to himself, so he mostly wore black and white.

He tugged at the silky sleeve of his blue sleeping yukata. Would he dress in more colorful clothes for Tenzo? He thought so.

Bensaku imagined meeting Tenzo at a fancy restaurant, like The Crimson Lantern, dressed in his best yukata, blue with green fireworks on it. A red obi, maybe. Something eye catching. Tenzo would be surprised. Then he'd tell Tenzo they had a reservation, have the waitress lead them to their table, and tell Tenzo to order anything. The Crimson Lantern's best dishes were whole crab and sushi, but he wouldn't put it past Tenzo to get something fried, like fried red curry noodles or tempura.

_That would be a nice time..._

Bensaku drifted off before he realized it.

**xXx**

In the morning, he put his wash in the dryer, got dressed, and went out the door.

Bensaku's routine was a simple one. He always logged four hours at training field six to practice his jutsu, using the varied terrain and the scarecrows set up as targets. Then he went and cooled down for a couple hours, usually during lunch and then sitting in his favorite cafe downtown, by himself, drinking a lemonade or a soda and watching the crowds flow in and out. After that, he ran errands and went to the gym. The gym was mostly for the weight training equipment. He liked to keep up his strength. One never knew when it would come in handy to lift 200 pounds. When he was done at the gym, he went home, put on dinner, and relaxed in front of the tv with a magazine. A rest well deserved after a day of hard work.

He never shared his routine with people; in fact, he dodged as much as possible about what he did all day because he wanted to do it alone.

But today, while he sat at the cafe downtown and people-watched, he thought about what Tenzo would have ordered. Not lemonade. Probably a chocolate sundae. And he probably would have ogled the girls, too. The girls at his cafe dressed sexier than he preferred, in not-quite knee length skirts and low cut blouses. But he couldn't help that part, and the cafe had the perfect atmosphere, laidback and friendly without bothering the customers.

Tenzo would like it here, even exempting the waitresses from the equation.

Bensaku drummed his fingers on the table, made restless by his turn of thought. _Since when do I go someplace and think, 'Tenzo would like it here'? What am I doing, building a future or something? _There wasn't any future to build. By the time Tenzo turned sixteen, he'd be thirty. An old man.

In ninja terms, at least, being thirty meant one was old. Ninjas tended to die around their fortieth birthday. A forty year old ninja was the same as a sixty year old civilian. Life was pretty much over. He'd be kidding himself if he told himself he'd be building a future with Tenzo. All he'd do was let Tenzo down.

If he could retire from ANBU, though, he'd take his pension and settle down. He'd live a lot longer that way. Maybe he wouldn't have the shelf life of a civilian, but he might make it to fifty by down-ranking and going into the Reserves. Then he could go into selling flowers or something, like Yamanaka Inoichi. That was a nice, staid profession. Nothing dangerous happening there.

_Listen to yourself. Love's made you a coward. _

Bensaku sighed, sucked down the rest of his lemonade, and rose. He left enough to pay and have a tip left over and then walked off down the street, joining the stream of people he'd been watching.

For six years, he had thought of Tenzo in ways he hoped would help him intereact with Tenzo properly. In terms of being a neighbor kid he was babysitting, or being a young student he was tutoring, and later, a young teammate. Finally, he'd crossed the line into feeling like he had a kid brother when Tenzo turned twelve. Shortly after Tenzo turned thirteen, however...something happened. Something went wrong.

A kid brother wasn't supposed to be sexy.

Since that time, Bensaku had found himself being distracted by the willowy body of the young man rapidly growing up beside him. And it wasn't right, and it wasn't good, but he wanted to protect Tenzo from the world of cold, manipulative bastards by offering himself in their place.

Bensaku found himself jogging down the street, needing the exertion to stay calm. _What is that except an excuse for manipulation of my own? It's a dirty rationalization in order to get my hands on Tenzo myself. _

A glimpse of last night passed in front of his vision.

_I shouldn't have done that._

He went to the gym and bench pressed the perversion out of himself. By the time he finished, his arms were like rubber. Stiff, creaky rubber. He showered and took the long way home, sighing to himself at the sight of the sun cresting low over the buildings, preparing to set.

As soon as that sun went down, he was going to be left in an apartment by himself, with nothing stopping him from going to bed and thinking about Tenzo. He refused to masturbate to what came to mind, but that didn't mean he could banish those thoughts from his mind and get some rest. He'd been sleeping like crap lately.

When he reached his apartment building, the sun was dazzling on the windows. A fireworks display trapped in glass. He climbed the stairs, unconsciously counting his breaths.

At the right landing, he pushed through the door and walked down the hall, counting his steps. Counting things was a good way to keep from thinking.

A foreign pair of feet interrupted his carefully catalogued advance to the door of his apartment.

Bensaku stopped short, his head snapping up. "T-Tenzo."

Tenzo grinned. "I told you I would be stopping by today." He was dressed in a blue yukata with white trim and a pair of light brown cargo pants. That fashion choice was damningly cute.

"You did?" Bensaku said evasively, looking away. _How can this be happening? Why? He isn't going to come here every day, is he?_ Even if Tenzo did, he couldn't turn Tenzo away.

"Bensaku." Tenzo frowned at him scoldingly.

"I thought you were joking." He unlocked the door and let Tenzo inside ahead of him, then closed the door. He felt strange being ambushed right after going to the gym again, and he was glad that he showered there and came home in clean clothes. Suddenly, he was hyper-sensitive of his body.

As soon as their shoes and sandals were off, Tenzo hugged him. "I said I wanted to see your bedroom today, and I meant it."

"Wait a minute," Bensaku protested. He hugged Tenzo back and then held Tenzo at arm's length so they could see each other. "You're going too fast."

Tenzo slipped out of his grasp and walked through the living room, towards the hallway that blatantly led to Bensaku's bedroom. "I'm making up for lost time."

Bensaku followed him helplessly.

Tenzo pushed open the bedroom door and crossed over to the king sized bed, plopping down on it with a bounce. "Your bedroom's pretty plain."

"I don't need a whole lot," Bensaku said, standing in the doorway.

Tenzo smoothed a hand over the bedspread. "But so much white. Isn't it hard to clean?"

Bensaku shook his head. "I make sure I'm clean when I come back here, and the rest takes care of itself."

"Impressive." Tenzo grinned, examining the carpet. "I'm a pretty clean person too, but I'm not brave enough to use white on everything."

"Bravery hasn't got much to do with it," Bensaku admitted. He crossed the room and sat down next to Tenzo. He was relieved Tenzo apparently meant to talk, and not to seduce him. It seemed he'd read too much into Tenzo wanting to see his bedroom. He took Tenzo's hand and squeezed it. "I don't want to stand out. Leaving pieces of myself behind everywhere is a surefire way to get noticed, and eventually targeted, for being ANBU."

"Who would know?" Tenzo asked.

"Enemy ANBU," Bensaku said. "Enemy spies. It happens. You wouldn't think so, but it does. Security's not that tight. Security just strains out all the low level risks. The big players still get in, just like we get into everyone else's villages without being spotted."

"Oh." Tenzo bowed his head, looking at his feet. "I guess I never thought of that."

"We all like to believe our homes are safe," Bensaku said gently.

"How come you're so hyper-vigilant about it, then?" Tenzo asked.

"My remaining teammate, Viper?"

Tenzo nodded.

"He was killed. Assassinated." Bensaku gestured. "He was at home, in Konoha. An enemy agent from Takigakure managed to infiltrate his home and kill him." He didn't feel anything, relating the incident. It had happened a long time ago.

"I'm sorry," Tenzo said.

Bensaku shook his head. "It was a valuable lesson."

"So I'll never know him," Tenzo said in a tiny voice.

"I'm afraid not," Bensaku said. "But I can tell you about him."

"Okay." Tenzo scooted onto the bed and lay down.

Bensaku realized he may as well be comfortable and lay down on his side facing Tenzo. "Tajihi's real name was Showa Chichiro."

"Chichiro?" Tenzo blinked.

"The name Chichiro means 'father's son'," Bensaku explained with a smile. "Chichi (父) for father, and ro (郎) for son. He was called that because he looked just like his father."

Tenzo considered Bensaku's expression and tone of voice. Bensaku could see Tenzo sizing him up. "And was he a good guy after all, even though he was really cynical and snappy? I bet he was."

Bensaku nodded. "He was."  
Tenzo's expression was a blend of sadness and wariness. "Then I bet you really miss him."

"I do."

Tenzo bit his lip and took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before he spoke. "I'm going to really miss you when you're gone. Don't you think?"

"Maybe." Bensaku didn't want to discuss this, but he could see how he had opened the trap door and fallen in.

"Why don't you want me to be close to you?" Tenzo asked. "Because it's going to be gone someday?"

Bensaku nodded. "That's about right."

"But if I don't have it now I'll never have it."

Bensaku smiled at him. "If you don't have it, you can't lose it."

Tenzo frowned and reached out, poking the tip of Bensaku's nose. "That's a sucky way to look at life."

Bensaku chuckled.

Tenzo's frown intensified. "And I don't accept it. I want as much as I can get, for as many days as I can get it, especially if it's going to be gone tomorrow."

Bensaku revised the innocence of Tenzo wanting to see his bedroom. "You make it sound like having sex like rabbits is your solution." He sat up.

Tenzo grinned and sat up as well, crossing his legs. "That's part of it."

"What do I look like? A sex machine?" Bensaku protested. He barely convinced himself to masturbate once a week, even on vacation.

"No, but your codename is Rabbit," Tenzo teased, shifting closer and kissing Bensaku's lips lightly. "I'd say you ought to live up to that."

"My codename is Rabbit because I'm fast," Bensaku snapped.

Tenzo jerked back.

Bensaku softened. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken offense at that. You were just teasing me."

Tenzo froze for a moment, then let out his breath in a sigh, his shoulders slumping. "What was the matter with that? Did I sound too much like your captain?"

It was Bensaku's turn to freeze. He couldn't even form words.

Tenzo looked sad, but not surprised. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Bensaku looked away, but he didn't protest when Tenzo nestled close against him and gave him a hug. He wrapped his arms around Tenzo in return, not squeezing, just holding. "I don't want to chase you away. But I don't want you to get too close. I want you to be just right. Do you understand?"

Tenzo rested his head on Bensaku's shoulder. "I can understand that. I want you to be just right, too."

Bensaku stayed like this for a couple minutes, then started rubbing Tenzo's back. "We'll figure something out. But it won't be sex. Not yet."

Tenzo tilted his head, looking at Bensaku warily. "How long will I have to wait?"

"Until you're sixteen," Bensaku said. "That's the law. If you push me to do it any sooner, you're looking at a statutory rapist."

Tenzo made a face. "I don't want a statutory rapist."

"I don't want to be one," Bensaku said.

"But you're not a rapist." Tenzo gave him an analyzing look. "Or, you don't believe that, do you?"

Bensaku shook his head.

"You think you'd really do it."

Bensaku nodded.

Tenzo put a hand on Bensaku's head and lightly pushed. "Silly baka. You couldn't rape me if you tried. You love me too much. You'd stop automatically, and then you'd go kill yourself. ANBU still encourages those codes of behavior, so you'd do it in a heartbeat. You've been in ANBU ten years. It's like you have a self-destruct button right here." He lowered his hand from Bensaku's head, placing it instead on Bensaku's chest.

Bensaku looked down at that delicate hand, fingers spread. "Yeah. You're right. And if you push my self-destruct button, I'm gonna explode."

"I won't do that," Tenzo said. He kissed Bensaku's lips, gently mouthing. "I'm not going to do that."

Bensaku lay down, pulling Tenzo onto his chest. Tenzo got comfortable, shifting and fitting into his arms. "I can believe that." He kissed Tenzo back.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

* * *

A few days had passed since Tenzo interrupted their training session, and Kakashi still hadn't told him what Tenzo wanted. But he figured it was private if Kakashi hadn't told him, so he didn't ask.

It was a typical afternoon: they'd trained, showered, and flopped down on Kakashi's bed. Kakashi had suggested reading manga together as a quiet way to pass the time together, and Gai agreed. He didn't usually spend a lot of time reading, but he was willing to try new things for Kakashi. Besides, Kakashi's manga were really interesting.

Gai lay flat on his back on Kakashi's bed, holding the manga open with both hands and at arm's length, since it was more comfortable. Light filtered in through the blinds over Kakashi's bedroom window, letting in enough natural light that the lamps were off. He found he enjoyed the feeling of the thick newsprint pages.

After about fifteen minutes of reading, Gai glanced over at Kakashi. Kakashi was sitting up with pillows propped behind him, slouched in prime reading position. Gai noticed that Kakashi always liked the same position when reading. Kakashi's hair was tousled and damp from the shower, and he was without his mask. Gai sighed a little without meaning to; reading the peace on Kakashi's delicate features made his chest feel warm inside. He'd always known that Kakashi enjoyed reading. But now, he could see Kakashi's enjoyment. It was a whole new experience.

He glanced back at the manga he was reading, and then noticed he'd somehow missed part of the story. This was typical; he had poor reading comprehension and had to read things several times. He didn't really feel like reading everything again, and it was Kakashi's book, so he figured he'd just ask. "Ne, Kakashi? Juro and Nagasaki-san are in a relationship at this point, right?"

Kakashi glanced over at the manga Gai was reading. "Yes. They've gotten really serious, in fact."

"How did I miss that?" Gai lamented. He pouted at the page. "I was reading, and the next thing I know, they're kissing, and Nagasaki-san has his fingers in Juro's butt." Then he pulled the manga closer and squinted. "At least it looks like that's where his fingers are." He showed Kakashi. "See? They're kissing in the doorway and Nagasaki-san got Juro's pants down, and now his fingers are...he's cupping Juro's bottom, and it looks like two of his fingers are in there."

Kakashi felt an immediate flush of heat that snapped through his stomach and pooled in his groin. He blushed faintly and dutifully looked at the panel. "Ah...yes." He looked back to his manga, not really seeing what was on the page.

"But how did that happen?" Gai asked. "I thought the last thing that happened was..." He flipped back a few pages and stopped. "Here! They're talking in the cafe, and I guess Juro is smiling at Nagasaki-san - is that supposed to be flirting? - while Nagasaki-san is talking about what Juro wants to do later..." He flipped forward. "And now they're here. And there's nothing in between."

Kakashi wasn't sure how to answer that question. "Well...this story is one of those super-speed ones. The couple is portrayed as truly in love, but the mangaka skips several stages of the relationship in order to give the reader the gratification of a sex scene. In real life relationships, most people go through different stages of sexual...stuff. They don't just go on two dates, decide and say 'I'll love you forever', and then go have sex."

Gai set down the book and rolled onto his side, looking at Kakashi curiously. "What stage do you think we're at? We kind of skipped over some stuff too, didn't we? Or did we do it secretly and not tell each other?" He was still trying to figure out precisely how they'd ended up in this position. Not that he didn't think they were destined for each other, but he knew they hadn't done things the normal way.

The normal way was going on a lot of dates and exchanging presents, and then finally working up to an 'I love you', and then kissing, and then going somewhere private and touching each other. At least according to the majority of Kakashi's books cobbled together with pearls of wisdom from everyone Gai had talked to on the subject.

Kakashi chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, if you want to be technical, we've reached the Oral Sex Stage. And I'd say we did it secretly-or unconsciously. I mean, we've treated each other to meals hundreds of times, and we've taken care of each other. We grew this intense bond under the label of 'Rivalry,' and we began our sex lives together without admitting we loved each other or even what we were really doing...So we kind of worked up to it and then went around it and came back in."

Gai blushed, smiling with equal parts happiness and embarrassment. "Well, I didn't know what else to call these feelings. Everyone I talked to said that guys fall in love with girls, and have other guys as friends or rivals. And there were no rivalries I had to model ours after...so I just kind of made it up as I went along. My grandpa said that if you follow your feelings, it's hard to get steered wrong."

He picked up the book and pointed to the picture of Nagasaki-san erotically holding up Juro. "When do we get to that stage?"

Kakashi glanced at the panel. Juro was naked, his legs around Nagasaki-san's waist. Nagaski-san was supporting him with one arm and fingering him with his other hand. Kakashi blushed again, growing half-hard. "Ah...whenever you feel ready..."

Gai looked at Kakashi in surprise. "Really? But which one of us would do which thing? I mean, in this story, it seems like the smaller person is the one who gets stuff done to him the most, and that would be you, but I don't know how you would be comfortable with me picking you up and putting my fingers in you. Besides, wouldn't you rather be lying down for that? In real life, I think something like this must be uncomfortable."

Kakashi's blush was spreading down his neck. "Maa...In real life, I think we should take turns. And yes, I'd prefer to be lying down." He rubbed his jaw, a distracted gesture that was from half-excitement and half-nervousness. "In certain kinds of manga, there's a trope in which the smaller man is always the 'bottom.'" The irony of that was that Kakashi imagined himself on the bottom, but that didn't mean he didn't want Gai to share the experience.

Gai blinked. "The bottom? I would put the smaller man on the top. Don't you usually stack smaller things on top of bigger things? Like shrine stones." Small stones were stacked in order of size in order to create an art piece of sorts.

Kakashi chuckled. Leave it to Gai to think outside of the box. Very far outside. "Well, that also involves who is penetrating who."

Gai blushed. "Ah...So it's impossible for someone to penetrate from the bottom? I didn't know that..."

"Well..." Kakashi hesitated, trying to figure out how to explain it. "The 'bottom' is the one being penetrated. And yes, there's a way to penetrate while you're lying down." He felt his blush growing again, not to mention a hot pit of arousal in his stomach. "I mean, you could lie on your back, and I could straddle your hips. Essentially, I'd sit down on you...you'd be inside me."

Gai squirmed, suddenly hot down there. "So you mean 'bottom' doesn't mean 'bottom', it's a slang word for something else. Even if you were on the top, if I were the one who was inside of you, then you would be 'on the bottom', ne?" He thought about that. The way people used words was strange.

"Hai," Kakashi said. He gestured to the manga Gai held. "And Juro is probably being prepared for penetration. Turn the page and see if the next panel shows sex."

Gai picked up the book, wide-eyed, and turned the next page carefully. His hands were shaking. He saw Nagasaki-san put Juro on a bed. Then Nagasaki-san took his pants off. They had an exchange about 'lotion'. Gai turned the page, swallowing hard. Nagasaki-san showed Juro a squeeze tube of something. Then Nagasaki-san was squeezing something gooey out onto his fingers, and onto Juro. Nagasaki-san fingered Juro again; Juro's head was back, his mouth open, and he was blushing. In the next panel, Nagasaki-san was lined up with Juro in an obvious position.

After a moment of staring, Gai looked at Kakashi. "You're right."

He showed Kakashi the pictures, feeling weak and awkward. His heart was thumping rather fast.

Kakashi nodded. "Generally speaking, those are necessary steps for comfortable sex." He could tell Gai was affected and wondered what he was thinking.

"Ne, Kakashi...do you have any of that stuff? That 'lotion'?" Gai asked.

Kakashi couldn't breathe for a moment. He felt the stinging in his cheeks, and his entrance tingled. Without verbally replying, he leaned over and opened his nightstand drawer, his heart pounding, and pulled out a tube of lubrication. He held it out to Gai.

Gai reached out and took it, fumbling in the process and dropping it. "Ah!" He caught it before it hit the bed out of reflexes and blushed deeply. "Ah..." He stared at it, but there was no way to know what it was like without actually touching it. With a hard swallow, he uncapped the tube with a sharp snap of plastic and squeezed out a little pearl of lubrication onto his finger. He smelled it. It was nice; sweet. Then he rubbed it between his thumb and finger, feeling it. "It doesn't feel at all slimy...I was afraid of that when I saw the picture. I don't like slimy things, and if we had to use it, and it was slimy, I might be turned off."

He licked it off his finger, tasting something delicate and sweet. It took him a moment to place: lychee. Like strawberries but lighter.

"I like it." He read the tube itself. "And it seems you can eat it. I just did it, and I feel okay."

Kakashi had to smile. "Yeah." His body calmed back down again when Gai merely seemed curious.

Gai grinned at him. "It says edible right on the tube. I'm safe." He set down the tube of lubrication between him and Kakashi. "Ne, Kashi, you said that licking people's behinds and balls and stuff was okay. If we can eat this kind of lotion, and we need it to have sex, does that also mean that I could lick this off of you?" He was trying to form a picture of their sexual future. It looked increasingly strange, but all new things seemed that way to him, so he wasn't concerned. "Is that why people make this stuff to eat?"

Kakashi cleared his throat. "Well...hai." He supposed if he hadn't been so taken off guard by the question, he would have a full erection by now. Then his imagination caught up with him: Gai's hot tongue licking lube off his balls. He found he'd stopped breathing again and had to inhale deeply.

"Then I could eat this stuff off of you!" Gai beamed. "That seems like a fun thing we could do." He looked away, blushing hotly. "And maybe you could lick it off of me?" He still hadn't had the courage to tell Kakashi how much he fantasized about Kakashi licking him. Kakashi did some of that already, but the idea of Kakashi's tongue exploring his secret parts interested him.

Kakashi found himself smiling again. "I'd be more than happy to lick it off of you," he murmured, feeling himself stirring again.

Gai bowed his head, tingling all over at the sound of Kakashi's voice. That murmur drove him crazy in the best kind of way. Even in non-sexual situations, which he supposed in retrospect why he got hard a lot of the time about Kakashi without them really doing anything. "I'm really hard now."

Kakashi set down his manga and picked up the tube of lubrication. "Where you would like for me to spread it, Gai?"

Gai's cheeks flamed. He flopped down on his back, embarrassed and tingling. His nipples were hard, too. "Spread it? Where? Well..." He glanced down at himself. His nipples were obvious through his white t-shirt, and his erection was equally obvious underneath his jeans shorts. He really couldn't lie or stall. But his voice wouldn't work.

He unbuttoned his shorts and slid them off, then pulled his underwear off as well. He spread his legs a little and pointed at his balls. "There," he managed to whisper. "Unless...you want to do the other thing."

Kakashi was fully hard and leaking by now. He shifted over and climbed between Gai's legs. "I'll do whatever you want to feel," he whispered. He squeezed the lube onto his fingers and then slowly traced them over Gai's balls, coating them. He rubbed and petted as he did. Gai's erection was swollen and glistening above. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Gai's tip, lapping over it before scooting lower.

Gai moaned and threw his head back, shutting his eyes. Kakashi's tongue felt very good, hot and soft against his tip. Kakashi's fingers stroking his balls felt good too. The sensation was so strong it made him quiver. He knew he should have owned up sooner, given that Kakashi was so relaxed about these things, but he hadn't wanted to trouble Kakashi for anything. He supposed that was a foolish way to look at things.

Kakashi gazed up Gai's beautiful body, taking in his expression of pleasure. He knew he could never get tired of seeing it. He dipped down, extending his tongue and lapping slowly over Gai's balls, collecting the sweet taste of the lychee. Gai's skin was warm against his tongue, and he moaned in his throat.

Gai let out a little puff of a sigh and felt his body relax completely, going limp. Kakashi's togue exploring him was more gentle and more intense than he could have imagined. He moaned low in his throat. "Hai...oh, Kashi...that feels good..." A sharp pang of heat made his erection twitch. He whimpered and opened his legs wider. "It feels good."

Kakashi felt himself leaking further at the sound of Gai's whimpers and the sight of his legs spreading wider. "Gai," he moaned. He slowly licked over Gai's balls, covering them inch by inch and then gently sucking on the bottom.

Gai was lulled half to sleep by the licking. Kakashi suddenly sucking on him startled a hot, deep moan from him. He felt a rush of wetness and knew he was leaking. "Kashi...it's so good..." He bit down on his knuckles, shivering and moaning.

"Mmm..." Kakashi gently pulled one side into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it and sucking. His hands found Gai's inner thighs, and he rubbed them almost unconsciously.

"Ah! Ah...ah..." Gai couldn't help but cry out. His face was so hot it was aching; he must be bright red. "Kashi..." His arms went limp, and it took all of his effort to breathe. "Oh...god." He'd never imagined anything close to this.

Gai's moans and cries spurred Kakashi on. He moaned as well and switched sides; he'd leaked through his underwear. He sucked Gai into his mouth, running his tongue over him and mouthing gently.

Gai's breath hitched, and his back arched. A sob caught in his throat, and then he was whimpering helplessly, pulling one leg up to his chest in an attempt to shift with what Kakashi was doing. "It feels so good...please don't stop."

Kakashi felt himself aching. He returned to sucking on the tender bottom, swirling his tongue over the entire area, and even shifted one hand to Gai's balls so he could cup them while he worked. He massaged gently with his hand.

Gai moaned deeply and loudly, his back arching off the bed. "Kashi! I'm -" He shuddered and moaned, panting, falling limp. He could feel himself dripping.

Kakashi stopped momentarily. "Do you want me to finish you this way?" He lapped over Gai's balls slowly, right up the seam.

"Mm-mm-mm-hmm," Gai whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut. He was so hot. He felt his own blood pumping through him.

Kakashi sucked one side back into his mouth, moaning on Gai and running his tongue over him.

Gai held on only for another second or two. Heat flamed through him, making him tingle intensely, and he felt his body give. He screamed out at the surge of pleasure and felt everything rush away with a snap.

Kakashi released him and smiled. He climbed off the bed and grabbed a handtowel from the bathroom, returning and cleaning up the inevitable mess. Then he lay down by Gai's side and rested his head on his shoulder.

Gai could hardly blink his eyes open, and when he did, he couldn't get them to focus. He saw colored lights, that was all. So he let his eyes fall closed and tilted his head into the touch of Kakashi's head, kissing Kakashi's hair. "That felt very good," he said softly.

"I'm glad," Kakashi said just as softly. He rubbed one hand across Gai's chest. "I enjoyed doing it for you."

Gai murmured and blushed, feeling warm at that. "Hai...I enjoy doing things for you, too. As soon as I can move again, do you want to try it out?"

Kakashi blushed. "Actually...I'd like you to...use your fingers on me."

"Oh." Gai opened his eyes in surprise and found he could see. Everything was crisp and bright, as though his vision had been enhanced. He stared at Kakashi's hair for a moment, fascinated by it. "You would? Okay."

Kakashi felt his erection twitch and leak. He climbed back off the bed and pulled off his black t-shirt and black pants, then slipped down his boxers. He lay back down beside Gai, jittery with anticipation.

Gai struggled up and shifted, finding and opening the tube of lubrication. "So...Nagasaki-san, from the story, he squeezed out his stuff onto his fingers, and then onto Juro. Should I do the same thing?"

He accidentally shifted against the book in question and put it on the floor.

Kakashi shook his head. "Your fingers will be fine." He paused, wondering what position to get into. He didn't have any hangups about sexual positions, at least in theory. Finally, he pulled his legs up to his chest and slid his hands behind his knees to hold them there.

"Oh." Gai examined Kakashi for a moment, unable to help it. "You look so different like that. Well...vulnerable." He fumbled with the tube of lubrication for a moment, remembered just in time it was already open, and shakily coated two fingers on his right hand.

"You'll need to start with one finger," Kakashi told him, seeing that. "Then work up to two." Not that he hadn't tried this out on himself, but Gai's fingers were larger and it had been awhile.

Gai looked down at his hand and nodded. "Oh. Okay." He swallowed, suddenly nervous. After he put the cap back on the lubrication, he shifted to kneel in front of Kakashi. "Are - Are you ready?"

Kakashi smiled up at Gai, growing calmer in the face of Gai's nervousness. "Hai. Just go slowly, Gai. There's no rush here."

Gai beamed and let out a laugh. "Right." He took a deep breath and calmed down. "Right," he said softly. _Kakashi's in charge of this. I've got nothing to worry about. He says he's done this before with himself, using shadow clones._ He'd been irritated at first, hearing that, but now he was glad. Anyway, he'd only been irritated because - well, because people ought to share important experiences with others, and he kept trying to tell Kakashi that, and sometimes it seemed like Kakashi ignored his advice.

Of course, if he ever tried to mention that, he'd get an, 'I'm sorry, what did you say?' Kakashi wouldn't be able to resist.

_Focus._

He leaned forward and carefully touched his finger to Kakashi's entrance. "I can't believe I'm doing this. I mean, this is so private," he mumbled. He rubbed his finger across it, trying to get used to the feeling of the tight muscle. "I mean..." He trailed off, heat suffusing his face.

"Are you sure this feels good?" Gai asked timidly. He didn't want to make a wrong move.

Kakashi shivered, his entrance tingling at the touch to his entrance. "Hai," he whispered. His erection twitched again.

Gai watched Kakashi react with wide eyes, surprised and relieved. "Okay." He smiled and continued rubbing Kakashi's entrance with his fingertip. But that used up all of the lubrication on his finger, so he had to coat his finger all over again. He stretched to get it without changing position. After he did that, he kept the tube of lubrication closer. "Now I know why there's a whole tube of it."

He smiled brightly and started rubbing again.

Kakashi shuddered. "Gai..." He pressed into the touch; his entrance was sensitized. "Enter me; I need you." He desperately needed to feel Gai inside him.

Gai sucked in his breath. "Oh...okay." Today was full of firsts. He pressed in gently, not sure how much pressure it would take, and let out a surprised yelp at the feeling of Kakashi's muscles parting and then gripping him. "Kakashi, you're pulling me in. This feels..." He trailed off at the realization that it felt very much like Kakashi's mouth on his erection, only stronger. "Good," he finished lamely.

He probably shouldn't mention that observation.

Kakashi moaned, his lower back arching. The ache inside him eased as Gai's finger slowly penetrated him. He shivered. "Oh, god." He gasped, taking a deep breath. "Thrust your finger in and out slowly," he whispered.

Gai felt a hot pang inside of his chest that traveled down through him. "Hai." He moved his finger in and out slowly, as Kakashi requested. He found himself panting. "This feels..." _...like you're sucking on me._ He trembled. "Your body is really incredible, Kashi." Moving his finger with the rhythm of Kakashi's body, he closed his eyes, reveling in the connection.

"Oh, god!" Kakashi's back arched harder, and he squeezed the backs of his knees. Gai's finger was hot inside him, stroking him internally. He had daydreamed this dozens of times, even touched himself, but it hadn't prepared him for how wonderful it would really feel.

Gai felt a smile spread across his face, so wide it made his cheeks ache. "Kashi...I feel good in you, don't I?" This was rapidly rising to the top of the list of things Gai enjoyed.

"Hai," Kakashi gasped. He was leaking all over himself. "Two fingers, Gai...I need more." The idea of his body being stretched by any part of Gai's made his heart pound.

Gai's eyes widened, and he breathed in sharply. Then he nodded. "Hai!" When Kakashi's body released him, he coated his two fingers with lubrication and pressed, waiting for Kakashi to take his fingers in. It happened slowly, with a kind of curling or rippling motion. Gai found it deeply attractive. He moaned in the back of his throat. "You're so sexy when you're like this."

Kakashi was surprised by Gai's assessment, but his surprise was overtaken by the feeling of his body stretching slowly over Gai's fingers. He moaned deeply in his chest, breaking a light sweat. "G-gai..." His hips shuddered, and his erection pulsed. "Oh, god! It feels good."

Gai felt his pulse in his groin. "Hai...it feels good, doesn't it? You make me feel good every day. Just being with you...I want to give back. I want to give back everything I feel, so you can feel it too. You deserve something wonderful like that. Every day, you do." He felt Kakashi taking him in deeper. Kakashi's body was moving slower, but that just made it more luxurious, the stretching, the rippling. "You really feel good around me. It feels like you're hugging me."

Kakashi felt himself dripping. "Gai...ah..." He gasped sharply, his entire body shuddering with pleasure this time. For a moment he imagined how good Gai's erection would feel when it stretched him out and filled him. "Oh, god!" As soon as Gai's fingers were fully seated inside of him, his hips began pulsing gently; he couldn't stop himself. He cried out.

Gai was shocked. Heat snapped through him, and he couldn't help but move his fingers in time with this new rhythm, short, gentle strokes deep inside Kakashi. "Kakashi...oh...you're so amazing."

Kakashi's head fell back, and he cried out, his moans filling the room. "Gai!" He fought the urge to stroke his erection at the same time; he didn't want to come too quickly. Plus there was something erotic about holding his legs back and baring himself to Gai's gentle, deep thrusts. "Oh-oh, god!"

"Yes," Gai whispered. His fingers brushed something swollen, and for a split second, he was worried, but Kakashi didn't look as though it was painful. He investigated gently. "Kashi, what's this? Is it anything special?"

Kakashi wailed. "Do that again! Do that again!" He couldn't think clearly enough to explain.

Gai jumped faintly and obeyed, trembling. For whatever reason, it was important, and it made Kakashi wail and change colors like that. Kakashi's whole body was pink now.

He brushed his fingers across and around the swollen spot, doing his best to imitate what he'd done before.

Kakashi screamed, then sobbed with pleasure. "Gai! Gai, please! Oh, god-oh..." He couldn't hold on any longer. He came, crying out as he did. The force was enough to splatter his chest.

Gai was startled by the force and the beauty of Kakashi's orgasm. _I don't think I've ever seen it shoot out like that._ He also had the privilege of having a really good view of the utter, hectic bliss on Kakashi's face. He slowly let his fingers fall out of Kakashi's relaxed body. "I'll be right back," he whispered.

He got up carefully, crept out of the room, and washed his hands in the bathroom. Then he came back with a clean, damp hand towel and wiped Kakashi off, a sense of awe sweeping over him. "You're very beautiful." _We've done so many new things today, and they all were good._

Kakashi smiled up at him; the room was swaying gently. "You are, too."

Gai leaned down and gently kissed him, then delivered the towel to the hamper. That done, he got back into bed and luxuriously wrapped himself around Kakashi for snuggles. "Ah..." He let out a sigh of contentment. "You are perfect." He kissed the side of Kakashi's neck. He realized he was half hard, but that didn't worry him. It would go away. "This day is perfect, and you are perfect. The whole world is perfect."

Kakashi chuckled and snuggled up to him. "Hai."

They lay in peaceful silence, enjoying each other's company. Kakashi wondered how far along Tenzo and Bensaku were. Maybe Tenzo was having a day as good as his day had been with Gai. He could hope.


End file.
